Silo

THE UNINTENTIONAL TRANS ALLEGORY OF SILO S1, Part 9

Welcome to #TransTuesday! Here we are, finally at the end! It’s part nine THE UNINTENTIONAL (?) TRANS ALLEGORY OF SILO! Tillyvison now in 3D, it’s time to Silo up! Everything’s been leading here, and the ending maybe isn’t what you think it is!

No time to be cute. Here’s PART 1.

Tilly! You’re always cute. True. PART 2.

I can be not cute if I want to tho. PART 3.

Perhaps I cannot. Is my cuteness inherent? PART 4.

Is there a way to even tell? PART 5.

How would you know? PART 6.

This requires lots of research. PART 7.

Hmm? Oh! This is the last link so there’s no time for research now! On with the (end of the) show! PART 8.

EPISODE 10

Sims gets a message from a raider that Billings tried to get into Juliet’s apartment. He asks Billings why he went there. Billings says he thought if he could figure out why Juliet wanted to go out he might be able to find her, but then lies and says he found nothing.

Sims notices Billings’ hands shaking, that he has the Syndrome. So in lying to cover for the truth he discovered, enough of his own truth got out and Sims has clocked him as trans and part of the problem.

When Juliet gets the Jane Carmody file uploaded so the entire Silo sees it, Bernard tells everyone in the control room to shut their eyes, and then shuts down the entire system in the silo.

Bernard: “What you have just seen, you will unsee.” This is showing you that the people in the control room have NO IDEA that the feed from the outside world is a lie. THEY HAVE BOUGHT INTO EVERYTHING THEY’VE BEEN LIED TO ABOUT AND NOT QUESTIONED IT.

And Bernard knows to lose THEM, the very cis people that enable his control, would completely rob him of all his power. It’s vital THAT EVEN THOSE AT THE TOP BUY INTO THE LIE because then they will fight to uphold it (sometimes without even realizing it).

When Sims and Bernard catch up with Juliet in Walk’s workshop, Sims says his son keeps asking if the scary lady is going to come back. Juliet: “How many families do you think ask the same about you?” He is, AGAIN, a hypocrite.

Cis people scream THINK OF THE CHILDREN about trans kids but REFUSE to think of what they’re DOING to the trans kids by forcing their bodies through the wrong puberty and setting them up for a lifetime of dysphoria. H Y P O C R I T E S.

Bernard: “If you’d been able to do what you wanted to, you would have killed everyone in the silo.” Juliet: “People can handle the truth.” Because to cis people, transition is death. It also reeks of “how am I supposed to explain trans people to my kids?!”

Well, y’know… it’s super easy actually? “Some people were told they were boys, but they’re actually girls. And it goes the other way too. And some people are neither of those, or both, or sometimes one and sometimes the other.” It’s… not hard. At all.

Bernard: “I wish I shared your optimism.” LIES. Because to share her optimism means he’d be okay with people learning and accepting the truth, but he’s not. Because they’re a threat to his control. He smashes up the drive.

His deal for Juliet, to save her friends from punishment by association, is that she needs to stop saying she didn’t ask to go out and waive her right to a hearing. She takes the deal, because she doesn’t want life to be harder for the people she cares about.

Up she goes in shackles. She looks at the spot where George fell. The spot he landed looks like a cage, but the impact broke it open. HIS FALL BROKE THE CAGE. Juliet knows, now. Freedom awaits.

Juliet walks up the staircase and everyone stares. Did you know some cis people tend to… stare at trans people in public? It’s true. And not great. See the trans tuesday on STOP STARING AT US (trans people are human beings).

But a kid smiles. Even here, just seeing her is inspiration for those to come after.

Walk opens her door and comes out, terrified. “Come on you old fool you’re all she’s got. You’re not gonna die. Just feels like it.” If it will help Juliet, Walk will finally COME OUT OF THE CLOSET. Being our true selves, out in the world, absolutely helps other trans people.

And this is what allows Walk to find out about the heat tape issue which, we learn at the end of the episode, is WHAT SAVES Juliet. Solidarity. Trans siblings. Community. We can’t do it alone, we need each other.

In the footage of George’s death, he escapes a guard and threatens to go over the rail. George: “You were ordered to take me alive right? So I could be tortured until I gave up the hard drive and the people I worked with.” And over he goes. He gave his life for the truth, for the cause.

He sacrificed himself so that those who came after would have a chance of realizing their own truth.

Trans rights are where they are now (in half this country, anyway) because of the trans people who came before us, who marched, and protested, and fought for themselves. And for US.

In the control room, Bernard asks how things are and Sims says they’re quiet today. Hasn’t been this quiet since Holston went out to clean.

AAAGGH! Do you remember when Holston went out? They CLAIMED the silo was full of unrest and on the verge of riots then! Lies lies lies!!

Bernard tells Lukas that in recognition of his helping them he won’t be sent out to clean. But he WILL be sent to the mines for ten years. You can be a pick me and “one of the good ones” to our oppressors (coughCaitlynJennercough) but they do NOT care about you.

They hate you just as much as they do the rest of us. And they will toss you aside as soon as you’ve helped them oppress the rest of us. So glad you sold us out, Lukas! Thanks a bunch! What a gas station hot dog.

Billings tells his wife that Sims knows he has the Syndrome. Wife: “So what does that mean? Are you fired? Do we have to move?” AGAIN caring only about how it affects HER and not him. The cis grief of it all is INFURIATING. But they’re going to grant him an exemption.

Billings is cooperating! He will continue hiding his transness from everyone he can, and he sold us out just like Lukas for a promise of “an exemption.” THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU MY GUY, THANKS FOR NOTHING.

Billings goes to see Juliet with Bernard. Bernard: “I want you to know I take no pleasure from this. Any of it.” Juliet: “So quit.” But he won’t! It’s hollow! This is the same bullshit her dad did!

I don’t HATE trans people, I don’t WANT to oppress you, but look I HAVE to vote for Republicans so my taxes are lower! We can still be friends even though I’m stepping on your neck, right? Don’t be mad at ME! You’re so rude! UGH UGH UGH

Bernard: “I think about [quitting] at least once a day. But I don’t want to burden you with my troubles.” He’s so MAGNANIMOUS and HE’S THE REAL VICTIM HERE. Calling out transphobia is the same as being transphobic! Both sides! *fart noises*

Bernard: “…your troubles started at conception. Your parents weren’t supposed to have children. But accidents happen.” There it is. People like HER MOM, an egg, a Flamekeeper, a GENDER NON-CONFORMING PERSON, SHOULD NOT PROPAGATE THEIR WAYS.

Bernard: “Every human life has value.” LIEEEEEEEEEEEEEES! Do you know what Juliet is? A HUMAN LIFE. He doesn’t mean EVERY human life. He means SOME human life, the ones HE cares about. Nobody else is important. It’s the same shit Sims was saying.

Bernard: “You’ve been of great service to the silo. But once you became sheriff and you started to look into Wilkins’ death…” Juliet: “I outlived my usefulness.” Once you’re no longer useful to upholding the cis status quo, out you go. Bye.

Juliet lays out the truth: “If this place needs the death of George and Jahns and Marnes and the sheriff and his wife, there’s something very wrong with this silo. And you know what, I don’t want to be of great service anymore.” FUCK YOU, TRANSPHOBES.

Juliet says she won’t clean. Bernard says nobody intends to but always does, as the founders saw in their infinite wisdom. As her last request, Bernard gives her Holston’s badge. She flips it over and looks at TRUTH scratched in it. This is it.

Bernard takes out the smashed parts to drive 18. The disc is damaged but intact. His show of destroying it was just that, a show. Whatever info is on there, he’s keeping it for himself. The details are immaterial, what matters here is again “rules for thee but not for me.”

Bernard reads their little going out spiel, which includes “I hope that you will clean, so we will see the world outside our sanctuary as it is, and thereby be reminded that here is safe, and there is not.” It’s all about fear and control, to keep us from transitioning.

Juliet’s last words? “I’m not afraid.” Out she goes. She looks around. Sees EXACTLY the Jane Carmody video and recognizes the pattern the birds are flying in. The display in her helmet is also a lie!

She walks to the sensor. Drops the wool. She will not clean! She will not participate in the oppression of others.

She trips on something she can’t see due to the display video in her helmet. She finds Holston’s body by feel. Her hand goes through the fake image. Bernard, watching. “She knows.” Sims: “Knows what?” Again this is showing you that Bernard knows the real truth, and Sims does not.

IT would have had to set up the fake displays and spy room, they’ve always been the real bosses… THE CONTROL OF INFORMATION AND COMMUNICATION is how they spread the lies and maintain their power.

Juliet leaves Holston’s badge on his body. She stumbles, this is where the others died. But… now she’s got the GOOD heat tape from Walk.

Bernard runs into the server room. His 18 red light keychain is lit up and he opens the door. Remember that he saved the drive! So what’s in the server room?

Juliet’s display changes (did Bernard shut it off? Did she get out of range? dunno) and she sees a desolate wasteland. As she walks over the hill and out of view of the silo’s sensor, everyone is shocked, even Sims. And as she walks, we see there are other silos all around.

Now I’ve seen people complaining about this, as if it means “the fascists were right” and that’s the message of the show. But for ten episodes that’s been the OPPOSITE of the message of the show. It’s not suddenly changing.

Because what you need to realize is that the POINT is THEY WERE LYING ABOUT WHAT’S OUTSIDE. They were knowingly SENDING PEOPLE TO THEIR DEATH WITH FAULTY HEAT TAPE, which is why they were so mad when Juliet stole it.

They could have been found out, the entire jig might have been up. They weren’t actually letting people be free by sending them out, it was a death sentence. But let’s talk about the other silos out there.

Because I think these represent other countries (or STATES, ahem) where society treats trans people with respect, like any other human who is maybe left-handed or a redhead. It’s just a condition of our birth. Not a big deal.

We can be and ARE valuable members of society, of BETTER societies that choose not to oppress us for not conforming. And if people trapped in silo 18 KNOW THAT, they know LIFE CAN BE BETTER. AND THEY MIGHT CHOOSE TO GO OUT.

AND SURVIVE. AND FIND A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE. AND LEARN THAT EVERYTHING IN SILO 18 HAS BEEN A LIE. AND THEN BERNARD HAS LOST ALLLLL THE POWER HE HAS.

It’s lies upon lies, all to maintain control.

And that is ENTIRELY what the season has been about all the way through.

As to what the other silos mean in the surface story, and what’s in the server room, what Bernard is doing with drive 18, what Sims’ actual goal is, what happens to Juliet… we won’t know until season 2. But all of that is immaterial to the trans allegory of season 1.

Because season 1 is here for you and complete in every way it needs to be. And I want to send a huge THANK YOU to Graham Yost and everyone involved with season 1. I LOVE THIS SHOW. It means so much to me, you have no idea.

Trans people HAVE a history that was ERASED. Society wants mirrors to keep lying to us. Cis people put their feelings over ours. The water is huge and scary and could drown us, but we can transition and learn to swim, and others can show us how. And then we can teach others too.

We should have a better world than what we’ve got. And in COMMUNITY with each other, and true cis allies, we can all fight for the better world we deserve.

Thank you for joining me on this journey.

WE ARE THE FLAMEKEEPERS.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

THE UNINTENTIONAL TRANS ALLEGORY OF SILO S1, Part 8

Welcome to #TransTuesday! It’s part eight of THE UNINTENTIONAL (?) TRANS ALLEGORY OF SILO! Tillyvison set to 4k ultra HD, it’s time to Silo up! We’re going to cover episode 9, and this one has a MAJOR confirmation of one of my theses!

If this is the seventh part, where’s PART 1? Good question.
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But Tilly! We also need PART 2! Okay.
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Do you have PART 3, Tilly? DO I?? What do you think I am, some kind of amateur?
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And PART 4? Look, you’re asking a lot, don’t you think?
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Tilly! We want PART 5. *sigh* You take and you take, and I give and I give.
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Annnnd PART 6? Pretty please? Okay, sure, I guess. But only because I love you.
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In fact, I love you so much, you can have PART 7 too.
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EPISODE 9

So let’s talk about Bernard’s red glowing 18 keychain, which lights up when drive 18 (the hard drive George found and Juliet now has, with the historical information on it) is active. There seems to be some indication that 18 is a significant number metaphorically.

There are those who say it represents success, or overcoming obstacles with prosperity on the other side, or closing one chapter of life to begin another. All of which apply directly to the surface story but also in terms of the truth of trans peoples’ past, and of ourselves.

