Trans 101

TERFs, PART 2: JK ROWLING, QUEEN TERF

Welcome to Trans Tuesday! Let me tell you, the last thing I want to be doing is an entire essay about this, but so many people don’t know, or claim to not know, or pretend it’s not the huge problem that it is. So let’s talk TERFS 2: JK ROWLING, QUEEN TERF. 

Please be sure you’ve read the essay on TERFs first, so you understand exactly what we’re talking about here.

Before we get into it, I want you to know this topic is important for you to understand regardless of if you love, hate, or are indifferent to the Harry Potter franchise. But also, and more importantly:

The problems related to Harry Potter’s author and what she does with her money is not related to the quality, or lack thereof, that you find in the work itself.

I’m not saying the books or films or whatever are good, or bad. Others have spoken about ways in which they are problematic, but that’s not what this essay is about.

It’s so important, so let me make this abundantly clear:

The subjective quality of a work of art is in no way an indicator of the “goodness” or “badness” of its creator.

Like yes, you can tell from some work if a creator has a lot of empathy for others, or some IMPLICIT BIASES, and those things are worth talking about.

What I mean is that saying “JKR is a bad person and this is why I always knew Harry Potter was bad” is a horrible thing, because you’re saying only a bad person can make art that you do not like, or vice versa. Just because you find a piece of art good or important to you, does not mean its creator is a good person.

That way of thinking is what protects bad people so often. “How could this author be a sex pest when their book is so good and important to me? Impossible.” And the reverse is also held true, “I hated this piece of art so its creator must be a terrible human.”

Bad humans can make art you love. Good humans can make art you hate.

Art is subjective. Yes, all of it. Yes, even the thing you love. Even the thing I love.

The good or bad representation and biases in a work are objective and can and should be discussed, but art is otherwise absolutely a matter of taste. That is, famously, the point of art. It means something different to all of us.

We can like problematic art, and still acknowledge its biases. By now you know my love for Star Trek, but it’s always been a product of its time and reflects the biases of its creators. Even though it is, objectively, one of the most progressive franchises ever, it has had problems. There have been sexist episodes, racist episodes, homophobic episodes, transphobic episodes. I like it not because of those, but in spite of those, because outside of the missteps it’s wonderful and the kind of compassionate and inclusive storytelling that I love.

I don’t pretend it doesn’t have those problems, or that it’s always been perfect. I acknowledge those and look at the ways it’s grown over time. 

And an even better example for you: I used to adore Seinfeld. It was so clever, so witty, and taught me so much about writing and how to weave disparate subplots together in masterful, organic ways. I’ve seen the entire series ten times or more, and used to quote lines from it back and forth with my wife Susan on a literal daily basis. It was foundational to me as a writer.

When Michael Richards revealed himself to be a racist, I was so mad at him and sad that it colored his performance for me. But he was just one member of a larger cast and crew. I could still like the show overall even if every time I saw him I was reminded he was a terrible person.

But then Jerry Seinfeld revealed himself to be a racist.

Jerry Seinfeld drew criticism earlier this month when it emerged that while in Israel to perform in Tel Aviv, the famous comedian visited an air force base and took his family to a tourist attraction in the occupied West Bank for ideological and military instruction.
Caliber 3, the Israeli firm that runs what Israeli newspaper Haaretz calls an “anti-terror fantasy camp” boasted about the Seinfeld family’s patronage in a Facebook post on 7 January.
“Finally we are allowed to tell you!! The legendary Jerry Seinfeld and his family were at Caliber 3 during their visit to Israel last week, they came to us for shooting training with displays of combat, Krav Maga [martial arts], assault dogs and lots of Zionism,” the post – which has since been deleted – said, according to Haaretz.
…The video also reveals that the training courses include live weapons fire on targets designed to look like Palestinians and simulated armed combat in faux Palestinian villages.

And Jerry Seinfeld then revealed himself to be a sexist, when talking to Bari Weiss of all people. Going on that fascist bigot’s show tells you a whole lot, all on its own.

Jerry Seinfeld said he is nostalgic for the “agreed-upon hierarchy” of American culture in the 1960s, adding that he misses “dominant masculinity.”
Seinfeld shared the comments on Tuesday’s episode of the Honestly With Bari Weiss podcast, where he said he feels cultural hierarchy has “absolutely vaporized in today’s moment.”
“That is why people lean on the horn and drive in the crazy way that they drive,” he continued. “Because we have no sense of hierarchy. And as humans, we don’t really feel comfortable like that.”
…“That’s part of what makes that moment attractive looking back,” he said… The comedian elaborated on his point saying, “I miss a dominant masculinity. Yeah, I get the toxic thing, but I still like a real man.”

And yes, that show was as much Larry David’s as it was Jerry Seinfeld’s, but Seinfeld is in every episode. The show is about (a fictionalized version of) him. His name is the title! He profits the most from that show, and my continued fandom of it, keeping it alive in the public consciousness and a financially viable thing for its studio.

I have not watched the show since. I have not quoted it a single time. To anyone.

I gave it up, because I can no longer support the show, knowing what I now know about half of its main cast, including the creator and star. And as far as I know Seinfeld’s not even using his incredible riches from the show to actively hurt people, like JK Rowling is. But I just can not support something made by someone so awful. I can not and will not. 

There are good people making things that I love just as much, and they will get my support.

And look, I know, I haven’t even gotten to Harry Potter yet. But this is so important for any discussion of media, which by now you’ve probably realized that I do a whole lot. But I’m a writer, a director, a creator. This is my life. Art is my life. It’s what gives it meaning and makes it great (well, that and love) (and Costco pizza).

I’m just heading off the replies I can see coming. “I am justified in never liking Harry Potter!” No, that’s not what this is. It’s fine if you didn’t like it, but that has no bearing on what we’re talking about today.

Also I’m just gonna head off the whole “there’s no ethical consumption under capitalism” aphorism people will point to in defense of their supporting the world’s biggest transphobe.

While yes, it’s true, that mostly there is no ethical consumption under capitalism because the entire system is bad, buying things from small local businesses and individuals can actually be mostly (or entirely) ethical.

But just because there are big problems with most companies, media, products, items, and services we need to pay for does not mean that we just give up entirely and give in to the system. We all still have to decide if there are lines we will not, or can not, cross. As with the nationwide boycott and rejection of Target and other businesses that have capitulated to the bigoted Trump administration’s demands. See RAINBOW CAPITALISM 2: FROM BAD TO WORSE for more.

Some things are still very empirically bad and harmful. Part of the problem discussed in the original RAINBOW CAPITALISM essay was how stores would often sell Pride merch, but then donate money to anti-trans and anti-queer Republican politicians that do us real world harm.

If someone you know and love donated to a politician that wanted to strip your rights away, would you feel safe around them? Would you feel like they respected you and your equal rights? 

You can’t be my friend and claim to care about me when you’re buying the fascist the boots they’re using to step on my neck. That’s not what friends do. See TRANS POLITICS 1: STOP TOLERATING TRANSPHOBIA for more.

And that’s what we’re discussing today, because we’re talking about Harry Potter’s creator, who ironically has become the she-who-must-not-be-named from the very books she wrote, and who directly uses the money and support she gets from Harry Potter to fund anti-trans hatred and legislation. Trans people have literally (actually literally) lost rights because of her! Keep reading.

