Trans Media

Interview with Cicada Queen V about her game “When Summer is Over”

You can play When Summer is Over… right in your web browser window. Please read and heed content warnings.

NOTE: This week’s update is a transcription of a live interview done as part of the Tilly’s Trans Tuesdays podcast. Special thanks to Kate Rascali for the transcription!

Tilly Bridges: Welcome to Tilly’s Trans Tuesdays! This week, we’ve got an interview with Cicada Queen V about her video game, When Summer is Over, an indie free-to-play game that’s so, so trans, right down to its core.

Tilly: Hi, I’m Tilly Bridges, your host, and I’m joined by my writing partner, my best friend, my wife, our token cis representation, the star that makes my summers last forever, Susan Bridges.

Susan Bridges: Hello!

Tilly: Our guest this week, you may have guessed from the episode intro, is Cicada Queen V, the developer of Cold Call and When Summer is Over. Originally from Florida, now living in New England, she turns her experiences of growing up in an increasingly hostile state and living situation into art to make others who went through similar experiences feel less alone. Welcome, V!

V: Hello, thanks for having me! I really, I really like that. Endless Summer, huh? That’s pretty cool.

Tilly: Okay, so we generally like to start this show off with a few questions so our listeners can get to know our guests. I wanted to sort of get started by asking how you got into making video games.

V: I’ve always liked playing video games. There was a point in my, I would say probably, later teen years, which I guess you could call my childhood still, that I kind of realized that video games could be art, and not just entertainment.

Tilly: Right.

V: And that got me even more interested, and for the longest time, I always thought I wanted to make them, but I just never…(you know, undiagnosed ADHD and all these problems) I could never focus to get far enough into. And then enough stuff happened in my life, I just had all this, almost want to say fuel, I guess. And finally this dam burst. I’ve tried writing, I’ve tried art, I’ve tried drawing, I’ve tried making music, and, like, nothing ever felt quite enough. So I thought maybe combining all of it together, try to do this thing that I’ve always wanted to do. I just found myself in the perfect situation this year, and I just decided, let’s do it, let’s finally try it. So I’ve been doing it, and it’s reached more people than I expected.

Tilly: Yeah, it’s really cool when you find the medium that fits your creativity the best, and you’re like, hey, this is home, this is the best thing that I can express myself through, yeah.

V: Definitely, yeah.

Tilly: Okay, well, before we get into talking about the game specifically, I wanted to ask, for you, what has been the best thing about transitioning?

V: That feels like a loaded question. No, it’s a good question. I actually really like that, because I think it helps to slow down and try to think about the good things sometimes, because sometimes it feels like there’s so many harsh and bad things.

Tilly: For sure.

V: It’s been hard, I’m not sure. I feel like my transition has been a little bit different than a lot of other people I’ve interacted with, but to me, just getting to get closer to who I really am, to my true self, you know? Even though I look in the mirror and I’m still a little uncomfortable sometimes.

Tilly: Sure.

V: I don’t have these episodes where I disassociate anymore, I don’t have these episodes where I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize the person looking back at me. I feel more like me. And to me, whatever that shape is, whatever form you take. It’s always nice to be closer to that, and to me, that’s the nicest thing about transitioning.

Tilly: Yeah, and you know, one of the things that I’ve learned, especially from doing this show and from all the trans people I know, is that every transition is unique, and it’s different for all of us.

V: Absolutely. True, very true.

Tilly: Yeah, yeah, but that moment when you don’t see a stranger in the mirror anymore, even if it’s not fully you. You can feel it getting better, it’s so huge.

V: Yeah, definitely.

Tilly: Well, then let me ask, what do you think has been the most surprising part of your transition? Is there something that you totally didn’t expect?

V: Hmm… Surprising. I mean, there were a lot of things I didn’t expect. The hormones, when I started them, hit me pretty fast, and within 6 months, I was already kind of, like, very different. So I didn’t really have the option of trying to go undercover and stuff. So, I kinda had to come out a lot. And some of the things that surprised me were some of the reactions from some people that were… they either just didn’t care, which was nice, like nothing changed…

Tilly: Right.

V: But there were some people I didn’t expect to react the way they did. And, you know, people who would talk about things like “‘”being yourself” and, you know, “going against the grain” and all this stuff, and then when that happens, they’re like, “oh, you’re shoving yourself in a box for others.” Not the nicest thing to be surprised by, but.

Tilly: Yeah.

V: I suppose the way people have reacted, but to leave that on a positive note, my mother, things were a little bit rough at first, but she has since come into her own, and she’s been very supportive of all of it.

Tilly: Oh, that’s amazing, I’m so glad.

V: I’m grateful for that, yeah.

Tilly: Yeah, it’s weird, there’s this thing in our society, where our whole life, we’re bombarded with messages of, “be yourself,” and “break out of the box,” and “do things your own way,” and then when you’re like, okay, I’m trans, that’s what I’m gonna do. And they’re all like, “no, not like that.”

V: “No, you have to do it the way we tell you!”

Tilly: Exactly. “Break out of the box in the way that’s still inside the box that makes us comfortable.”

V: Don’t destroy the box!

Susan: There’s a whole series of boxes, and you have to fit into one of them, and when you don’t…

Tilly: Yeah, yeah, it’s terrible. All right, well, let’s get into talking about your game, When Summer is Over. You sent me a link to this game, and I played through it, and it hit me so hard that I had to have you on to talk about it. So, I guess to start off, do you want to tell folks a little bit about what the game is and why you made it?

V: Yeah, It’s funny, because everyone I’ve shared it with has had that same reaction, like, “this hit way harder than I expected.”

Tilly: Yeah!

V: And I made a joke with my friends about, like, I finally found my niche in art and games. I make the kind of games that people play, and then it makes them want to ask me, “are you okay?” But to start with the reason I made it… the game itself, the story, revolves around a trans woman’s last day in the only home she’s ever known, particularly in Florida. I grew up in Florida. I was born and raised there. There were a few years of my childhood I spent growing up in other places, but it was a very small portion of my childhood, and for the most part, I was born and raised in Florida.

I always had a sort of… it’’s hard to even call it a love-hate relationship with Florida. But things were always different and strange and complicated for me. A lot of people around me loved Florida for either reasons I didn’t agree with, which might sound weird, or they didn’t love Florida, and they hated it, and they wanted to leave, and I could never understand either of those. And then I realized I was trans, I started coming out, my time sort of came, and I started to realize this state is increasingly getting worse and worse. I don’t like this idea that I’m gonna be forced to leave, but I think I need to leave so that I can feel at least a little bit safer, a little bit more comfortable with myself, not worrying as much about things.

So I eventually left. It was not under the best terms, it was not the way that I wanted to leave. And, the first year that I arrived at the new place, as you mentioned, I moved up to New England, Vermont specifically. It’s been a hell of a ride. I’ve been very happy up here, but it’s been tough getting used to things. That first year, there was a lot of change, a lot of growth, whether I wanted it or not, and I sort of had the idea for this game. I wrote a lot of things down, I wanted to try to start working on it. I started to work on it that year, but I just was not in a good position for it.

Tilly: Understandable, yeah.

V: Yeah, so it got shelved for a little while, and then this year, I made my first game, which is Cold Call, which is a visual novel. It’s something really short compared to When Summer is Over. I did all the art, it’s not, like, pixel art. I did everything mostly black and white and stuff, and I made this thing, and I put it out into the world, and I was like, wow, I finally did the thing I’ve wanted to for my whole life! And I was like, okay, I’m gonna take a break. Then a friend told me about a game jam going on. And for folks who may not know what that is, basically the idea is, a community or a group of people set up a little thing where you have a time limit, and sometimes you might have something like a theme or, like, structure. And you basically go out and you develop a game in this time limit, and then you release it, and then a bunch of people play it, and they rate it, and they judge it. Some game jams will have ratings where they try to say, like, oh, this game got first place, this game got second place. Some of them will just be for the glory of making games and sharing it around.

And the theme, it was for an RPG Maker horror game jam, and the theme was “House of Remembrance.” And I read the description for the theme, and I was like, this is exactly When Summer is Over. I have to do this. So I kind of just dove in, and I made it. And, I surprised myself, because I made the game… I already joined the jam late, and I made the game in, like, about 25 days?

Tilly: Wow.

V: From the ground up, I pretty much didn’t use any of the assets that I had previously made besides just references and concept art stuff. And so I made it, and then I put some finishing touches on it, and it broke me in a lot of ways. But yeah, I put it out in the world, and then all of a sudden, a bunch of people started playing it and reacting to it in ways that I did not expect. Now I’m here.

Tilly: Yeah, I think it was this really genius way of putting the audience in your shoes, because a game is so much more active than reading or even watching something, right? The player is moving and causing things to happen, and so it’s more like those experiences are happening to them. And I think that’s a really brilliant way to get cis people, especially, to maybe understand a little better some of what we go through. Was that part of the hope with making it, or was it more just about getting out all of these thoughts and feelings that you were working through?

V: First and foremost, when I make something, I genuinely care more about art than anything. And to me, art is a conversation between two minds? And so it’s very possible that subconsciously I did have these ideas, because when I work, I never know all of what I’m feeling. I can get so lost in what I’m doing. And I sort of just make it, I get to the end of this tunnel, I share it with people, and then people say, “wow, that was really interesting, I got this out of it.”

I never intended for someone to get that out of it, but I really like that you saw it in your own way. So, to me, it was always just being honest about my own experiences, my thoughts and feelings, and hoping that in whatever way that that could reach people, if it reached cis people who wanted to try to understand more, or who could learn, they could try to understand more. Or maybe some of them, maybe it even changed some of their minds. That would be amazing. That wasn’t the initial goal by any means, but that would definitely not shy away from that.

Tilly: Yeah, I think all art is really like that. Like, we put so much of ourselves into it. Susan and I here, we write scripts, comics, movies, TV, and it’s always the same way. You never know how someone’s gonna interpret your art once you put it out in the world. It’s gonna change. Every single person will view it differently, because they all bring their own baggage and experiences and feelings to it. And so, I think that’s one of the most beautiful things about art, is that you never know what somebody else is gonna get out of it. And that’s kinda cool.

V: Yeah, I think it’s beautiful, honestly. That’s one of my favorite things about art.

Tilly: I wanted to ask you, Susan, because you played through it as well.

Susan: I did.

Tilly: As a cis person.

Susan: Yes.

Tilly: What was it like for you to play through something that was so, like, deeply trans?

Susan: I thought the plants were a great metaphor, kind of. Because, like, I feel like you’re a plant nerd.

V: What? Me? No…[laughs] Just a little bit.

Susan: So there’s, like, oh, these plants, and I love the plants, and then later, like, the poisonous sort of plants are in the house and everywhere, and it adds an interesting thing about the mixed feelings about loving and hating and all together. I thought that was cool.

Tilly: But did you feel the transness of it, the bits that sort of relate to, like, dysphoria and things? Like, how did that feel for you?

Susan: Yeah. Definitely, yeah, yeah. I mean, it was clear to me, but I’m married to you.

Tilly: You are.

V: Actually, I think one of my favorite things about it, is that some of the cis people I know, some of my friends, who are very supportive, they may not understand as much about things, but they do understand the state of the world, this country and some of the sad things going on, and they’re very supportive.

It was really interesting to see how they could relate to those trans struggles, and in their own ways, the things that they go through. You know, being uncomfortable looking in a mirror, it tends to be something trans people talk a lot about, but it’s something that anyone can experience, and having issues with family, or feeling unsafe somewhere, or not feeling comfortable, no matter what clothes you wear. Like, you know, these are all first and foremost, as I know them, trans issues. But a lot of people experience them in different ways that aren’t trans. I think to relate on that level, to realize, like, oh, yeah, we do go through similar things, you know? We’re all human. It’s really nice to see that.

Tilly: Yeah, like, cis people may not know what it’s like to not feel like you are the gender that the whole world has told you that you are, but there’s so many things… because we’re all just humans, you know, struggling through this world. And there’s so many things that I think cis people can relate to. You may not know exactly what it is like to have gender dysphoria, but you know what it’s like to have expectations laid on you by society or your family about who you’re supposed to be, and feeling like that’s not you.

I think that’s one of the most beautiful things about making art like this, is that it helps the whole world understand better, and that’s really cool.

Susan: I guess, yeah, also, parental garbage. I mean, we both have a lot of experience with that.

Tilly: We do!

V: That was something that struck the chord with a lot of people, yes.

Susan: Yeah, because my mother, growing up, was very unpredictable. So everything was trying to figure out what her mood was and when she was going to explode, and there was no real way to always be able to figure that out. And not being able to have an opinion about anything because it was just gonna be turned against you, or… conditional love, and all of those things. Which I definitely grew up with.

Tilly: I wanted to ask, was there a reason that you chose to go with the older 8-bit style of Game Boy-type graphics?

V: I’ve always really liked surrealism as an art movement. I’ve also been weirdly attracted to absurdism and certain philosophical ideals and things, and how they translate to art. And one of my favorite things, obviously, is how those art movements might translate to things like video games.

Tilly: Sure.

V: I wanted to pick something limited because I wanted it to feel nostalgic for a lot of people, even people who may not have played Game Boy games back in the day. I actually did get the chance to play a few Game Boy games on an old-school dot matrix Game Boy. There’s just something about the older, more limited styles that tend to breed this nostalgic feeling, for bad or good.

I wanted to do that because the whole idea of this game is looking back on this hazy memory, and this was another reason I really wanted to make this game relatively soon after I moved. Which was February of 2024. So I wanted to make it before I forgot. It’s hard to imagine myself forgetting, but I found the more and more I live in life, the more I forget things that I later am surprised that I forgot about them. I wanted to do it while they were still relatively fresh. And to me, this idea that it had to be this memory. And the best way to do that was something limited.

The other thing about limited art, colors and palettes… my previous game was mostly black and white. I’m still working on my art style and my art, and I find it much easier to work in a limited color palette. Which is very interesting, because I’ve had other artists tell me, like, “I don’t understand how you do it, my brain breaks when I look at it,” and to me, it makes much more sense, I feel less held down by the art I’m making, when I specifically choose a limited amount of colors.

Tilly: Yeah, I thought it was an excellent choice for the game, not just because of the nostalgic reason that you mentioned, but I feel like those older-style graphics, 8-bit style, they’re not trying to be realistic, like our present-day Xbox and PlayStation games.

I think that they cause us to use our imaginations more. We’re filling in the blanks that the graphics don’t give us. And in a game like this, that is so intimate and personal. And it’s a horror game. To me, that made it even spookier, because I’m seeing your representation of the tree, but my mind is filling in the rest of what that tree looks like, and what’s going on, and what’s happening on the ground at the base of that tree. And your graphics were great, but then my mind is like, oh, but I bet… it’s filling in all these tiny little details that the graphics don’t have, and so, to me, that made it even more of a personal experience.

V: Yeah, That’s actually really interesting. I never thought about it, but I do think that’s one of my favorite things about games like this. I played a lot before making this game. And I like reading, but I have a hard time with novels and books, though. But if you put me into a game, and you give me a ton of stuff to read, I’m all about it. I’m gonna read as much as I can. And I always loved games that gave you just enough art to sort of form the basis of the image, but then the rest of it is sort of obscured, and you have to think about it. I agree, one of my favorite things about horror is when you don’t fully understand the horrors that you’re experiencing?

Tilly: Yes, exactly.

V: There’s a mystery behind it.

Tilly: Yep.

V: So, definitely, that makes a lot of sense.

Tilly: Yeah, it’s like in the, like, original Alien movies, you know, where you never get a really good look at that alien and so your mind is filling in what it must look like, what it must be like, and that makes it even scarier, because everything we’re imagining… they couldn’t make anything that freaky on screen, you know? Our imaginations run wild with them.

Susan: I think the art style, like, gives it a little bit of a childlike quality, which very much plays into how we deal with our parents. Like, we never stop being treated like the child we were versus who we are now. We might as well live on Mars. My parents just can’t fathom the people we are. Like, it’s just beyond their understanding. But it feels very much like when you’re suddenly faced with things from your childhood, or interactions with parents, like, it puts you back in that place.

V: I very much tried to do that. So to hear that people did feel that way is a really nice feeling. Making this game was very hard. There were times I was very uncomfortable as I was writing things, and I thought, should I change something? Should I change this? But, I really wanted it to be raw, and the only way I could really elicit and put people in those feelings was to just, you know, be as transparent as possible is a good way to say it.

Tilly: Sure.

V: Yeah, within the confines of this type of game, of course. There were things that I couldn’t do that I wish I could have done. But with the time limit, and with the idea of just wanting to finally make this thing that I’ve been thinking about for a year, I definitely did everything I could to try to give a sense of, one, that powerlessness that you feel when you’re a child, and even if you’re an adult, if you interact with a parent that still doesn’t acknowledge who you are or accept who you are, which, for a time, my mother was like that when I was older. And it just puts you right back there. The yelling and screaming, or the- there’s no sense of identity, or this idea that you can’t choose for yourself. You can’t make your own decisions, you can’t be your own person, you have to be this person that they know you are, or they say they know you are, or whatever.

Tilly: Was it hard, then, to sort of relive all of the things that you were talking about? Or did you get a catharsis from it? Or was it just mostly, “hey, I’m reliving my trauma, this sucks.”

V: This is a great question, because one of the reasons I wanted to make this game was this idea of catharsis. And then once I finished it and put it out into the world, and saw all these people reacting to it, and playing it, and streaming it, and making videos, and making comments… and I’d watch the videos, and sometimes I’d sit in on some streams and I’d realize, this isn’t really doing anything! So, I do think it was, in a way, a type of catharsis, but it’s something that didn’t feel cathartic, if that makes sense? It was something I needed to do and I’m glad I did it, and I don’t regret doing it. But a lot of it has been reliving, in an unpleasant way, those things, which might be a little bit complicated. I don’t think that’s a horrible thing. But I wouldn’t want to get lost in that.

Tilly: Sure.

V: I think I got a little bit depressed near the end when I finished it, and put it out into the world, but lately I think I’ve been doing a little bit better.

Tilly: That’s good. Yeah, it can be so tough when we’re getting so personal. We’ve written scripts or whatever where we pull bits from our lives or from our past, and we’re sort of reliving those emotions, and sometimes it can help you process them, and sometimes it’s just like, “I’m just going through it all again.” And, yeah, it can be really tough.

I have to tell you that the movie theater level kind of ruined me, in a good way. It was so good at capturing the actual feeling of what it depicts. I’m not gonna spoil it, but, I wanted to ask how you approached the horrors that we experience in this real world, and translating them into the fictional horror of your game. Were you worried they would come across the way you hoped? Because you put these artistic liberties on them, which is great, but that’s what you have to do. But were you worried about how people would interpret those?

V: I actually wouldn’t necessarily call it an artistic liberty.

Tilly: Okay.