I dunno if there’s actually anything to that, but I thought it interesting enough to mention. Anyway, we get a scene of Billings at home struggling with the Syndrome, which is getting worse.

And his wife (cruelly, in my opinion), says: “…when you think about your secrets and your pride about what you’re qualified to do, picture your daughter growing up without you.” He says that’s not fair. She says: “that’s the truth.”

Billings is afraid he’s going to get outed, or will even accidentally out himself, and what it might cost them. And his wife is telling him to bury it deep, as deep as he can, because HE OWES IT TO HER AND THEIR KID – O B L I G A T I O N S.

She’s never really concerned with what HE wants or how HE feels, it’s all about her. Again, cis people, frankly, do this to trans people all the time. How many times has the trans tuesday on CIS GRIEF come up? So many. It’s one of the major themes of this season.
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Billings: “When I was 17 there was another kid, Justin Carlson, who had the syndrome. Most kids didn’t know, but I knew. I saw him trying to hide it the same way I did. And he knew I had it too.” I mean I’ve told you we trans folks can kind of spot each other, but I digress.

Billings: “One day he approached me and asked me about it, like he was trying to make a friend. I hit him so hard I knocked one of his teeth out. I told him if he ever told anyone, or if he ever talked to me again, I’d hit him harder.”

“That’s how important it was for me to keep that secret, to keep people from knowing that I had some defect, that I was someone the Pact said could only have a job with no physical requirement because I was different. I am not limited by what others think I am capable of.”

There’s a LOT in there about the ableism in the silo and in our society, but it’s also incredibly trans, because transphobes ABSOLUTELY see being trans as a “defect” that should limit what we’re able to do in society, right down to EXISTING within it.

And look how Billings resorted to violence against other trans people, simply to keep his own transness hidden. Trans people are human, we’re as flawed as anyone else. It happens.

When Judicial raids Medical, there’s an important exchange where Dr. Nichols says he wouldn’t turn in Juliet even if he knew where she was, and asks Sims if he’d turn in HIS child.

Sims says he would, “because no one person is more important than the 10,000, or the thousands to come,” which is ignoring that Juliet and the flamekeepers are PART of that 10,000 and more will keep being born, too! So it’s absolutely a lie.

But it ALSO further shows his hypocrisy, which we see a lot more of when he sends raiders to watch his wife and kid. His wife used to be a raider and SHE WILL NOT LET THEM INTO HER OWN HOME (again, rules for thee but not for me).

She puts their kid in his bedroom and pulls a GUN out of her bag. (AGAIN, RULES FOR THEE BUT NOT FOR ME.) We learn in a moment she kept a pair of handcuffs, too. The rules are only there FOR THE PEOPLE WE WANT TO OPPRESS, but not for those making the rules.

As raiders search Juliet’s apartment, Billings sees her mirror is smashed. After Judicial leaves he breaks in and finds a shard of broken glass on the floor. One side is a mirror, the other he can see through. He has proof Juliet was telling him the truth.

If he’s trans and has been hiding it, he’d know the mirrors were lying to him, right? But he doesn’t. So he’s suppressed it so far down to hide it from society that he was hiding it from himself, pretending it wasn’t there. He was trying to convince HIMSELF he was cis.

But we’ve seen the Syndrome is getting worse for him, his transness is getting harder to hide as he sees more trans people around him, and something deep inside him wants to be free like them. So I see this glass as a moment of self-acceptance, however small.

He’s realizing that maybe he doesn’t have to hide himself, that he SHOULDN’T have to hide his truth just to make him more acceptable to a highly bigoted society. Which tracks perfectly because he then finds the Georgia book behind Juliet’s medicine cabinet.

The briefest amount of acceptance of his truth has opened him up to learning more about the world, the TRUTH of the world, and of himself. It works so well it’s kinda genius.

Bernard has brought Lukas into his office for questioning. Bernard: “Would you consider yourself a curious person?” You understand what Bernard is asking him, right? Are you TRANS curious? Do you have QUESTIONS about THINGS WE TOLD YOU NOT TO QUESTION?

Bernard: “I understand that you like to go up to the cafeteria at night and chart the lights in the sky.” Lukas: “Just a hobby to pass the time.” No no I’m not REALLY curious about it, I’m just… bored. Ha ha ha.

Bernard knows Juliet destroyed her mirror, “destroying the air quality monitor behind it” (oh! more lies! Right to a trans person’s face!). And he knows she showed Lukas a restricted hard drive. Lukas says he didn’t do anything. I just LOOKED at her transness, I didn’t want it!

Bernard: “The sheriff showed you a restricted red-level relic, and you told no one.” If you see someone not conforming, your job, your duty, your OBLIGATION TO SOCIETY is to turn them in and uphold our power. If you don’t, you’re one of them.

The Matrix films delve into this brilliantly, but let me sum up again as briefly as I can. Trans people aren’t a big enough part of the population to effect change on our own. So until cis people stand up as a group and demand an end to our oppression, it will continue.

This means by NOT being an ally and fighting for trans rights, you are actually an ACTIVE part of the system that oppresses us. They WANT you too concerned with OBLIGATIONS to realize you’re part of the system oppressing the people that are a threat to their power.

Bernard is stating that outright, from the cis oppressor perspective. You saw someone who was trans and DIDN’T TELL US? That makes YOU part of the problem! You see what that’s getting at, I hope?

The oppressors do not CARE ABOUT YOU, they are USING YOU to oppress us. And the second you even THINK about NOT BEING PART OF THAT, you’re a threat to them just like we trans people are.

Bernard, discussing Lukas’ punishment: “Considering the scope of your BETRAYAL, maybe a cleaning would be more appropriate.” SHOULD I TELL PEOPLE YOU’RE TRANS TOO, LUKAS? FORCEFULLY OUT YOU AND CAST YOU OUT FROM SOCIETY?

Lukas lets his fear guide him. He’d rather be an agent of the system than do the difficult work of having to fight for his right to exist as his true self. And so he tells Bernard what he knows. Betrayal indeed. But not of oppressive society, but of we Flamekeepers who needed him.

Bernard tells Sims he knows he sent raiders to protect his family. They’re facing “extinction” (so dramatic) and he put his own family first. Remember Sims said before he’d turn in his own son to protect the Silo, and this is in direct contradiction to that. THEY’RE ALL LIARS.

Juliet finds the video George made on the hard drive. He never meant to put Juliet in danger. But there’s stuff on the drive people need to see. The truth. But she has to leave before she can see the rest, or she’ll get caught.

Billings is still looking at the Georgia book. Crying. Because of the truth he’s realizing, the lies he believed, the way his entire world is turning upside down now that he’s learning the truth about the world and himself. I mean, it’s a LOT to deal with when it happens, friends.

He puts the book in the oven to burn it, but takes it back out and rips out a page, then burns the rest. What page did he save? The one with the BEACH, and the WATER. The CONTROLLED, CALM, and ORDERED peace of knowing, naming, and dealing with dysphoria. YEP.

Juliet watches the rest of George’s video. He found the door he was looking for. It’s 15 feet high, metal. He can’t get through it but maybe she can. He won’t be able to fix society, but maybe she, or someone after her, can, if the truth keeps being told.

Again and again, the more trans people that come out, the more will continue feeling safe and inspired to come out. And do you know what it takes to open a 15 foot high metal door that could hold the answers to everything? Prolly a LOT OF PEOPLE.

George: “I’m guessing you’re wondering what I did about the water. Well, it turns out it was nothing to worry about.” what have I been telling you???

WHAT

HAVE

I

BEEN

TELLING

YOU!!!!

The water, the dysphoria, is nothing to worry about once you can recognize it, name it, and get rid of it! Transition and eliminating dysphoria isn’t that easy, of course, but, y’know, metaphor.

Billings in the sheriff office sees a copy of the pact on the desk, and puts it away. And then takes out the ripped page to look at it. The symbolism is HEAVY. Put away the false rules of society and look at the truth of what’s really possible. SUPERTEXT.

Sims is talking with his wife, and she’s upset that Sims was coming with trigger happy raiders. He says he gave them orders not to fire. But she’s been on those raider teams and knows what can happen. Again, do you see? THEY KNOW IT’S ALL A DANGEROUS SHAM.

“We have one goal. One ambition. And we will not lose sight of that.” They have their own desires apart from protecting the silo, even more than we’ve seen.

HYPOCRITES ALL THE WAY DOWN.

Juliet watches the Jane Carmody cleaning. She sees the trees and blue sky and birds outside.

Shit is about to go down.

Next week is our stunning conclusion! DO NOT MISS IT.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

Ps – Part 9 is here!

THE UNINTENTIONAL TRANS ALLEGORY OF SILO S1, Part 7

Welcome to #TransTuesday! It’s lucky part seven of THE UNINTENTIONAL (?) TRANS ALLEGORY OF SILO! Tillyvison available where legal, consult your local laws, it’s time to Silo up for episode 8!

It’d be super helpful if you read PART 1 first.

And even more helpful if you read PART 2!

And even MORE helpful if you read PART 3!

What’s that? You want something that’d be still more helpful? Okay, PART 4!

You want me to help you even more than that, don’t you? Like with a PART 5?

And listen, I’m not gonna half-ass the help, so here’s PART 6! And that brings you current!
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EPISODE 8

When Sims arrives in Gloria’s room, he uncovers the mirror. Society WANTS you to see the wrong reflection, to not see yourself, to not BE yourself. Because, again, being who you are and not who they say you have to be threatens their power structure.

If Gloria helps him, he says he’ll guarantee “you’re never kept from your dreams again.” But that’s the only way society wants you to have what you deserve, what you have a RIGHT to… in a dream. Locked away where nobody else can see. And Gloria agrees.

Despite telling Juliette she’s the last of the Flamekeepers who must fight for their rights, for bodily autonomy, for their history… she will sell Juliette out if it means she doesn’t have to deal with the fight or the pain anymore. It’s very much like Cypher in the first Matrix movie.

Flashback to Juliette’s mom making a microscope to examine the sick rabbit, she’s gonna try to fix its heart. And if it works they can use it to help people. She builds the first magnifier in the silo, and wants to use it to help others.

She wants to USE THE KNOWLEDGE SHE’S NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE TO HELP OTHERS. This is every trans person helping every other trans person along the way, knowing more about ourselves than the establishment knows (or even wants to know).

See the trans tuesday on ANECDOTAL TRANS HEALTHCARE for some of the exact ways this works for all of us.

Now this is not a WHITE rabbit, but it’s used in the same way the white rabbit is in the Matrix films. It’s taken from Alice in Wonderland, a sign to the path to realizing and accepting your transness and then choosing to transition and finding trans joy.

Curiouser and curiouser.

In another flashback Judicial raiders tear up kid Juliette’s apartment, and they break the chair she fixed. You think you can fix what society deemed broken and beyond repair? Well then we’re just gonna break it again. STAY PRETENDING TO BE CIS, no fixing the problem.

They also smash up the magnifier, the tool they’d made with what they had to help learn more about the world. This is taking the clothes of the “wrong” gender away, forcing you to cut your hair, etc etc. Banning anything that would lead to you learning more about yourself.

Juliette’s mom: “Why is a magnifier even illegal in the first place?” GOOD QUESTION. Because they don’t want you to LOOK TOO CLOSELY or you will discover the truth. About the world and so much of what it tells us being a lie, and about yourself and who you are inside.

Juliette confronts her dad about it later. Dr. Nichols: “…your mother, grief turned her outward. Pushed her toward dangerous things. She so desperately wanted answers she stopped caring about the lines she had to cross to get them.” But all he cared about was protecting her.

A lot of cis people, parents especially, keep the knowledge of and access to transition care hidden from their kids in some misguided attempt to protect them. But transitioning isn’t dangerous, they just don’t understand it. They’re prioritizing their feelings over ours.

Once again, you know it, here comes CIS GRIEF (over trans people when we come out).

Juliette knows Judicial was watching her mom with sensors through the mirrors. The mirrors betrayed her mom too, which is a lot more evidence that her mom was an egg.

After Juliette arrests Sims, he’s in jail and asks to use the radio, and wants his one call! HE knows how important communication is, and believes HE deserves access to it even when he’s been locked up. But it’s something the average citizen still doesn’t get. Hypocrisy.

Walk’s waiting for Juliette, who’s late. She manages to open her apartment door and step into the frame. She tries to come out but can’t. Her concern over Juliette has ALMOST pushed her into being able to come out herself, in the hope it would aid Juliette in her fight.