JK Rowling is a transphobe. And when I say that, I do not mean she has some transphobic beliefs, or some unexamined implicit transphobia like literally everyone raised in our society does.

I mean she is actively transphobic. And like so many transphobes, it has become her entire personality to the extent that she’s probably now just as famous for being a horrible bigot as she is for writing the Harry Potter books. At least, to those of us who are paying attention and have seen what she’s said and done.

She’s such a transphobe, she shows up in the examples of transphobia in the Merriam-Webster dictionary!

For those who haven’t been paying attention to what she’s been doing, hi, this essay is for you!

Just what has she said that’s so bad, you ask? Friend, thank you for playing along, because I’m here to tell you!

Or, rather, Vox is. Have a read.

By 2025, her transphobia has become so rampant and constant that it’s difficult to build a completely comprehensive timeline of it. For those attuned to it, she doesn’t have to spell it out every single time; it’s a huge part of her identity.
These dog whistles only lead to more confusion, allowing people to point to the absence of immediately obvious bigotry to claim she’s being unfairly maligned. Over time, however, that bigotry has not only grown more pronounced but also broader in scope, leading her to recently target not only trans people but also asexual people. Additionally, she increasingly threatens detractors with legal action, which contributes to critics of her behavior falling silent. Conspicuously, many of her legal threats appear to be directed at individuals identifying as part of the LGBTQ+ community.

Let’s have a look at some of her Ungreatest Hits. She really fell into transphobia in 2020, and that’s when a lot of people first became aware of it. But she’s always been this way.

2014: Rowling writes The Silkworm, the second novel in the Cormoran Strike mystery series, which involves a trans woman who is portrayed as conspicuous and unable to pass. The book includes a scene where the main character gleefully threatens this character with prison rape.
2018: In March, Rowling “likes” (and then unlikes) a tweet referring to trans women as “men in dresses” and implying that trans rights are “misogyny.” A JKR spokesperson later claims that this “like” was an accident and that Rowling was having “a middle-aged moment.”
In September [2018], Rowling “likes” a tweet linking to an opinion column by known TERF Janice Turner, which argues yet again that trans women are inherently sexual predators, referring to them as “fox[es] in a henhouse … identify[ing] as [hens].” The myth that trans women are a danger to cis women is a grossly transphobic stereotype with almost no real-world justification.

In fact, here’s an article showing that it basically never happens.

And here’s a study that shows the same thing!

Legislation, regulations, litigation, and ballot propositions affecting public restroom access for transgender people increased drastically in the last three years. Opponents of gender identity inclusive public accommodations nondiscrimination laws often cite fear of safety and privacy violations in public restrooms if such laws are passed, while proponents argue that such laws are needed to protect transgender people and concerns regarding safety and privacy violations are unfounded. … This study finds that the passage of such laws is not related to the number or frequency of criminal incidents in these spaces. Additionally, the study finds that reports of privacy and safety violations in public restrooms, locker rooms, and changing rooms are exceedingly rare. This study provides evidence that fears of increased safety and privacy violations as a result of nondiscrimination laws are not empirically grounded.

But going back to that incredible Vox timeline of Rowling’s descent into anti-trans madness:

June 2020: In a tweet, Rowling mocks the trans-inclusive phrase “people who menstruate” in an article about pandemic menstrual health, implying that the phrase, meant to encompass trans men and nonbinary people, erases, overrides, or obscures the word “women.”
In a follow-up to the previous tweet and the backlash it spawned, Rowling posts a thread implying that trans activists are “erasing the concept of [biological] sex” and along with it “the lived reality of women.” She also states, “I’d march with you if you were discriminated against on the basis of being trans.” (To date, she has not.)

To date she has not. Ell oh ell.

Days later, Rowling produces her most overt and lengthy discussion of her views, a 3,600-word manifesto published on her website responding to “the new trans activism.” The post is replete with myths and false transphobic stereotypes, particularly revolving around the narratives that gender and biology are inextricable and that trans women are dangerous. Rowling states the movement offers “cover to predators.”
September 2020: Rowling releases the Cormoran Strike book Troubled Blood and is widely criticized after she creates a villain who preys on [cis] women by wearing women’s clothes. This is exactly the specter of a sexual predator that Rowling believes hides behind the label of “trans woman.”

And isn’t it interesting that Rowling releases those Cormoran Strike books under a pen name, Robert Galbraith. A male pen name. When she is a cis woman. Using her pen name. To impersonate a man.

HUH.

December 2021: Rowling shares a Sunday Times article that mocks the Scottish police for recognizing transgender identity. In her tweet, she parodies 1984, writing, “War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength. The Penised Individual Who Raped You Is a Woman.”

Fuckin’ yikes.

…Rowling tweets, “The question at the heart of this debate is whether sex or gender identity should form the basis of decisions on safeguarding, provision of services, sporting categories and other areas where [cis] women and girls currently have legal rights and protections.” The idea behind what Rowling is saying is that allowing trans women equal access to those spaces will erode current legal rights for cisgender women and girls. This is a position that only makes sense if you are denying that trans women and girls are women and girls. Rowling then adds an insistence on separating “sex” from “gender,” an essentialist idea that contradicts current medical practice and scientific research, which advocates for treating gender identity as linked primarily to the brain, not anatomy.
…British lawyer Alison Bailey partially wins an employment discrimination lawsuit in which she claimed that she was discriminated against because of her gender-essentialist views. While the lawsuit was in progress, Rowling posted a tweet urging her followers to financially support Bailey.
December 2022: Rowling screencaps a thread about the controversial new Hogwarts Legacy video game by the aforementioned popular transgender YouTuber Jessie Earl, aka Jessie Gender. Earl points out that supporting the franchise would “justify her continued targeting of trans people”; Rowling, in response, sarcastically accuses Earl of practicing “purethink,” implying trans advocacy is a type of religious dogma. An onslaught of transphobic social media harassment targeting Earl follows.

This is what we’re getting at. Full disclosure, Jessie Earl is a good friend of mine (though I did not get to know her until 2024/2025). But Jessie is right on the money. Supporting any Harry Potter project condones what Rowling is doing, and enables her to keep doing it. More on this soon.

Rowling also personally funds a new domestic violence support center in Edinburgh, which explicitly excludes trans women; Rowling frames this new center as offering “women-centered and women-delivered care.” Edinburgh’s longstanding domestic violence support center has had a trans woman as its director since 2021. Trans women, in particular women of color, are at a vastly higher risk of experiencing domestic violence and sexual assault than cisgender women.

Are you starting to see the real-world effects of her transphobia?

March 2023: A new podcast, The Witch Trials of J.K. Rowling, produced by Bari Weiss’s the Free Press and hosted by prominent former Westboro Baptist Church member Megan Phelps-Roper, featured interviews with Rowling. In its fifth episode, Rowling begins discussing the modern trans rights movement, calling it “a cultural movement that was illiberal in its methods and questionable in its ideas” and insisting, “I believe, absolutely, that there is something dangerous about this movement and that it must be challenged.”