V: I know that might sound a little bit strange, but to me, the way that we experience the world, I’ve been in some weird situations, and sometimes it feels like the offenders in those situations don’t feel like humans. And maybe that’s what I wanted to portray. So, in that way, I wouldn’t use that term, but that doesn’t make it incorrect, and now I’m being a little bit nitpicky.

Tilly: It’s your game, nitpick all you want!

V: Still, I don’t want to be too much. Actually, just to clarify, and not to spoiler anything, I just want to make sure I 100% understand… you’re referring to the bathroom segment, correct?

Tilly: Yes.

V: Okay, and I won’t say more than that. What happened in that segment is not something I have experienced directly. Which I’m grateful for, but it is something that I was constantly terrified of, living in the state that I was.

Tilly: Sure.

V: And I knew people who experienced it, and I read stories about people who experienced it. And I actually remember, a couple of my friends were playing the game and they had this reaction to it during that sequence, that they were laughing. I realized that they were laughing because it’s so ridiculous that this is actually happening in the real world, these kinds of things.

It was kind of a weird catharsis, in a way, to be able to have someone there to laugh with me. Like just how insane and ridiculous that these things are happening and so, to me, that’s what they are. It’s one of the most insane things that could happen. So, I wanted to portray it that way, as just this senseless, nonsensical, like… what even is this thing?

Tilly: Which you did very well.

V: Thank you. When I was writing, the dialogue was probably the hardest part for that sequence. What’s difficult for me is that I know some people and some artists who are very good at obscuring and translating things into metaphor and poetry and this beautiful art, where it doesn’t come out and say what this thing is, but it is able to portray it. I don’t think I’m really that good at that kind of thing, and I also realized in the moment as I was writing it, that I don’t want to obscure it and risk it sounding like anything else other than what it is.

So to me, there was a moment of… this is something that’s really important to me. And actually, funny that you mentioned the bathroom scene, that was not originally going to be in the game, in any shape or form. It was actually near the last week as I was developing the game, that I had the idea for that scene. And I realized, with everything going on and the stories I was reading about the ridiculous things happening, what this game is and what it represented, it was a very necessary thing to put in.

Tilly: Yeah.

V: So when I was writing the dialogue, I actually became less worried that people wouldn’t be able to pick up on what it was. I became more worried that people might think it came off as… how do I describe it? Preachy? But then I kind of realized if people think that, then they are not the ones who know what’s going on, and maybe they need to see something like this and think a little bit more about what’s going on, because it is.

Tilly: Absolutely. I think there’s this danger sometimes when we’re making very trans art, where if you don’t explicitly say sometimes exactly what’s happening, so many people are going to miss it.

V: Yeah, absolutely.

Tilly: When we made our short film, there’s a line in there from one of the characters that says the lead character’s mother was transphobic. And that word is said, and we had this big discussion with our assistant director and our producer over… should that line stay in there? Is it too blatant? Is it saying, “look, everybody, what’s going on?”

But then, without it… right? That was the only thing that was 100% confirming, right, that this was a trans story. The rest is there. They’re talking about this trans woman, and her father refers to her as a boy as a child, but it’s like… people are going to miss it, and we need to be sure that it is said and seen and heard and understood. Because so many times, even in work that we’ve done, we’ve had it stripped out, where it can be nothing more than metaphor. Executives get scared, or what have you, and they keep pulling it back, and then people miss it.

So many people that need to see that, to know that they’re being represented on screen, or in a game, or wherever, or they’re going to miss it. And so I like that not only did you make it very clear, but there’s even a spot somewhere in the game where the character talks about her transition. And I love that it was just right there, because it’s a normal thing that some people do, right? And it’s a thing we can talk about.

V: I’ll get this thought out, just because I’m bad at holding onto my thoughts. I’m really glad you brought that up, because when I was initially developing the game and writing the dialogue, there was no mention of the word “transition.” It was, like you said, sort of obscured, and sort of metaphorical. And I looked at it from the top, and I realized, “I can hand this to a trans person.” And I handed it to many of my trans friends, and they read it, and they were like, that was so deep, that was so powerful, I really felt that. But then the more I thought about it, I realized, like, I think this is gonna go over a lot of cis people’s heads.

Tilly: Yep.

V: And I realized something, you mentioned Alien earlier. I tried to do a little bit of digging when I heard about this a while ago, and I think it might be true, I never actually confirmed it. You might know, you might have more information, but I believe in the second movie, Aliens… there’s a very blink-and-you-miss-it reference to one of the previous characters in Alien that is trans in the movie?

Tilly: Yes! There is.

V: I remember finding that out, and I loved Alien and Aliens. I loved both of them for two very different reasons, like Aliens are obviously not much of a horror

Tilly: They’re very different movies.

V: It’s more of a sci-fi action, but I love sci-fi action, and Alien is just such a great horror movie.

Tilly: Right.

V: And when I found out that there was that kind of blink-and-you-miss representation… I found out about that when I was early on in my transition, and there was something about it that was very comforting to me at the time. But as I got more and more into my transition, I kind of started to get a little bit upset. And I realized, you know, there’s plenty of that kind of stuff out there, and I think we need more blatant representation.

Tilly: Yeah.

V: That word that you use, blatant, and the whole execs problem, I kind of realized making this game I don’t think being blatant about things is that much of a problem, and I think we should actually not shy away from doing it more. I think maybe when it comes to art, there are times it could be very helpful to others. And to ourselves, especially in these times that we’re dealing with.

So, I deliberately, as I was starting to actually make the story, put things together, work on the art, touch up the dialogue, I started to deliberately make it so that there were many things that made it very obvious that she was trans. And at first, I always get this little fear in me about, like, oh, is someone gonna see it, and someone’s gonna misgender my character and be mean to her, or whatever. And I was like, you know what? No. I wanna be true to it. If someone’s gonna be that mean, that’s their own problem, that’s not on me. This is about portraying this in art, and that’s what I wanted to do. And, I’m very happy I actually went that route, because I wanted to try to be more poetic in obscuring everything at first, but I realized it just wasn’t right for this story.

Tilly: There are so many times when we aren’t allowed to be blatant. Like, when you’re making an indie game and you’re controlling everything, that’s the time when we can, right? Because we have been told on projects, we can’t say the word “trans,” that’s a bad word. We’re like, “No, that’s just what we’re called.” It’s not a bad word. We can and we should say it.

And so, I think especially in these times that we’re living in, when so many times we only can get our stories told through publishers, or past executives, where it has to be allegorical. On those times when it doesn’t have to be, when we can actually say it, we need to. Because there’s not enough of that, and we need to be sure that it is obvious representation for the people who need to see that, “No, you can be the lead character in a really cool video game. You can be the lead character in a TV show, or a movie, or a comic. You belong. We belong.” You know, we’re just human beings, and we can be those people, too. So, I love that you did that. It was a wonderfully bold choice, and we needed it really bad.

V: Yeah, absolutely, that whole thing about indie- indie art specifically, that gets the chance to do the things that the big exec arts don’t. I think subconsciously, something inside me knew that. And that’s one of the reasons I’ve always loved indie art, experiencing it and making it, because it’s not held back by, “oh, well, we need to be prim and proper, and we can’t use this word,” or whatever else. It’s like, it’s a raw experience from the heart.

Tilly: You talked a little bit about this before, but I just wanted to ask, have you heard from more people who’ve played it? What has the response been like? And have you noticed any differences between trans people and cis people who have played it in their responses or the things that they’ve thought or said about it?

V: Yeah, I have seen a lot of people play it, and see it, and one particular thing that comes to mind is that trans people, or as sometimes I like to call some people, “trans-adjacent” people… I have a couple of cis friends that have trans partners, they’re very supportive, they’re very deep in this stuff. They work on these things with us, they’re the kind of people and support that we really need at this time. Trans and trans-adjacent people can tell right away that it’s a very personal, raw story. They can tell that it’s something from the heart, and these kinds of people will often be the ones writing comments, like, “if an ounce of this is true and it happened to you, I’m so sorry for what you went through.”

And I’ve noticed that cis people, some of the cis people who’ve played it, have… they’re not quite as quick on the uptake about it. So some of them don’t realize right away. They can appreciate it, they can realize the visceral, raw, real story, but they don’t realize how analogous to real-life situations, it might be.

There was one particular streamer who played it, and then messaged me afterward about it. I think he saw a comment about how I had mentioned that I was originally from Florida, and he sort of made the eye-squinting gif reaction kind of thing. He messaged me, and it was like, “so, did any of that stuff…” I don’t remember all the details, but paraphrasing, “did any of this stuff actually happen to you, or is it…” And I’m like, I will be real with you, it is almost a one-to-one analog telling of things that I’ve been through.

There are plenty of things in there that I didn’t go through, and plenty of things that I exaggerated, plenty of things that I know other people went through that I discussed with them, but a lot of it is very personal. And he was like, “wow, I feel so bad for all the jokes I made while I played it! Sorry.” And I told him, please don’t be sorry, because to me, humor is one of the ways that we cope with things. And that’s incredibly important to me for people to be able to make jokes and laugh about things. I would never want to silence something like that, even if they made a really dumb joke that I didn’t like. So, that has been an interesting reaction.

Overall, you know, comments-wise, from what I’ve seen from the comments and the people who have played it, they’ve been so surprising that people were like, “it’s beautiful. It’s beautiful art, it’s a beautiful piece of this visceral story, it’s so personal.” Let me see if I can find this comment real quick… it said, “yes, I love this!” This person commented on the game on the itch.io page. “It feels like a direct glimpse into someone else’s mind. Deeply uncomfortable inner debates about identity and what to let go of made real, and then brutal recounts of abuse.” So, I’m really grateful that people have really seen and felt what it is, what I meant for it to be.

Tilly: Yeah.

V: And I’ve been surprised by some of the ways that people reacted, some people pointing out things that I didn’t notice or didn’t think of at the time when I was developing it. Almost everyone I’ve seen who’s made a comment or posted about it or talked about it had a positive thing to say about it, usually a very positive, personal, thing to say about it.

Tilly: That’s amazing, and well deserved. So, what is next for you? Do you have, like, a new project that you want to tease or talk about or anything?

V: I am… I’m working on a lot in my personal life, in my work life, because I make these games and projects for free, and it was very important to me that they are completely free, I care very much about the accessibility of art. Unfortunately, I have a day job that I have to go to.

Tilly: We still need money to live.

V: Yeah, exactly. There have been some stressful, difficult situations I’m trying to work out. I’m trying to see if I can get to a better place where I can be more comfortable about things and work on things. But even now that I’m done, and I’ve been taking time to rest, the ideas are still just assaulting my brain.

Tilly: Yeah, that’s how they are.

V: I very much have plans to work on more things. I will say that in the future, there will be a sequel to this game, and it’s going to be something that’s going to be very different and important. And I can hint that the girl has finally chosen a name for herself, so we’ll actually have a name for her in that game.

But, in the meantime, I’m planning on working on a few more, I want to say, smaller projects. They may be larger than When Summer is Over, but still smaller than for what my goals are for the sequel. And it’s funny you ask, because a couple of friends of mine pointed out now I can try to make something cute, a palate cleanser, something like that. I was like, yeah! But as I thought about it more, I’m afraid deeply personal and dark is all I know, so all the next ideas I have are for more things that will revolve around that kind of stuff.

At the moment, I’m mostly trying to just rest and recover a bit, because this game took a lot out of me. But once I find my bearings again, I’ll be working on a couple of smaller projects. I wanted to make another visual novel type game, similar to what Cold Call is, with a bit more interactivity to it, some point-and-click aspects, and some branching, narrative story lines. That game will particularly be pertaining to women’s issues with stalking and some other things, which I want to try to portray carefully. I am familiar with some of those issues, and I know that they can be very frightening to deal with.

The other game I wanted to make will be another similar game, like When Summer is Over, another RPG Maker game where I want to actually explore some more RPG map aspects. I want to make it more gameplay heavy, I want to have some more puzzles and some combat sequences and things to kind of prepare. I can’t say too much about those yet. I have overall ideas for the storyline and stuff, but, you know, things change as you write and work on them. But, yeah, I will definitely be working on more projects.

Tilly: Excellent. Please keep me informed, I would love to see them. And don’t feel bad that personal dark horror games feel like your wheelhouse. We all have our wheelhouse, and the thing that we feel best writing, and that’s where our creativity lies, and where we want to work. So, it’s cool that you have found what that is for you. Don’t let anybody pressure you to make a cutesy game if you don’t want to.

V: I really appreciate it. I do like that some of the people pointed out how cute the art in When Summer is Over is with the sprites and stuff. I do like the overworld when you’re moving around, and the little old-school, kind of almost 8-bit style sprites.

And I actually did feel bad at first, but I’m really glad you said that, because the more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve realized there are so many different kinds of games I like. And I kind of had this hard thing in my brain for a while that told me, like, if I like something, that means I have to also want to try to make things like that. And I kind of just realized that’s not how it works. Within the last two games that I’ve developed, I have found my wheelhouse, and I’m happy with that. And that doesn’t mean that I can’t also continue to like and enjoy the other kinds of games that I do like, that are more entertainment, or silly, or cute, or whatever. So, yeah, absolutely.

Tilly: Well, thank you so much for being here, and for making When Summer is Over, and turning something that was so personal into this, like, amazing piece of art that speaks so well to trans people.

V: Thank you so much for having me, I really appreciate the time, and I really appreciate talking about it.

Tilly: Of course. And to the folks listening, you can play When Summer is Over at the link in the show notes, but please do read and heed its content warnings. It is a horror game, but it’s also a really beautiful piece of art that you should experience if you can.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

Transcribed by Kate Rascali – summerknights.bsky.social

THE INTENTIONAL (!) TRANS ALLEGORY OF STRANGE NEW WORLDS’ AD ASTRA PER ASPERA, part 3

Welcome to Trans Tuesday! Look out, here comes THE INTENTIONAL (!) TRANS ALLEGORY OF STRANGE NEW WORLDS’ AD ASTRA PER ASPERA, part 3! We wrap up the story of Una and the Illyrians, and let’s see if this hopeful, accepting future can show our present reality a way forward!

Here’s PART 1 and PART 2 for you, because starting with this essay would be a very confusing and bad idea. Don’t do it! Trust me for once, geez.

Let’s go!

36: 15 – Una takes the stand. Neera: “How long have you been in Starfleet?” Una: “Twenty-five years.” Neera: “Would you call this career your life’s goal?” Una: “It’s all I’ve ever wanted.” Neera: “You knew you were Illyrian, thus genetically modified. Didn’t you think you might find yourself in this position one day?” Una: “I had been warned, yes.” Neera: “So why join Starfleet?”

And here we get to the heart of it.

Una: “Ad astra per aspera. ‘To the stars through hardship.’ It was the Starfleet motto before the Federation. …I knew it meant we must endure hardship to get to the stars. But I like to think that it also means that the stars could deliver us from anything. That in the mystery and vastness of space, we might not just satisfy our curiosity, our need for exploration, but that in it, we might each also find… salvation.”

No no, I’m not crying, you’re crying.

37:24 – Neera: “Why would you need salvation? Was your childhood difficult?” Batel objects. Neera: “I’m simply establishing context. If Una Chin-Riley is to be tried for being an Illyrian, then the court must understand what it means to be an Illyrian.” Do you think any of the courts banning trans people from public life, and banning our healthcare, have even an inkling of what it means to be trans? Do you think they even care?

But this is fiction, and the Federation and Starfleet are aspirational. And so, here, they do care. And isn’t that beautiful?

37:50 – Neera: “You grew up in a Federation colony in the Vaultera Nebula, correct?” Una: “Yes. We were given provisional membership in the Federation the year before I was born.” Neera; “On the condition that all genetic modification was to cease. …But that didn’t happen, did it?” Una: “It did for some. But for other families, like mine, it was our tradition. Our heritage.”

Her family believed in supporting and affirming trans kids, regardless of what laws or society said. That’s what good parents do. That’s the job.

38:19 – Neera: “What was life like for your family under the Federation?” Flashback to young Una with voiceover. Una: “We no longer discussed our customs. We performed our rituals only in secret.”

Don’t tell anyone you’re trans. Utilize do-it-yourself hormone replacement therapy.

This was the very real history of trans people in our society.

Una: “Those who could hid their modifications. When new children were born, parents sought out friendly doctors to deliver them.” They found gender-affirming docs to help kids when possible.

Una: “We knew if we were ever found to be genetically augmented we would be arrested.” Neera: “Did that ever happen to anyone you knew?” Una: “A boy I went to school with. …Some of us have immune systems that can glow. Someone must have seen him. He came home one day to find the word ‘augment’ on their door. We had just learned about augments in school. Opinions on them were… clear.”

Their school taught them to hate augments. Society absolutely does teach us these biases, though usually through more subtle means. But also, sometimes, directly as fact.

39:18 – Neera: “Did anyone defend him, his family?” Una: “Some. But there weren’t enough voices.” CIS APATHY ALLOWS IT TO HAPPEN. If you do not stand up for trans people, nothing will ever change for the better. And, in fact, you are a vital part of the machinery of our oppression. Again see my book BEGIN TRANSMISSION: THE TRANS ALLEGORIES OF THE MATRIX for more.

Una: “[He] and his parents were arrested in their home. He was ten years old.” Neera: “How did this affect your community?” Una: “Some families moved to other planets that weren’t Federation.” This is just leaving red stats for blue ones, or leaving the US for countries with better trans laws.

Una: “And those of us who stayed, we were persecuted. Circumstances became extreme. The anti-augmentation laws seemed to give people freedom to act on their worst impulses.” WELL! I don’t think you need me to explain that one. The rise in bigoted violence correlating to a certain person being elected President (whose name isn’t worthy of being mentioned by me) is very clear. Bigots see it as permission to act on their hate.

Una: “First were the insults. ‘Augment.” ‘Moddie.’ ‘Freak.’ There were stores that wouldn’t serve you if they’d heard you’d been modified. Even the rumors could be dangerous.” Didja see the news story about a cis lady fired from Wal-mart because someone accused her of being trans?! This shit literally hurts everyone.

“I remember when the attacks began. We feared for our lives. …There was a fight at school one day. One boy accused another boy of being an Illyrian. I tried to stop it. My leg got broken. It was such a simple fix. So easy to treat with modern medicine. But my parents wouldn’t take me to a hospital. They were afraid.”

So here’s the thing. I don’t feel safe going to red states in this country. And one reason is if I am in a red state and I have to go a hospital, are they even going to help me?

Are they going to hurt me?

If I had to be admitted, would they keep up my HRT?? Nope. They’d medically detransition me.

For cis folks out there, imagine if you had to go to a hospital and if you happened to be in one of the 50% of states who has legislated hate against you, they would force the wrong hormones into your body and call it “for your own good.”

LITERALLY STOP READING RIGHT NOW AND IMAGINE IT.

Una: “Despite my modifications, my leg became infected. If we hadn’t found an Illyrian doctor willing to see me in the middle of the night, I would have died.”