And it could. It always does. Again, the more of us that come out the more siblings we have in this fight and the more normalized we become to cis people (and the more other trans people will be inspired to come out too). But Walk’s fear is too powerful to overcome.

Juliette (now with her own mirror covered, she’s discovered they’re lying to her) shows Lukas the hard drive. They had a connection, he wondered about things too. She thought he might be able to help her get in.

He’s scared to poke deeper even if it has the answers to the lights in the sky. He’s fascinated by those lights, but he won’t push it. “The rules apply to everyone.”

She pulls the blanket off the mirror and smashes it to show the camera. They are everywhere. “If we don’t figure out the truth, no one else will.”

THAT IS NOT ME IN THE MIRROR, THAT IS WHAT SOCIETY WANTS TO SEE (literally and allegorically!). She sees in Lukas what she sees in herself (and in Holston, and Gloria). Transness.

But he still won’t help her, he’s the only one taking care of his mom and if anything happened to him… society has saddled him with obligations. To seek answers, and the truth about reality and about who he is, means he’d be abandoning her.

These are the obligations to the system society saddles so many of us with, in ways overt and subtle, to keep us conforming to the cis binary. They’re cishetero normativity, “the nuclear family,” the “obligation” to have kids, the “obligation” to blood family…

Even if they betray you, even if they think you shouldn’t have equal rights, even if they think you shouldn’t be allowed to exist as your true self. BUT THEY’RE FAMILY! No, nah, uh uh. Toxic bigots don’t deserve to be in your life just because they share your genetic material.

As so many trans and queer people know, this is why chosen, found family is so important to us. Because those are the people who ARE worthy of being in our life, who love us for who we ARE and not who they want us to be. And that is, again, a threat to the system.

And it’s been a minute so let me just say again that the Matrix films go over all of that too, the “obligations” society saddles us with to keep us compliant. BEGIN TRANSMISSION: THE TRANS ALLEGORIES OF THE MATRIX. It’s for cis people too!

We get to that scene in the cornfield where Bernard and Sims corner Juliette, and she figures out Bernard is behind it all. He admits it, but then, the most evil part of the entire season. Bernard: “I’m sorry sheriff Nichols, did you just say you want to go outside?”

Juliette: “No I didn’t.” Bernard: “I distinctly heard you say you want to go outside. Robert, did you hear that?” Sims: “Sure did.” So we know Juliette’s intense fire to know the truth is leading her in that direction. Going outside is coming out as trans, right? So what’s happening here?

They know she’s heading in that direction too, and THEY ARE OUTING HER TO EVERYONE SO THAT THEY CAN THEN CAST HER OUT OF SOCIETY AND GET HER OUT OF THEIR WAY. As she is in a position of power, her knowing the truth is EXCEPTIONALLY dangerous.

And they will not abide any threat to their power. Bernard: “The Founders knew someone would have to make the hard decisions to keep our Silo alive.” “…throughout our entire existence, problems have arisen that must be taken care of.”

This is a direct analogue to THE ARCHITECT’S SPEECH in Matrix Reloaded! Blah blah old cis white men blah blah more important than you blah blah conform or die blah blah we’re right and everyone else is wrong and we’re the heroes despite being the oppressors.

There are “problems” to be taken care of… like “anomalies” in the Matrix? Like “anomalies” in airport scanners? Like anyone who doesn’t conform to the narrow conformity of cisgender normativity? Oh. huh.

So what you’re seeing here, and now know has been true all along, is that Bernard is a liar who will say and do anything to keep himself in power (like the Architect and the Analyst in the Matrix). And that’s vital for understanding this next line of his.

Bernard: “This isn’t about heat tape, this is about survival, and that hard drive threatens the lives of everyone in this silo. And you are the greatest threat to our home in 140 years.”

This *IS* ACTUALLY ABOUT THE HEAT TAPE (in the surface story), and the hard drive doesn’t threaten the lives of anyone. It’s not a threat to their home. It’s a threat TO HIM and TO HIS POWER.

Flashback to Juliette at her mom’s funeral. Juliette: “Where are her friends? Her sister, her aunt?” Dr. Nichols: “you know why they’re not-“ Juliette cuts him off: “They’re cowards.”

Some of this is SUPERtext, because trans people transitioning often basically makes us dead to our family or friends, who cast us out for the crime of being ourselves. And they want nothing more to do with us.

Dr. Nichols: “If she died of a heart attack they’d all be here.” Juliette: “They’re cowards, and so was she”. Her dad is outright admitting people didn’t come to the funeral because they didn’t approve of Juliette’s mom and what she did.

And Juliette rightfully calls them cowards, but she also thinks the same of her mom. They’ve shown how like her mom Juliette was, and we know her mom was a proto-Flamekeeper aka an egg. And Juliette is trans.

Juliette saw how LIKE HER MOM she was, and her mom’s failure to come out, to live her truth (the opposite of LIVING your truth is very much like DEATH) as cowardly, because she didn’t have the courage to. Which would have made things easier for Juliette in accepting herself.

In the flashback, kid Juliette sets the bunny free. If this rabbit is a loose analogue of the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland and The Matrix, this was Juliette giving up on that path. Letting it go. Because she thought she couldn’t have it.

But chronologically this scene happens BEFORE the egg cracking flashback scene, so what you get was that the loss of the magnifier/loss of knowledge crushed her and she gave up, because her mom gave up.

And then, a little while later, still as a kid, she went down to mechanical to try and fix other things because she couldn’t figure out (or accept, or feel safe enough to) fix what was broken about the world, that made her feel broken about herself.

She didn’t realize that was the moment it happened, but present Juliette is waking up to it now (or did, back when the egg cracking flashback happened). The flashbacks appear non-linearly, so it gets a little confusing to talk about.

Juliette is being taken up to jail with Billings, telling him she never said she wanted to go out. Sims punches her. VIOLENCE for non-conformity. Billings is all WTF and is shaking from the syndrome… look what they did to someone else who didn’t conform. I’m in trouble.

Juliette seizes the moment, grabs the hard drive (the vital information that trans people have always existed) and vaults over the railing.

Isn’t it weird how trans allegories keep having people leaping off of things and other people thinking that means they’re suicidal? HUH.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

Ps – part 8 is here!

THE UNINTENTIONAL TRANS ALLEGORY OF SILO S1, Part 6

Welcome to #TransTuesday! It’s part the sixth of THE UNINTENTIONAL (?) TRANS ALLEGORY OF SILO! Tillyvison set to 4k ultra HD, it’s time to Silo up! And to talk about episode 7!

Presuming you’d like this all to make sense, do read PART 1 first.

Presuming you want it to make even more sense than that, here’s PART 2!

And you know what I presume? I think you do, so here’s PART 3!

Honestly though, it’s not easy to come up with a new little theme for these when there are so many of them. I’m only one lady, I can only do so much! Hmm? Oh, right, PART 4!

And I presume you’ll also want PART 5! Which covers episode 6! Because nothing is easy and life is confusion.

Gloria imagines toes in the sand, holding a spiral nautilus, at the ocean with her imaginary family. She’s dreaming about order from chaos, about not being afraid of the dysphoria, about the bodily autonomy she never got to have. Could. it. be. any. clearer?

Bernard wants a meeting but Juliette blows him off to go see Gloria. Nurse: “She suffers from hallucinations. They’re a symptom of her condition. Advanced vascular dementia.” No no she’s not actually trans, she’s just mentally ill! You’d have to be to think you’re trans! Rage.

Gloria: “I found them right where I left them. Right by the water… The water they don’t want us to know about.” They don’t want you to know the water/dysphoria can be controlled, tamed, understood. They don’t want you to know how to swim, or that you can swim out of it.

Billings confronts Juliette and thinks she’s dishonoring the badge… which she is, because it’s a symbol of authority built on lies. And somewhere inside Billings knows that, due to the way he’s treated for having the syndrome. So he still wants to know the truth, so she tells him everything.

Lukas finds Juliette in the cafeteria at night. She saw the lights in the sky but they’re gone now due to clouds. The stars come back into view and he matches them to his past drawings. She wonders if they’ve always been there, even before humans lived in the silo.

Bernard and Juliette argue about what’s most important in the silo. Juliette says it’s the generator because it powers everything. Juliette: “Without power we have nothing.” OH HAI SUPERTEXT.

Bernard says IT is most important because “it’s how the power is used.” OH HAI AGAIN SUPERTEXT. “To water crops, transmit messages, circulate air. All these invisible functions are controlled by the servers in IT.”

“If the servers fell into the hands of the wrong person, no amount of power would matter.” He shows you right there it’s about CONTROLLING information and communication, and WHO controls it is all that matters to him. So he can keep suppressing the truth.

Juliette goes to see Judge Meadows, who is not well. Meadows has an etch-a-sketch on display, a RELIC in a place of prominence right inside her door. She has relics ALL OVER in display cases. This is society REWARDING her for her compliance in upholding the system.

Note Meadows is ill again, I suspect she’s being kept that way by Judicial to keep her more compliant with their wishes. Even for people who support and uphold the system of oppression, they’re more likely to keep doing that if they’re too tired to even think about it.

Juliette wants to know why Gloria’s being held captive in medical. Meadows: “It’s for her own good.” I mean, definitely not, but that’s certainly how the people in power view keeping trans people from the rights and healthcare we need.

Dr. Nichols helps Juliette get Gloria out, and they discover she’s being dosed with Lorazepam, which is a sedative. Note that they will happily give you medical care to make you COMPLY WITH THEIR WISHES, but NOT FOR YOUR OWN BODILY AUTONOMY. Transness abounds.

Here’s a reminder about how cis politicians are writing laws making surgery on trans kids (which does NOT happen) illegal, but write in carve-outs where they’re allowed to force surgery on intersex kids (to make them conform with the false gender binary).

Gloria awakens and says Dr. Nichols was the one who faked removing her birth control, refusing to grant her the bodily autonomy she deserves. AWKWARD. Juliette sends him away.

Juliette: “They are drugging you so you will forget.” Gloria: “I want to forget. I want to be anywhere but here. I don’t trust you.” Gloria has caved to the pressures of the system, because the fight is so hard. Which tracks with her never having the courage to transition herself.

She’s given up the hope of living her truth. She’d rather live in a false fantasy pretending she had the life she always wanted than continue fighting to make it a reality. Matrix Resurrections deals with this a lot, but see also THE CONSTANT FIGHT (of existing while trans).

Gloria: “Have you heard of the Flamekeepers? …they erased us. The silo. They’ve been trying since the rebellion.” Society LITERALLY erased the existence of those who didn’t conform. I’ve been telling you.

“That’s when they put something in the water so memories would fade.” WHAT HAVE I BEEN TELLING YOU ABOUT THE WATER? This speaks to THE DISSOCIATION OF DYSPHORIA, where you seemingly disconnect from your body and life because it’s so awful.

A lot of trans people have gaps in our memories from dissociation, parts of our lives spent in our false shells that we can’t remember. We tuned out, because we HAD to in order to get through it.

And here SOCIETY has intentionally DONE THAT, in effect forcing dissociation and dysphoria on the population to keep them upholding the lie that cis is all you can be. They EXACERBATE our dysphoria by refusing to acknowledge it or help make it better.

So who were the Flamekeepers? Gloria: “The people who fought back. Who kept things, like this book. To keep their memories alive.” Gloria was one of them, “until they put our flame out.” That’s trans people to a T.

We’ve had to fight back, even if we don’t want to, because cis society SET IT UP THAT WAY. If we don’t fight back we can’t exist, can’t self-actualize, cannot live lives free of dysphoria, cannot be fully present in our own lives as ourselves to find happiness and joy.

Look what was kept from me in how dramatically my life changed once my dysphoria lessened and dissipated. First, in the trans tuesday on CONFIDENCE 2: INTO THE UNKNOWN aka WHAT IS HAPPENING aka A WHOLE NEW WORLD.

And then see the trans tuesday on FREEING UP MY BRAIN aka LUNCH WITH TILLY.

Juliette: “You said my dad stopped you from having a baby.” Gloria: “They wanted us to die off. They made us think we had a chance of having a family but we never did.”

Again this speaks to transness in two ways, in that due to hormone replacement therapy and surgeries, many trans people cannot have biological children. But it speaks just as much to literally wanting us to die off, so no other trans people see us and feel inspired to come out too.