As mentioned in the essay on TERFs, you here see Rowling allying herself with the far-right… who are the most misogynistic, anti-feminist group around. She’s telling on herself. Are you listening? 

My earlier note on Seinfeld going to talk to Bari Weiss also applies here! Just being willing to talk to a far-right fascist like that tells you so very much, let alone having her produce a show about how you, a billionaire, are being “victimized” by being held to account for your bigotry.

Look at this quote from JKR:

[S]ome of you have not understood the books. The Death Eaters claimed, “We have been made to live in secret, and now is our time, and any who stand in our way must be destroyed. If you disagree with us, you must die.” They demonized and dehumanized those who were not like them.

I am fighting what I see as a powerful, insidious, misogynistic movement, that has gained huge purchase in very influential areas of society. I do not see this particular movement as either benign or powerless, so I’m afraid I stand with the women who are fighting to be heard against threats of loss of livelihood and threats to their safety.

This is, quite clearly, a case of DARVO that she cannot even see. For more on the DARVO poop nugget, and how it’s a thing the far right wing does like clockwork, see RAINBOW CAPITALISM 2: FROM BAD TO WORSE and CHASERS AND THE FETISHIZATION OF TRANS WOMEN 2: REACTIONS AND ORIGINS.

While Rowling can say she only intends to target the specific trans activists who are angry at her, that’s an impossible distinction. She does not mention any formal group or entity that represents trans rights that has acted against her. The only context we have for what she is responding to are nonaffiliated individuals on Twitter sending angry messages in response to her transphobic comments. … This generalization doesn’t distinguish “the movement” from people who are simply angry and upset with Rowling. Instead, it seems to imply that “good” trans people are the ones who accept Rowling’s version of their identity and allow her viewpoint — that they aren’t who they say they are — to dominate their fight for social acceptance.

Trans people are estimated to comprise about half a percent of populations in both the US and the UK. A 2018 study from UCLA found no evidence to support that anti-trans legislation makes designated public spaces safer, but did find that “reports of privacy and safety violations in these places are exceedingly rare.” In essence, there was no danger to begin with.

February 2024: Rowling donated 70,000 pounds (about $90,000) to an anti-trans Scottish political lobby campaigning to restrict the Scottish government’s definition of “women” to cisgender women only.

Are you starting to see the real-world implications of her transphobia??

March 2024: On March 13, Rowling appears to deny on X (formerly Twitter) that trans people were targeted during the Holocaust. … a user responded with, “The Nazis burnt books on trans healthcare and research, why are you so desperate to uphold their ideology around gender?”

Rowling then takes this post and screencaps it, asking, “I just… how? How did you type this out and press send without thinking ‘I should maybe check my source for this, because it might’ve been a fever dream’?”

The burning by Nazis of books and research from Berlin’s pioneering Institute for Sexual Research, which conducted the world’s first gender-affirming surgeries for trans people, was captured in German newsreels at the time and has been well-documented since, including by the UK’s own Holocaust Memorial Day Trust. Calling this very well-sourced history a “fever dream” quickly drew significant backlash from X users, with many framing it as a form of Holocaust denial.

This is, in fact, a very real form of Holocaust denial. As is the fact that when the Allies liberated the concentration camps after WWII… they left the trans and queer people in the camps. For more on that see TRANS HISTORY 2: EXAMPLES OF TRANS PEOPLE IN HISTORY.

And this link. And also this link.

May 2024: As part of an X discussion that began with Rowling deliberately misgendering a trans soccer manager, she doubled down in response to criticism, both by claiming that trans women are “crossdressing straight men” and by comparing trans identity to cultural appropriation.

“Do I get to be black if I like Motown and fancy myself in cornrows?” she wrote. “What if I claim the authentic me has always been black and that you’re being racist to me? Would that be OK, or would you find it ludicrous and deeply offensive?” She did not respond to the many platform users who replied to address her use of racist stereotypes or to point out that race, unlike gender, is a genetic identity.

Yikes yikes yikes.

August 2024: Rowling contributed to ongoing harassment of and attacks on Olympics boxer Imane Khelif … Khelif was born female and has always been a cisgender woman. Rowling seems to be arguing that any hormone-related variance at all among [cis] women — despite the millions of [cis] women who have hormone imbalances — is enough to render them inauthentic or not “real” women. It’s an alarming development in her ongoing shift into extreme transphobic views.

It’s also deeply ironic. One of the points Rowling first made in her lengthy 2020 manifesto was about the need for cisgender women not to feel limited by the confines of normative gender expression. “In spite of everything a sexist world tries to throw at the female-bodied, it’s fine not to feel pink, frilly and compliant inside your own head,” she wrote, and later: “Never have I seen women denigrated and dehumanised to the extent they are now.” Yet Rowling’s transphobia has progressed to such an extent that she has herself become a denigrator of a cisgender woman and a reinforcer of “compliant” femininity against Khelif.

Do you have a hormone imbalance, cis ladies? And/or are you not white? JKR doesn’t think you’re a “real” woman. What a feminist!

April 2025: On April 16, 2025, the UK supreme court delivered a major ruling that explicitly denied trans women protection from discrimination on the basis of gender. The decision was prompted by a lawsuit brought by For Women Scotland; the transphobic group that received a 70,000-pound ($93,000) donation from Rowling in 2024 to aid them in funding the suit.

She directly funded the organization whose goal was to remove the rights of trans women to not be discriminated against! And then all trans women in the UK lost the right to not be discriminated against for being trans!

May 2025: Rowling launched the J.K. Rowling Women’s Fund, an organization explicitly devoted to funding the work of transphobic activists and organizations under the guise of “women’s rights” activism. She will be footing the bill, per the website, for “legal funding support to individuals and organisations fighting to retain women’s sex-based rights in the workplace, in public life, and in protected female spaces.” … As a recertified billionaire, Rowling should have plenty of money to devote to her pet cause — especially as her once-beloved Harry Potter franchise heats up again with a new HBO Max series adaptation.

Do you see what giving her more money and supporting her projects does??

GLAAD has its own timeline of some of her transphobia, which includes her wishing someone a “merry TERFmas”. What an upstanding lady.

Just this year, in 2026, Aminissty International (misspelled on purpose, keep reading), “an international non-governmental organization focused on human rights” that is based in the UK, released a report titled “A growing threat: the anti-rights movement in the UK”.

Why the hell would JKR care? Because transphobia is her entire personality now, and:

The briefing, published in July [2026],defined anti-rights actors as groups whose aim is to “restrict human rights by undermining human rights protections in law and practice”…

Many of the organisations it listed were classed as “gender critical”, including Beira’s Place and For Women Scotland, a campaign group that last year won a landmark case on the legal definition of a “woman” .

Rowling set up Beira’s Place in 2022 after a row over the management of the Edinburgh Rape Crisis Centre which at the time was being run by a transgender woman.

JKR sued them over it, due to the UK’s draconian, anti-free speech “libel” laws, and forced them to retract it and offer a fucking apology because she’d otherwise sue them out of existence.

Not only did they post that apology, they took the report down. And JKR’s since been working to ensure it’s removed from the web. Weird that she’s so ashamed of it, when she claims to be a proud TERF.

Many trans people outside the UK have taken to preserving that Aminissty International report. Like me! Here it is, for as long as the US still has free speech, anyway. Misspelled in the hopes bot scrapers don’t find it.