Neera: “Was this normal for such a common thing to become life-threatening?” Una: “It was for kids like me, yes. Civil unrest became so great the local government decided to divide us into two cities: Illyrian and non-Illyrian.”

Segregation. Separate, and not treated equal. We’ve all seen exactly how that plays out. It’s just legalized discrimination.

Una: “My family, we went to the non-Illyrian city. You see, some of us could pass.” There it is again, right on the surface. Supertext. Again see MISGENDERING AND PASSING for more.

 “We could blend in, so we did. We left everyone else behind. Our families. Our friends. We left them all. I regret it to this day.”

41:59 – Neera: “And yet, after all of this strife, you still wanted to be a Starfleet officer. …How did Starfleet find out that you were Illyrian? You managed to keep your status a secret for so many years, it’s surprising they found out now. …Who turned you in?” Una: “I turned myself in.” Neera: “Why would you risk your career, the life you built?”

Why come out publicly? Why tell people you’re trans? Why risk all society has rewarded you with for conforming?

Una: “I was so sick of living a lie, of pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I wanted my crew to know me for who I really was. I thought maybe if they did, I would finally be safe. And Starfleet would finally understand Illyrians better.” The more of us come out, the more our profile rises, and the more people understand us. But of course, that sadly means the more we are attacked for it.

43:12 – Neera: “So, after all of it… you still wanted Starfleet to accept you. Why?” Una: “When I was five or six, I remember a Starfleet crew visited. They were all so… different from one another. So many crew members from so many planets. It was beautiful. I thought if all those people from all those worlds can work together, side by side, maybe I could, too. Maybe I could be a part of something bigger than myself. Starfleet is not a perfect organization, but it strives to be. And I believe it could be.”

Our society, of course, still has bigotries of all kinds. That the human-led Federation doesn’t is, perhaps, the biggest (and most hopeful) fiction in this entire franchise about spaceships and aliens.

44:03 – Neera: “You’re saying that… is why you turned yourself in? …Because you believe in Starfleet.” Una: “Yes. Ad astra per aspera.”

44:43 – Vulcan Admiral Pasalk cross-examines. “That was a very emotional story. However, emotions are irrelevant. Facts are not.” Fuck your feelings, eh? But not my feelings. Just yours.

Pasalk then tries to implicate Pike and his entire crew for not turning Una in, and punish them for being accomplices. Pasalk: “For four months, the captain of the Enterprise engaged in a conspiracy to conceal the Illyrian Una Chin-Riley.”

46:47 – Pasalk: “The defense wants you to ignore the facts in favor of emotion. But the only matter of import today is the law. Una Chin-Riley broke the law and lied about it, as her own testimony has proven. Further, her actions will likely lead to a court martial of one of Starfleet’s most decorated officers [Pike]. She is clearly toxic to Starfleet in both action and inaction. Therefore, the only logical response is to find the defendant guilty of all charges.”

47:27 – Neera: “Captain Batel, are you familiar with the Starfleet Code 8514? …Would you mind reading that code for the court?” Batel: “’In extraordinary and extreme circumstances, if the following conditions are met: 1 – any person fleeing persecution… or fearing for their life due to political or religious beliefs, cultural engagements or biological truths,” like TRANSNESS, “may, 2 – seek safety within Starfleet… and 3 – upon revealing themselves to authorities and making a request, may be granted asylum. …Starfleet captains must exercise discretion in judgment when offering asylum. Status is confirmed by a Starfleet tribunal or designated authority.”

48:36 – Neera: “Fearing for their life, one may seek safety within Starfleet and request asylum. Starfleet has a long tradition of performing rescue missions. How many distressed peoples has Starfleet aided? How many lives saved? Una Chin-Riley knew this. She believed in the best of Starfleet, and that through it she could find salvation from the hardships and danger of her everyday life. Danger she faced just for being born an Illyrian. Dangers born of prejudice, spurred on by laws against people like her. But through her hardships, Una saw the stars. She joined Starfleet because she believed it was the only thing that could save her life. She fled persecution, and within Starfleet she sought safety. And then, by turning herself in, Una fulfilled the third and final requirement for asylum. She asked for it, and Captain Pike granted it. Like all good Starfleet captains, including Admiral April… he exercised his judgment and gave her asylum. All this tribunal needs to do now… is confirm that status to absolve them both.”

Also sad that this part is fiction, because we should be offering people persecuted for who they are asylum, and freedom, and acceptance. If only we could be that Federation.

50:35 – Neera: “Do you know why I love the law? Because a law is not a mirror to society. A law is an ideal. A beacon to remind us how to be our better selves. And you have the opportunity today to do just that.” Imagine if our elected representatives and the judicial branch all operated on that guiding principle. We might just find our way to a utopia.

52:09 – The judge: “I think we can all agree that the issue of genetic engineering is a nuanced one. The laws prohibiting it exist for very good reasons. And regulations must persist so we may not one day face another crisis like the Eugenics Wars. But this court also believes that these reasons cannot and do not allow us to treat every individual augment, Illyrian, or other persons with modified DNA the same. Lines must be drawn, but they must also shift when necessary. Perhaps someday Starfleet and the Federation may change its views, but today I’m afraid all we can do is consider what the defense has asked. That we judge the defendant’s specific case and unique circumstances independently.” And then they grant Una asylum. Justice for Una, but not for all Illyrians.

53:55 – Una: “I’m sorry we didn’t do more for Illyrians. This was a technicality.” Neera: “It’s a start.” And it is. Now there’s precedent. It all has to start somewhere, and no matter how small the victory, they all add up.

54:21 – Neera: “…I am not the biggest fan of Starfleet. But I am looking at a starship crew that proudly serves under an Illyrian commander. So, like I said, it’s a start.”

Even having people who will proudly stand by us, stand up for us, fight for us, and defend us is a start. And we need that start.

We need you, cis people, to be part of the change we need to see in this world.

And I want to mention, this allegory was certainly visible to the episode’s star, Rebecca Romijn, who plays Una.

“Even though we have this utopian, futuristic world in Trek, sometimes we still grapple with these very human issues like prejudice and persecution. That episode really puts the spotlight on that. I think that the message that Una wants to send is, just because I can hide doesn’t mean I should have to. And I would like to think that’s what a lot of trans people feel like, too.”

And if you want to see just how much this episode means to me, check out UNEXPECTED CHANGES FROM TRANSITION, with an adventure I had at San Diego Comic-Con that’ll show you the lengths I went to in order to get a little piece of something from this episode, a pin that means the world to me.

In fact, my lovely wife Susan knows just how much this episode means to me and got me this incredible necklace for my birthday.

I wear it every day.

Star Trek has long been one of the most inclusive shows and franchises around, and with each passing iteration it gets closer to living up to its own ideals, just like Starfleet and the Federation.

And in very real ways, through history, Star Trek has helped push us to be better. TV’s first interracial kiss! One of TV’s first lesbian kisses! Ever-growing racial, ethnic, body type, and gender diversity. We can be better, if we choose to be.

My wife and I are writing a Star Trek comic. We had a Star Trek vow renewal (see A TRANS RE-WEDDING). We met writing Star Trek fanfic. We’ve also written for the Star Trek Adventures roleplaying game (see TRANS TABELTOP ROLEPLAYING GAMES for more on how important those can be to trans folks) .

And it’s no mistake that one of the bits we wrote for the game was from Una’s perspective, and based on this episode.

Thank you to Dana Horgan and the entire team who made this episode, and said “trans rights are human rights” loud and proud.

Being trans shouldn’t be difficult, but transphobic society ensures that it is.

Who do we want to be?

Who do you want to be?

To the stars through hardship.

Ad astra per aspera.

Let’s boldly go.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

THE INTENTIONAL (!) TRANS ALLEGORY OF STAR TREK: STRANGE NEW WORLDS’ AD ASTRA PER ASPERA, part 2

Welcome to Trans Tuesday! It’s time for THE INTENTIONAL (?!) TRANS ALLOGORY OF STRANGE NEW WORLDS’ AD ASTRA PER ASPERA, part 2! This week, we see that “being good” won’t save us, and the hypocrisy of those who oppress us! Let’s get right to it!

Be sure you’ve read PART 1 first, it’s got all the context and setup you need (especially if you’re not familiar with Star Trek or Strange New Worlds), and the beginning of our discussion of the episode proper! Okay, on with the show!

8:58 – Captain Batel: “Una rejected my deal… Do you know how hard it was to get that deal approved? I called in every favor. And do you think that was easy? Because I can tell you it was not.” Look how good I am for only getting her kicked out because of who she is. This has been so hard for me, don’t you get it???

“I don’t want to oppress trans people, but I will if I’m told to,” doesn’t actually absolve you of our oppression.

9:18 – Batel: “I don’t write the code, and my job… our job… is to uphold it, regardless.” Doesn’t matter if you think the law is wrong, we gotta do what it says.

But nah, laws can be super wrong actually, they’re not some perfect creations free of flaws or bigotries. Which we’ll get to. Batel: “Una broke the law.” Pike, getting angry: “And what if the law is wrong?”

10:32 – Pasalk has joined the prosecution, and because Una didn’t accept getting dismissed for who she is, he wants to change the charges to add “engaging in permanent bioengineering and two counts of sedition. We’re seeking dishonorable dismissal and twenty years in a Federation penal colony.” See you didn’t play nice when we did a kind oppression, so now we’re gonna do the mean version.

13:04 – Neera, to Una: “You decided to fight and not make this easy for them. They want to make an example out of you.” If they show Illyrians will be punished for existing openly, that’ll sure cause any others to stay hidden.

13:21- Una: “Put me on the stand. Let them see that being an Illyrian doesn’t change who I am as an officer.” Neera: “Your story doesn’t matter to their case. You broke the law. I put you up there, they’ll just use you to corroborate their facts. Or worse, to tear you down, or likely bring down a bunch of your so-called friends with you.” True CIS ACCOMPLICES also put themselves in harm’s way to defend us, even if it costs them. Society will go after them too.

14:45 – La’an: “I think I might be of some assistance to the case. Counselor, are you familiar with Starfleet v. Wyck?” Neera: “[it’s] used as an example of ‘fruit of the poisonous tree.’ If evidence is procured through illegal means, it’s inadmissible in court. You think some of the evidence against Una was illegally obtained?” La’an: “Just let me cover all the bases first.” This isn’t specifically part of the allegory, but a bit with La’an later is and it relates to this, so I’m including it here.

16:19 – Pike, speaking about when he met Una while giving a speech to her class at Starfleet Academy: “I was speaking about a test mission I’d flown. Una came up to me afterward and, uh, pointed out a mistake I’d made during reentry. …but she was right. She had the guts to tell me.” Una is smart and capable and a good officer, and isn’t afraid to stand up to authority. “[An admiral] once told me that every good captain needs a first officer who will tell him when he’s wrong.” The point of this is to show you Una is actually really smart and capable. She is a good officer, and being a genetically modified Illyrian didn’t affect that at all.

17:08 – Pike wants to take the stand to defend Una, but Batel advises him against it. “…if you take that stand, this whole case becomes about you. You are the captain of this ship. You knew Una was an Illyrian, and you didn’t tell Starfleet. You could be charged with conspiracy, and your whole crew could be at risk.” Defending and standing up for us comes with its own risks for cis people, because transphobic society set it up that way. We need cis people to do it anyway because there aren’t enough trans people to do it on our own, and again, cis people have a much better chance of being listened to.

20:58 – Batel: “The Federation’s stance on genetic engineering is clear. The practice is dangerous and illegal.” As I mentioned before, this was due to genetic engineering that earth went through, which led to the Eugenics Wars where millions died.

They blame this on the genetic engineering, and not the specific choices made by people who were genetically engineered. Holding a whole category of people responsible for some bad actors, does that sound familiar?

Batel: “Pushed to its limits, genetic engineering is nothing short of playing god. By interfering with DNA and removing genetic outliers, we endanger the very essence of natural evolution.” Think of the poor procreators! This isn’t natural or of god. This reference is extra pointed because Star Trek, especially in the modern era, does not generally make reference to real religions. That they do here is notable, in that it’s going out of the way to show you how people will use religious arguments if they think it furthers their cause.

But being trans is natural, and nothing we do to our bodies is different than what cis people do to their bodies. It’s fine for them, but not for us. Tale as old as time.

See CIS PEOPLE GET GENDER AFFIRMING HEALTHCARE TOO.

21:37 – Neera: “Captain Batel is right. Permanent genetic modification is illegal under Federation law. Slavery was once legal. Apartheid was legal. Discrimination against people for how they worshipped, how they loved, their gender, the color of their skin… all legal at one time or another. A law does not make something just. I’m not saying the Federation means to do harm. Their experience with genetic modification, the Eugenics Wars, was horrific. …the Federation built a utopia in its wake, and in an effort to protect that utopia, they became blinded by a centuries-old fear, so much so that they have, perhaps unknowingly, become persecutors. My client is only here because of who she is and because she felt she had no other choice than to hide that fact. Just like the millions before her who were forced to hide how they worshipped, how they loved, what they truly looked like, because it made others uncomfortable. Because it made others afraid. If a law is not just, then I ask how are we to trust those who created that law to serve justice?”

I had to quote that full speech because damn is it good, and exactly right on the money. Just because something is a law does not make it just. Centuries old fears, whether well-founded or not (transphobia), don’t justify oppression. And yet, often, the people who make those unjust laws are the ones we have to try to get to change them.

It’s fucked up, friends.

23:15 – Admiral April, who was Una’s former commanding officer and sponsored her entry to Starfleet Academy, takes the stand. Captain Batel asks him if he knew Una was genetically modified, he says no. Batel: “If you had known she was genetically modified, would you have sponsored her application to Starfleet Academy?” April: “Una is an extremely talented officer, and one of the most gifted applicants I’d ever met.” Again showing how smart and capable she is. Batel: “That is not the question, sir.” She asks again. April: “No I would not.”

23:57 – Neera, cross-examining April. “It takes a big man to admit his mistakes. …just for the record, could you tell the court why you would not have sponsored Commander Chin-Riley’s Starfleet application, specifically?” April: “Starfleet regulation 17, Article 12 explicitly prohibits genetically modified people, such as Illyrians, from serving.” Neera: “…can you tell me what General Order one is?” April: “No starship may interfere with the normal development of any alien life or society.” Neera: “A very important law. So much so that you now refer to it as the Prime Directive.” Neera then goes on to list multiple instances of April violating the Prime Directive, because he felt it was the right thing to do.

Neera: “…it would seem that the rules of Starfleet only apply when a captain deems that they do. …You have shown that you have been repeatedly willing to break the very first order of Starfleet and you are hailed as a hero. You can break the law if you so choose. So, hiding behind order and protocol to explain why you would not have admitted Una Chin-Riley to Starfleet is a sanctimonious falsehood, is it not?”

This is a direct correlation to the CIS PEOPLE GET GENDER AFFIRMING HEALTHCARE TOO essay that I mentioned. It’s fine for them to do it when it suits them, but they hold trans people to a different standard. Because we make them uncomfortable.

26:25 – Neera: “My client did not ask to be genetically modified. It is an Illyrian cultural practice done to children before they are even born. It is done for survival, and yet she has been arrested because of a violation of a law. But the admiral has just shown us that Starfleet regulations are flimsy and subjective at best.” Nobody asks to be trans, we just are. We choose whether to transition or not, but whether we do or don’t doesn’t change that we’re trans. And discriminating against us due to who we are as people is as basic as bigotry gets.

26:48 – April: “Una Chin-Riley’s services to Starfleet have been commendable, yes. But the law that she broke is there to save lives and prevent genocide.” Cis people see trans people as a threat to cisness and think we want to “trans your kids,” that it will spread.

Like I’ve mentioned so many times, seeing out trans people happy and living joyous lives does make others think they can do it too. But it doesn’t make cis people think that. If you’re cis, has seeing a happy trans person ever made you want to transition? (if your answer is yes, you’re maybe actually not cis, friend)

We don’t want to trans your kids, we want your trans kids to survive and get to be themselves.

27:08 – Neera: “So you admit that the reason for your decision is not law, but fear and racial prejudice.” The presiding judges sure don’t like that, and so they throw out all of April’s testimony.

28:32 – Una’s mad that Neera was attacking April on the stand. Neera: “Why are you still trying to protect them? …Do you know how rare it is to get a platform like this? …Most Illyrians don’t have your privilege. Has it occurred to you that your case might bring us one step closer to dismantling the law? Maybe in the future there can be justice for Illyrians.” Neera’s come around to realizing that this situation has a chance to move the needle. Maybe.

30:25 – Character witnesses are called in. La’an, Spock, and M’benga all speak well of Una as an officer, including La’an saying she wouldn’t be in Starfleet, or alive, if not for Una. And thus none of the people La’an has saved would be alive either. Una is not just a good officer, she is an exemplary one.

31:52 – Batel: “Mr. Spock, if the defendant broke the law, would it follow that the only logical course of action is for her to be punished accordingly?” Spock: “Perhaps. Although I think it is illogical for Starfleet to punish itself. …The loss of Una would be destructive to Starfleet as an organization. She is an extraordinary officer.”

They go on to talk about her selflessness, her leadership, and her importance to the crew. It shouldn’t matter if a trans person is good and useful to deserve equal rights, of course, but the point here is to show you that in a society that sees her as nothing but a threat, she is in fact an asset to everyone… including the very society that wants to eliminate her.

33:16 – As La’an and Neera talk, it’s revealed that La’an thinks she may have been the one who turned Una in to Starfleet. La’an: “The night I found out Una was Illyrian, I was… I was angry. I recorded a personal log.” Neera: “And you think somebody got ahold of that personal log, and that’s how Una was exposed. …May I ask why you were angry? It can’t be because Una was genetically augmented. Considering your last name, I would think you would understand the nuances of genetic manipulation better than most.”

Remember that as discussed way back at the beginning, La’an is a descendant of Khan, the genetically engineered human responsible for the Eugenics Wars.

La’an: “Una was my friend. She lied to me.” This is directly how a whole lot of cis people act when we come out to them, as if we’d been lying to them about who we are. See CIS GRIEF (when we come out) for more. But all we were actually doing was trying to be who they (and all of society) told us we had to be. It’s society that lied to us. And it is not our fault for believing what all of society, and our own friends and family, told us. Again see TRANS TRAUMA 2: SOCIETAL GASLIGHTING.

Neera: “It’s not that simple, is it? Could it be that you carry your family’s augmentations, and you believe that because of them you may become dangerous?” La’an: “Yes, I do.”

And there you have what, I think, is at the root of a whole lot of transphobia. If the cis binary is a lie, and trans people prove it… there’s a chance that any given person could be trans. True!

“If trans people are real then there’s a chance I might be trans!” And they cannot accept that possibility, because they’ve been taught not to.

Neera: “There is nothing wrong with you, Lieutenant. No hidden monster inside.” La’an: “But you don’t know-“ Neera: “Yes I do. It’s how they make us feel. They look down at us for so long that we begin to look down on ourselves.”