Gloria references the beach photo in the book, and says she’ll never know what it sounded like or how it smelled. Again, she can never know what it’s like to NOT have the constant pain and fear of dysphoria clouding absolutely everything.

Gloria then wants to hold one of the babies, and this is a representation of her wanting the bodily autonomy that was denied to her for her entire life. Gloria was surprised they “let a woman like” Juliette’s mom have children. Juliette’s mom had that Flamekeeper curiosity.

Gloria: “It’s the one thing they can never breed out of us” and “when I heard what happened to her it really felt like we’d lost one of our own.” I think Juliette’s mom was a trans person who didn’t know it yet, an egg. And Gloria recognized that in her.

And look, no, we can’t always tell, but every out trans person was an egg first. We’ve all been there, and we know what it’s like. We know the signs, because we saw them in ourselves. So sometimes, kind of often, yeah, we can kinda tell. Or at least suspect.

Juliette confronts her dad about tricking patients and saying their birth control had been removed when it hadn’t. He says he didn’t have a choice. But nah, you always have a choice. You can say no. You can refuse to participate in stripping people of bodily autonomy.

Juliette says they were using it to breed people out of the population, to kill off trans people (if we don’t have bodily autonomy, we can’t medically transition). Juliette: “But why lie to people? …Did you ever think to question that?”

Dr. Nichols: “I always wondered if they did it to punish the ones they picked” And yet he went along with it! This is the kinda person who says they’re your friend, they don’t hate you… but they uphold transphobia. See the trans tuesday on PERFORMATIVE ALLYSHIP 2: FALSE ALLYSHIP.

Back in Gloria’s room, she looks at the mirror. Her flowers are gone. She remembers Holston came to see her. He brought the flowers and put them in front of the mirror. SO SHE WOULDN’T BE BETRAYED BY HER REFLECTION.

Juliette remembers her flowers with the missing vase, and Holston’s note to double the flowers in front of the mirror to obscure more of it. Juliette: “I think they can see us through the mirror.” She covers the mirror with a blanket.

Juliette pulls a bag with the hard drive out of the vent in Gloria’s room, she has history in her hands. Gloria: “You’re the last Flamekeeper now. You didn’t ask for it, it’s not fair, but it’s the way it is. It’s down to you. If you let it die, the truth dies too.”

So this is weird, but… I feel this sense of responsibility, being out as trans, of being a fairly visible trans woman with a sizable audience. I feel like I owe it to the trans people coming up and out after me to do what I can to make this world better for them than it was for me.

It’s part of why I started trans tuesdays in the first place. I have a remarkable amount of privilege for a trans woman. I didn’t ask for it, and it’s not fair I have it and others don’t, but it’s the way it is. See the trans tuesday on WHAT IS TRANS TUESDAY?

And if *I* let the truth of transness die… well I’m not the only one out there supporting trans rights and talking about trans issues, thank goodness. But we need ALL THE VOICES WE CAN GET. And to hide, to NOT use what I have to help who I can, would be an abdication.

Others who came before were there for me, and I will be there for the ones coming after. I mean this is what COMMUNITY is, and it’s a two way street. The community is there for us, but just as important is that WE are there for the community.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

PS – Part 7 is here!

THE UNINTENTIONAL TRANS ALLEGORY OF SILO S1, Part 5

Welcome to #TransTuesday! It’s time for the fifth part of THE UNINTENTIONAL (?) TRANS ALLEGORY OF SILO! Tillyvison reservoir full, it’s time to Silo up! This week we’re covering episode 6! It’s a HUGE one for the allegory and gets an installment all its own!

So lemme hit you with the hotness from PART 1.
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And the double hotness from PART 2!
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And the triple hotness from PART 3!
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And the “you get the drill” from PART 4!
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EPISODE 6

Juliet breaks into Trumbull’s apartment and plants the rubber duck pez dispenser relic for Billings to find. Which he does.

Flashback to Juliet looking at the pez dispenser with George. She says the heat tape SAVES LIVES (he drew the map that helped her steal it). Again important to remember when we get to the end.

Juliet: “These [relics] aren’t worth risking our lives for.” George: “If these things aren’t worth risking our lives for, why do they make it a risk to our lives to have them?” And the way this reads about trans history, trans medicine, trans rights…

If being trans isn’t a real thing, why have you erased us from history? How can we be a threat to the lies if we’re entirely wrong about our own identities? Why do you fight so hard to stop us from being ourselves if being trans isn’t real? Hmm? HMMMM?

PHEW.

To George, the watch relic is everything, because relics are clues to the past. It DOESN’T WORK, but we know Juliet later fixes it. Look what that foreshadows… SHE can FIX what broke in the PAST so that works in the FUTURE, ie change society.

There’s a competition for knowing the pact. Billings won it four times, but he says these days when you win it’s Sims that gives you the pin, not Judge Meadows. Showing you again that the system of justice is distorted and controlled by the men at the top.

Here we see Billings has the syndrome and is trying to hide it. We’ll talk a whole lot more about that in a bit.

When Juliet and Billings meet Sims, he says that they have files on every relic found over the last 140 years. But note not everyone has those files, JUST Judicial. Juliet tried to get information on the pez dispenser and found nothing. They’re CONTROLLING INFORMATION.

In a flashback, we get the line: “People leave traces. History is just traces of a whole lot of people over a whole lot of time.” And what happens when you erase people from history? Like the rebels, or anyone pre-rebellion… or trans people?

You get people who don’t understand why there are “suddenly” more trans people, and feel like it’s all so “new.” “We didn’t have transgenders in my day!” Yes you did, old man, they were just afraid to come out publicly. But if you erase us from history, how would they know?

Again, see the trans tuesday on TRANS HISTORY 1.
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George: “Don’t you ever think about the world beyond the silo.” Juliet: “No, when would I have time to do that?” and then she complains about people messing up the generator. And if that seems like it’s not important, let me stop you right there.

Because the only way the oppression of marginalized people, like TRANS PEOPLE, works is by those who are not marginalized letting it happen. By them keeping you TOO BUSY with OBLIGATIONS to realize you yourself are trans, or to realize you’re participating in our oppression.

Juliet: “… when you talk about these [relics], something ignites in you and I can see it on your face. And I don’t see that on a lot of people. And whatever that feeling is, when you feel it I feel it too.”

To me this speaks DIRECTLY to seeing other trans people happy post-transition, full of joy and life and laughter, living happy lives. Representation matters, if you can see it you can be it. When I came out I thanked all the trans ladies whose visibility made me feel I could do it too.

Juliet: “It was easy to fix once I made the right tools.” She’s talking about the relic watch, again, something that was broken in the past. And it works NOW because she MADE THE RIGHT TOOLS and that FIXED it.

That ABSOLUTELY speaks to me of changing your body to alleviate gender dysphoria. And I’m not saying transition is “easy,” but compared to not being able to do ANYTHING about the dysphoria that’s drowning you? By comparison, yeah, it’s easy as hell.

So Juliet and Billings go see Regina, George’s old girlfriend. She says George went down into his camp by the digger to “explore the big questions. Illegal questions.” “He lost his family but he didn’t mind isolating me from mine.”

Regina says that George’s obsession with relics and the past (uncovering his transness and trying to transition) COST HIM HIS FAMILY. And because she helped him obtain relics (continue his transition), the bigotry HER family had for him meant her family shunned her, too.

Could that be any clearer? In the ways so many trans people get kicked out of homes and jobs, lose friends and family for coming out? And here was Regina, who HELPED George, and then bigotry directed at George got applied to her.

And she blames George for this. Note that she never once blames her family for being bigots! Or wonders why she wants the love and approval of bigots anyway. Having bigots in her life, and having their respect, was more important to her than George discovering his truth.

And, like, yikes, right? Now remember this is a very real thing that happens to trans people ALL THE DAMNED TIME.

Sims tells Juliet they knew the pez dispenser belonged to her “colleague” George. His apartment was searched before he died and it wasn’t there, but then it WAS found when Juliet searched Trumbull’s apartment. She says that’s the first time she ever saw it.

Bernard wants to know if Trumbull was on the team that searched George’s apartment. Sims says the names of search team members are strictly confidential, and right here you see one of the guiding principles of those as the top: consequences for thee but not for me.

And we see this all the time, where cis people do all kinds of things trans people do, but it’s FINE when cis people do it. Yet when we trans people do it, it’s suddenly a problem. AGAIN see the trans tuesday on CIS PEOPLE GET GENDER AFFIRMING HEALTHCARE TOO.
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And we see it again immediately with Bernard: “Any further investigation might expose the truth, and that could prove destabilizing. Some mysteries are best left unsolved.” Uncovering the truth might cause problems for him, and we can’t have that! So let’s just stop knowing things.

Juliet and Billings talk, and she lays this on him: “Your hands shake, you have flashes of pain. Under pressure you clench your hands so tight I’m surprised your fingers don’t fall off. You have the syndrome. And you’re hiding it.”

“So deputy, living by the letter of the Pact, you know it’s a crime what you’re doing, not reporting yourself. And according to the pact you’re in no way qualified to be in a position of authority, to have access to a firearm, to detain criminals, to even be a deputy in this department.”

What this is showing you is that Billings is trying to PASS. Again this doesn’t mean he’s the only allegorical trans representation in the show, you’ve seen others already.

But he tries to hide something physical on his body, so he’ll be accepted by people who do not have that attribute, and does all he can to pass as one of them and tell no one… and thus is VERY MUCH a stealth trans person (they can pass as cis and let people think they are).

And Juliet can spot it in him because she’s a Flamekeeper/trans person too. No, she does not have the syndrome. Again, a lot of this allegory isn’t “clean” in the way others I’ve written about are, but the direct parallels to trans life are definitely still there.

And here she’s calling out the hypocrisy of him being Mr. All About the Pact, which was an overcorrection on his part to try to hide his truth. Kind of like when you see stridently anti-gay politicians getting caught in gay extramarital affairs, y’know?

Later Billings is at home, his hands are shaking from the Syndrome. He’s worried their baby has it too. His wife: “Just because you have it doesn’t mean she will.” Billings: “But I worry.” He’s worried his kid is gonna be trans too.

We don’t know exactly what the root reason for transness is, some people are just born this way. But there’s also a lot of evidence of people in the same family being trans, be they parent/child or even siblings (some of whom made a paragon of trans allegories of their own).

In a flashback, Juliet asks: “What’s the big question?” George: “There are a lot of them. What’s outside? What’s beyond what the sensor can see? Why are we here? How long have we been here? How much time do we have left?”

He’s wondering about the world, about all the gaps in their knowledge from the selective information they’ve been taught. He wants to KNOW.

Juliet: “what’s the biggest one?” George: “What if everything you know to be true, everything you’ve been told by the people you love… was in fact just one big lie?” This is THE TRANSIEST QUESTION EVER!! I almost screamed when he said it (also hi, hello Matrix connection).

Because for a whole lot of us trans folks, that is EXACTLY our reality. Transness was erased from history, erased from public life. I didn’t even know trans was something a person could BE until I was an adult! That information was KEPT FROM ME by society, by family, by friends.

Some of them may have known and not talked about it because it was “shameful” or “a joke” or for even worse reasons. Some of them probably also didn’t know trans was something a person could be because they, too, had been lied to and fooled by society and everyone around them.

The cis binary matrix of assigned gender at birth IS A LIE. Gender does not work that way. But our entire society is founded upon that lie, and it keeps cis white men in power at the top, and so it goes right on perpetuating across generations.

And when you realize the entire WORLD has been lying to you for your ENTIRE LIFE, let me tell you… there is no bigger question you could ever ask yourself. Do I really know myself better than ALL OF FREAKIN’ SOCIETY?

In fact, yes. Yes you do.

When Walk and Juliet talk on the radio, Walk has a great bit that defines her. “Time? You got no concept of time. You think you do but you don’t. Because you’ve got a whole lot more ahead of you than behind. Time to you is just an idea.”

“To me it’s years spent trapped behind a closed door with memories. All your friends and loved ones, somewhere out there on the other side of it. You can talk to me about time when you can’t bring yourself to step out the door… When seconds have become years.”

Right there you can so CLEARLY see Walk is a closeted trans person. She even talks about all the people she cares about kept away from her, in one way I described an aspect of my gender dysphoria… like a wall separating me from the people I cared about and I couldn’t get to them.

And she couldn’t bring herself to step out of the closet, because she was too scared of the people out in the world and what they’d do, how they’d react. And now she looks back and sees the YEARS she’s lost, years of memories she didn’t get to have and a life she didn’t get to live.

