Welcome to #TransTuesday! This week’s topic is important, is vital to trans people being seen and treated equally by society, and it’s as important for trans people to understand as it is cis people. Time to root out the darkness within as we combat INTERNALIZED TRANSPHOBIA.
So this is kind of tough to talk about, and involves discussing ways we may not be kind to ourselves, or others, even if unintentionally. Please read the whole thing before getting angry about one part without the full context. This is important and we need to talk about it.
This topic is similar, though distinct, from the previous Trans Tuesday where we talked about IMPLICIT QUEERPHOBIA. You don’t HAVE to read that one first, but it certainly couldn’t hurt.
Internalized transphobia is similar to implicit transphobia. The key distinction, to me, is that implicit biases are toward every marginalized group, but *internalized* biases are toward marginalized groups that we ourselves are part of.
You know transphobia is the hatred of, fear of, discrimination toward trans people. Internalized or implicit transphobia is that exact same thing, but it’s the kind we each have inside of us (yes, ALL of us have it) that we may not be consciously aware of.
And we all have these subconscious biases toward every marginalized community, because that’s how our society works. I’m talking about internalized transphobia only for obvious reasons, but it’s there for every group that faces a vector of marginalization.
And that means this is related to TRANS INTERSECTIONALITY, so see the Trans Tuesday on that if you need more understanding on how we MUST fight every vector of discrimination at once if we ever hope to defeat it (and every marginalized community NEEDS us to).
Because we live within a society run by cisgender, heterosexual white men who established it with themselves at the top of the social hierarchy, simply existing within that system worms their biases into all of us.
My favorite way to illustrate this is to ask you to close your eyes and imagine a doctor. Okay, so… was that doctor an non-disabled cisgender white man? For a vast number of you, the answer is going to be yes.
Why didn’t you picture a woman? Or a Black person? Or a trans person? Or a disabled person? You didn’t consciously choose NOT to think of those people, your brain just excluded them on its own. Why? IMPLICIT BIAS.
Our society tells us those are the people most likely to be doctors, so that’s what we imagine without being consciously aware of it. And our society tells us that because those able-bodied cishet white men are the ones who set it up that way.
So INTERNALIZED BIASES come into play when you imagined that doctor and excluded your own identity from it. I still struggle with this. When I picture a doctor they’re often Black, or a woman, or even in a wheelchair, yes. But they’re almost never trans.
And I would never consciously CHOOSE to exclude trans people from being doctors! But my brain does it anyway, and while it sucks, NOTICING THAT YOU DO THIS IS ABSOLUTELY VITAL. Because you can’t fix what you don’t know is broken.
So we HAVE to do the work to find these implicit biases and work to root them out, we owe it to all our fellow humans. Here’s the best example of my own internalized transphobia that I can give you, and I’ve used it before.
Once I was finally publicly out as trans, I hesitated to call myself a lesbian, despite the fact that I’m exclusively attracted to women (and non-binary folks). I talked a bit about this in the Trans Tuesday on SEXUALITY IS NOT GENDER.
I don’t consciously hate trans people. In fact I consciously LOVE us. We’re amazing and insightful and free and amazing in all the best ways. And I did, and do, push back against ANYONE who says trans women can’t be lesbians. They absolutely CAN be. Many are.
But when applying that to myself? God, I just couldn’t do it and I didn’t know why. I felt like I wasn’t allowed, or couldn’t, or shouldn’t. But then I realized the only people who shared that view… were bigoted TE*Fs.
If you missed the Trans Tuesday on T*RFs or aren’t familiar with the term, you may want to check that out. Spoiler: they’re awful!
And so that gave me pause. They hate trans people, and I don’t. So why the hell would my thoughts, directed at myself, line up with theirs? That’s horrible!
What I realized is that society tells us lesbians are cis women… who are often just fetishized/sexualized by cis men. Which is something we trans women actually share with every cis lesbian. See the Trans Tuesday on the FETISHIZATION OF TRANS WOMEN.
Because I was raised in this society, its unwritten, bigoted “rules” get imprinted on me. Not even necessarily on purpose (though some parents sadly do raise their children to hate), but because I just existed within it.
The vast majority of our media, our stories, our culture, has these same biases, and so by experiencing all of that for our entire lives, we absorb it without realizing it. And while overcoming that to stand up for the rights of other trans women was easy…
…when applied to myself it was so, so much harder to realize, much less overcome. I AM a woman, I AM attracted to women, thus I AM a lesbian. Because trans is just another kind of woman you can be.