Our society treats transness like this horrible, wrong thing to be avoided, and it teaches us all to believe it through our entire lives. See IMPLICIT QUEERPHOBIA and INTERNALIZED TRANSPHOBIA.

Neera: “Genetics is not destiny, despite what you may have been taught. The fear you have of yourself, it’s not your own. It was drilled into you. You’re not born a monster. You were just born with a capacity for actions, good or ill. Just like the rest of us.”

Genetics is not destiny. Biology is so much more complex than male and female, man and woman. Nothing in biology fits into only two neat and completely exclusive boxes. That’s literally not how life works.

That brings this week to a close! Next week we wrap up and talk about why we’d try to change a society that’s terrified of us, and how maybe this mostly-utopian future lays out a roadmap for us to get from here to there.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

PS – Part 3 is here!

THE INTENTIONAL (!) TRANS ALLEGORY OF STAR TREK: STRANGE NEW WORLDS’ AD ASTRA PER ASPERA, part 1

Welcome to Trans Tuesday! By now you likely know that I live and breathe Star Trek, and so it’s such an absolute joy to take you through THE INTENTIONAL (?!) TRANS ALLEGORY OF STRANGE NEW WORLDS’ AD ASTRA PER ASPERA, part 1: context and diving in by timestamps!

If you’re new to Star Trek, a quick primer: each of the shows basically follows a crew on a starship (or space station, or soon at the academy) and their adventures in “seeking out new life and new civilizations.”

They’re usually part of Starfleet, which is the group of ships and stations used for said exploration, and Starfleet is the exploratory and defense force of the Federation – which is a very large alliance of planets that have come together to work for the common good.

The Federation is largely a utopia, and the founding principles of the entire franchise are inclusion, diversity, compassion, and hope. You can maybe start to see why I love it.

All of these 800+ hours of movies and television have a shared continuity and history, and that can seem really daunting to folks. I’m here to tell you that if you’ve never watched any Star Trek before, fear not! This little primer and the episode itself that I’ll be discussing give you all the context you’ll need.

And the really cool thing is that Star Trek has almost become a sub-medium of its own within science-fiction, because it can hold compelling drama, goofy silliness, horror, legal drama, medical drama, action, outright comedy, war drama, thrillers, parody, and more. For every genre of story, Trek has incorporated it and made it work within its framework. It’s really remarkable.

And I’d be remiss if I did not take a second to mention that not only have Susan and I written for the Star Trek Adventures roleplaying game and consulted on season two of Star Trek Prodigy, we’re also writing a comic series! Star Trek Voyager: Homecoming is a five issue limited series that begins later this year, so you should definitely check. that. OUT. (we have a really fab story coming your way)

One little bit of in-universe history I will mention are the Eugenics Wars, which took place prior to the formation of the Federation. There were genetically modified humans, some of whom felt they were better than us regular ol’ humans and wanted to eradicate us.

As a result of that, the Federation banned genetic modifications entirely, in an effort to prevent the same thing from happening again. Whether that was right or wrong is something the episode we’ll be talking about covers, so more on that later.

The leader of the genetically modified people who started the Eugenics Wars was Khan Noonien-Singh (yes, the one from the Wrath of Khan movie you’ve undoubtedly heard the title of). I mention this only because one of Khan’s descendants is in the episode we’re going to discuss, but also because this episode heavily features a genetically modified character.

That character is Una Chin-Riley, who is not human (though she outwardly appears human), and is in fact an Illyrian. Most Illyrians are genetically modified, which is something the episode itself, and its “previously on,” will explain. Una is the first officer on board the Enterprise, the very same one from the original Star Trek with Kirk and Spock. This show predates the original series chronologically.

But know that Illyrians, as a species, are this episode’s stand-in for trans people in the allegory.

Unlike what I talked about in my deep-dives into THE MATRIX¸ BARBIE, I SAW THE TV GLOW, and even REAL GENIUS, Star Trek: Strange New Worlds has its own visual language, color palette, and look and feel that each episode needs to conform to outside of the allegory this specific episode is telling.

As such, things like colors being metaphors can’t be used as easily, because costumes and bits of the sets have to maintain an appearance to match with all other episodes. Things like this are also why the unintentional (I think?) trans allegory of SILO season one also are more limited in the ways they can use visuals to convey allegory and metaphor.

Buuuuuuuuut there is one super important huge visual clue that has caused me to label this an intentional (I think?) trans allegory, and it happens pretty early on. Stay tuned!

You will find, much like with other trans allegories in media that I’ve discussed, that a lot of this episode applies to people of all marginalized communities. But it is also very specific in the transness of its allegory, which is what we’re gonna discuss.

The first time I saw this episode it rocked my world, as evidenced by a social media post I made the second I finished watching it, thanking the entire franchise and the episode’s writer.

As you can see from when I made that social media post, this episode aired during Pride month. While possibly not entirely planned (networks and studios set release dates), it’s quite possible (and I believe likely) that once they got their release schedule and saw episodes would release through June, someone somewhere worked to be sure this episode was among those released that month.

Okay! You’re primed, you’re ready, you’re hopefully excited!

Let’s gooooooooooooooooooooo!

1:07 – Flashbacks. “She needs a hospital. Her leg isn’t healing.” “It will.” This is young Una, hurt, and note right here that her parents didn’t just take her to get medical care even though she clearly needs it. Why do you think that would be? It gets discussed later, but this is your first clue that Una (and her people) have to deal with things other folks might not think twice about.

1:11 – Okay so when I said the one visual that made me believe this is an intentional allegory was early in the episode, I wasn’t kidding. Here it is!

Did you miss it? Lemme lighten it up and zoom in for you.

So. Y’know. You’ve seen the trans pride flag, right? I mean, right?

The buckle on Una’s brace isn’t just in trans pride flag colors, it is literally the trans pride flag with an extra pink stripe on top and bottom.

I say it in every trans allegory discussion I do, but everything in a movie or tv show is a choice. And yes coincidences or happy accidents might happen, but it’s still a choice to leave them in (or remove them from) the final product.

But do you think the production designer and prop folks coincidentally made a buckle for a leg brace that looks like that? Not even just in blue, pink, and white, but with a literal trans flag on it? Have you ever seen a strap that looks like that anywhere if it wasn’t part of an intentionally trans pride-colored item? Do you think it’s a coincidence that this strap made it through to the finished version of this episode?

And do you think it’s a coincidence that this happened in an episode that is very, very clearly (as you will see) discussing trans people?

BECAUSE I SURE DON’T.

It’s also important that you see this strap as part of that leg brace, which is there because of Una’s wound. Because there’s something about Una’s wound that’s something only Illyrians (trans people) have, so this is showing you right up front that the difference Una (and Illyrians) have from humans (and other non-Illyrian species in the Federation) is their transness. This is setting up that metaphor and all the heavy lifting it’s gonna do for the rest of the episode.

1:15 – “If we go to the hospital, they might see her fighting infection. They’ll run tests to find out.” And what will those tests show, do you think?

1:31 – Una’s leg glows, she is “different” physically. “Look, if we go to the hospital now, they’ll see, and we’ll lose everything. Her life will be ruined, all of ours.” So Una’s physical difference (the glowing, representative of a physical marker that she’s trans… say, perhaps genitalia that you wouldn’t expect to find on a cis girl) will be found by the doctors, and they would lose everything.

Here’s where some of that earlier context helps, because remember genetic engineering is outlawed in the Federation due to the Eugenics Wars, and what you might not know yet is that basically all Illyrians are genetically modified (for reasons that are revealed later).

So Illyrians simply being who they are is against the law. Ring any bells?

1:46 – Back with adult Una, in trouble because she’s been outed. “Starfleet would like to offer a deal. Plead guilty to knowingly submitting false information to Starfleet by failing to disclose your genetic modification status, and we’ll accept dishonorable dismissal. No prison time.” Look how generous they are, “no prison time.” We won’t even throw you in jail for not disclosing your truth so we could kick you out earlier. “Dishonorable” dismissal.

For the crime of being different.

2:06 – Captain Batel: “Starfleet is willing to seal your records and look the other way.” Una: “They want to cover up their mistake.” And she’s right, they do. Because if word got out that a genetically modified Illyrian had been serving for a very long time with zero issues, that would sure pull the rug out from under their belief that genetically modified people are evil, wouldn’t it?

2:15 – Batel: “Una, you don’t want to drag this out. And you don’t want others to get dragged in.” Ooh, listen, if you don’t do what we want then all the allies who helped you are gonna get in trouble too. You wouldn’t want that, would you?

2:33 – Batel: “Take some time, talk it over with your counsel.” Una: “How can he counsel me when he works for you?” The people working for our oppressors aren’t our friends, even if they claim to be. They don’t understand us, they don’t know what it’s like to be us, and if they’re, say, voting for people who would oppress us, they are not and cannot be our friends. See TRANS POLITICS 2: YOU MUST VOTE TO PROTECT US.

3:33 – Captain Pike’s trying to get one of Una’s own people, Neera, to represent her as legal counsel, and though it is dangerous and possibly even life-threatening for him to do this (due to the atmosphere being inhospitable to humans), he will not give up. Because he is an accomplice and will not let his crew member and friend lose her rights, even though it doesn’t come without danger.

Standing up for us and fighting for us does indeed paint a target on cis allies’ backs, even though they’re far more likely to be listened to than we are, and far less likely to suffer repercussions (which is why we need them so badly). If you’re not standing close enough to us that the bricks thrown at us hit you too, you’re not standing close enough. See PROACTIVE ALLYSHIP (be an accomplice) for more.

3:56 – The room’s air is changed so Pike can breathe in it, and it saves him. Illyrians represent no threat and don’t want to hurt anyone, they just experience life differently. Just like trans people.

4:15 – Pike explains how Illyrians have been genetically modified to be able to live in the Vaultera Nebula, and Neera says, “You think that would allow us a measure of privacy.” Note that their genetic modifications were a necessity for them to survive. And they just wanted to be left alone in peace, but here’s a cis person waltzing right in (at least Pike has noble goals).

Many trans people who feel they can’t transition don’t make it to old age. This is not true for every trans person, because you can be trans without experiencing GENDER DYSPHORIA, but also not every trans person makes it to old age due to the violence and oppression we face, and how difficult life can be made for us.

4:31 – Pike says Una needs Neera’s help because Starfleet Command found out Una’s Illyrian (and thus genetically modified). Neera: “It was only a matter of time before she was outed. Starfleet will never let an Illyrian serve. Not openly. But that is not my problem…” Yeah things suck for trans people out there, but this one lawyer literally cannot save all of them, much less one she has personal beef with, and she doesn’t think changing the system is possible.

4:55 – Pike: “I know why you feel the way you do about Starfleet, the Federation, all of us. I saw some things. On a research mission to an abandoned Illyrian colony, we found out that it wasn’t so… abandoned. I saw what can happen to Illyrians who reverse their genetic modification just so the Federation will accept them.” People who detransition just to be accepted by cis society go back to living in a waking death, if they can even continue living at all.

And yes, some detransitioners are cis people who made a mistake (which shouldn’t be held against trans people), but most people who detransition do so because life as an out trans person was made too difficult for them to cope with. And those trans people, who detransition just so cis people will accept them, live a horrible miserable “life.” And if that’s something you’d ask anyone to do just to get your approval, well.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

5:13 – Pike: “Old fears can be hard to let go of, but we were wrong about Illyrians. All of us. I was wrong.” Neera: “Congratulations. You discovered empathy. Let me know when the rest of your Federation catches up.” Individuals can wake up to the false cis binary matrix once they see it for themselves (do check out my book whydontcha), but changing society is a much bigger hill to climb.

5:34 – Pike: “They’re going to dismiss her. Everything she’s strived for, her life’s work, her entire career. Everything that she’s contributed.” Neera: “…Starfleet race laws are draconian.” This is something The Matrix discusses at multiple points through the franchise, how we’re all rewarded for conforming to the cis binary, and punished the second we don’t.

7:19 – Neera goes to see Una, who’s being held until trial. Neera: “I told you this would happen.” Una: “After 25 years the first thing you say to me is ‘I told you so?’” Neera never believed the system of oppression would change, so Una getting “caught” is what she always expected would happen.

7:33 – Neera asks for Una’s version of the story. Una: “Until two months ago, my record with Starfleet was spotless. When they didn’t know, they didn’t care. The only thing that’s changed is that they know the truth.” Right, because Illyrians (and trans people) can be valued people who contribute to society without issue, because we are not the problem.

Neera: “And that you lied about it. Must be nice… some Illyrians have modifications they can’t hide, and some of us refuse to.” This is referring to going stealth (trans people letting everyone think they’re cis), which used to be known as “woodworking,” and was required by draconian rules set up to force us to conform to compulsory cisgender heterosexuality. See MISGENDERING AND PASSING and TRANSMEDICALISM (and WPATH version 1) for more.

And it’s not something every trans person can do, even if they wanted to. Some of us just don’t look like cis people of our gender, and that’s okay. I don’t pass and I don’t want to. And none of us should feel we have to just so society will leave us alone. And some of us, even if we wanted to pass as cis, simply can’t due to the way our bodies are. Some of us don’t have that privilege.

Una: “So then somebody turned me in, and now Starfleet is asking me to hide again, so that no one has to know an Illyrian climbed the ranks of Starfleet. It’ll be like it never happened. Like I never happened.” Erasure of our existence has been the primary goal of our transphobic society since its inception. See TRANS TRAUMA 2: SOCIETAL GASLIGHTING.

8:14 – Neera: “You had your playtime, acting like one of them. Accept your dismissal, take your licks and go home.” Neera has no sympathy for someone who would hide their truth simply so those who oppress us will like us better. It’s a really hard thing to deal with, because when you hide your transness, regardless of the reason (some of which, like for safety, are totally valid), you are still in essence confirming that transness is something that should be hidden. That it’s shameful. That it’s wrong.

And it also makes it appear as if there are less of us in the world, and you rob every trans person who’s not out yet, or who hasn’t discovered that they’re trans yet, of seeing you out and proud, which helps them think they can do it too. All of us who are out publicly have trans people who came before us and inspired us in that way. I thanked all the trans women (and especially trans women writers) who helped me do those things in the very first Trans Tuesday when I came out. And in the back of my book.

I have more compassion for trans folks who go stealth than Neera does, but her stance is justified and understandable. It’s complicated and difficult.

And none of that would even be an issue if it weren’t for transphobic society and all the cis people who perpetuate it.

Una: “…I shouldn’t have to hide anymore. None of us should. I know I should have done better. I didn’t stand up when I should have. I’m standing up now.” Well, if that doesn’t just say it all.

8:43 – Neera takes the case. “I’m not doing this for you, I’m doing it for me. And for all the Illyrians who can’t or just won’t pretend to not be who they really are… so they can run away to Starfleet.” Despite her reservations at changing the system, Neera knows that the only way it will ever change is to fight it. Even when it seems impossible.

We’ll wrap it there for this week. Next week we dive into the hypocrisy of (some) cis people, the damage society does to us (and then blames us for), and see that no matter how much we good we do and contribute to society… none of it will save us from the oppression we face.

Because it’s not really about us.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

PS – Part 2 is here!

TRANS REPRESENTATION IN 2024 MEDIA part 3: TV part 2

Welcome to Trans Tuesday! Here we go with TILLY’S 2024 TRANS REP IN MEDIA, part 3: TV part 2! We finish our discussion on trans rep on complete seasons of tv that I saw last year, and then look at the overall numbers and see how they stack up my past two annual reports! Spoilers abound!

As we get to overall totals and comparisons this week, be sure you’ve read 2024 TRANS REP IN MEDIA, part 1: MOVIES and 2024 TRANS REP IN MEDIA, part 2: TV part 1!

My Adventures With Superman s2 – 1
In one episode there is a “Metropolis’ Most Eligible” contest, but note it doesn’t say “bachelor” or “bachelorette!” And one of the finalists is non-binary and has they/them pronouns! Even though they have no lines, it was nice to see.

Only Murders in the Building s4 – 0
Okay, this one got rough, which is really sad because this was my warm comfort show. This was the worst offender on trans jokes that I saw all year. Past seasons weren’t like this! Did something change behind the scenes and some transphobe got more power or something? I’m so baffled.

This season there are a set of sisters called the Brothers Sisters, which is supposed to be a joke, but why is that funny? Because they’re called brothers when they’re sisters, right? Which feels half a step from a misgendering joke. They also both kind of have deep voices. They make a point that one is really strong, they dress weird, nobody wants to be around them, and in flashbacks to college they’re both kind of wearing suit coats. And I’m just saying all of that sure is a big coincidence isn’t it? I’m counting their entire concept as a joke at our expense, and their portrayal as another joke that’s a dig at trans people.

For a while Oliver impersonates a midwestern grandma to spy on his girlfriend on Instagram, and he affects a voice for her, and they sure didn’t pick a midwestern grandpa for him to impersonate did they? More of “men acting like women is funny,” so this sweet show I adored is now up to three jokes at trans people’s expense.

Episode 5 has a very bad pronoun joke. Charles is telling a story about their mystery killer, and starts off saying “he or she” and then says “I’m just going to stick to male pronouns because it’s easier even if it’s not accurate,” which is what transphobes do to us all the time! The SAME episode has an Ace Ventura joke (with the movie mentioned by name, and if you’re not familiar that movie is HORRIBLY transphobic and makes a mockery of trans women and hits almost every bad trope about us). And the episode ALSO has a Harry Potter joke! Which is of course always awful because of its creator JK Rowling, who might be the world’s biggest transphobe and uses her billions to try and strip our rights away.

A horrid pronoun joke that’s in line with what transphobes say, an Ace Ventura reference, AND a Harry Potter joke, and all in one 22-minute episode is like a transphobic hat trick. What the fuck. 

In a brief scene Paul Rudd’s character, who has an outrageous fake Irish accent, calls another man “lassie” for… lulz i guess? Another misgendering joke.

I’m so, so mad and disappointed. But don’t go blaming the cast for this, they likely don’t even know that so much of the season was stealth transphobia right under the surface. You don’t see it until you see it, you know?

But this was a show that was so dear to me, and to have it repeatedly make a mockery of my existence hurts like hell. 

Orphan Black: Echoes s1 – 0
The show is set in the 2050s and a teen girl is bored by a “cishet” relationship, which isn’t really anything to talk about but it’s so rare to hear “cishet” in anything I thought it worth a mention!

In the finale a bad guy calls Kristen Ritter “dude,” but I don’t know why, not a joke and he’s being a dick at the time. Is that a deliberate misgendering of a cis woman? Or just the “words for men are okay to use for everyone” thing our society does creeping in again? I don’t know.

Quantum Leap s2 – 2
Ian is still in the main cast, a nonbinary character played by nonbinary actor Mason Alexander Park, who remains fantastic.