And she also recently suggested that her fourteen million followers on X should… follow trans people, even suspected trans people, into bathrooms to take photos of them. Highly illegal! Incredibly dangerous! Something only an unrepentant shithead would do.

Okay, that was a lot. It is so much. It is sobering to see it all laid out like that, and I am only giving you the highlights (lowlights?), there’s so much more in the full Vox article.

Let’s go back to that UK supreme court ruling for a second…

Rowling donated £70,000 (roughly $88,200) to the anti-trans group For Women Scotland in 2024 after it lost its challenge to a 2018 Scottish law that legally recognized trans women as women. The group appealed its case to the U.K. Supreme Court, which ruled last month that trans women aren’t considered women under the nation’s Equality Act.

Rowling responded to the decision by posting a picture of her having a drink and smoking a cigar, with the text “I love it when a plan comes together.” The post was widely criticized, including by The Mandalorian and The Last of Us star Pedro Pascal, who called it serious “Voldemort villain s—” and referred to Rowling as a “heinous loser.”

Pascal, whose younger sister Lux is trans, urged his followers to not “buy a single Harry Potter thing ever,” including by boycotting the upcoming HBO series and attractions at Universal Studios theme parks.

“It’s time to tell these corporations that transphobia loses money,” he said.

And it sure does lose them money! See RAINBOW CAPITALISM 2: FROM BAD TO WORSE to see a mountain of evidence showing that companies that stood by their diversity, equity, and inclusion programs have seen greater financial success due to standing up for those policies. All while companies that ended their DEI policies are struggling through boycotts.

And don’t for a second believe the stories trying to launder Rowling’s reputation now that it may affect her precious new tv show.

Transphobic billionaire Harry Potter author JK Rowling issued an exceedingly rare statement of support for transgender adults and gender-affirming care yesterday. Regardless, her comment doesn’t make up for her continued anti-trans activism.

In a response to a now-deleted comment on X, Rowling wrote on August 19, “I’ve always believed that adults with intractable gender dysphoria may only find peace after surgery and taking hormones. I’m glad you’re happy.”

The rest of that article at least somewhat takes her to task for the seeming hypocrisy of her tweet, but it’s far worse than that.

What is “intractable” gender dysphoria? Who gets to decide? Why is Rowling only okay with it if our dysphoria meets her approval? That’s some bullshit. It doesn’t matter what level of dysphoria a trans person has, including if that amount is none. Not all of us have it, even if most of us do! See GENDER DYSPHORIA for more. 

And note she only mentions adults, who are, y’know, trapped with the body horror of going through the wrong puberty for their entire lives when we transition as adults. See TRANS KIDS 1: FACTS AND DANGERS, and TRANS KIDS 2: THE INTAKE EXAM AND TRANS FLIGHT to learn why it’s so important to help trans kids avoid going through the wrong puberty.

It’s just more transphobic bullshit from the world’s biggest transphobic bullshitter.

The three stars of the original Harry Potter movies, Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and Rupert Grint, have made public statements condemning Rowling’s transphobia.

Of course Grint then recently signed on to reprise his role from the films on Broadway, so apparently enriching the woman who uses that money to hurt trans people, which he claims he is against, is okay if he’s getting a paycheck? Eesh. And shame on Deadline for not even asking him about this hypocrisy.

This article gets to the heart of what the new HBO Harry Potter tv series is really about.

Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson stood up for trans rights after Rowling made her views clear, and she has since stated that she won’t forgive them for cozying up to a movement intent on “eroding women’s hard-won rights.” It’s become evident that part of the driving force behind the upcoming HBO TV series adaptation of Harry Potter is to have an adaptation that doesn’t include celebrities who are vocally pro-trans rights.

… If you’re buying Rowling’s works, then you’re putting money into the fight against trans people. If you’re sharing things about her fictional worlds, you’re telling your trans friends that they can’t trust you, amplifying her social relevance, and giving her words more weight to speak out on political actions.

People will argue that Rowling’s books aren’t even that good, as if that’s the point of all this. The books were enjoyable. It sucks to give them up. A lot of us enjoyed them and watched the movies over the holidays. But we have to move on if we want to embrace social progress and stay true to our ethics. The only way to combat her anti-trans rhetoric is to let these fictional worlds move into obscurity, rather than boosting them up for another generation to embrace and telling Rowling we want to keep hearing her hate.

This is what it comes down to. If you continue to support Harry Potter by buying books or merch, or wearing that merch and keeping advertising and interest in the franchise alive, by spreading Harry Potter further through culture and society, by going to and supporting its theme parks, by buying video games or new copies of the movies or books, or by watching (or working on!!) the new tv show, you are directly supporting her transphobia.

Trans people, and our actual cis accomplices, are going to side-eye you for it. Because maybe you’re ignorant of the issue, which is a problem. Or maybe horribly damaging real-world transphobia is somehow not a dealbreaker for you, which is a huge problem. Or maybe you agree with her, which is a nightmare. In any regard, you’re telegraphing to trans people that you are not safe.

And next week we’re going to talk all about that, and I need you to read it.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

HAIR 3: WHEN A HAIRCUT GOES WRONG

Art by Bianca Blauth from Pixabay.

Welcome to Trans Tuesday! Something happened to me last year that took me completely by surprise, and not in a good way. Life always throws curveballs, and this one knocked me right on my ass. Let’s talk HAIR 3: WHEN A HAIRCUT GOES WRONG.

Now listen, you’re going to look at the title of this essay and be like… Tilly, c’mon. We’ve all had bad haircuts, it’s not that big of a deal. And first of all, no we haven’t all had them before, and second, there’s much more going on here than you think.

Because this essay is also a follow-up to several others. As I’ve said so many times, uncovering my transness was like untying a huge knot, because it touched so many aspects of my life that I never anticipated.

And as I’ve also said recently, I’m far enough into my medical and social transitions now where multiple aspects of my transition are dovetailing together in unexpected ways. So while this essay is very much HAIR 3, it’s also TRANSITION SETBACKS 2 and TRANS TRAUMA 3: LOSING YOURSELF.

See the original HAIR and HAIR 2: FIRST HAIRCUT for needed context on how important my hair has become to my sense of who I am, the original TRANSITION SETBACKS for an unexpected problem with my HRT that really messed me up, and TRANS TRAUMA 1: THE OLD DYSPHORIC FEELING for how seemingly benign parts of life can suddenly punch you in the gut, and TRANS TRAUMA 2: SOCIETAL GASLIGHTING for how sometimes the traumatic aspects of being trans in a transphobic society are very much by design.

The key piece of information to understanding what happened to me last summer is something I mentioned in the HAIR 2 essay, in regards to getting my bangs and how terrified I was that I’d hate it, or that it would change how I felt about the one and only part of my physical body that, at the time, gave me zero GENDER DYSPHORIA.

It’s a little saying I basically live my life by:

Everything you want is on the other side of fear.

And it’s true! So often in life we let our fears hold us back, force us into boxes, make our lives so much smaller and more confined than they should be. And that definitely happens to trans people so much, especially those of us that transition as adults.