I still have that even now, because again the past will always haunt those of us who transition as adults. I wasn’t in the closet so much as entirely lost without knowing why, but the effect is the same. A life missed out on because we didn’t get to live it as ourselves.

Again, here’s the trans tuesday on THE PAST AND WHY IT HAUNTS US.
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Walk: “See I don’t know what happened but when you left here, love had you trying to do the right thing. And now anger is making you give up? Fear did the same thing to me. And that IS a waste of time.”

She has a photo of her and her ex-wife, and she TURNS OUT THE LIGHT OVER IT leaving it in darkness. Her inability to come out of the closet even cost her the woman she loved most, because she wasn’t able to authentically BE WITH HER.

Juliet goes back to Regina, who again goes on about how her relationship with George cost her everything, all because she dared to help him seek the truth. She gives Juliet a relic George left with her, the kids’ travel guide about Georgia.

It was George’s, given to him by his aunt Gloria (you see here that Flamekeepers/transness runs in families). It was passed down and hidden for generations. It’s from “Before the silo. Before there was a reason to lie.” An AUTHENTIC PIECE OF HISTORY.

In fact, this book, this piece of truth, was so important that George was NAMED after it. His entire family was Flamekeepers, and it cost them everything. Regina: “When you see what you’ll see, don’t speak it out loud. Don’t let them hear. This will get you killed.”

Juliet looks at the book in her apartment. There are trees, WATER with boats on top and dolphins underneath. A shell/spiral on the beach. Order from chaos. And yes, A BEACH. More WATER. But none of this water is dangerous. Again, the spiral: ORDER FROM CHAOS.

If you can learn about the water in a safe environment, if you can understand it, it’s not so scary. You can address the fear and learn how to combat it. IF TRANS PEOPLE CAN ADDRESS THEIR GENDER DYSPHORIA AS KIDS, THEY CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

It can prevent a lifetime of pain and anguish, it can prevent body changes from the wrong puberty that are SO MUCH of what gives trans people gender dysphoria. IF YOU CAN NAME THE PAIN, YOU CAN FIX IT. And THAT is what society doesn’t want trans people to know.

We get a shot of the mirror, the flowers are knocked down and the secret Judicial control room is watching her. And if you’re paying attention, you know what’s coming, trans friends:

THE MIRROR BETRAYED HER. Yeah, see, I told you it was transy.

And I wasn’t kiddin’.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

Ps – Part 6 is here!

THE UNINTENTIONAL TRANS ALLEGORY OF SILO S1, Part 4

Welcome to #TransTuesday! It’s time for part four of THE UNINTENTIONAL (?) TRANS ALLEGORY OF SILO! Tillyvison reservoir full, it’s time to Silo up! This week it’s an episode 4 and episode 5 twofer!

Of course you’ll want to read PART 1 first.

And of course you’ll want to follow that with PART 2.

And OF COURSE you’ll want to follow THAT with PART 3.

Bernard is mayor now that Jahns is dead, according to the pact. Though Jahns was still a (possibly unwitting) tool of the system, she’s the one that considered Juliet for sheriff and signed the order making it official. Even THAT was enough to make Jahns a threat to the system.

In a flashback we see Juliet has childhood trauma from her mother and brother dying, and her dad being the one to make her go through their things to take to recycling. Here we see her want to fix her mom’s chair, but her dad doesn’t think it’s fixable.

A lot of trans people who transition as adults have childhood trauma. Even if it’s not from active transphobia, when you realize how much of your own life you missed out on, it wounds you. I didn’t get to be a little girl, and never will. See THE PAST AND WHY IT HAUNTS US.

And her wanting to fix the chair is wanting to gain control and understanding over the broken world around her, and to understand herself, so again see the trans tuesday on SEARCHING FOR MEANING (when you’re trans and don’t know it).

When Juliet goes to her new apartment, which used to be Holston’s, there are flowers in front of the mirror. He prepped them for her, put them there back in episode 1, to make things better for those who came after him.

In another flashback to Juliet’s childhood, after just having taken her mom’s and brother’s things to recycling, she’s at home making food for herself. She’s CRACKING AN EGG. In trans parlance, your egg cracking is when you realize you’re trans. Or start to.

As this is a flashback, I think this is present Juliet remembering that moment and realizing it for what it was. Because it’s shortly thereafter she left home and went down to Walk in mechanical, fed up with how broken her life was. Running from the pain.

But her brother dying, her mom dying (and the other trauma at the hands of Judicial that we learn about later), her dad telling her to abandon and ignore what was broken rather than try to fix the problem, is what did it. Made her realize the WORLD was broken, not her. Egg crack.

Again, this is probably all unintentional, but an egg cracking on screen during the time Juliet decided to leave her old life behind on the very long path to become someone new, someone she wanted to be, is… well. A very big coincidence, let’s say!

After being sworn in, Juliet can finally get into the sheriff’s safe, but there’s nothing there about George. Judicial lies and says they don’t have a file for him. Holston left her a file though. And in there is his note about doubling the flowers in front of the mirror.

In the scene where Marnes asks Juliet what she did or said to Holston that made him want to go out, he’s basically accusing her of trans-ing Holston by association. “You turned my kid trans!” “No they were always trans, they just didn’t tell you because you weren’t safe.”

Just after Marnes and Juliet talk to Patrick Kennedy, there’s a spot where Marnes says, “truth and trying mattered to Allison too, and it mattered to Holston. And you might wanna think about that.”

Which is showing you right there that the truth is dangerous. Look what caring about reality and the fight to not live a lie will get you. I think this is more of a warning than a threat, because he’s agreed to help Juliet against his better judgment, and we know where that takes him.

Juliet sees Lukas in the cafeteria again. Juliet was named after a play but they don’t perform it any more and some say it was written by a rebel. Anything from before, that could lead them to information about the real world, is banned.

She was named for something rebellious that is actually beautiful and enriches the world. Why would her parents do that? Her mom’s an egg, but we’ll get to that later on.

Also if this doesn’t remind you again of the “don’t say gay” bill, and of wiping trans people from history, and from those very same transphobes making Shakespeare actually illegal to be taught in Florida schools in the Year of our Pizza 2023, I don’t know what to tell you.

Marnes tamely breaks the rules by dangling his beer over the wall by the sign that says not to. A small thing, but again, look what those in power can do with no consequences, while he himself would force others to stop doing what he’s doing right now.

Once again I direct you to CIS PEOPLE GET GENDER AFFIRMING HEALTHCARE TOO.

Marnes is attacked in his apartment, and killed (by someone from judicial). Because Marnes ALSO wouldn’t conform and do what they wanted, and he was aiding Juliet. And looking into Jahns’ death would only implicate judicial too, so… he’s removed.

Juliet’s now in her apartment, seeing the flowers in the vase and pondering why she should increase them. She finds the washer rattling in the vent, pulls the wire it’s attached to, and inside is a bag with George’s file. More morsels that Holston left for her.

EPISODE 5

Juliet goes to Marnes’ murder scene, where Sims introduces Billings as her new deputy. Billings reveres the Pact and knows it by heart, and this is why he’s judicial’s pick to be sheriff. He’s gone overboard into being an ultra-conformist. Why do you think that is?

Bernard talks about how Jahns and Marnes can serve his goals, even in death. No matter who you are, you will be taken and used for the good of those at the top of the system. They don’t care about you! You’re just a tool to them. We all are.

Juliet ditches Billings and goes back to see Patrick Kennedy who bloodied Marnes’ nose. She picks the lock with Holston’s badge (the truth literally gets her in) and she finds Marnes’ drawing of Jahns planted in the closet with poison.

Juliet finds Patrick Kennedy working, and takes him to put him “somewhere safe”. Billings comes in and tells her he went to judicial. He wants to build trust so he tells her the truth – that he wanted to see how judicial’s investigation was going.

They get reports from “listeners,” (judicial calls them “friends of the silo”). Their info is not admissible in court and they aren’t part of the pact so he doesn’t like it. Judicial is EXTRAjudicial, and will break any of their own laws if it is to their benefit.

Then there’s some hullabaloo with Judicial not knowing Patrick Kennedy’s wife died and so he was moved to a smaller apartment, and thus they planted the evidence to frame him for Jahns’ murder in the wrong place.

There’s a chase and a bit of a fight but the important thing is that Billings, though so entirely over-committed to the pact, realizes Juliet is right about things not being what they seem. He wants to help her, because he’s LIKE her (trans). But he wants to stay hidden.

Sims tells Trumbull that the first time he saw janitorial his father came out of the door, and people looked down on him for being a janitor, but EVERYONE contributes to the good of the silo. But a janitor’s still a janitor and Sims was a janitor’s boy.

This seems like it’s a contradiction, because if everyone contributes to the good of the silo, why would a janitor be looked down on? But this is Sims giving away the game. I mean yes, he’s a raging hypocrite as we see in detail later on…

But what he really means is that everyone contributes to the good of (THE PEOPLE AT THE TOP OF) the silo, and those people, including Sims, look down at those they feel are beneath them. You see this time and again in the show, even when Juliet first arrives at her office.

To Sims, being a janitor IS bad, because people would perceive him as less than (because HE perceives them as less than). And the only way that’s acceptable is if it was a front for something else, with what he sees as real power.

It was his father who got Sims into his position with judicial, showing you AGAIN how power, control and influence passes from generation to generation to only the “right” kinds of people, keeping “the other” outside where they cannot effect change.

And so the people in the control room, behind the janitorial door are… imagine a group of cis people who KNOW the gender binary is a lie, but choose to perpetuate it anyway to maintain control and keep themselves in power. THAT is who those people are.

But really that’s just Bernard. The people in the control room, and even Sims, have also bought right into the lie of it all (evidence for this comes later). Because it lets them feel right, and like they deserve what they have, and that the “other” (trans people) don’t.

Sims says that behind the door to janitorial is, “the most important work of the silo, work that keeps 10,000 people alive.” But I mean, no, right? That’s what Juliet and everyone in mechanical does. All the people in the control room do is keep themselves as the ruling class.

Sims asks Trumbull if he’s willing to do ANYTHING to serve and protect the people of the silo,  willing to give everything he has to serve and protect the people of the silo. Trumbull says yes to both. And Sims tosses him over the rail, killing him.

This is what waits for the people who gleefully do the work of our false cis binary society. The TERFs and the transphobes… society and those at the top DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU. They will LITERALLY USE YOU TO FURTHER THEIR OWN ENDS and then dispose of you.

Was Trumbull part of the silo? Yes. So wouldn’t something that’s good for the silo also be good for him? Yes. But Sims doesn’t even consider Trumbull as part of the silo. He is literally just a tool that’s outlived its usefulness.

Juliet presents the facts about Trumbull to Judge Meadows. Juliet wants to investigate further because she’s sure he’s just a patsy, but Meadows tells her not to. They can say they have the killer and the killer is dead, that’s enough to quell rumors.

You can see hints here that Meadows is controlled by Sims (who’s controlled by Bernard), but also how absolutely none of them care one iota about the truth. Or actual justice. They care about “stopping the unrest.” Because, again, that’s what keeps them in power.

Juliet finds Lukas again in the cafeteria, drawing the “lights in the sky.” They don’t know what stars are, but he’s trying to figure it out. To learn. To understand. That’s what draws them together.

Walk and Juliet talk about the camera. Juliet can’t read the writing on it, so she asks for a more powerful magnifying glass. Walk says, “like the one your mother made with two lenses that Judicial destroyed? Do you know why they destroyed it?“

Walk says there are two big mysteries about the pact. One: they cannot mechanize the way they go up and down the silo. And two: no magnification beyond a certain amount. Let’s examine those.

No mechanizing movement up and down the silo means everyone has to walk, and there’s over a hundred stories. They can’t have elevators or escalators. To say nothing of the way this otherizes and traps the disabled on the surface-level story…

It keeps people APART and separates and foments resentment and anger and fear of the other, which you can see directly plays into the hands of those at the top. If we’re all angry at each other, our anger isn’t directed where it should be – at THEM.

You can see this in the real world with the way more rural areas have much higher instances of transphobia (and bigotry of all kinds). Living in urban areas means you’re in close proximity to other people, and that means you learn about them.

And you discover your differences are nothing to be feared, and maybe even are something to be celebrated. And I’m not saying big cities have no bigotry, that’s demonstrably false. But they’re much more accepting, in general, than remote rural areas.