There’s an episode with a nonbinary character named Dean, played by nonbinary actor Wilder Yari, who wears a makeshift binder and comes out to their family, and it also includes discussion of what nonbinary means and they/them pronouns (it’s set in the 1950s so the characters didn’t have that terminology, but learn it from our time-traveling lead, Ben). 

This episode was written by Shakina, who wrote the super trans episode of this show back in season one, and it is again fabulously done. Be sure to check out the Trans Tuesday INTERVIEW WITH SHAKINA when I talked about it with her.

Along with Heartsopper, the Quantum Leap reboot was one of the bright spots of trans rep in television each year. It has sadly since been canceled, soooo trans rep may be taking another nosedive next year.

Resident Alien s3 – 0
There’s a lady alien with wings and feathers that keeps getting called a “bird lady” or “bird person” and she says “my noun is avian” which is just anoooooother recycled pronoun joke. 

Shrinking s2 – 0
In one episode the lead character Jimmy wakes up screaming from a nightmare and someone overhears and says they heard “an old lady screaming”. Yet another “anything feminine associated with a man is funny” joke.

Also a cis woman tells another cis woman she has to “sack up” and do a thing she doesn’t want to, but it’s not a joke or anything. Just another instance of the way our society says it’s cool for women to say and do stuff men do, whereas the opposite is to be derided and laughed at.

In another episode a cis woman says to a cis man friend, “such my dick you big dumb bitch,” and it’s played for laughs. It’s a joke. Ha ha women with penises are hilarious!

I’m so tired.

In another episode a gay man and his husband are thinking about adopting a kid and someone says “Jimmy’s having a baby!” And a guy responds “You’re not even showing.” Which I think is another “men being pregnant is hilarious” joke, because if that played out exactly the same but “Jimmy” was a woman it wouldn’t be a joke, would it? There was a show last year, UPLOAD, that did a whole terrible protracted scene around the joke of a man being pregnant, ignoring the reality of trans men entirely. I talked about that in 2023 TRANS REP IN MEDIA part 3: TV part 2.

When a cis woman hands a cis man a baby and he asks what to do if it gets hungry, she says “you’ve got nipples, whip out a titty.” A MAN with BREASTS and BREASTFEEDING, so hilarious, can you even imagine. Ugh.

And here’s the thing. This show is about mental health and forgiving ourselves (and others) and is generally positive and uplifting. But look at all those stealth transphobic jokes that worked their way into it.

I should mention this show is from the same folks who made Ted Lasso… which you can also hear me talk about in the 2023 TRANS REP IN MEDIA part 3: TV part 2 report, because that show was called “the kindest show on tv” and it ALSO had a LOT of stealth transphobic jokes. 

These folks keep making shows about being good and kind humans, but can’t see their own implicit transphobia and it keeps making me feel like their kindness is reserved only for cis people.

Silo s2 – 0
Is this show still a remarkable trans allegory? I believe so. Will I do another full write up on it, like THE UNINTENTIONAL TRANS ALLEGORY OF SILO Trans Tuesdays? I very well might. We shall see! There were some moments that felt allllllmost intentionally trans, as in season 1, so my gears are definitely turning.

No out trans or nonbinary people are involved with making it, however, as far as I know.

Skeleton Crew s1 – 0

Slow Horses s1 – 0
In one episode some right wing bigots are sitting in a house with someone they abducted, and one comes in and looks at a carton of milk by the tea (yes there’s tea even for bigots, it’s a very British show). He says “oh, you got milk,” and the cranky leader dude replies with “no, he lactated it.” Another joke about lactating men, and yeah these are literal bad guys, but it wasn’t making fun of them for being ignorant and bigoted, it was a joke about how funny it would be if a man lactated (and hey, some trans men do). Very very tired of this crap.

In another episode a character is about to show off his hacking progress and says, “ladies.” There are two women and a man with him. The man speaks up and says, “…And gentleman.” And the first guy looks at him and pointedly says, “LADIES.” Misgendering for humor! Because it’s just so funny, isn’t it?

COME ON.

Slow Horses s2 – 0
The boss at MI5 is a lady who everyone calls “ma’am”. One of the enforcers at MI5 is arguing with someone under her command, and she dismisses the enforcer and the guy under her command smiles and nods at the enforcer, and calls him “ma’am.” AUGH YOU DID IT AGAIN STOP IT STOP IT.

Slow Horses s3 – 0
In one episode a man knees another in the groin, and when the victim reacts in pain the attacker says something to the effect of “that didn’t hurt, you’ve got no balls” with the implication that you’re not a man without testicles. But hey, that’s a lot of trans men! Sigh.

In another episode a cis male character says to another cis male character, “hold on to your tits” when he’s about to drive fast. These jokes are insidious and everywhere.

Slow Horses s4 – 0
But no jokes about us this time, oho! How sad is it that that is progress.

I want to add I LOVE this show. A lot.

It also makes a lot of bad gender jokes that are implicitly transphobic.

Two things can be true.

Somebody Somewhere s3 – 1
Fred Rococo is back as a main supporting character, played by trans man Murray Hill. He’s so great, as always, but he felt a bit underutilized this season. 

Fred Rococo spinoff when?

Star Trek Discovery s5 – 3
Nonbinary character Adira is still a main cast member, played by nonbinary actor Blu del Barrio. 

Trans man character Gray returns for a couple episodes, and is still played by trans man Ian Alexander. 

Another character with “they” pronouns briefly talks to someone about drag racing. In another episode there’s an alien species that has three genders, and the third uses they/them pronouns.

This was the queerest (and least white) Star Trek show, but it’s done now and I’m sure going to miss it. It was the first to really live up to all of Trek’s inclusive ideals in terms of cast.

Star Trek Lower Decks s5 – 0

Star Trek Prodigy s2 – 1
Zero is still in the main cast and is nonbinary, but is played by a cis actor. But alllso Zero’s story this season is a trans allegory, and I can tell you it was definitely intentional because it’s what my wife Susan and I were brought in to help them with and consult on! We worked on a Star Trek! Hell yeah. 🖖

Superman and Lois s4 – 0

We Are Lady Parts s1 – 0
So this show is about an all Muslim woman punk band, which is amazing, but one of their songs is called “Voldemort under my head scarf”. Now listen, it’s not ABOUT Harry Potter shit, it’s about people who are afraid of a hijab like there’s something evil underneath it. Buuuuut they say his name like twenty times and drop Harry Potter house names too, and as a trans woman that’s just absolutely no fun to watch. Which is sad because I actually like the song!!

In the pilot a cis lady asks another cis lady “why are you such a boner-killer,” ha ha women with penises, that old hilarious chestnut. 

In episode 2 the same character calls her cis lady friend “bro,” but there is a LOT of this throughout the entire series. I suspect it’s true to the culture (it’s set in the UK), but there’s also just a ton of it. Saying things to each other like “nice one, man,” or multiple times they refer to each other as “lads.”

We Are Lady Parts s2 – 1
There’s yet ANOTHER song with a Harry Potter reference. And as this show is made in and set in the UK, they have to be even more aware of JK Rowling’s transphobia, right? If you know that and you’re still including Harry Potter references, that’s pretty bad. Of course I have no way to know if they’re actually aware of Rowling’s hatred or not.

Nonbinary actor Libby Mai is in one episode playing Chelle, though the character’s gender is never mentioned.

Now here’s something weird. In episode 3 of season 2, there’s a Martina Navratilova reference, when a millennial lesbian says she had posters of her on her bedroom wall as a kid. I’m not sure the timing there even lines up right for when millennials were kids and Navratilova was popular in the world of tennis, but Navratilova is also a known transphobe now.

Given this and the repeated Harry Potter references, it’s got me feeling wary and a little bit suspect. It could all still be coincidental, but there could also be someone behind the scenes who shares some views with some famous transphobes. 

What If s2 – 0

What if s3 – 0
One cis woman calls a group of three other cis women “guys.” And they’re all from alternate realities, so I guess dudes are just so good that words for them get applied to everyone in every universe. So that’s… cool.

What We Do in the Shadows s6 – 0
There’s one joke about a man with “a lady’s haircut,” ha ha funny right? C’mon c’mon, the show’s so much better than a joke that low.

There is also… a Harry Potter joke. COME ON. Like even if you don’t know about JK, it makes me wonder if you don’t know or if you do and you agree with her. Please stop referencing her, for the love of all that is good in the world.

The penultimate episode features Coney Island carnie vampires and one is a bearded lady. She has no lines but at least isn’t played for a joke. Though she does appear with a troupe of carnival sideshows, which is bad. We’re not freaks for your amusement.

That brings us to the end of my report! I mentioned way back in PART 1 of this 2024 trans rep in media report that some other folks sent in some of their own reports for inclusion, so I’m going to mention those here. Please note I have not personally seen these shows or movies, though I trust the people sending them in did their best to be accurate.

The lovely Duna sent in these:

Acapulco s3 – 0

Bodkin s1 – 0

Constellation s1 – 0 

House of the Dragon s2  – 2
Nonbinary actor Emma D’Arcy has a lead role, though the character uses she/her pronouns.

Abigail Thorn appears in this show as well, in the season finale, playing a character that seems quite likely to continue into season 3. She plays a woman pirate that’s respected, feared, and has many wives. There is mud wrestling. (I am suddenly interested in this show). Abigail’s character is not mentioned as trans, but the show sets expectations that her character is a man so that her reveal is a surprise… and that’s not great, and kinda feeds into the “surprise” “trap” aspect a bit. But again, as I’ve not seen this myself, I can’t really comment on if it fell into or deftly avoided that trope.

A Murder at the End of the World s1 – 1
Nonbinary actor Emma Corrin stars, but plays a cis woman.

Outer Range s1 – 0 

Outer Range s2 – 0
Duna said it seems like there’s some going out of the way to set up a couple transphobic lines. As an example, there’s a man named Trudy who seemingly exists just so someone can grumble “that’s a goddam woman’s name,” and then is rarely seen again. Well! That’s not great.

Palm Royale s1 – 0

The Power s1 – 2
Episode 3 introduces Sister Maria, a trans woman character played by trans actress Daniela Vega. Maria explains her coming out story and how their convent for wayward girls was formed by a group of nuns who were excommunicated from the church for standing up for justice during the AIDS epidemic. After this episode her character is still around but not featured as much.

Episode 6 reveals a character to be an intersex person who has the power. He explains that he identifies as a guy. Played by Nico Hiraga, who is not openly intersex as far as we know.

Presumed Innocent s1 – 0 

Time Bandits s1 – 0

Velma s2 – 1
There’s a nonbinary character, Amber, voiced by nonbinary actor Sara Ramirez. They/them pronouns are used. There’s a scene where men and women are being separated and Amber loudly asks where they should go if they aren’t either. 

There is a secret facility where one character puts people’s brains in a jar so they can figure out who they really are while they have no outside influences, then puts them back in their body. In the examples shown, clearly some of them come out of that experience happily queer. This is kinda glossed over, and Duna felt it deserved more attention! I would concur!

The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon s1 – 0

And then I got one report from my fab friend Jenn Wallace, on X-men 97 s1 – 1
The character of Morph is nonbinary and uses they/them pronouns, and is played by genderqueer actor J. P. Karliak.

Jenn says that everyone knows the X-Men are a queer allegory, but she feels this season was an intentional trans allegory.

Okay, so where are we at with the totals?

Just for recent movies and seasons of television I, a trans woman screenwriter, saw 26 movies and 43 seasons of tv in 2024. And in our totals, we have:

23 trans or nonbinary actors
25 trans or nonbinary characters
30 jokes about trans people

And I counted four instances of bad representation, and ten good. (Keep in mind the joke total would have been much higher if I’d counted every instance of jokes about Ava’s “big hands” on Hacks).

When we add in the reports Duna and Jenn sent me, the new totals for 26 movies and 58 seasons of tv in 2024, we have

29 trans or nonbinary actors
29 trans or nonbinary characters
31 jokes about trans people

This shows representation as still not equal to the jokes made about us, even if most of those jokes were implicit. That’s terrible!

And the news is even worse, because in 2023, these were the numbers across 31 movies and 44 seasons of television, I found:

31 trans or nonbinary actors
20 trans or nonbinary characters
16 jokes about trans people

In 2022, the first year I did a trans rep report, across 22 movies and 62 seasons of television, I found:

22 trans people
15 jokes about trans people

And so what you see looking at these numbers is that actual trans people showing up, and actual trans characters in our media, hasn’t really changed, but the amount of jokes at our expense (even if implicit) has dramatically risen.

I wish I could say I was surprised, but given the propaganda war the Republicans have waged against us, and the Democratic party, as a whole, barely standing up for us if they even do at all… this is what you get.

It feels like gender norms are going back to being more rigid, “deviation” from those arbitrary, restrictive, and reductive norms is being further ridiculed and punished.

And while the trans rep numbers in what I’ve personally seen have remained somewhat steady, with the loss of Quantum Leap and Kaos (and rarities like I Saw the TV Glow and People’s Joker not happening that often), and the way trans and queer projects are routinely canceled, I fear next year’s numbers will be grim indeed. Also keep in mind that while the rep numbers were about the same, not all of that rep was good and some did active harm to us, on screen and off.

And then remember that Heartstopper alone makes up almost a quarter of all trans rep I saw last year.

Cis writers, producers, executives, publishers, and editors: YOU can help fix this. Art can change hearts and minds, and we NEED better and more trans rep across the board.

Hire us and help make it happen. We can fix this together.

I’m tech avail!

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

ADDENDUM 2/8/25

A reader let me know that Eva Everett Irving, in Orphan Black: Echoes, is a trans woman. The character is never mentioned as trans, and I missed her when looking up cast from so many shows.

I will add that there’s no reason her character couldn’t have been trans, tho, so why not just say in the show that she is and give us more of the representation we need? Otherwise even trans people watching, even trans women screenwriters specifically looking for trans representation, might miss it. And if we don’t know the representation is actually there, how can we feel represented?

TRANS REPRESENTATION IN 2024 MEDIA part 2: TV part 1

Welcome to Trans Tuesday! Here we go with TILLY’S 2024 TRANS REP IN MEDIA, part 2: TV part 1! We dive into every complete season of tv I saw last year, and take a look at the trans representation therein! There shall be spoilers!

If you missed 2024 TRANS REP IN MEDIA part 1: MOVIES, you should check that out first!

The Acolyte s1 – 1*
Trans woman and big YouTuber Abigail Thorn is in episode 3 as part of the force witch coven of all women, which is great, though she only has a few lines and is not mentioned as trans. She’s also in episode 7, has one line, again no mention of being trans. If you’re not already familiar with her, no way you’d know that the force witch coven included trans women too.

Agatha All Along – 0
In episode 2 when Agatha is recruiting lady witches to her coven, her pitch to one of them, again, a woman, is “I need a potions guy.” This isn’t a joke and it’s not an intentional misgendering, but it does show you again how the use of that very gendered word to apply to people of all genders has permeated culture. And to me it’s just gonna stick out every time. 

It happens again later when the ladies find out Agatha’s ex, a woman, is death incarnate. And she says, “I like the bad boys.”

The show is overall very queer and has the MCU’s first lesbian kiss and first gay man kiss, and in the finale there’s a trans pride flag that says “trans lives matter” in Billy’s room (he’s not trans but he did appear in drag as Maleficent in one episode, and looked fabulous).

This was actually the doing of actor Joe Locke, who had the flag added to the set for his character’s bedroom. It’s such a small thing, but to see it there in something from the MCU is way more huge than it should be. We need cis accomplices to do a whole lot more of this, including taking it further and helping trans actors get added to the cast and trans writers to the writing staff. But this was a lovely gesture and it meant a lot to a bunch of people.

Here’s an article about it.

Bad Batch s3 – 0

The Bear s3 – 0
In two episodes, Jimmy the mob guy says “fuck my tits,” as an exclamation when he’s pissed off. Because it’s again funny for men to have breasts? Sigh. It’s the same joke but it’s used twice, so I’m counting it as two. Really hoping this doesn’t become his recurring catchphrase.

Delicious in Dungeon s1 – 0
In one episode Marcille wants to clean herself and as the only girl in their adventuring party, she says she should have cast an illusion spell first… so she imagines her head on a big, hairy, muscular man’s body. It’s played for laughs, and it’s definitely laughing at the concept of someone you thought was a woman actually having the body of a man. Stealth implicit transphobia joke.

In another episode there are “dryad flowers” that look like naked women, and they’re described as “male and female.” But they’re monsters who try to kill our heroes, so the dryad flowers are killed and the characters then eat their fruit (which look like pumpkins with human faces).

Listen it’s a weird show, but this was the closest it got to having trans characters and they were monsters to be murdered, and that ain’t great. They’re also introduced in an incredibly sexual manner, when NOTHING else in the show is, as trickster temptresses. Hitting some bad bad trans women tropes there.

In another episode they discover a mushroom that changes humans into other races like elves or dwarves, and gargoyles into statues, etc. They surmise that it does this to transform someone into something its own people will fear so that they will be abandoned and die… which alllllso seems to imply some bad things about trans people, even if accidentally.

At least the dryads aren’t a joke, but they hit bad bad trans tropes and I’m counting them as bad representation. I really love this show, but it’s got some hidden regressive ideas on gender baked in there.

Echo – 0

Fallout s1 – 1
The character of Dane is nonbinary, and they/them pronouns are used. It’s a small role only in a few episodes, but they’re played by Xelia Mendes-Jones, who is trans and uses he/they pronouns. Right on.

Hacks s1 – 0
There’s a recurring joke throughout the entire show about Ava’s “big hands,” which very much feels like laughing at the idea of a woman having something generally associated with men. A lot of trans women who transition as adults have big hands. Like me. And let me tell you every time there’s a joke about Ava’s hands, I winced. This happens A LOT, but I didn’t think to count them so I can only count it as one joke.

Hacks s2 – 0
In the second episode of the season, Ava is reading an email she wrote with something to the effect of, “hey y’all (I’m trying not to use gendered terms, even though “hey guys” seems neutral to me)”. YES this is a good joke, and not at our expense (it’s at hers, for not getting it), and ALSO pokes fun at the usage of male terms treated as “neutral” by our heavily patriarchal, misogynist society. FABULOUS.

In the season finale, two jokes are made where the punch line seems to be “women with penises, isn’t that funny?” This came up a lot in last year’s trans rep in media report, and here it is again. It’s one of the most common stealth implicit transphobic jokes, laughing at the very idea of the reality a lot of trans women live with. And it’s the other side of the “men with boobs, so funny!” joke we’re already seen pop up a few times this year.

But y’know what? Our existence and our bodies aren’t jokes. This shit’s gotta stop.

Hacks s3 – 0
In episode 3 Ava finds out DJ, a friend, is pregnant, and says, “I’m going to be an uncle.” I guess because she’s… bi, she can’t call herself an aunt? I dunno. It’s self-misgendering as a joke. Stop it. 