We let society’s IMPLICIT QUEERPHOBIA and our own INTERNALIZED TRANSPHOBIA keep us from accepting ourselves, and the truth of who we are. Once my egg cracked and I started to see the code of the matrix (see Begin Transmission: The Trans Allegories of The Matrix), I saw how fear held me back in so many aspects of my life.

Sometimes those fears are well-founded! It’s not like all of them are made up, or false things forced onto us. Some of them are! But some are also very real, and it’s important to discern between them, so you know which ones are worth challenging.

I have a fear of diving off a huge cliff into the ocean below, and y’know, I feel that one is well-founded. I’m not gonna challenge that one anytime soon! But others do challenge that, and good for them! I guess? If it makes ‘em happy!

My fear of, say, having to be hospitalized for whatever reason if I were in a “red state,” knowing that they’d discontinue my HRT during my stay and thus forcibly medically detransition me? That one is absolutely well-founded, and one I am also not going to challenge.

But I’m a normal (but very smart and hot) human woman, so of course I have fears. One of which was cutting off a lot of my hair to get bangs, and as you saw in HAIR 2, it paid off huge and made me love my hair even more! A smashing success!

And then last summer, my great track record of challenging and overcoming my fears dove off a cliff into the ocean. And hit rock bottom.

In my desire to grow my hair out, as I went in every few months for haircuts, even before my bangs, all I was getting was a very slight trim of any split ends I had. We’re talking less than half an inch, because I just did not want it to be shorter in any way. 

This is probably from a pre-transition lifetime of wounding myself by keeping my hair buzzed to 1/8″ long, due to the Complicated Gender Feels I had any time it got any longer.

I allowed the fears I had, that were wormed into me by society, to control me. To cause me to wound my soul by keeping my hair in a style that was no way representative of who I am or wanted to be.

And so when I transitioned, I pushed back against it hard. Growing my hair out was the first thing I did to start transition in a “socially acceptable” way, even before I started BODY HACKING with exercise.

It had been the longest, and most affirming, single part of my transition, and I was determined to keep it that way. This was my own PUSHBACK OVERKILL, though in a much more benign way than the examples in the linked essay.

I’d hurt myself so much by keeping it so short for so long, I went too far the other direction and refused to let it get any shorter. Ever.

But that isn’t always, y’know, great for your hair.

Have a look at my most recent transition timeline, from my SIX YEARS OUT AND ON HRT CHECK-IN.

A timeline showing my transition progress from pre-transition, 2020 (when I came out and started HRT), 2021 (one year hrt), 2022 (two years hrt), 2023 (three years hrt), 2024 (four years hrt), 2025 (five years hrt), 2026 (six years HRT). You can see my face changing drastically through them, becoming rounder and softer over time. Also the life in my eyes goes from dead, to huh, to yay, to hooray, to OH MY GOD to CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE THIS WHAT IS HAPPENING.

Compare my hair in the 2022 and 2023 photos…

My 2 year and 3 year timeline photos, where you can see the ends of my hair go from healthy to dry as straw

My hair is pineappled in the 2023 photo, but it’s easy enough to tell. Look at the ends of my hair! They went from fluffy curls to dry as straw. The split ends had crept up really high, because I never let my hairstylist cut more than the tiniest amount of them off. 

So much of my hair was unhealthy and in bad shape, because of my fear of cutting it off. My hair had good days and bad, like anyone’s, but it looks so bad in the 2023 photo because I didn’t even realize at the time what condition it was actually in. I didn’t even know how to take care of my hair for a long time, so it wasn’t always in great shape (and at this point had probably been growing without a cut for… five or six years, at least?).

And this just kept going, because even though my hair’s behind me in a high ponytail, you can still see how bad the ends are even in the 2024 photo.

My 2023 and 2024 timeline photos, where the ends of my hair are just a disaster.

I mean just look, in both of those, how much healthier the hair on my bangs is! Because those were being regularly trimmed.

And you can definitely tell that I finally got all the dead, split ends trimmed by the time my five year timeline photo rolled around… because look how much healthier it looks!!

My 2024 and 2025 timeline photos, where the ends of my hair go from dry and split to very healthy and fluffy

What you can’t really tell is how long my hair was at the time, because for whatever reason I decided to have it up for both the three and four year timeline photos.

So in the early spring of 2024, here’s where it was at…

Me in a black, white, and red sweater, with my hair length down to the bottom of my boobs

Down to the bottom of my boobs! And I loved how long it was, even though you can tell those ends do not look good.

My hairstylist had been trying to get me to cut all the split ends off for probably over a year, and I always told her no, because of the very fear I’ve been talking about.

But I hit a point where I finally realized how dry and dead the ends were, and knew it would be better for my hair health to chop ‘em off. And I took comfort in my “everything you want is on the other side of fear” and “do what scares you” mantras I live my life by.

It worked out great for me many times before! So I finally told her, yeah, let’s do it.

Now it’s hard to tell how long my hair actually is because the products I use help bring out the curls, and curls make the hair appear shorter. So as she was actually cutting all the split ends off… I was a little shocked, because it sure was a lot of hair.

She kept checking in with me to be sure it was okay, because she knew how sensitive I was about it, and I told her yes, even though I was already feeling like, wait– when this isn’t wet and curls up, it’s going to be a lot shorter than where she’s cutting it now…

My hair always looks like shit right after getting it cut, because it’s got no product in it and it’s not styled right, and so it doesn’t look like my hair. I hate hate hate every day it has to be like that, for whatever reason. But a full wash, detangle, and style takes me over an hour and I just can’t do that everyday.

When it finally got time to style it for the first time after the cut, I was so super nervous that I was going to hate how short it was. But even then, all I was thinking was that maybe I wouldn’t like it and it would need to grow out some more. Not a huge deal.

Friends, it was such a huge deal.

Because as soon as I was done styling it, I looked in the mirror.

And I could no longer see myself. 

If you don’t understand the magnitude of this, please see PHOTOS AND REFLECTIONS. Trans people who transition as adults spend our entire lives never seeing who we really are reflected back at us, and when it finally happens, it’s huge. It’s beyond huge. It’s a stellar event full of cosmic forces that shift the entire way the world operates for you.

You can see when it first happened for me, in realtime, in PHOTOS 2: THE SELFIE APOCALYPSE.

And now she was gone. Gone.

I couldn’t see Tilly in the mirror. I couldn’t see me.

And after a lifetime of hoping and dreaming and fighting and agonizing to finally get to see the real me in the mirror, in an instant it was all snatched away from me.

I’ve mentioned a few times my pre-coffee thoughts that I post on social media everyday. They’re usually goofy nonsense, but sometimes end up much more serious and deep. One about GENDER DYSPHORIA appears in that essay, if you’ve not read it before.

Well.

Here’s the pre-coffee thought I posted on Nov 18, 2024, one day after that disastrous haircut, about how mirrors had again become fraught and dangerous:

lifelong enemies 
salvos fired from polished surface 
a target with no defenses 
she changed, 
molded into something better 
then from enemies to besties 
until one fateful cut 
unexpectedly 
brought the salvos back 
and she wept 

I was devastated. Heartbroken. I was lost in a sea of dysphoria for a week, and I didn’t know if it would ever end. I was right back to my entire life, pre-transition. Because, as I’ve said so many times, my dysphoria was caused by a lot of the way my body was pre-transition, but none more than my face. It was the biggest dysphoria culprit.