It’s why cities vote Democrat and rural places vote Republican. There’s a cultural divide that is INTENTIONALLY FOMENTED BY THOSE AT THE TOP. Republican candidates stoke fear and hatred in their voters all the time. PARTICULARLY ON TRANS ISSUES.

And the rule about magnification is just entirely straightforward. It’s about keeping the masses uneducated, so they can’t learn about what’s hidden from them, about their history, about what came before.

It’s a direct analogue to Republicans defunding public schools and controlling what can and can’t be taught… even if it’s entirely illegal.

And just as directly it’s an analogue to Republicans banning books they don’t like, books that tell the truth about history that paints THEM AND THOSE LIKE THEM in an (accurately) poor light. It’s allllllll about controlling the masses to keep the power.

Walk is worried Juliet will be next in the line of murders, that seeking the truth will get her killed. And that’s what’s kept Walk in her apartment for two decades. Fear of what will happen if she comes out. We’ll get into more about this with Walk later on.

But Juliet has a plan to try to get to the bottom of things. And that’s maybe gonna take her places she didn’t expect. But that’s what happens when you do the work to examine yourself and society… and discover it’s all been lies.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

Ps – Part 5 is here!

THE UNINTENTIONAL TRANS ALLEGORY OF SILO S1, Part 3

Welcome to #TransTuesday! It’s time for the third installment of THE UNINTENTIONAL (?) TRANS ALLEGORY OF SILO! Tillyvison core operating at peak efficiency, it’s time to Silo up! This week we’re covering episodes two and three of season 1!

This would be a remarkably bad place for you to begin reading these, but if you’re new, welcome! You’ll want to start with PART 1.
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And PART 2!
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They wrap Holston with the bad tape. His last words? “Sorry for all the fuss.” He’s still putting the feelings of cis people over his own need to learn the truth about himself, so deep is the conditioning to conform. We shouldn’t have to apologize for our existence.

Again, see the trans tuesday on CIS GRIEF for more on how awful this is.
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While outside, sees EXACTLY what Allison saw. “They have to see.” And so he cleans the sensor. He’s trying to help everyone else see the truth that he sees, but of course they can’t. Inside the screens show the dead world outside, but Holston’s shows life.

But he can’t see Allison’s body. He takes his helmet off and then crawls to her, dies next to her. Marnes and Jahns are worried riots will start over a sheriff being sent to clean. Someone in power not playing by the rules breaks their brains.

They don’t know what happened pre-rebellion, or what caused the rebellion, but maybe it was someone being sent to clean. So they need a new sheriff ASAP to MAINTAIN ORDER.

Walk is listening on her illicit radio. Communication is only for those in power (the sheriff and deputies have radios while the general public do not). And what do trans people need to self-actualize? Communication with our subconscious desires and the truth in our hearts.

Again, I’ve written a WHOLE LOT on those very things in BEGIN TRANSMISSION: THE TRANS ALLEGORIES OF THE MATRIX. Get a copy today whydontcha?

So what also helps trans people self-actualize? Communication with other trans people who’ve been through it before, and show us we can do it too. And if all communication is controlled or restricted by cis society, how much more difficult does all of that become?

Juliette says George was paranoid because their relationship “wasn’t sanctioned.” Again, they had their bodily autonomy taken from them, they weren’t allowed to openly be in a relationship of their own choosing.

And taking our bodily autonomy back, even in small ways, can make you feel like you’re going to get caught and outed.

We learn here that suicide is a crime against the silo. Which means your body is more important to them than you are as a person. Again, this society has NO bodily autonomy. And this is totally how cis society treats trans people, when you stop to think about it for a second.

Holston and Juliette, in flashback, go see the site of George’s death. He notices her watch is a relic, she gets defensive and says it’s legal. This is him spotting something about her that lets him know SHE’S NOT LIKE THE OTHERS.

It’s two trans people recognizing hints of transness in each other, even though they haven’t yet realized it in themselves. And yes, this absolutely happens. I had a friend pre-transition I always felt a kinship with I couldn’t explain. More than just platonic love.

We lost touch for a while, and when we reconnected… both of us had transitioned. I couldn’t have told you she was trans back then, but I also couldn’t have told you *I* was trans back then. But we both were, and you can see that spark you have inside in others.

Holston knows Juliette and George were seeing each other, but won’t tell anyone. He’s already more interested in truth than rules, so you see why he eventually came out.

She takes him to the place George found. Juliette “What I’m about to show you is more illegal than any relic. I’m sure up top knows about it but they don’t seem to care. ” Holston: “I’m from up top and I have no idea where we’re going.”

This is showing you even people at the top, people in POWER like the sheriff, have the truth hidden from them by those who are running things. ALL OF US, including the cis het white men with the most power in society, are fed the lie of gender assigned at birth.

They go into a massive cavern with the digger that dug the silo, and to George’s little camp. She shows Holston the box of relics. George sold and traded them, and was obsessed with the before-times. He was searching for truth. About himself and people like him.

She finds the hard drive, a red level relic and a threat to order in the silo. Juliette, “I don’t care about the order in the silo, I want you to do your job.” To her, George’s truth is more important than the “order” the silo wants.

Holston: “Maintaining order in the silo IS my job.” Again, he was an integral part of the power structure that kept Flamekeepers/trans people oppressed, even without realizing it. This comes up a LOT in the Matrix trans allegory discussions, but briefly:

The lie of the cisgender binary matrix, that gender is immutable and based on external genitalia at birth, was established by cis white men and it keeps them in power and at the top of the social hierarchy.

By buying into that lie, by never questioning it, you UPHOLD the system that gives them the advantage and keeps trans people oppressed. You are a VITAL part of it. If you believe the lie, and don’t rock the boat, they stay at the top.

If you realize that it’s a lie, EVEN IF *YOU* AGREE WITH THE GENDER YOU WERE ASSIGNED AT BIRTH, you are disrupting their power structure. Refusing to see it, to be aware of it, to fight it, is exactly what they want and NEED you to do.

George is looking for a door, at the end of the tunnel he saw on the blueprints. But it’s under the water and that scares Juliette. If he has to go down there she doesn’t want to know until after. This is our first water appearance, and note it TERRIFIES Juliette.

But she overcomes that fear just long enough, due to seeing and knowing George, and her curiosity about the truth, and goes down the rope. She dangles above the water, and loses her light.

The water, the dysphoria, is RIGHT THERE. And it’s SO BIG. And now, thanks to George, she’s realized it’s there, and it scares the crap out of her, and it’s literally stealing the light. And she’s left dangling above it, terrified of falling in.

EPISODE 3

Juliette makes it back up the rope, but she’s terrified. We see her drinking and being self-destructive, and guess what happens to a lot of people when they realize the thing that always made them feel terrible was gender dysphoria?

In here we learn they need to shut down the generator and make a real fix. The system is broken and no band aid will fix it. It needs an entire overhaul. And Juliette is the only one who can fix it (which sets up that she’s the only one that can maybe fix their society).

We learn later that Bernard’s the one in charge of everything, and it’s important to know that now, when he says, “It doesn’t matter what I want, I just run the numbers.” The numbers that JUST SO HAPPEN to confirm exactly what he wants. What a coincidence.

Bernard says Juliette is a thief who stole four boxes of H57 tape from IT. This is heat tape that keeps their servers from cooking. I only mention it now because this is where it comes up, but again we’re gonna talk about the heat tape at the end.

Bernard says every hour the silo doesn’t have a sheriff, or a clear authority figure, the probability of disaster increases. He says citizens are arming themselves because they don’t know who’s going to protect them. BUT FROM WHAT HMM?? Protect them from WHAT, Bernard?

Everyone’s excited to see mayor Jahns in the mids. “I came to remind you how important you are, this community and the way you love each other that holds the silo together.” Oh, the lies. I mean, she may believe them. We often fool ourselves into believing the lies we’re told.

Because that’s a lot easier than saying, wait… that’s not true at all, it’s control and oppression that keeps this system operating the way it does. ESPECIALLY when you are PART of that control and oppression, even if unknowingly.

Jahns goes to see Dr. Nichols, Juliette’s father. He says the loss of her brother and mother was hard on her, and she always had an interest in machines as a kid. “Always figuring out how things worked, how to fix them if they didn’t.” This is kind of what being trans is.

In fact, see the trans tuesday on SEARCHING FOR MEANING (when you’re trans and don’t know it) to understand how INCREDIBLY trans this is. We’re always trying to figure out how things work, why the insides are different from the outsides, in an attempt to better understand ourselves.
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And it’s not just me who had that odd love of cutaways and blueprints and diagrams. After that trans tuesday came out, so many (like SO. MANY.) other trans people told me they always had the same fascination too. It is officially A Thing.

Juliette about being on the rope: “It’s so hard to describe. It wasn’t the darkness I was worried about, I just felt… scared. That much water, it was more water than I’d ever seen… and I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t go down there. I feel pissed off.”

That’s it, hanging on the precipice, knowing what’s down there but NOT knowing what’s on the other side. That’s seeing and knowing your dysphoria, but being afraid to confront it or see what’s on the other side of it. It’s Neo out on the ledge in the first Matrix movie all over again.

Jahns says she thought Holston would succeed her as mayor. This shows you that the system is self-perpetuating, those with power are given more, those without are left without. Until someone like Holston uses his power to uplift those without, like making Juliette sheriff.

This is how systemic change begins, by uplifting the voices of the marginalized, letting them tell their own stories, giving them the power to effect change that will help everyone.

The generator is failing for real. Juliette goes in to try and save it, and relieves some pressure but the problem persists. This is a metaphor for her acknowledging her dysphoria, seeing the water down there. What’s water under pressure? Steam. Which POWERS the generator.

The pressure cis society puts trans people under is literally what powers their ability to stay at the top and in control. Juliette relieved some of the pressure on her by acknowledging that dysphoria… knowing what it is can be a relief after a lifetime of not.

But the problem persists. It’s not a solution. It’s just the first step to fixing the actual problem.

Jahns goes to see Walk, and mentions Walk’s radio is “so prohibited by the pact I don’t know where to start”. Walk was married to a lady but it went south. We learn why that is later on, and yep, it ties in to Walk being a closeted trans person.

Juliette sees Marnes and asks if she’s under arrest, it’s the first thought that came to her. Because even if she hasn’t consciously self-accepted, she KNOWS she’s been asking the right (“wrong”) questions and society won’t tolerate it.

Jahns says Holston wanted Juliette to replace him as sheriff. Juliette is surprised, and declines. She doesn’t want to be part of the machinery of oppression, she wants to FIX things. And they don’t seem to let people do that. Jahns gives Juliette Holston’s badge, as he requested.

Juliette says Hank, the down deep deputy, should be the sheriff. But “they’d make him cut his hair”. She knows that to be up top you must conform, and she has zero desire to do that.

Hank sees something on the back of the badge. Juliette looks at it. We learn later it says “truth.” It’s the sign Holston said he’d send her. She tells Jahns she’ll take the job, on the condition she FIXES the generator before leaving. They have to shut it down.

Jahns: “That’s never been done. People are going to be terrified.” Juliette: “People are going to be terrified when the rotor shatters, and we’re living off the backup in darkness. Forever.” Just because something’s never been done, and people are scared of it, doesn’t make it bad.

And if you DON’T fix the massive (societal) problem, it “could leave 10,000 people in the dark forever.” Again, we say hello to SUPERtext.

Jahns says tonight, with power off for generator repair, people will be scared. If the power stays off? They’ll need the keys to the gun safe. The people at the top immediately jump to violence to secure their station. Not helping the scared people, not medical teams on standby. GUNS.

Okay listen, even outside the allegory I’m talking about, the entire generator repair scene is an absolute MASTERCLASS in stakes and rising tension. It is some truly fantastic writing, acting, and directing. Just be sure you appreciate it. It’s television at its best.

During the repair, Jahns and Marnes go out to look at the dark and empty silo. They’re the only ones who can break curfew, so they flaunt the rules with no repercussions. Nobody else would be allowed to do what they’re doing, and they take it for granted.

This is exactly what cis people do with a lot of things, a big one is all the gender confirming medical care they get and then turn around and deny that care to trans people. See the trans tuesday on CIS PEOPLE GET GENDER AFFIRMING HEALTHCARE TOO for more info.
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They’re out of time to repair the generator, the pressure is too high and it could explode. Juliette buys them more time by going in with the overheating valve with a fire hose to cool it down…. it works, but she’s in a hole and the water is rising and she can’t shut it off.