In another episode some old guys complain about how there’s “15 genders” and how “my daughters boyfriend looks like my ex wife” and such. They’re clearly presented as being in the wrong, just so Deborah can call them on being out of touch. But this is the same show that’s made “women with penises are hilarious” jokes, so it rings a bit hollow. In any case, it’s more jokes about us in a show that features none of us, which isn’t great. I’m going to count them all as just one joke in the tally though.

In the second to last episode of the season, which is all about Deborah confronting terrible bigoted jokes she’d made in her past, she keeps saying about the people who got upset that, “they’re minorities.” Ava says “You really shouldn’t call them that,” and Deborah says “I thought everyone was ‘they’ now!” Which is just another pronoun joke. C’mon.

In the season finale Jimmy is pleading with Kayla to stay and be his partner (in business, not romance), and he kneels down because a flight attendant told him he couldn’t stand in the plane aisle, and then another passenger thinks he’s proposing and apologizes for thinking he was a man because he said “partner” and not “wife.” And if you think about it for half a second, that’s just another misgendering joke? That didn’t need to be there? Like… why?

This is one of those situations where I LOVE the show, for so many reasons, but damn they need some trans people on staff, because it really shows that they don’t.

Hazbin Hotel s1 – 0
The show is about demons in hell and none of them really have human form so it’s impossible to say if any of them were intended to be trans, but none of them were mentioned as trans and as far as I could tell there are no trans cast members.

Heartstopper s3 – 5
Still our stalwart of trans rep, and still excellently done across the board.

Elle, a trans girl, played by trans woman Yasmin Finney, is still a main character. In season two the show introduced a trans school principal, and a trans girl and nonbinary kid as classmates, and they all reappear. They’re small parts, but show up in multiple episodes.

Isaac continues exploring his asexuality and discovers he is also aromantic. As I mentioned last year, this is not trans rep but it’s so rare to see that I wanted to mention it again.

In this season the character of Darcy comes out as nonbinary and decides to use they/them pronouns. Darcy is played by Kizzy Edgell, who is transmasc and uses he/him and they/them pronouns. And I thought the egg cracking, realization, and coming out were all very well done.

In the Christmas/New Years Eve episode, Darcy talks to Elle’s nonbinary friend about exploring gender and having fun with it, which was cool. In the same episode, Elle wants to have sex with her boyfriend Tao, but when he touches her it makes her feel dysphoric. And then she describes dissociating! If you need more on that, see the Trans Tuesdays on THE TRANS ALLEGORY OF I SAW THE TV GLOW.

Elle then talks to her trans lady friend about those feelings and not knowing what to do about it. And during her talk with Tao about it, they both use the word “trans” openly and like it’s not a big deal. I wish that didn’t feel revolutionary, but it sure as hell does.

This is it, this is all we’re asking for. Treat us like human beings, just like all the cis characters. Damn, that episode felt like a miracle. 

In another episode, Elle goes on a radio show that ostensibly wants to talk about her art, but immediately switches to asking about the “trans debate” and “feminists” who say trans women don’t belong in women’s spaces.

And that was wild, because pretty often when I was doing interviews to promote my book on the trans allegories of the Matrix, it would turn into a trans 101 discussion and I’d be peppered with questions about trans existence.

I was happy to answer those and discuss and get that kind of basic information out there, but like… that’s a separate thing from very specifically talking about my writing and a book that was released. And I get it, that book is about the trans experience as seen through the lens of the Matrix films, but still. It’s a thing that happens, and rang very true.

Anyway I would die for Nick and Charlie, they are my sweet perfect gay babies, and Elle is so dear to me. Heartstopper continues to be the GOAT of trans rep in modern tv right now. Which means whenever it ends, the already paltry trans rep on tv numbers are gonna plummet if we don’t get a lot more soon.

Interior Chinatown – 0
One of the most imaginative and original shows ever, and it’s super super great.

Interview with the Vampire s1 – 0

Interview with the Vampire s2 – 0

Kaos s1 – 5
Ohhh Kaos, how did I love thee. A brilliant show about the Greek gods as set in the… 80s? 90s? Somewhere in there. Created by Charlie Covell, who is nonbinary! This is the only show I’m aware of, that I watched in all of 2024, with a trans or nonbinary creator and showrunner. And do you know what happens when we run our own shows?

THE TRANS REP IS FUCKING AMAZING.

One of the main characters is Caeneus, a trans man played by trans man Misia Butler. In episode 6 we get to see Caeneus’ top surgery scars. 

We see a flashback about how he had to leave the Amazons (the all-women warriors from Greek mythology) because he was a boy…which it turns out is also why the Amazons killed him, because he went back to them, which isn’t allowed. They didn’t kill him because he’s trans, but because he wasn’t a woman. Which is weirdly affirming?? (I should add his story takes place in the underworld, after his death, because this is Greek mythology and so his death was not actually the end of his story and it doesn’t carry the same issues as trans characters always getting killed off).

In the flashback his mom tells him she knows “The form doesn’t fit the content” and she loves him. He’s also a romantic lead, and never doubts who he is OR has to figure it out and come out. He’s just a cool, good trans guy who gets to be a bit of a hero. It’s amazing.

Suzy Eddie Izzard, who is trans, is also in the show as one of the fates, Ché (who is nonbinary) is another one of the fates, and Sam Buttery, who is trans, plays the last fate. And what a wild thing to see that the fates, the three beings in Greek mythology with power over everyone and everything, even the other gods, be played by trans and nonbinary people. What a powerful statement, because who has more control over our lives than trans people do? Extraordinary. Unheard of. 

Sadly, the show was canceled not long after it debuted, so this one season is all we’re going to get. Which is sad because I think it was a great show, but also because it had FABULOUS trans rep that we’ve now already lost.

Lessons in Chemistry – 0

Loot s2 – 1
MJ Rodriguez, a trans woman, returns as a main cast member, but is again never mentioned as trans. And in this season, it feels like they went out of their way, multiple times, to not mention she’s trans.

In episode 3 she’s explaining the societal pressures she’s under, and says “I’m a 36 year-old Afro-Latina woman” and… why do you not say trans in there, when she’s literally describing everything about herself, and how her societal marginalizations impact her life? It was glaring to leave her transness out of it. 

Is the show trying to hide it? Is the character she’s playing cis? It feels like that’s the conclusion I have to come to because to leave transness OUT of a list of “parts of your identity that society puts extra pressure on you for” is pretty huge. 

In another episode they make a point of showing an all-gender bathroom, but the sign on the door has a man, woman, and half man/half woman silhouettes which always makes me feel weird, and then in the same episode they’re planning a trip to Dubai, and MJ’s character is excited. Buuuut Dubai is in the United Arab Emirates… where being trans is literally criminalized. So her character has to be cis… right?

But then in another episode MJ’s character is talking to someone about going to camp as kids, and they talk around ever saying she was a little girl or with the other girls, or if she’d maybe been put with the boys because it was pre-transition. But if the character is cis, why not just say she was with the little girls at camp? I mean her character can be trans and still have been with the little girls at camp if you just make her story that she transitioned as a child.

So now it feels very much like they’re just talking around it all, and I cannot figure it out. I’m counting the actor rep, but not the character. 

And I shall remain stymied as to what they’re actually doing with her character and why they seem to be working so hard to hide MJ’s transness.

I also want to mention that in episode 2 there is another trans woman as a background actor in a scene in a bar, but I only know this because I know her personally and recognized her! Welcome to working in Hollywood and living in LA. Hi Cameron! Anyway she doesn’t have any lines or anything, so I can’t really count this as trans rep in the show. But I know she’s there!

A Man on the Inside – 0
Some teens repeatedly call their mom “bro” and Ted Danson calls his daughter and her three sons “guys”. The first is played for laughs, the latter isn’t. But again this is how our society works, right? 

Mr and Mrs Smith s1 – 0

Monster High s2 – 2
Monster High continued to have nonbinary character Frankie as one of the three leads, still played by nonbinary actor Iris Menas.

Annnnnd then of course my wife/writing partner Susan and I wrote six episodes for this season, four of which were the Halloween special, Monster Fest! Have I mentioned before that we wrote for Monster High?! Well, we totally did!

And I mention our Monster Fest special, because we got to introduce a new trans woman character to the show, Phoenix! I know I’ve talked before in these about how phoenixes are very trans, conceptually (one form of you dying in the ashes so a new you can be reborn), so it was the perfect “monster type” for the character to be. And she was played by trans woman Dominique Jackson. And the entire Monster Fest storyline is about being true to yourself, and being who you truly are and not who anyone else says you have to be. It’s very trans.

John Waters also did a voice for it! Check it out whydontcha?!

Annnnd we’re gonna wrap it there this week. Come back next week for the rest of our discussion on trans rep in tv, as well as how things look overall and where we’re at compared to the past two years!

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

Part 3 (TV part 2, and overall totals) is here!

Addendum 2/3/25
A reader let me know that Carl Clemons-Hopkins on Hacks is nonbinary! Hooray. Their character is seemingly a cis man, however.

TRANS REPRESENTATION IN 2024 MEDIA part 1: MOVIES

Welcome to Trans Tuesday! Over the course of 2024 I tracked every movie and tv show I watched as it’s time for TILLY’S 2024 TRANS REP IN MEDIA, part 1: MOVIES! Let’s talk the good, the bad, and the oh god not again!

Okay, this is going to be a three-part report, because there’s so much to talk about. In order to see how things are progressing with time, at the end of part 3 I’ll compare to my 2022 TRANS REP IN MEDIA and 2023 TRANS REP IN MEDIA reports, so you may want to familiarize yourself with those first.

Especially as this isn’t necessarily movies and television released in 2024 (though most of it was), but all the movies and tv from the last few years that I watched this year. Too much is released for me to see all of it right as it premieres, and the goal is to give you an idea of what one trans woman screenwriter (who watches A LOT) sees in terms of representation in a given year.

Also please realize this means I TAKE NOTES on EVERY movie and tv show I watch, all year. And I’ve done this every year for three years running. It’s a huge undertaking, but I think it’s an important one. Trans rep in our media has been getting better but is still in a dire state, and we need to know where it’s at if we want to see where and how to make it better.

I’m going to be reporting on every time I saw a trans/nonbinary person appear (both in terms of characters and actors, because the two don’t always match up), as well as any time there were jokes about us, or other things about us or related to us that appeared.

I want to note a lot of the jokes are implicit. Our society worms implicit transphobia into all of us, see the Trans Tuesday on IMPLICIT QUEERPHOBIA for more on how that works. So very often these jokes are implicitly transphobic, meaning that the people working on those shows may not have intended to target trans people, but when you examine the joke it all comes down to “trans people are different and isn’t that hilarious.”

That doesn’t mean the people working on that show are bad people, or bad at their jobs, or that the shows are bad (some shows with implicitly transphobic jokes are shows I LOVE). It just means the people working on it have some implicit biases they may not even be aware of and thus haven’t worked to change.

NONE of this report is intended as commentary on the quality of the movie or show mentioned. Art is all subjective, you (and even I) will have loved or disliked some of these, regardless of their trans representation. That’s FINE AND HOW IT WORKS.

This is just a report on how trans people are appearing and being talked about in the two most popular mass media formats of our society. Okay? We good? Good.

In this age of rampant transphobia, trans rep in our media is more important than ever. The good legit helps fight back against the hate we’re experiencing, the bad… sadly feeds right into it. So it’s really, really vital that our art gets trans issues right.

If you want to see what happens when it goes wrong, you can see the Trans Tuesdays on BAD REPRESENTATION (Lovecraft Country) and BAD REPRESENTATION (Emilia Pérez).

Also this year I had a few folks helping out to submit their own reports on things, which I’ll get into way at the end after discussing everything I personally watched.

Also also I might miss things! I do my best but I don’t have time to look up every cast and crew member of the mountains of stuff I watch. If them being trans or nonbinary isn’t called out in the story, I might miss it. But that’s part of the point I’m making, because if a trans woman screenwriter looking for that rep misses it, what kind of rep are you actually giving us? Is it even really representation if nobody knows it’s there? I’d argue no.

I’m also going to call out every time words that explicitly describe words for me men… “guys,” and “dude” being the two biggest offenders… as applying to people of all genders. It’s not transphobic, but it sure is sexist and it happens so much more that you probably realize.

Okay so let’s get into it! And of course, there will be spoilers. It’s the only way to talk about some of this stuff.

I only really talk about scripted media in these, because “unscripted” movies and tv shows are entirely different things (unscripted is in quotes because even documentaries and, yes, “reality” tv have writers).

But I want to give an honorable mention to the documentary WILL & HARPER on Netflix, where cishet white man comedian Will Ferrell goes on a road trip across the US with his white trans woman friend Harper Steele. 

It’s by turns hilarious and heartfelt, horrible and heart wrenching. It’s something vitally needed to wake a lot of cis people up, even (or especially) those who want to call themselves allies, to what trans folks go through in this country. Highest possible recommendation.

But as this is a documentary, it won’t be counted toward the totals at the end as I’m chiefly examining our depiction in fiction.

I will also note when there are no trans people (or there’s no discussion of us or topics related to us), as that is so often the norm. And that’s fine, not everything is or should be about us. But it’s important to note just how rare it is that we do pop up.

Okay, onward we go. 

Aquaman 2 – 0

Blue Beetle – 0

Canary Black – 0

This movie regularly uses gendered insults on its lady lead, including the C word, and calling her a bitch waaaay too many times.

At one point it has her say something to the effect of “you’re not supposed to call women that anymore, especially in the workplace”… and then just keeps calling her that for the rest of the movie. It’s like they wanted to note it just so they could go hee hee hee we’re not supposed to do this, but we’re gonna and since we know it’s bad it’s okay.

That’s not transphobic, but it is sexist as hell. It was written and directed by cis men and I’m already very tired. When will women get to make these movies more than hardly ever? 

Damsel – 0

Emilia Pérez – 1

Emilia Pérez suuuure is a movie about a Mexican trans woman written and directed by a cis white French man. This one counts as rep (in both character and the actor that portrays her), but not all rep is good rep and this one sure isn’t. See the Trans Tuesday on BAD REPRESENTATION (Emilia Pérez) for all the info on the damage this movie did.

But can we just stop doing this PLEASE? Will you just let trans people make movies about trans people? We actually DO know ourselves better than cis white men do.

I’m also kinda mad because it’s gonna win awards because it’s ~important~ and ~so brave~ and it’s gonna actually make things worse for trans women. JUST HELP US TELL OUR STORIES. 

Goodness.

The Fall Guy – 0

Fly Me to the Moon – 0

In a phone call between two men, one of whom works at NASA and is complaining about having to do things like interviews and allow astronauts to appear in advertisements, he’s told by a government official, “She made you the belle of the ball, so put on a tutu and do a little dance.” It’s a joke, and it’s meant to take him down a peg… because a perceived man associated with femininity is always bad, right? Ugh.

Furiosa – 0

One cis man uses the phrase “that’ll put our tits in the wringer,” which I guess is a joke because cis men generally do not have tits. This is one of those implicit jokes I mentioned, “ha ha wouldn’t it be funny for men to have boobs” and like, hey, some trans men do and this is laughing at their existence. Stop that.

For a while Furiosa impersonates a boy to hide her identity, but there’s no gender stuff going on and it’s definitely not played for laughs, so that was a nothingburger.

Ghostbusters Afterlife – 0

At one point someone says “Gozer isn’t a he or a she,” which means Gozer the Gozerian is nonbinary. Gozer was played by three people… all cis women! Gozer’s movements were dancer Emma Portner, their face was Olivia Wilde, and their voice was (the stone cold amazing) Shohreh Aghdashloo.

Now listen, there’s a debate to be had about whether the only nonbinary character in the entire movie being a demonic spirit that wants to destroy the world is a good thing (it isn’t), but if you’re going to make the character nonbinary why did you hire three CIS WOMEN to play them?!

There are nonbinary actors that would’ve killed for that role! This robs them of a part in a big movie, AND perpetuates the harmful idea that nonbinary people are just “women light”.

Someone also says that Gozer being nonbinary is “pretty woke for 3000 BC”. So that’s a joke about Gozer being nonbinary, meanwhile apparently zero nonbinary or trans people were involved with it. This is technically character rep, zero actor rep, and one joke. 

Ghostbusters Frozen Empire – 0

Godzilla Minus One – 0

I Saw the TV Glow – 2*

Bridgette Lundy Paine is trans and plays a trans character, and it was written and directed by Jane Schoenbrun, who is trans. It’s chiefly about Owen, who is trans. But is played by cis man Justice Smith. You can see my seven-part series of Trans Tuesdays all about THE INTENTIONAL TRANS ALLEGORY OF I SAW THE TV GLOW. It’s magnificent and sacred to me, and some of the good representation we really need. 

Inside Out 2 – 0

At one point, Riley calls her two best friends, who are girls, “guys.” 

Jackpot – 1

Trans man Murray Hill (who comes up later in our talk on TV) has a small role. He’s only in two scenes, has only a handful of lines, and is never mentioned as trans. But honestly that’s probably for the best because his character runs a lottery where it’s legal for anyone to murder the winner within 24 hours of them winning to get their money. And it’d be real weird and say some bad stuff to lay the blame for that at the feet of trans people.

At one point, the lead cis woman character calls a room full of women doing yoga “guys.” It’s so pervasive.

Harry Potter gets referenced twice in the same discussion (ugh). Also there’s this really complicated moment that seems transphobic but I think it might not be?

So the lead cis woman character, who’s won the aforementioned lottery, gets a disguise to hide from all the people trying to kill her for her winnings. And she puts on a mask of an old man. And then says something to the effect of “let’s go pee standing up and make more money than our female counterparts.” 

On the one hand, a woman making a joke about peeing standing up feels like the “women with penises are hilarious” implicit transphobic joke that you’re gonna see pop up way too often in this report, but as it’s immediately followed up with a joke about how women are underpaid due to sexism… I don’t know. I really can’t parse this one, so I’m not gonna count it as a joke at our expense. But it was weird.

Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes – 0

Lisa Frankenstein – 0

At a couple points the Frankenstein monster, who is a man, wears women’s nightgowns and you’re not gonna believe this… it’s NOT played for laughs. There’s a lot going on here that makes it a pretty fabulous trans allegory. I’ll be doing a deep dive on it before too long, I think, especially as it’s one of the few trans masc allegories I’ve seen. But I’m not sure yet if it was intentional, and I don’t think there were any out trans people working on it or making it, so it doesn’t count in any categories.

Love Lies Bleeding – 0

The Marvels – 0

Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning part 1 – 0

Monkey Man – 1*

This entire movie is a trans allegory, and will also probably be getting a deep dive at some point. The character Alpha is important and a Hijra. That’s the term the movie uses, and I understand there’s some who believe the term to be derogatory and others who are reclaiming it. Even though some of them identify as trans women and some might not, I’m going to stick to calling them trans women when talking about this film so as to avoid offending someone with a term I do not have the full cultural context to be using.

But Alpha is played by cis man Vipin Sharma. Sharma said, after meeting the director, that “he saw me as somebody just completely the opposite of me. I am a male; he saw me as a female character, which was quite amazing actually, that he saw something about me that he thought I will be good to play this role.” 