Disabled women can be lesbians. Black women can be lesbians. Senior women can be lesbians. ANY kind of woman can be a lesbian, and trans is just one kind of woman. Therefore, yes, I’m a lesbian. A trans lesbian. A transbian, if you will (there are actually a lot of us).
I also had the same issue with calling myself a “mom” for a long time, because what does society tell you moms are? People who give birth to children. And I didn’t do that, and our kid HAD a mom in Susan, so how could *I* possibly be a mom?
But of course people can adopt kids and be a mom, or use surrogates or egg donors. And I’d never say those women WEREN’T mothers. But when it came to me… it’s calling myself a “lesbian” all over again. There’s a whole lot more about being a trans parent coming next week.
For cis people, combating your implicit transphobia means examining where your implicit biases against us lie, and working to change them. You must see us as women, men, and non-binary people who are entirely equal to cis folks.
You have to start seeing us as doctors, librarians, astronauts, truck drivers, retail clerks, baristas, lawyers, firefighters, writers, actors, musicians, artists, and everything else under the sun. You have to fight the stereotypes you find yourself leaning toward.
Here’s a good thought experiment, cis friends. Would you go to a trans rally and march with us? (we continually ask, but few ever do). Further… would you, in your everyday life, wear a pin or shirt or carry a bag etc. with the trans pride flag on it to show your support for us?
Does that scare you? Does it make you worry that people who saw you might think YOU were trans, and that thought terrifies or repulses or angers you? That’s some transphobia, friends.
But for trans people, as it’s internalized and about ourselves, it’s much more insidious and can be lurking in all kinds of ways. Here’s some possibilities I just want you to think about, and if you find some that apply to you, try to figure out WHY that is.
Do you feel you’re different from other trans people, or like you don’t belong or aren’t part of the community, or aren’t trans enough? See the Trans Tuesday on THIS IS NOT FOR YOU (Trans Day of Visibility and yes you are trans enough) to help combat this.
Are you ashamed to be trans, or does it make you feel like there’s something wrong with you, and like you shouldn’t be this way and you just want to be “normal”? Do you resent being trans, or feel like it’s some kind of punishment?
Do you wish you weren’t trans? Are you embarrassed to say you’re trans? Would you be embarrassed to be recognized as trans?
Do you feel like (outside of safety reasons) you HAVE to pass as cis to be accepted? Do you feel like you have to conform to gender stereotypes if you want to be accepted? Do you feel like you can’t (or don’t want to) “look trans,” for whatever that means to you?
This isn’t all the different ways a trans person might have internalized transphobia, but these are some big ones. And look, there are all kinds of different reasons someone may feel that way, and I’m gonna be honest, I had to deal with some of those myself.
For a long time before I accepted my transness, I would think (and sometimes even say!) things like “if I could look like that (cis) woman, I’d transition right now.” Ha ha, just kidding.
Uh, hey eggs? Cis guys don’t say that. Okay, good talk.
But feeling like you can’t transition unless you can appear cis and no one would ever know is one hundred percent internalized transphobia. Society has told you men and women look EXACTLY one way, and we all know cis folks who don’t conform to that are punished for it.
A trans person appearing to be cis is “passing,” and a trans person who passes and lives without telling anyone they’re trans is “stealth.” There’s a Trans Tuesday on MISGENDERING AND PASSING if you’d like more info.
The bottom line is that passing is a complicated and complex issue, and we should not judge those that do (or want to) pass, OR judge those who don’t (or don’t want to) pass.
In short and always applicable: less judging, more understanding and compassion.
Some people may feel they can’t “look trans,” for example, for safety reasons. AND THAT IS ALSO TOTALLY VALID, because our society is violently anti-trans. But I want you to realize that even though it’s valid to feel like you can’t “look trans” in order to be safer…
That’s STILL internalized transphobia, because society has told you “looking like you’re trans” makes you a target, and now it’s in your head and you believe looking like what you are is bad or dangerous. And if that’s not transphobia, what the hell is?
For more on internalized transphobia, see my threads on THE INTENTIONAL TRANS ALLEGORY OF THE MATRIX REVOLUTIONS as it’s one of the key themes the movie tackles.
IMPORTANT SIDEBAR that those original essays got me a book deal and it’s out now! 🥳 You should definitely read it because it’s great!
What it all boils down to is that THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING TRANS IN ANY WAY, which I feel like everyone reading this far already knows and accepts on a conscious level. But our society spends a lot of time, money, and effort to make us think the opposite subconsciously.
We HAVE to do the work to root out implicit biases, because everyone deserves better.
And we HAVE to do the work to root out our internalized biases, because WE deserve better, too.
And you deserve to love yourself.
Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com