When I started seeing myself in photos and reflections, even though the rest of my body still had so many more changes to go through, it probably removed like 85% of my dysphoria. That was legitimately life-changing. It was the first time I started to actually feel like I was alive.

I knew how precious and important that was, but… even after the time my HRT stopped working, as discussed in the original TRANSITION SETBACKS, it’s not that I never thought there would be no more setbacks ever.

It just hadn’t ever occurred to me that once I found my true reflection, that I could lose it.

And it just crushed the life out of me. I was on the verge of tears all day, every day for that entire first week post haircut.

As you saw above, from both the 2025 and 2026 timeline photos, obviously my hair kept growing and is now possibly even longer than it was before this devastating cut. And it’s healthy at this length, which is fabulous!

But I just never thought that a simple trim, even a kind of big one, could change so much of my own self-perception.

What I came to realize is that my hair was so important to me, as the first part of my body to never ever cause me dysphoria, that having that change enough to give me dysphoria felt like the worst betrayal in the universe. It was the one, good, pure, true part of my body that was me, and the universe snatched it away from me.

Over the course of that incredibly difficult week, as I leaned on trans friends for support because they could understand what I was going through (you know who you are, and I thank you and love you), and I leaned on my wife Susan… who at first also didn’t understand my reaction to a haircut I didn’t like, until she quickly realized it brought my dysphoria back. I eventually figured out what actually happened.

My hair had changed in length, yes, but my face hadn’t. I was just so used to seeing it longer, that suddenly it slightly changing the way it hung and framed my face made me not recognize the face looking back at me.

Eventually I found I was still in there, even if the reflection was just a little bit different now. It was still me, and I thank all the stars in the sky for that.

Once I thought she/me was back in the mirror, I braved some selfies, which I had been too terrified to take for that whole week as I struggled under the dysphoria ocean, lost and terrified and alone.

And, to my surprise and true joy, I was still there. I think… that feeling kind of comes through in the photos, and you can see just how much shorter my hair had become. In fact, I think you can even see me progressing through it, from “I don’t know, maybe?” to “holy shit” to “it’s me!”

Me in a blue top looking kind of unsure but smiling through it anyway
Me in the same blue top, now smiling genuinely from my eyes
Me in the same blue top, leaning forward toward the camera with a “there she is” smirk

There’s a couple important lessons I learned from this ordeal, and if you take anything away from this essay, I hope it’s these:

Absolutely challenge your fears and push past them! It’s how we grow and get the life we want. But that doesn’t mean it’ll always turn out the way we want.

Transition setbacks can pop up anytime, anywhere… but they’re not the end. They’re never the end.

They’re setbacks, not complete and total protonic reversals that end the universe. Lean on the community, on your friends, on your loved ones when you need, and let them help carry you through.

Because you can reach the other side.

As long as you don’t give up.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

SIX YEARS OUT AND ON HRT CHECK-IN

Welcome to Trans Tuesday! It’s July, and not only is it July, it’s the seventh of July! Which means it’s exactly six years to the day that I publicly came out! So that means it’s time for my SIX YEARS OUT AND ON HRT RETROSPECTIVE!

To follow my entire journey on HRT, and being an out trans woman, check out the ONE YEAR, TWO YEARS, THREE YEARS, FOUR YEARS, and FIVE YEARS OUT AND ON HRT retrospectives.

I’ll be using my past retrospectives as a template, which means I’ll be discussing things in the same order, simply so that I remember to mention any updates on specific parts of my transition. Because ya girl is very tired and overworked and I’ll absolutely forget to cover something otherwise.

And before I do that, here’s where I remind you that I discovered I was trans in 2014, meaning it’s been a good twelve years of knowing and accepting my truth, even though I’ve only been out and actually transitioning for half that time. As I’ve mentioned before, the delay in starting was For Reasons I Don’t Talk About Publicly, but it’s nothing nefarious or transphobic. In any case, it’s wild to have hit the point where I’ve been doing this for as long as I waited through so much pain to do this. Next year I’ll officially pass that halfway point, which is exciting.

The newest and biggest change I noticed this year is in just how much I’ve truly embraced my true self, and come to love who I am so very much. It snuck up on me, as these things often do. Especially now, where I’ve hit the point where my transition is just kind of part of the background noise of my life, for the most part. Which is not to say I don’t care about it, far from it! It’s just not actively on my mind anymore, because I’m so happy with how it’s going and who I am.

If you want to learn more about how that realization hit me, check out CONFIDENCE 3: EMBRACING YOUR TRUE SELF.

For the entire past year since my five year check-in, our finances weren’t great. I’ve been through that before (a lot), and it’s something so many people are struggling with in our tanking economy.

I don’t mention this to elicit any kind of sympathy from you, many people still had it far worse than I did. But it was a struggle for us to stay afloat, which means that spending on things we didn’t absolutely need was kept to an absolute minimum. And this is only relevant because I have not been able to get more pairs of heels, both to practice walking in, around our apartment, and to actually wear out in the world (because now I do very much love the extra attention they get me, boosting my 6” 1/2″ to new heights). 

Things have stabilized now, so hopefully I can see some advancement there this year.

Despite getting my first bikini last year, I’ve still not actually worn it anywhere. This is mostly because I’ve not had anywhere to wear it to, I’m not really into swimming or Being In Water. I’ve also not had the time to go to anyplace that I might wear it, so… eh. But it’s there waiting, should the opportunity arrive and I happen to feel brave enough.

I still have to shave my face every morning (see GENDER DYSPHORIA) and my body once a week (see BODY HAIR). Getting that hair permanently removed from my face is something that still remains inaccessible to me, both for cost reasons last year, and due to reasons outlined in A PANDEMIC TRANSITION.

There is a new local trans-owned clinic who might be able to meet my I-have-an-immunocompromised-spouse accommodation needs well enough for me to get it done, but it wouldn’t be covered by insurance, and that means $$$$$. It also takes hours and hours and hours of time, and let me tell you what I do not have any spares of. So I’m still unsure if I’ll ever be able to get it done.

It worries me, especially if I get injured and am unable to shave my face myself, or if I end up in the hospital for whatever reason. Would someone else shave it for me, or would I be left to rot in the misery of dysphoria? It’s an unpleasant thought, but I’m kinda stuck, so… it is what it is.  

PHOTOS AND REFLECTIONS and VOICE continue to present no problems for me. Yay!

BODY HACKING update! If you’ve not read that essay, do so, so you can learn how important exercise, and specifically strength training, have been to my transition.

If you check out the pics in the FIVE YEAR RETROSPECTIVE you can compare them to these new ones. I see improvement, maybe you will too.

This is where I’m at now:

my poppin' left bicep
my abbbbbbbs!

There’s maybe not as much progress from last year as I would have liked, but that’s because after that five year check-in, I joined my local roller derby league! And it kinda changed my life with RADICAL TRANS ACCEPTANCE.

I’m practicing derby twice a week, for two hours at a time, and that eats up a lot of time and energy, so I have less time for my upper body workouts than before. But it means I’ve also had a lot of lower body gains!