And yeah, that’s amazing for you man, but what about all the actual trans women who should have been playing that role? And even here, in a movie with great representation and a really strong trans allegory, it perpetuates the idea that trans women are really just men. C’mon! Argh.

The movie does feature a squad of trans women beating the crap out of a room full of bigoted goons, which is a big point in its favor.

I should also mention the movie actually wasn’t released in India, even though it has an all-Indian cast and is set there. Thanks to Pragnya for that info, and the cultural context around the term the movie uses.

Next Goal Wins – 1

Jaiyah is fa’afafine (something akin to trans women, in Samoa), played by Kaimana, who’s a trans woman. She’s forced to play on the men’s soccer team because she hasn’t had bottom surgery. She’s intentionally misgendered and deadnamed by their new cis white man coach until he learns to respect her and comes to see her as kinda like a daughter. 

At first he says to her “you’re a woman,” when he’s surprised she’s on the men’s team. And she says “not yet” because she hasn’t had gender confirmation surgery yet (oof, talk about perpetuating more TRANSMEDICALISM). As this was based on a real story it could have gone into how horrible it was that that was probably required at the time and thus the way of thinking that was beat into every trans woman by society, but it doesn’t (probably because this story wasn’t told by trans people).

At one point she goes off her hormones because she thinks it will help the team, and has a scene where she breaks down because without them she doesn’t feel like herself anymore. And that’s great, but… they don’t do anything with it beyond that. And it’s also kind of used to teach the cishet white man about humanity and caring and opening his heart back up, rather than being about how it affects Jaiyah who never mentions it again. 

It’s based on a real trans woman and her story, but written and directed by cis men.

This is rep in character, actor, and story, but it’s mixed representation at best. 

Orion and the Dark – 0

The People’s Joker – 2*

Written and directed by trans woman Vera Drew, and also stars Kane Distler, who is also trans, and both play trans characters! There’s also a nonbinary character in the movie, and I believe there are other trans and nonbinary actors in the cast. But as this was an indie movie it was tough to find information on some of them, and I don’t want to speculate on people’s gender, so I’m gonna count the rep as two actors and characters.

The entire story is about being trans as told through a parody lens of the Batman mythos (with a helping of Superman mythos tossed in). It’s bananas, it’s kinda subversive, it’s funny, it’s wildly creative and original. And at several points kicked me right in the heart when talking about things trans people go through. 

It tells its trans story right on the surface, but also I think it kind of brilliantly uses the world of stand up comedy as an only half-hidden allegory for gender, and uses that to say even more about what it’s like to be trans in this world.

Also, I’m not really a fan of the Joker as a character, but this movie had me all the way through. The People’s Joker is the only Joker for me, thank you.

It’s really great and unforgettable.

Red One – 0

There’s a “christmas witch” who possesses a man to speak through him, and she and her sons are all shapeshifters, and one of them impersonates two different women. Nothing trans is done with it, BUT zero jokes are made about it either, which feels like dodging a bullet. I’ll take it.

Robot Dreams – 0

The Substance – 0

Soooo I think you can definitely read some trans themes into this but I’m not even gonna try right now, because it would take me an awful long time to figure out and I’d have to watch it multiple more times and I don’t think I could handle that. Phew.

Transformers One – 0

So this is wild but the whole movie is about autonomy and people who have choice removed from them at birth without consent, and so it’s super trans conceptually. And I’ve always felt that Transformers: The Movie, the only other animated Transformers movie, from 1984, was also a huge trans allegory. And I guess maybe that just happens when TRANSFORM is literally in the title. But this one seemed even MORE intentionally trans to me. Still no actual rep that I’m aware of, though.

That wraps up the recently releases movies I saw in 2024. Come back next week as we begin our deep-dive into trans rep in tv!

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

Part 2 (TV part 1) is here!

ADDENDUM 1/24/25

A reader let me know that Celeste O’Connor, who appears in Ghostbusters Frozen Empire and Ghostbusters Afterlife is nonbinary! Yay! The character is never mentioned as such however, so this is trans actor rep but not character rep.

And once again proves my point that if you don’t somehow convey a character’s transness or nonbinaryness, there’s no way for your audience to know. And then even a trans woman screenwriter who’s specifically looking for this rep can miss it.

BAD REPRESENTATION: EMILIA PÉREZ

Welcome to Trans Tuesday! We’re starting off the year by discussing one of the more harmful bits of depictions of trans women to come out in recent years. Here comes BAD REPRESENTATION: EMILIA PÉREZ.

Emilia Pérez was a movie released in 2024, about a Mexican trans woman, written and directed by a French cis white man, Jacques Audiard, based on a book written by Boris Razon (also a cis man from France). If any of that gives you pause right up front… well, it should.

I’d heard the movie was about a trans woman, so I was intrigued and added it to my list to check out. And then I heard it was about a trans woman who’s a cartel drug lord, and my heart kinda sank because already I felt like I knew where it was headed.

But I went into it with an open mind. I’m a screenwriter, I’ve trained myself to approach all art on its own terms, and give it all a chance. But I’m also a trans woman, and I know how cis people writing about trans people often goes. See BAD REPRESENTATION (Lovecraft Country).

As I was watching it, I just felt my heart sink with every passing minute. I think we weren’t even twenty minutes in when the first “what the fuck?” (not complimentary) escaped my lips. I thought I was just gonna watch it and note a few things afterward, like I always do for my “trans rep in media” reports, but I ended up taking multiple notes in spite of myself.  Because so much of what I saw was so damaging and dangerous, and I’m so, so tired of it.

And then I thought I’d just talk about it in my TRANS REPRESENTATION IN 2024 MOVIES AND TV write up, but the more I thought about it the more I felt like I needed to talk about this movie on its own first.

Because it won multiple awards at the Cannes Film Festival, and as of this writing it’s shortlisted for a nomination for multiple Oscars (including possibly being France’s official entry as a country). And, again, if a movie about a Mexican trans woman being submitted by the country of France isn’t sending up some alarm bells…

Very briefly, it’s the story of a trans woman cartel leader who hires a lawyer to help her transition, and what happens after that. It’s also… a musical. And it’s a very weird musical. But let me make something clear here: that it’s a weird musical is a point in its favor with me! You can read more about it here.

I love weird stuff that takes bold swings. And I was actually really impressed with Karla Sofía Gascón, the trans woman lead actress who plays Emilia. She was really great with what she was given to work with. The problem is that what she was given to work with is suuuuuper problematic.

And to be fair, I’ve heard that the movie fixed some problems with the book it’s based on, namely that in the book the cartel leader goes on HRT and has gender confirmation surgeries simply to avoid being caught for their crimes. Given that, I’m willing to take folks’ word on it because I’m not gonna read that.

Because that means the lead isn’t actually trans, and it conceptually perpetuates the “trans women are really just violent men in dresses” trope that transphobes use time and again to legislate our rights away.

Imagine being a cis man and thinking that was a good book to write. Imagine being another cis man who thought that was a great concept to turn into a musical. Woof.

To the movie’s credit, they present Emilia as a trans woman who “always knew” she was a girl since childhood and is actually trans. And in movies like this, so so so often, cis men are cast to play trans women and thus even further perpetuate that we’re nothing more than “men in dresses.” See the Trans Tuesday on TRANS ROLES AND STORIES for more on how and why that’s a horrible thing to do.

Not all movies about trans people made by cis people come out bad. I talked in the TRANS REP IN 2023 MOVIES AND TV report about Monica, which is a very good movie starring Trace Lysette. The writer and director of Monica at least brought Trace on board to consult (though he really should have made her co-writer and co-director at MINIMUM), but her involvement behind the scenes showed.

I can find nothing that says Karla Sofía Gascón was allowed to help shape Emilia Pérez in any way, and let me tell you… it also shows. And I cannot imagine telling a story about someone from a marginalized community and thinking you don’t at all need their input on how to do that or if you’re getting it right, never mind that a transition story is one hundred percent not a cis man’s story to tell. Trans voices and stories are routinely stolen from us by cis people to suit their own ends (it’s part of what Matrix Resurrections is about, see my book for more on that).

Let me also state here that none of the harmful representation in this movie is Karla’s fault. There are so, so few roles for trans women, much less starring roles. And who had the absolute least power on that set? As a trans woman, she did. None of the problems are on her.

I’d like to think she’d have seen how problematic it was and turned it down, but maybe she wasn’t in a position to do so, especially with a high profile Oscar-bait film that could possibly make her career.

It’s the same thing that happens in tv shows made in the US. On the rare occasion a trans writer is on the writing staff, they’re the least empowered and it’s not safe for them to speak up about harmful representation without fear of reprisal. Cis people don’t often like hearing that what they’re doing isn’t “being such a good ally, gosh” and is instead actively harming the people they think they’re helping.

So does that trans writer speak up, and risk being fired and thus not be there to possibly effect positive change later? It’s a terrible situation to be in (writers from all marginalized communities face this to some degree in Hollywood, which is still overwhelmingly run by cishet white men).

So what, exactly, did I find so harmful in Emilia Pérez? So glad you asked, because gosh do I have answers for you.

First, and this might just be a me thing, but Emilia almost feels like a secondary character in her own story. The movie’s named after her, and it’s ostensibly about her transition, but we don’t really see any of her transition or anything it involves, mentally or physically (there’s a little, which we’ll get to shortly). As a writer, to me, this movie felt like it was just as much but maybe more so about Zoe Saldana’s lawyer character, Rita, who is hired to help Emilia transition and then befriends her.

And it’s wild to me that in a movie that is, again, supposed to be about a trans woman and her transition, her transition takes a back seat, and she has to play second fiddle (or at best, co-first fiddle) with a cis woman who is just so brave and such a good ally for helping this trans woman drug lord. It feels like a very cisgender-centered point of view, right? That’s often what you’re gonna get when you have a cis person trying to tell a trans story that they have no business telling (and this is one of the reasons why).

But again, to be fair, those are my personal impressions. I think they should definitely count for something as a trans woman screenwriter, as this is my exact wheelhouse, but let’s set that aside. Let’s do what I do when I watch any new movie or tv show: take it on its own terms.

There’s an early scene where Emilia, pre-social transition, meets with Rita, Zoe Saldana’s lawyer character, and says she wants to hire her to help her transition to a woman. Rita says it’s not an overnight thing and takes time (good!) and then… pre-transition, man-presenting Emilia opens her shirt to reveal she’s been on HRT for two years and has already developed breasts. Rita gasps.

I’ve seen some folks say this was a gasp of disgust. I’ve seen some people say this was a gasp of surprise. What I want you to know is that either way this is showing transition as a surprise and something to be shocked by. It’s showing you trans people are duplicitous. See what she was hiding from you? Also this trans woman is a violent drug lord, can you even trust her?

And like… yes, you can say maybe NOBODY would trust a violent drug lord. That’s not transphobic!

I will remind you of what I say in basically every trans allegory write up that I do: everything you see in a movie or tv show is a choice made by the creators. It’s not made in a vacuum, it’s not beyond questioning.

The writer and director of this film chose to tell a story about a trans woman who was a violent drug lord. She could have been literally anything else. This is what he picked.

Trans people can be villains, by the way! We should be, because we can be any kind of character. I’d argue that until cis people demonstrate they can write us as villains without damaging all trans people, however, that maybe only trans people should be writing trans villains.

Because even though Emilia Pérez doesn’t have Emilia transition to escape justice for her crimes, her transition is inextricably linked to it and they thought, in the present horrific climate trans people are experiencing in this world, that presenting us as a violent criminal was a good idea. I can’t imagine the thought process there, other than to think not a second thought was given to it. Which is not what you’d get if a trans person was telling this story.

Early on there’s a musical number, full of trans people (story-wise, I have no idea if any of them were played by actual trans people because they were in a musical ensemble) and a doctor who performs gender confirmation surgeries, singing about how wonderful plastic surgery is and how they all love it.

To me it trivializes that these procedures are vital and life-saving. They’re not goofy or just for fun. It also treats it like something every trans person wants and does, which is huuuuugely problematic in its own right. The movie sadly does this a lot, kinda presents Emila’s transition as the only way to do it, likely because the cis man writer and director literally doesn’t know that’s not true.

As a perfect example of this, lyrics in the song go on about going “ from man to woman, woman to man.” Which ignores that nonbinary people exist, and treats trans women like we were men (and trans men like they were women) and that it is only the surgery that changes that.

This is one hundred percent TRANSMEDICALISM, see that Trans Tuesday if you need more. And here it’s being presented to a wide audience, of largely cis people (cis people are the largest audience for anything, because they outnumber trans people by such a wide margin in the population), that this is what transition is.

I actually think a goofy musical number about gender confirmation surgery could be fucking amazing in the hands of a trans person who understands it, and what trans people go through. In the hands of a cis person, it became a weapon that perpetuates some bad bad shit.

When Rita meets with the surgeon who will perform Emilia’s operations, the surgeon says he can’t change a patient’s sense of self. “If he’s a he, he’ll still be a he. If he’s a she she’ll still be a she.” This is actively transphobic, and saying even with surgery a trans woman is still a man mentally. It’s fucking appalling, when mentally we’ve always been our true gender! This is again perpetuating the horrific real-world violence we face, with transphobes thinking trans women are “really” men.

When the scene ends, the doctor says Rita should tell Emilia to “change his mind,” as in he believes she’s still a man and, as such, misgenders her. Cis bullshit.

And the doctor says he can’t “fix the soul.” Trans people’s souls don’t need fixing tho?! Rita then says that fixing the body fixes the soul, and fixing the soul fixes society. That’s some weird contorted cis justification for helping trans people because it might help society? But that’s not our job? We just want to exist as ourselves, it’s not on us to fix transphobes’ hearts.

And also, why are two cis people debating a trans woman’s transition here?! What the fuck. 

Guess we can’t allow a trans person to talk about how they actually feel and what it’s actually like for them. You’re telling me that Emilia the drug lord, with mountains of money and seemingly unlimited resources, couldn’t have used a burner phone to call the doctor Rita found and talk to him herself? Again, all of these were active choices made by the writer and director, and they’re some bullshit.

Emilia tells Rita that she has to send her wife and kids away, and they can never know about her transition. No reason is ever given!

I feel like this is a carryover from the book, right? Oh, I’m a criminal and I’m transitioning to hide, so if my family knows they can point the cops to me. But when you (rightfully) change Emilia’s motivation there, and then you have this scene with no reason given for why they have to be sent away and can’t know about her transition, what do you get?

You’re left to think Emilia’s ashamed of being trans and doesn’t want them to know, or that it’s required as part of her transition (spoilers: IT ACTUALLY USED TO BE, see that TRANSMEDICALISM Trans Tuesday). And again we find that, either way you interpret that, you’re perpetuating bad bad shit.

In the hands of a trans person, this could be a powerful scene about how society wants us to be ashamed of ourselves, about how society wants us to think no one could ever love us for who we are, and how all of that is bullshit.

Instead, we get confirmation that that’s just the way things are for trans people. It infuriates me.

Emilia has a later song about how all she cares about is transitioning. Now, like, yeah, it’s super important for us for a whole host of reasons, but not to the exclusion of everything else. We don’t stop caring about other people or loving our kids! The song paints us as selfish, self-absorbed assholes who only care about ourselves. Because if we cared about others we wouldn’t transition, right?

Transphobic bullshit.

Emilia has a scene where she instructs Rita to destroy all evidence of her transition. Again, a possible artifact of changing her motivation for transition from being nothing more than escaping justice. But what you now have is a trans person who’s going stealth and doesn’t want anyone to know they’re trans, as if trans is something bad to be. BULLSHIT.

Emilia then apparently has all the surgeries (at once) and her face is entirely covered in bandages, and she uses a hand mirror to look at her crotch. Then suddenly she’s out of bandages and putting on women’s clothes and it’s all over. As if it’s that easy and not an incredibly lengthy and difficult process. As if it’s a quick switch you flip.

They show none of her adapting to it, or how it affects her, or what it means to her. The movie immediately skips ahead four years, so you miss all of that. It’s the kinda stuff that feeds into “teachers are gonna trans your kids at school, and you send your son to school and he comes home a girl” bullshit transphobes use to gin up hatred towards us.

So when I said earlier that Emilia and her transition, which again is what this movie is supposed to be about, plays second fiddle, this is what I mean. And on the one hand I’m kinda glad because, given what we’ve seen already, I would not trust this cis man writer/director to get any of it right and not perpetuate more misinformation and harm, but in not showing what it’s actually like, he still perpetuated misinformation and harm. This is why cis people need to stop taking trans stories from us.

Then years later, post-transition Emilia shows up to surprise Rita at a dinner party, in a “you didn’t recognize me, but this is me now!” way. Again playing up the trans women are liars and tricksters aspect, and the “we’re just a surprise to cis people” angle.

One derogatory term for us is “traps,” as if we exist only to lure cishet men into a trap because they think we’re cis women and then when they go to have sex with us, surprise! We trapped you into doing sex stuff with a trans woman. Which I think scares so many cishet men because they worry it somehow makes them gay, when in fact being attracted to a trans woman is the most straight thing a cis man can do because we’re women.

And you can draw a straight line from the portrayals of us as “traps” and tricksters to things like THE TRANS PANIC DEFENSE. It’s a mess!

Emilia later decides she can’t live without her kids anymore, so Rita brings them to her in Mexico under a story that Emilia was their dad’s cousin. Emilia’s wife and kids do not recognize her, more lies and secrets from trans women.

There’s a scene of Emilia lying next to one of her kids in his bed, and Karla gives a really great performance here when the kid sings a song about missing his dad. But also the kid tells her she smells like his dad. But at this point Emilia’s been on HRT for six years.

Y’know what one of the first things to change for most people on HRT is? YOUR SMELL. I smell like a girl now, and it was one of the earliest changes from HRT that gave me GENDER EUPHORIA. This one shows the person writing it knew jack shit about what hormone replacement therapy does to a body, and as my brilliant friend Jessie Gender mentioned to me, this points to a “biological essentialism” and is essentially saying it doesn’t matter what you do or who you say you are, you’re still “really” a man.

Emilia has another song later about how she’s “half him and half her” and doesn’t know who she is. I should add at no point in the film does Emilia actually struggle with her identity or her gender. This is not one of the things trans people actually go through where we wonder if we’re trans enough, or if transition was right (btw YES YOU ARE TRANS ENOUGH).

It makes zero sense for this song to be where it is in the movie, with no other context. It feels like it’s doing nothing but adding to the “trans people are just confused” nonsense that’s used to take our rights away, because we can’t really know who we are or what’s right for us. Perpetuates more. Bad. Shit.

There’s a portion of the movie where Emilia gets mad at the thought of losing her kids, and when that happens… her voice drops. Not to just being unmodulated or what have you in the way that can happen when we’re stressed or upset (Monica does this brilliantly, actually), but her voice becomes the exact same as the one she used pre-transition at the beginning of the film.