THE WATER IS RISING AND SHE CANT SHUT IT OFF. The dysphoria is growing and you can’t stop it! But she stays because it’s the only way to fix the problem.

You must acknowledge the dysphoria before you can fight it. Even though it may drown you. But if you get through it, you can save yourself… and everyone else. It’s a COMMUNITY EFFORT. She saves them and they save her. We get through TOGETHER. And the lights come back on.

Jules goes to see Walk and gives her the video camera relic, hoping she can figure out what it is. Walk tells her “don’t end up like George,” because asking questions and challenging authority can get. You. Killed. (Why do you think Walk has stayed in the closet her whole life?)

Juliette flips Holston’s badge, and we see TRUTH etched into the back. And up she goes to take the job, hunt for the truth, and try to make a change. Can she? Will she? And what happens when the truth isn’t what you want it to be?

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

Ps – Part 4 is here!

THE UNINTENTIONAL TRANS ALLEGORY OF SILO S1, Part 2

Welcome to #TransTuesday! This week brings the THE UNINTENTIONAL (?) TRANS ALLEGORY OF SILO, PART 2! Tillyvison powers to full, it’s time to Silo up! We’re picking up right where we left off in the pilot!

Before we do, be sure you’ve read PART 1, which has context you’ll need going in, and also covers the first part of the first episode. And if you don’t read THAT, this one isn’t gonna make much sense to you.

Allison and Holston meet Gloria, and watch their reactions to her at first. She’s this person everyone suspects is different, is weird, is trans, and they don’t want to associate with her. Then people might think THEY’RE trans, and heaven forbid.

Even though, in the allegory, Allison and Holston are both trans people, in this flashback neither of them has realized it yet. And so they’re reacting to a trans person the way society has taught them to.

As I mentioned before, Gloria is a trans person who never transitioned, but everyone suspects is trans. If we follow the surface story, it would be because the Silo/society didn’t give her “permission” to, but in so many places society NEVER gives trans people that permission.

But it could also be that she never transitioned out of fear. She knows the truth about how the silo was preventing bodily autonomy in those it found “undesirable,” and who she shares that information with could come back to hurt her.

Which is just like if she came out publicly as trans, she’d be cast out of society (sent out to clean), so she keeps her truth hidden… but only to a degree. People still seem to know, or suspect.

And note she wants to help them with their bodily autonomy issue. She wants to help others, who are like her, achieve the thing she never got for herself. Unfortunately it leads her to a really dark place later on in the season.

Gloria: “If you have an open mind, come see me.”  Holston: “She goes right to the edge of promising people a baby if they do what she says, and it’s cruel.” How dare Gloria say she can help, when nobody can help? We’re not ALLOWED to do what we want with our bodies.

When the doctor “removes” Allison’s mandatory birth control, he says “…takes a few weeks for the hormones to reset.” If you don’t see how this is akin to him telling her about hormone replacement therapy, and pretending he gave it to her, I mean… c’mon.

We then learn Allison’s been trying to educate people on how to recover deleted files. Which seems innocent enough, until you later realize that the Silo has purged all information about the past.

And I’d like you to think for a moment about a trans person you learned about in school. Or did that… not happen? Were you not taught about our contributions to society? Were you not even taught about our very existence?

We have been systematically purged from history. This is why so many incredibly ignorant people think being trans is something “new,” despite the fact there’s evidence of trans people going back thousands of years. We’ve existed as long as there have been humans.

See the trans tuesday on TRANS HISTORY 1 for more info on that.

And this is your first indication that digging into the past, to the correct and vital information about our own existence, isn’t allowed in the silo. It’s not just frowned upon, it’s a CRIME. It’s literally the “don’t say gay” bill drilled down to “don’t say trans.”

Holston: “The pact is the only history we have. What if a bunch of rule-breakers decide they wanna see for themselves what it’s like above ground? They somehow manage to open that door, we are done.” This is what society believes, that we’re a danger to all of society.

That by trans people coming out, MORE of us will think it’s okay to come out (true!) and if that happens it will undo all of society (false! It will only undo the lies of gender-assigned-at-birth being all there is… but that’s what keeps those at the top in power.)

Gloria, to Allison: “Have you ever wondered what was on the servers they erased? In the books they burned? If it was even the rebels that did it?” Don’t you want to know the TRUTH? About our history? About YOURSELF?

Also this feels like a good time to remind you that the first book burning the nazis did when they came to power in Germany… was all the data and information collected at the world’s first transgender clinic. WHAT A COINCIDENCE.

This is important so here, have another.

And here’s the link to TRANS HISTORY 1 again, because in there you will learn how even our allies often don’t care about us, because when the Allies liberated the internment camps THEY LEFT THE QUEER PEOPLE IN THEM. “Allies” indeed.

Gloria: “I’ve heard you’re also someone who wonders.” Allison: “Who told you that?” What? Why would you think I’M trans? No no, I’m not like you! Did someone say I was like you? Why would they say that?

That exchange speaks to me of the way it feels when you’ve been denying the truth of your transness for your whole life, and something happens where you’re afraid you’ve given something away… not just to the world, but to yourself, when you’re not ready yet.

Gloria: “Do you really think you’re the kind of person they want having children?” Again this is a little murky and imperfect, but it works for trans people not being the “kind of person” society wants to have bodily autonomy…

But it ALSO works for trans people not being the “kind of person” society wants to be literally having children or, if you will, “making” more trans people (being out and proud and happy, so other trans people think they can do it too).

Allison gets a trouble ticket for George, and nobody wants to help him. Because he’s weird, and strange, and he’s the type who asks questions! Again, a Flamekeeper/trans person (or a suspected one), and nobody wants to even associate with them. Cis people shun us.

Watch that Freedom Day play, where society is literally indoctrinating children into lies and hate. This speaks SO MUCH to the way trans people, especially trans women, are portrayed in media as monsters, or victims, or jokes, and rarely anything else.

See the trans tuesday on TRANS REP IN MEDIA 2022 (in movies and tv) for how trans rep went for me in every single thing I watched last year.

You can also see the trans tuesday on BAD REPRESENTATION for a more in-depth rundown of what only seeing yourself represented in those ways can do to a person.

This is to keep cis kids thinking of trans people as “the other,” and villainous, and bad, and wrong. And it’s to keep trans kids watching too scared to come out and live their truth. It’s all about controlling the population to keep those in power where they are.

Pay attention during Mayor Jahns’ speech about how they blame the rebels, aka trans people, for literally everything bad that has happened to them. It’s alllll our fault for not conforming. There’s no greater threat to the lies than the people whose existence disproves them.

When Allison accesses the hard drive, George goes to the blueprints, literally the information on why their society is the way it is, or why THEY are the way they are. Why does society hate trans people? Why don’t they want us to look? What if WE’RE trans?

Allison refuses to look, and tells George he shouldn’t look either. Society has conditioned her to not seek out this information, even though she has a burning desire to know. But her desire for the truth (about herself, and society) hasn’t overridden the fear yet.

Allison: “They can send you out to clean for this.” In other words, this could out you as trans to society and get you shunned. But note SHE won’t turn George in. She’s already breaking the conditioning and the internalized transphobia society’s implanted in her.

INTERNALIZED TRANSPHOBIA? Oh yeah, there’s a trans tuesday on that, you betcha.

Allison goes back to Gloria, to learn the truth about why she can’t have a baby/why she’s not allowed bodily autonomy. This then leads her back to George, and her desire to see more of their forbidden history.

She’s waking up to her transness, despite the danger it puts her in, despite society telling her it’s wrong. Because that drive, to know and understand ourselves, is far stronger than the fear society instills in us. Eventually it’s going to win out, and we’re going to look for answers.

And it’s then that she and George see the Jane Carmody cleaning file, showing the outside is birds and blue skies and green plants, not the dead world they see on all the screens in the silo. We’ll talk about this more when we get to the very end of our Silo discussion.

But this is what clues her in to everything that society’s been telling her is a lie. It’s ALL BUILT ON LIES. Once you realize assigned gender at birth is a lie, and you come out as trans and live outside the false cisgender binary matrix…

You see just how MUCH of our society is founded on similar lies, all to keep people boxed in and controlled, so those at the top can consolidate their power. See the trans tuesday on THE FALSE DICHOTOMY for more info.

Allison goes into the bathroom and… the mirror isn’t clear. Her REFLECTION ISN’T CLEAR. The lies she’s learned about have changed the way she sees herself, so her reflection does not reflect the truth. See the trans tuesday on PHOTOS AND REFLECTIONS.

If you’ve read Begin Transmission, my Matrix trans allegories book, you’ll know that reflections are a huge thing in that franchise, particularly the first (and fourth) movies. Silo has more to say about reflections later, too.

So, the scene where Allison tells Holston what she learned, it reads SO MUCH like a trans coming out scene. Allison wasn’t sure he was “going to be able to hear what [she] had to say.” As in, again, he would not be LISTENING, only reacting as he’d been taught to.

Which he tries to do, but she cuts him off with “talking is not listening.” Listen to everything else she says here, knowing what we’ve discussed already, and you’ll immediately pick up on how much of a coming out this really is.

Allison: “They want docile, obedient people.” Because when you know the truth, you rock the boat and fight for change, for your right to be yourself, and that is absolutely a threat to a society entirely built on lies.

Allison knows the doctor didn’t actually remove her birth control, but Holston doesn’t believe her. She shows him proof, she just cut it out of her body herself. She TOOK BACK HER BODILY AUTONOMY. She is accepting her transness and choosing to transition.

There’s probably something to the apple on the plate with the bloody knife, relating to Christianity and Adam and Eve, and how defiance of the rules gets you “cast out” but I think that’s better left to folks who know religion better than me.

Allison, to the masses in the cafeteria: “None of this is real. Do you see? They want to keep you in here, so they’re lying to you.” There’s something I say a lot in my examination of the Matrix films, I call it SUPERtext. The opposite of subtext. And that’s what we’ve got right here.

Gender assigned at birth ISN’T real. Nobody can TELL you your gender, it’s something only you can discover for yourself. But cisgender people find they agree with what they’re told, so they never realize it’s a lie. And that’s what keeps you “in here” oppressing trans people.

Allison: “I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Please. Just know there’s no other way. I’m sorry honey. I want to go out.” Everyone is horrified. Society, so many cis people, see transition as a death, and not a rebirth and process that fixes a legit medical condition.

Holston: “If you can boil the Pact down to one rule, it’s to not say you want to go outside or you will fucking go outside.” It’s the cardinal law of this society, and of OUR society. If you say you’re not cis, EVERYTHING in society flips and you are now on the outside. Forever.

Mayor Jahns: “Did anyone else play a part in this, steer her in this direction?” Nobody can make you trans, right? But again, seeing other trans people who’ve done it CAN make you feel like YOU can do it as well… but only if you’re trans, too.

Holston: “Allison feels things strongly. I think not being able to have a baby, it was just too much.” Yeah, being told you CAN’T do what you want with your own body, especially when it’s medically necessary, is very very too much to abide.

Right before Allison goes out, she tells Holston: “If I could wind back the clock and not know what I know, I would. In a heartbeat.” It’d be so much easier to not know our truth and keep living a lie… but it wouldn’t be living, would it?

Allison: “But what I found out, what they told us isn’t true.“ Holston: “So?” He thinks if she found this out she should have told all the authorities and not “said the words that get you sent out there to die.” He doesn’t understand why the truth of her existence is more important to her.

She tells him how the screens are a lie, and aren’t showing reality. Holston: “I know what I’m seeing” Allison: “Not if it’s just what the computer wants you to see.”

So when people get sent out to clean, they’re given a little piece of wool they can use to clean the camera sensor. And Allison asks, “Why do people clean?” Holston: “To get the dust and grime off the sensors. So we can see.”

Allison: “No. Why do they go through with it? Most people swear they’re not going to do it. When you arrested Brent he said you’d have to put a bullet through his head and throw him down the stairs because he wasn’t going to clean. And then what did he do?” Holston: “He cleaned.”

Allison: “I think people clean because they hope somehow that they can show people the truth that [the outside] is a lie. When I get out there, if that’s what it’s really like, I won’t clean. I’ll wave goodbye because I will have made the biggest mistake of my life.

But if I’m right, and it’s green and lush and beautiful, I’ll pull out my wool and I’ll start to clean. And you’ll know. And then I’ll walk over the hill and find out what’s going on. And then I’ll come back for you.”