Side view of my muscley upper and lower right leg

One unexpected and kind of amazing thing that’s happened with my growing strength is that roller derby has finally given me a place to use that strength. Before, it was just about being strong because I wanted to be, and that’s of course the most important reason. But now, having something where those muscles and strength benefit me is actually really amazing.

I mentioned in that essay on RADICAL TRANS ACCEPTANCE (roller derby), how I have very low dexterity and I’m not remotely agile. But there’s so many different ways to play derby, especially as a jammer, my favorite position to play (and also the one I am best at).

Some people are incredibly agile little rabbits that are impossible to catch and lock down. Me? My style is more RAR, CAP SMASH and I use my strength to push through the wall of blockers as often as I try to go around them. Both are perfectly valid tactics! And it’s really nice to be so well suited to the “I’m just a sledgehammer on wheels” kind!

My HAIR still remains super important to me, and happily still brings me so much joy. It has been a little difficult with the addition of roller derby, though, because any time I put my helmet on and get sweaty, my hair is absolutely destroyed. It needs a wash/detangle immediately after, and then doing the actual styling takes about an hour.

And I don’t always have time to style it the next day! Which has meant having some days where my hair is clean and all, but it doesn’t look like my usual hair, and that bothers me a lot. Just something I’ve got to live with if I’m going to keep playing roller derby, which I absolutely intend to do. I’m sure there’s a balance there, somewhere. I just haven’t found it yet.

MY TATTOO continues to be perfect, although for the first time I’m contemplating getting another. I’d like to have a lot more, I think, but I don’t know what they might be. If something’s going to be on my body forever, it’s got to mean something to me. And I’m not interested in seeking those out, if that makes sense. But if and when something occurs to me, and it feels like it might be right, then I’m all in on it!

So right now it’s just an issue of being sure of what it is, and figuring out where I want it to go, the latter of which is proving much more difficult than the first, because this isn’t a full-arm or any kind of (even a half) sleeve. But once I get that settled, I hope to get it. And this actually happened because one of the people in my roller derby league is a tattoo artist and posted a new design she did that was really cool, and sparked the idea I have. So that’s fun.

Time for HRT-talk! Injections are still going okay, and I may be struggling with the act of giving them to myself a little less. But the way the E makes me feel and what it does for me continue to be absolute aces. No issues, A+, would recommend.

Progesterone continues as well, though I’m not sure if I’m getting any benefits from it anymore, at least in terms of physical changes. I haven’t seen much breast growth (or more in the hips or butt) in the past year, so those may have all stopped. Still helps me sleep better, though! And helps keep my sex drive alive to combat the way E made it crater.

But you can see in the below pic of my birthday fit last year that, even if they stop growing here, The Ladies E and P have been kind to me.

Me in a low-cut pink top with nice looking bewbies

What has become clear, though, is that I need more low-cut tops because now that I can show them off… I kind of love showing them off? Look at them! Go ahead! I like looking at them too!

For the aforementioned financial reasons I haven’t been able to procure said low-cut tops since discovering I had enough bewb to show now, but that’s something I can hopefully find more of now, too.

In more boobie-related news, I had my first mammogram this year! It’s uncomfortable and weird to have a lady womanhandle your breasts to get them right on the machine and then squish the everloving fuck out of them. 

But it’s important! Especially for trans ladies and nonbinary people on estrogen. Our mammograms aren’t based on age like they are for cis ladies, we’re supposed to start getting them after five years of HRT (this is apparently the same guideline used for post-menopausal cis women who are also on estrogen). We worked so hard to get these boobs, friends. Take care of them and keep them safe!

Periods have stayed gone! I don’t know why!

Still do not love my hands or fingers, which remain stubbornly the same as they were pre-transition. It’s a small thing, but they bother me a bit. Not enough to cause a dysphoria spike, but I look at them and I’m just like… c’mon, be more ladylike, would you? Not that I could even tell you necessarily what that would be! Transition is weird sometimes.

Is this leftover, residual INTERNALIZED TRANSPHOBIA I’m dealing with? I dunno, but if my hands read more “lady hands” to me, I’d be happy about it.

Mental changes from HRT remain Most Excellent. Inner peace and self-love are great, it turns out. Give ‘em a try.

Style stays locked in, only… I think I’m moving away from some stuff I was presently okay with, mostly in the t-shirt realm. I was never fond of the “unisex” tees that are clearly just men’s t-shirts that they want to say are for “everybody” because it’s cheaper to only offer one style, but I just don’t like them much. I’ve cut the collars and sleeves on some, and that’s a fun kinda sporty/butchy style… but now I have a lot of shirts like that, and it is Too Many.

So I really do want to swap a lot of them out, even though I love them, for tees with a more feminine cut, or just other women’s tops entirely. Why must we have HEAVILY GENDERED CLOTHES? Well, we know the sexist reasons why, but still. Hopefully I can replace some of those this year too.

Lemme hit you with the new timeline photo! I continue to get hotter year by year, so by my ten year timeline photo I hope to be so hot it’s like looking at the sun.

A timeline showing my transition progress from pre-transition, 2020 (when I came out and started HRT), 2021 (one year hrt), 2022 (two years hrt), 2023 (three years hrt), 2024 (four years hrt), 2025 (five years hrt), 2026 (six years HRT). You can see my face changing drastically through them, becoming rounder and softer over time. Also the life in my eyes goes from dead, to huh, to yay, to hooray, to OH MY GOD to CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE THIS WHAT IS HAPPENING.

Oh hey… have my eyes gotten even more green in this past year? Sure looks like it! How cool. (There are estrogen receptors in the eyes, this is a thing that can happen!)

And… that’s it! Not a whole lot of changes for me this year, which maybe stands to reason when you’re six years in and have gotten (mostly) all you’ve wanted out of transition. I just continue existing as myself, every damned day.

And that’s the best fucking thing in the entire world.

a pink emoji heart

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com


PS – six-year selfieeeeees!

closeup of me in a red top with white lace trim and a black bow, with red heart glasses and white bows in my long brown curly hair
me in a red top with white lace trim and a black bow, with red heart glasses and white bows in my long brown curly hair, with a black and white plaid pleated skirt
me in a red top with white lace trim and a black bow, adjusting my red heart glasses, with white bows in my long brown curly hair, with a black and white plaid pleated skirt
me in a red top with white lace trim and a black bow, with my arms folded under my boobs, with red heart glasses and white bows in my long brown curly hair, with a black and white plaid pleated skirt, and black fishnets
me in a red top with white lace trim and a black bow, with red heart glasses and white bows in my long brown curly hair, with a black and white plaid pleated skirt

RAINBOW CAPITALISM 2: FROM BAD TO WORSE

Welcome to Trans Tuesday! The commodification of trans rights under capitalism has always been complicated and often awful, but things recently took a nosedive… by removing that commodification entirely. Let’s talk RAINBOW CAPITALISM 2: FROM BAD TO WORSE.

We can’t start this discussion without talking about RAINBOW CAPITALISM first. But this is part two, so hopefully you’ve already figured out you should read part one first, because you’re very smart (and have excellent taste in the trans essays posted to the internet that you choose to read).