What’s worse is she then gets violent with her wife for threatening to take the kids away, and assaults her on a bed. It’s not a sexual assault, but her wife is on her back on the bed and Emilia is on top of her, choking her, possibly even straddling her (I’m not going back to check that one, sorry), and speaking in her pre-transition voice in anger.

And if you don’t see this as directly perpetuating the “trans women are violent men in dresses” trope that is being used to ban us from public bathrooms and schools and take our ability to exist in public away, like, I don’t know what to tell you.

Perpetuates SO MUCH MORE. BAD. SHIT.

Emilia later becomes a victim of violence at the hands of her wife (who still doesn’t know she’s trans or her husband), which is now perpetuating the “trans women are victims” trope that pops up in media again and again and again.

Her wife then, upon learning Emilia’s true identity, misgenders her… after tying her up and throwing her in the trunk of a car.

That car then explodes, and Emilia dies.

Somehow this movie managed to hit every harmful trope about trans women at the same time.

We’re for shock value.

We’re duplicitous.

We’re selfish.

We’re confused.

We’re violent.

We’re victims.

We can’t be trusted.

Like, how do you hit every single fucking one of those without even trying? It’s like a transphobe writer’s checklist of things to include to be sure they’re stickin’ it to the transes.

Other folks have also written about how damaging this movie is to Mexico and Mexicans, with the director even admitting he didn’t bother researching Mexico before telling this story about Mexican people in Mexico! And if he didn’t do that, how much do you think he researched about trans women?

Clearly, from the results in the movie, the answer is NONE.

If you’d like to read more about the horrible depiction of Mexico as nothing more than full of violence and drug gangs (ALSO at a time where those tropes are being used to hurt Mexican immigrants BY THE SAME PEOPLE using transphobic tropes to hurt trans people!), here’s an article for you.

Here’s another great article outlining a lot of issues with the movie.

It’s so bad that GLAAD felt they had to write about it and the harm it’s done (this also collects a lot of other quotes and statements from trans and queer reviewers who are just as appalled as I am).

This movie perpetuates every bad lie you’ve ever heard about trans women, and confirms for transphobes everything they think they know about us. I don’t give a shit about bigots, but think about what this movie is going to do to the people who just don’t know much about trans people, but have heard the propaganda. This is going to confirm all the bullshit lies, and it could make them support the people trying to take our rights away.

When you tell a story about a marginalized community you don’t belong to, you HAVE AN OBLIGATION TO DO NO HARM.

But you also better think long and fucking hard about whether or not it’s your story to tell. No cis white man has ANY business telling a story about what it’s like for a Mexican trans woman to transition. If you think that’s an important story to tell, HIRE A MEXICAN TRANS WOMAN TO TELL THAT STORY. I ASSURE YOU THEY EXIST.

If you feel the need to defend this movie, do something for me. At every point where I said this movie went wrong, ask yourself if a Mexican trans woman writer/director would have made those same choices that a white cis man did. The answer is unequivocally NO, and therein lies the problem.

This is what happens when our voices are stolen.

This is what happens when our stories are appropriated by people who don’t understand us and don’t care to learn, and think they know us better than we know ourselves.

And it has GOT TO STOP.

Art can change the world. The question is: do you want to change it for the better, or worse?

Hire more trans writers. We need these gigs.

The world needs our stories told by us, maybe now more than ever.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

ADDENDUM 2/8/2025

Well. This movie got more Oscar nominations than any other this year (insert world’s biggest eyeroll here, because of course it did), and Karla Sofía Gascón has turned out to be a seemingly awful person… so maybe she knew exactly what she was doing in signing on to this movie. Oof.

In maybe the only upside to this entire fiasco, it resulted in the short film parody Johanne Sacrebleu, made by Mexican trans woman Camila Aurora, and it’s about French people in France made entirely by Mexicans with bad French accents. Perfection.

THE INTENTIONAL TRANS ALLEGORY OF I SAW THE TV GLOW, part 7

Welcome to #TransTuesday! Tillyvision comes in for a landing in THE INTENTIONAL TRANS ALLEGORY OF I SAW THE TV GLOW, part 7! Owen or Isabel? Who will survive, who will get buried forever? It may not be who you think.

This is a bad place to start, so for that go to PART 1!

Who would even start with Part 7? You goofs. See PART 2!

Maybe nobody would start with Part 7? See PART 3!

And yet people do weird things sometimes! See PART 4!

So much so that I feel I have to include links to all past parts! See PART 5!

Just so I can be sure you have them if needed. I’m so thoughtful! See PART 6!

1:19:42 – Owen runs home, surrounded by only dysphoria, fear, and despair, and looks into where his dad used to be, watching tv. The couch is empty, because it’s his now. He is going to take the place his father occupied, and “be a man” and give in to the masculinity that society expects of him.

Owen: “After that night on the football field, I locked myself inside.” He doesn’t mean his house, he means he locked Isabel inside of himself.

1:19:53 – Look at him surrounded by that green, looking at/only seeing fear. Note the yellow here is again a barrier, a metaphor keeping him (Isabel) inside. “I didn’t leave the house for days. I kept waiting for her to show back up, to force me underground. But she never did.” 

Nobody can force you to transition, you have to CHOOSE to. 

1:20:11 – Riding Around in the Dark by Florist plays, and if you think this song might have some transy lyrics that apply to Owen right at this moment too, you are not mistaken.

Eyes turning, light burning
And I’m far from gone
And the deepest feelings
Faces come and go

Owen: “I told myself I made the right choice. Maddy’s story was insane, and it couldn’t be true. But some nights, when I was working late at the movie theater, I found myself wondering what if she was right? What if she had been telling the truth? What if I really was someone else? Someone beautiful and powerful. Someone buried alive and suffocating to death.” 

Aw babe. BABE. You’re so close. SO. CLOSE.

Also! Again, A reminder that long before this movie I described my own dysphoria as being like drowning. Which is suffocation, my friends.

1:21:00 – LOOK AT THIS BRILLIANT SHOT. Owen: “But I know that’s not true. That’s just fantasy. Kids’ stuff.” His head is the same shape as the yellow popcorn on the screen behind him, HIS HEAD IS FULL OF FEAR.

1:21:15: – And now, the most important shot in the entire movie.

THERE IS STILL TIME. Look how much MORE jumbled and chaotic his head is now. But look at the end of the street, amidst all the despair, and the jumbled mind holding the truth… he’s ignoring it all and heading right toward fear. It’s still all he can see. Even though the pink message of his transness is right there, telling him it’s not too late.

1:21:35 – Owen: “I work [at the Fun Center] now, restocking the ball pit with balls.”

Like, uhhhh… he’s making sure to keep a good supply of balls, upholding the (cis) man society says he has to be. SUPERtext?

1:21:50 – Owen: “Time moves fast these days. Years pass like seconds.” Remember Maddy said that happened to her too? He’s still dissociating. “I just try not to think too hard about it.” 

Yeah, because if he DOES, what’s he gonna realize, do you think?

1:22:04 – “It was time for me to become a man.” OOOOOOF Supertext. “A real adult. A productive member of society.” YOU HAVE OBLIGATIONS, FOLLOW THEM AND IGNORE YOUR TRUE SELF AND TRUE DESIRES.

1:22:19 – Owen brings his new tv inside. “I even got a family of my own. I love them more than anything.” OBLIGATIONS OBLIGATIONS OBLIGATIONS to US.

1:22:30 – The new tv he’s dragging in is an LG, which has the tagline “Life’s Good”. 

Jane said this was the production designer’s choice when getting the box for the shoot, and how perfect is it? “My life must be good, this is what society says I’m supposed to do and want and be!” It’s genius. And shows you how so many different people come together to make collaborative art like this, and contribute to its meaning.

Also note the outside of the house: despair. Inside: fear. The house next door: danger. His “life,” such as it is, hasn’t changed at all.

1:22:58 – Owen puts out the fire of his inner self, his transness, his truth. For good. Or so he thinks. But it leaves him in darkness.

1:23:25 – Owen: “Anyway, like I was saying, it was raining the other night and I couldn’t sleep? So I started The Pink Opaque again. …and it was nothing like I remembered it.”

Remember what he said about Maddy, and how she couldn’t be right? It was just a fantasy, kids’ stuff? They weren’t exploring transness, they were just a couple of kids playing around. There was nothing more to it.

And he’s convinced himself that’s all it was, so when he watches the show now, that’s all he sees. Not the truth of it, but some sanitized, flattened, muted version of it. Kids’ stuff.

1:24:04 – Wizard of Oz and Mrs. Doubtfire DVDs next to the tv were chosen by Jane: “This is meta commentary about the history of queer cinema.” SUPERtext.

1:24:23 – As Owen watches it, he’s… wheezing. Again. 

Owen, bud, if it’s just goofy kids’ stuff… why on earth are you reacting like you just had the wind knocked out of you??

Because HE STILL KNOWS, despite all he’s done to convince himself otherwise. But this is so important, because it’s set up for the ending. 

We know his subconscious is telling him “there is still time.”

We know his dysphoria is still suffocating him.

Will he accept that’s what it is? Will he realize the internalized transphobia keeping him from self-actualization? 

1:24:35 – The world spins and flashes. Owen: “I just felt embarrassed.” That’s what society and internalized transphobia want you to feel.

1:24:55 – Cut to the fun center, and what do we have? Spinning dysphoria, fear, and danger, a CLAW MACHINE (if you remember from the earlier song, a heart) that can’t grab onto anything…

1:25:10 – A MR. MELANCHOLY GAME. Transphobia is everywhere, even here, Owen cannot escape it. Note that in the game Mr. Melancholy is fighting The Pink Opaque ghosts. It’s called “Mr. Melancholy’s Midnight Dash, the race for your life.” SUUUUUUPERtext.

1:25:35 – 20 years later, Owen’s (literally and figuratively) still in the same place. Surrounded by despair and fear… but there are some small hints of transness still.

1:25:46 – He opens a box of balls, he’s still pretending to be the MAN society says he is, still WHEEZING because it’s suffocating him. And if you wonder how that makes him feel, uh, gee, look at the colors the balls are… the transness is there, but it’s entirely overridden with fear.

1:25:54 – Look at his lips. He’s stopped taking care of himself, because he feels entirely disconnected from his body and sees no reason to. I did this too. So many trans people do, because we see no reason to. Our bodies aren’t “ours” so why should we care? I talked about this a bit in the Trans Tuesday on UNEXPECTED CHANGES OF TRANSITION.

1:27:00 – During the party, Owen is miserable, finds a spot alone in the corner. This was me at every party ever, it’s Neo in the club in the first Matrix. We don’t want to be perceived as the wrong gender because it’s so painful, we don’t want to interact with anyone because then we have to put on a painful performance of someone we’re not, don’t want to be, and don’t know how to be.

1:27:15 – And then, the most harrowing moment in the movie for every trans person who ever lived with dysphoria. 

Owen screams, gutteral, primal. It’s agony, it’s terror, it’s misery, it’s loneliness, it’s a LIFETIME OF SUFFOCATION AND PAIN and NOBODY. ELSE. CAN. SEE. IT. They’re frozen. They don’t react, because they don’t know.

“You need to help me! I’m dying right now!” He sobs.

This is life with dysphoria, not just at work but at home and with family and friends and everything you love, everywhere you go, every second of every day. 

You are drowning and dying and being buried alive and NOBODY KNOWS OR CARES (and some, in fact, may be tossing dirt on top of the pile to help bury you).

It tears my heart to shreds EVERY. TIME. I see it. This was my entire life pre-transition.

MY ENTIRE LIFE.

Justice Smith’s performance. The direction. Everything about it. It is magnificent and horrible and beautiful and agonizing all at once.

“Sorry. Ignore me.” Well we wouldn’t want our WAKING DEATH to be a BURDEN to the people around us, would be? That damned fucking Luna Juice from Mr. Melancholy can fuck off into the sun.

1:27:55 – On the commentary, Jane about Owen’s scream: “Come on dude, you know you’re Isabell” “What did Maddy say at the beginning of the film? Don’t apologize.”

1:28:12 – Owen screams. “Mommy!” He’s SCREAMING FOR THE FEMININITY HE LOST, because he gave it up, made the choice to ignore it and give in to transphobia. 

He coughs, seems to be choking on something. Wonder what it could be? Hmmmm…

1:28:16 –  Jane: “A couple people tried to get me to cut the ‘mommy.’” Devastating. I’m so glad they fought for it and refused to cut it. It’s so vital.

1:28:26 – Owen sits on the floor of the men’s bathroom. It’s the most heavily gendered place in society, only for MEN, and he’s got his shirt off. He’s getting real with himself. 

He’s… cracking. 

IN EXACTLY THE WAY YOU THINK.

1:28:37 – The sink is full of ugly blue gunk. Did you wonder why is this shot here? What is this? Owen had no liquids with him. But he was choking on something… 

THE LUNA JUICE.

He has expelled the final dregs of his own internalized transphobia!

1:28:54 – Owen cuts himself open, so he can finally look deep inside himself. What does he find?

1:29:36 – The dysphoria of URINALS (aka MEN and MANHOOD behind him), despair off to the side, he looks into himself and sees the static! 

The static Maddy told him that Mr. Melancholy put inside him to confuse him, and obscure his truth. 

He can see it for what it is, and that it’s in there. And if you can IDENTIFY IT, that is the first step to FIGHTING IT, getting rid of it, replacing it with your (recovered) stolen heart, and choosing to…

T R A N S I T I O N

And try to be rid of the static entirely. Look how he’s HAPPY to see it! 

Because now he knows for sure. His egg cracked. He’s trans and he knows it.

1:29:54 – Near the end of this sequence, PINK APPEARS WITHIN THE STATIC. His transness is still buried in there, and he can dig it out now that he can see the static covering it. The glow emanating from it even takes on a pink hue. 

Also the shape of the wound may, uh, indicate anatomical changes to his body that he needs And neither I nor this movie are saying you need bottom surgery to be trans or transition, this is just metaphor. 

1:29:24 – When Owen sees the static inside him, on the commentary Jane says: “A lot of different feelings going on here. Relief, transcendence, horror, peace, self-understanding, exhaustion… having a vagina on your chest.” The egg crack moment is a hell of a thing.

1:30:48 – Owen puts the fun center shirt and vest back on, but… maybe it’s just me, but before it looked like those were clothes Owen was wearing. But in this shot…

…when his breathing calms (he’s not suffocating, accepting himself has already helped some!)… it looks like he’s wearing a costume of Owen. The way the clothes hang, his posture… like he knows this isn’t the end of the road and he’s going to have to boymode for a while yet… but it’s just a costume. It’s always been a costume, but now he KNOWS it’s a costume.

For more on BOYMODING/GIRLMODING, see its Trans Tuesday.

And look at his lips! Before they looked like this…

But now? Uh…. hm, gosh, what happened that suddenly his body is already changing?

Again again again, you don’t have to change your body to be trans or transition (though a great many of us do). But metaphor.

1:30:59 – He apologizes to all the cis people, as transphobia has taught him, and it causes the suffocation wheezing to come back. This is… not going to be easy. Mr. Melancholy makes sure of that.

1:31:24 – It cuts to black, and we hear static. The static Owen now knows is there, covering up his truth.

1:31:26 – And when the credits appear, the static is gone… and the background isn’t black…

It’s PINK! Another Season by Frances Quinlan plays. Are you wondering if this is another transy song with lyrics directly applicable to Owen and where he’s going? Bingo.

Hello, dear
Acquaintance, even
If this isn’t over
What else could take shape?
How will you remember it?

Which, to me, all outlines Owen’s trajectory from there. 

This is a hopeful ending, because he knows for sure now, and the static will eventually stop (or lessen), and his transness will remain. And without the static, the Luna Juice, or Mr. Melancholy, he can embrace it and return his heart. And Isabel.

1:36:30 – On the commentary, Jack: “You reminded me that this is not real life. Like we’re working to access another reality which is our true reality and it’s really painful, but we know it’s true. …that this isn’t real and the constraints that are constantly on us are illusions and that we just have to trust each other.” “I’m just talking about being trans. You just have to be around people that remind you that your reality is real. Because otherwise you’d go crazy.”

1:39:17 – Jack: “If you bought this for someone to crack their egg, did it work?” Jane: “Yeah, bring this dvd around town, crack some eggs, pass it on.”

There’s been a lot of debate about the ending, with a lot of people seeing it as Owen retreating back into his false cis shell and never becoming Isabel. But this movie was never about him becoming Isabel, it was about him accepting that he is Isabel. And by the end he does.

Jane mentions at 1:22:00 on the commentary: “It was always important to me that ‘there is still time’ was there, not at the very end, but close enough to the end that hopefully it got its message across.” This was exactly how I interpreted the ending of the movie, and it delights me that that’s what Jane intended. “There is still time” was there right before the end scene for a reason.

He expels the Luna Juice.

He sees the static and internalized transphobia still inside him, in a shape very suggestive of bodily change for someone assigned male at birth.

His clothes then fit differently.

His lips/body are instantly taken better care of.

He’s going to become his true self. It’s not going to be easy or quick, but he’s going to get there. Isabel lives.

I know some people see the opposite, that the end is Owen denying Isabel yet again. But that’s part of the genius of it, to me, because it works just like accepting your own transness.

The signs are there. If you’re not looking for them, if you miss them, you might come to the wrong conclusion and deny your truth. But if you look closely, those signs are absolutely there and will lead you right to that truth.

Thank you for coming along with me on this journey through a truly incredible movie. I hope I’ve been able to help you see what I see, to know and feel the truth and beauty within.

To the entire cast and crew, thank you for helping to make this incredibly important film.

To Justice Smith and Jack Haven, thank you for the love and care you put into Owen and Maddy, for the honesty with which you portrayed them and the depth and reality you imbued them with.

And to Jane Schoenbrun, who has given us this beacon of trans cinema, who conveyed our pain and struggle with such nuance and care and love, thank you thank you for showing the world what so many of us go through. And thank you for imbuing it with hope.

I meant it when I said this movie is sacred to me. It forever has my heart.

THERE. IS. STILL. TIME.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

Addendum 4/2/2025

This is why I do Trans Tuesdays.
This is why it’s important to share our experiences.
This is why it’s vital that we talk about these things, if it’s safe for us to do so.

This isn’t the first time my trans media write-ups have been taught in classes, and it never ever gets old. It’s just the coolest thing.

Thanks so much to Jasiel for reaching out! (posted here with permission)

And check out this amazing slide she made for her students!

Addendum 11/3/2025

Justice Smith recently had some, uh… interesting things to say:

I was curious as to why [Schoenbrun] didn’t cast a trans actor to play that role. But they made me understand how me, as a cis person… I’m being used as kind of a device for the structure of the movie. Because, spoiler alert, my character lives in this nightmare realm, and I am actually the girl from the other realm.

I FUCKIN’ TOLD YOU!!! 🙂