We then see her being wrapped in her suit with, what we know after seeing the entire season, is the faulty heat tape. We’ll talk about that more at the end, but it’s here now, right from the beginning.

Mayor Jahns: “You have been charged with violating the cardinal law of our society. Any spoken request to leave the silo is granted, but it is irrevocable. Once uttered, it is determinative.” There’s no coming back, you’re out and we don’t want you.

And when they say “you are outside the law” they’re admitting you’re dead to them. Their law is all they care about, never mind if the laws are wrong. There’s a big difference between something that’s “unlawful” and something that’s “unjust.”

Everyone gathers to watch her go out. Allison rises up the steps out into the world. And then she cleans. Everyone cheers. She goes to walk over the hill… but then slows, staggers. She falls, and dies.

Two years later, Holston gets a file on George. He’s dead, he went over the rail and fell. They don’t know if it was an accident or suicide. Holston went to investigate, and that’s when he met Juliette.

Look at that first shot of her, inside the generator. It’s physical, it’s visceral, there’s muscle and grime and that is not what society has told us is how a woman “should” be. You learn from shot one that Juliette doesn’t conform to gender norms.

Also note that a lot of people call her “Jules,” which can certainly be short for Juliette, but is ALSO the masculine form of the same name. Everything about her reads as trans, or at the very least gender-nonconforming. And Holston’s time with her is what changed him.

Marnes: “What happened to you? For two years you were dead inside, then you met Juliette Nichols.” Holston: “I finally started listening is all.” To her? Or to himself? Because in those two years he overcame his fears about Allison, and about his OWN truth.

Holston: “…either way I’m done. I’ve got to know the truth.” He’s realized he’s trans, too, and is going to follow Allison on the path to self-actualization, even though it means society will shun him.

Next time we’re finally going beyond the first episode, and would you believe… it gets even deeper? Of course you would, or else there wouldn’t be anything else to write about. You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

Ps – Part 3 continues here!

THE UNINTENTIONAL (?) TRANS ALLEGORY OF SILO s1, Part 1

Welcome to #TransTuesday! It’s time to dive into one of the most ambitious topics I’ve tackled. This year I fell completely in love with a show on Apple TV, and at least part of that is due to THE UNINTENTIONAL (?) TRANS ALLEGORY OF SILO.

Someone recently called my trans allegory deep dives Tillyvision, and frankly I think that’s pretty dang great. WELCOME TO THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF TILLYVISION, MY FRIENDS.

Before we go any further let me say this entire exploration is criticism and allowed by the WGA strike. This is a celebration of a show that meant a lot to me that was made by real human beings, incredibly talented writers and actors and directors and crew.

Support the people who make the media you love, because we writers shouldn’t have to have two or three side jobs to get by, and over 80% of actors make less than $26k a year. That’s barely a third of the annual cost of living in Los Angeles!

If you’d like to donate to help writers, actors, and crew get through the strike financially, please visit the Entertainment Community Fund.

Also I’m not sure everyone realizes what an undertaking these are, so a little info for you: not counting my first watch (which was just for entertainment/writerly reasons), the rewatch was ten episodes… that took two hours each to watch due to stopping to take notes.

So already that’s 20 hours. It then took me about 12 hours to convert those notes into readable form for release. So you’re looking at 32 hours of work. And then revising and tweaking and prep for the podcast versions all took another 5 hours.

And that’s all BEFORE posting the social media/text version and before recording the podcast version (which took another… 5-7 hours?).  So that’s like… 45 hours of work?

What I’m saying is I really hope you appreciate these, because they are a massive undertaking and a huge time sink. Phew.

Before we dive in I’m going to warn you that there are gonna be TONS of spoilers, because I’m going to be talking about every episode from the entire first season. If you haven’t yet seen it and want to experience it on your own first, read no further!

Unlike my most well-known example of discussing trans allegories in media, The Matrix (those essays became a book, BEGIN TRANSMISSION: THE TRANS ALLEGORIES OF THE MATRIX… get your copy now!), I believe Silo’s allegory is unintentional. …maybe.

I will specifically be talking ONLY about the Silo show on Apple TV+. To the best of my knowledge, showrunner Graham Yost, the other writers on season one, and Hugh Howey, the author of the books the show is based on, are not trans. BUT!

As I like to remind you when talking about these things, there may be trans people involved who aren’t out yet or might not even know they’re trans yet. Which means the allegory could be them intentionally working through complicated gender feelings without realizing. BUT!

It’s also perfectly possible that there really are no trans people involved with it, yet it is still incredibly trans because as I like to remind you, trans stories are human stories, and we’re all more alike than not. This happens all the time!

If you’d like examples of other trans allegories in media, some intentional and some probably intentional but maybe not, see The INTENTIONAL TRANS ALLEGORY OF REAL GENIUS, part 1.

And THE UNINTENTIONAL (?) TRANS ALLEGORY OF THE LITTLE MERMAID‘S “PART OF YOUR WORLD.”

And THE UNINTENTIONAL (?) TRANS ALLEGORY OF THE TWILIGHT ZONE‘S “NERVOUS MAN IN A FOUR DOLLAR ROOM.”

Unlike the write-ups on The Matrix, Real Genius, and Nervous Man, I’m not going to use timestamps. I’m covering an entire season, ten episodes, and I felt it would just be too confusing.

The basic gist of my trans reading of the show is that people who are sent out to clean, and the Flamekeepers, are trans people. The society of the Silo is, conveniently, the society that we trans people are born into here in the real world.

Let’s look at some of the characters:

Juliette is a trans person waking up to their transness and the way the entire system of society is stacked against us, lies to us, oppresses us, and then figuring out what to do about it.

Billings is a stealth trans person, represented through his having and hiding “the Syndrome.” He has a condition of birth that will get you otherized by society and so he does everything he can to hide it.

Walk is a closeted trans person. She’s trans and knows it and is afraid of coming out because of how people will react.

Gloria is pseudo-closteted. She’s “not trans” but everyone suspects she is, even though she never transitioned. She spends her life trying to help others transition because she was never able to.

George is a trans person trying to learn about themselves, and why they never heard the word “transgender” before, and why are trans people so “new”? He uncovers the truth of our history and does what he can to make things better for those coming after.

Regina (and also Billings’ wife) are spouses or family of trans people, who lose some of the things trans people lose due to their association with us. They blame US for the ostracization they face rather than transphobic society, and place their grief over our needs.

Lukas is a trans person in denial. He has questions but his fear rules him and he’s forever an agent of the system. He feels he can only be who he’s told to be, and he’s a “pick me” who sells out his people in an effort to be “one of the good ones”.

Spirals are everywhere in the show, symbolizing bringing order from chaos. They’re the literal backbone of society, which you see in the central staircase (which draws allusions to the spine and even DNA in the opening credits). And they work incredibly well.

Because Bernard and most of the silo’s residents (transphobic society) THINK they’re preserving their society by trying to control and stamp out transness, and they see that as the order from the “chaos” of trans existence.

But we trans people are ones ACTUALLY bringing order from chaos, when we discover that it’s the world that’s broken and not us. And we fix that by choosing to transition. The spirals are actually ours, and they appropriated them, and dang that happens to us all the time.

Water is also really important, in the ways characters are terrified of it and yet also in awe of it. It symbolizes dysphoria, in the way I myself have described my own GENDER DYSPHORIA as being akin to drowning.

And you can even see in my INTERVIEW WITH MAYA DEANE, AUTHOR OF “WRATH GODDESS SING” how she wrote dysphoria in a similar way in that remarkable novel (which is also my favorite novel EVER). She writes about it as being trapped at the bottom of a well.

And if you think fearing the water/dysphoria makes sense but aren’t sure why someone would be in awe of it at the same time, let me hit you with this: dysphoria is horrific and terrible, but once you realize you have it… you KNOW that you’re trans. That knowledge brings answers.

There’s SO much more on this and it’s used in really brilliant ways. However, I do want to include a little disclaimer.

This allegory is… imperfect. It doesn’t work quite the way The Matrix or even Real Genius did, where trans creators were putting their lived experiences and feelings into their work with intent (be it conscious or subconscious).

Also, because the allegory is less “clean” (if you’ll forgive the word choice when talking about Silo), not everything that applies to the allegory for one character works for the other characters.

For example, the Syndrome is analogous to physical attributes you’re trying to hide so nobody knows you’re trans, but not everyone who represents different kinds of trans people or culture have the Syndrome. Make sense?

Anyway, there are big bits of transness all over, in many different ways that mean a lot to me. And it’s got fabulous things to say! So come along on this journey and let’s see what Silo has to say about trans existence. I think you’re gonna dig it. TIME TO SILO UP!

EPISODE 1

We can see right away this world is old. The entire aesthetic (which I LOVE) is really retro-futuristic. If you’ve watched the entire season, you know this is purposeful in-story.

There is more advanced technology available, but only to those at the top of the power structure. They’re intentionally holding the rest of society back and not allowing them to access it or to technologically advance. They only care about what benefits THEM.

Holston puts his badge on. He is in a position of authority, and he’s respected within the Silo as part of its power structure. He puts flowers in front of the mirror, adjusts the vent… as we learn later, both of these things are in prep for Juliette. We’ll talk more about them later.

I bring this up now because, given where he’s headed, I want you to understand that he’s doing this to PREPARE FOR THE FUTURE, for those coming up/out after him. It’s part of WHY he’s doing what he’s doing.

Holston: “We do not know why we are here, we do not know who built the silo. We do not know why everything outside the silo is as it is. We do not know when it will be safe to go outside. We only know that that day is not this day.”

We hear those lines several more times throughout the show. They speak to me of trans people not knowing why we’re trans, or why society hates us, or why it feels so dangerous to come out. And not knowing when it will ever change.

This is where something first sparked in my brain on my first watch, because… huh, yeah, that sure sounds like a description of someone early on in their transition journey, who maybe just discovered they’re trans and is terrified of what that means.

Holston misses his wife, who he lost. In allegory I don’t think these deaths from people being sent out are really deaths, but they’re symbolic of losing people due to refusing to accept them. When Allison came out (as trans), Holston shunned her along with all of society.

And so she was cast out (of the silo and thus out of society) for being different from everyone else, for wanting to know the truth (that trans is just how some people are and a totally fine and normal way to be), and he went along with it because that’s what society taught him to do.

Holston: “I should have done it three years ago, but I couldn’t listen.” Allison tried to tell him, we see it in the flashbacks. But HE COULDN’T LISTEN. And this is exactly what happens to so many trans people when we come out, even our SPOUSES can refuse to hear and understand.

Marnes: “You’re gonna say this to me after all we’ve been through?” “I don’t want you to say it. Please don’t say it.” Look how Marnes puts HIS feelings first, which is what so many cis people do when trans people come out.

How could you do this to ME, why aren’t you thinking about ME? Please don’t say you’re trans, if you don’t say it we can all pretend it’s not true and keep on living a lie and not rocking the boat, just like society wants. See the trans tuesday on CIS GRIEF for more on that.

In the flashback, we see Holston and Allison are waiting to get permission to reproduce. And this connects directly to trans people and the gender-affirming healthcare we need: hormone replacement therapy and surgeries.

And a lot of the time we still need PERMISSION FROM CIS PEOPLE to get those things. See the trans tuesday on TRANS KIDS AND THE INTAKE EXAM to learn how I had to “prove” my transness and that I’m a woman to a cis person before I could get transition care.

This is also about BODILY AUTONOMY and who has control over our bodies. And yes, in this story it’s about reproduction, but if the people who go out/the Flamekeepers are trans people in this reading (and they are, much more evidence to come)…

Then that fight for bodily autonomy becomes about us having the right to transition to our true selves because they’re OUR bodies and we have the RIGHT to the medical care we need, just as anyone with a uterus does for reproductive rights.

I’ve talked many times how the fight for abortion rights and the fight for trans rights are the exact same thing, btw. See the trans tuesday on TRANS RAGE for what it’s like when we’re completely forgotten about when people talk about these incredibly important topics.

And also see the trans tuesday on BODILY AUTONOMY to see what it’s like living a life where your body never feels like it’s yours or you have any control over it.

So this entire sequence about Allison and Holston trying to have a baby is just to show you they needed (cis) society’s PERMISSION to do what they wanted with their own bodies.

Next time we’re going to wrap up episode 1, because it goes way deeper. So deep, in fact, it will take all of part 2 just to finish the pilot episode! Subsequent episodes go faster, but the pilot lays SO much groundwork, there’s a LOT to discuss.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

Ps – Part 2 continues here!