The basic gist of it is that companies often only offer pride merchandise in June, while at the same time supporting politicians and policies that try to strip trans and queer people of our rights. It’s a naked ploy for our money and it in no way actually supports us.

Exceeeeppppt… trans people are part of the people who do business with these companies, so they should have merchandise targeted toward us. And it’s really nice to have things with the trans pride flag on it, because I’m so proud to be trans and I love my community.

The disconnect is in the double dealing they do, in not actually supporting trans rights. It’s very much a case of PERFORMATIVE ALLYSHIP and PERFORMATIVE ALLYSHIP 2: FALSE ALLYSHIP. They may want to think of themselves as a good company that supports trans people (well, some of them might, but I also suspect many know exactly what they’re doing), or they want to be seen as supporting trans people, but hey if the Republicans are going to give their mega corporation more tax breaks… too bad! Saving some money and profit line always goes up is more important than your inalienable human rights!

And so it’s complicated, because we do want to be treated as valued customers, but it’s got to be honest with real world support. For a case of handling trans merchandising the right way, see RADICAL TRANS ACCEPTANCE for how, yes, my roller derby league offers trans merch, but they also back it up with action and year-round support of trans rights. It’s important to note that roller derby leagues are not corporations, mine is actually a non-profit made up entirely of volunteers, many of whom are trans and nonbinary themselves. What a difference that makes.

The fact that so many companies participating in rainbow capitalism are run nearly entirely by cis people is also part of the problem. If there are any trans people helping run the company, they’re likely the only one, or one of a very small handful, and thus are the least empowered to push for change.

It’s the same thing I’ve talked about in my TRANS REP IN MEDIA 2022, 2023, 2024, and 2025 reports, where so many television shows have no trans people on the writing staff, or maybe one if we’re lucky. They’re almost never in the higher levels, and if they speak up about harmful representation or transphobic jokes, they’re the most likely to be punished for it, and possibly lose their jobs.

It’s the same in any business, and it’s why changing things for the better in terms of all of this requires more good cis people to hire more trans people, at all levels.

But recently things got even worse in the rainbow capitalism department, because For Reasons a very bad man and his smell-of-old-cabbage cronies gained control of the US government. They’re bigots through and through, in every way you can imagine. For more on the impact that’s had on me and the trans population, see THE 2024 ELECTION RESULTS: WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE.

Capitalism is gonna capitalism, so a lot of companies that wanted to get on the very bad man’s good side (so they could get lower taxes, or get a merger approved, etc) donated to him and his “causes,” stabbing every trans and queer customer and employee of theirs in the back. They have directly enabled every bigoted move that man has made since he took office in 2025.

As part of that, so many of them that previously wanted to appear inclusive and like they were good companies who cared about people, rolled back their DEI (diversity, equity, and inclusion) programs. Those programs were designed to address the very problem I was just talking about… to make companies less white, less cisgender, less heterosexual, less ableist.

And so you see exactly why the fascist cishet white men in power hated it, because they view rights as pie. If anyone but them gains rights only they previously had, or a job only they previously had, they see it as a personal attack and believe they are being oppressed and there’s less pie for them. When they’ve been lionized and supported and told you’re the very best and most important special boy for their entire life, anyone not telling them that is like a slap in the face to them. It’s why I had to do an essay on CIS IS NOT A SLUR (there is no default human).

The biggest brouhaha over the removal of DEI programs happened with Target. And they started even before Trump got elected, because a few loud bigots made a giant multinational corporation shake in its boots.

“A backlash against Target occurred in the lead up to Pride Month in 2023 after the American retailer released its Pride month merchandise, sparking attacks and threats from conservative anti-LGBTQ groups.
In May 2024, Target announced that not all stores would carry its 2024 pride collection.”

And they continued being horrible.

“Target says it will no longer sell its 2024 Pride Month collection in all of its stores following last year’s conservative backlash over its LGBTQ+-themed merchandise.
The retail giant said in a press release last week that it plans to offer its collection of products to celebrate Pride Month … during the month of June both online and in ‘select stores,’ depending on ‘historical sales performance.’”

They’re trying to play it both ways there. “We will still have Pride merch where the queers live, support us! But also look, very bad man, we removed most of it!”

“In a statement to NPR, a spokesperson for the retailer says it is committed to supporting the LGBTQ+ community not only during Pride Month but year-round.”

You actually don’t support us year-round, and you’re not even supporting us during Pride! 

So here’s a thought. How about you go to hell?

Especially because it gets even worse.

“[Target] added that in addition to selling LGBTQ-themed home and food and beverage items, apparel from its Pride collection this year will be tailored to adults. No Pride apparel for children will be sold.”

This is feeding right into the propaganda of trans and queer people as “groomers,” not to mention that trans kids exist and need support more than ever. This shit infuriates me.

See TRANS KIDS 1: FACTS AND DANGERS and TRANS KIDS 2: THE INTAKE EXAM AND TRANS FLIGHT for the actual truth on trans kids, and see THE FETISHIZATION OF TRANS WOMEN 2: REACTIONS AND ORIGINS for the absolute DARVO projection these people pull to paint innocent trans and queer people of the things they are guilty of.

It also silos us off to “the queer areas” of the US, but trans and queer people literally live everywhere. And not only that, in the areas where it’s less safe for us to be openly out, big stores selling Pride merch there normalizes our existence in areas that badly need it. And these absolutely giant companies with profits in the billions are mostly protected from bigoted blowback, because bigots are just a very loud but actually small minority. 

Most Republicans who campaign on anti-trans rhetoric lose their elections! It is not a popular stance!

Doesn’t matter to them. They fear the bigots, probably because the bigots are the constituents of the Republicans that these companies donate to to get their precious lower tax rates.

And it continued on.

“Target shifted a less flamboyant collection of Pride Month merchandise back to make room for patriotic, Independence Day displays in-store and Father’s Day online as other major retailers are likewise reducing emphasis on Pride displays and focusing more on other summer shopping holidays…”

Replacing Pride merch with jingoistic items to celebrate our country that’s full of colonialism, genocide, systemic racism, systemic misogyny, systemic transphobia, and more is… so on the nose I’d like to tell the writers of reality that I think a little subtlety might go a long way. 

Target was far from the only offender, of course, even though they’ve garnered the most headlines.

“Tech company IBM and beer brewer Constellation Brands are reportedly among the latest in a wave of corporations retreating from diversity, equity and inclusion policies amid pressure to comply with President Donald Trump’s executive orders gutting DEI and online attacks from conservative influencers.”

And it went on and on.

“Companies are treading lightly, avoiding prominent campaigns and visible public support. Thirty-nine percent say they plan to scale back public Pride Month engagements this year, according to a survey of more than 200 corporate executives… That includes sponsoring Pride events, posting supportive messages of LGBTQ rights on social media and selling Pride-themed merchandise.
Consumer brands are wary of provoking right-wing customers and activists, and they fear reprisals from President Donald Trump’s administration. Federal agencies have threatened to investigate companies with diversity, equity and inclusion programs.”

I’ve noticed, and people have mentioned to me that they’ve seen this too, that companies that do still have Pride merchandise, or that brought it back in any capacity… did so with the classic rainbow pride flag. Many would have no trans pride options, and not even use the progress pride flag that includes trans people. Anything that would even hint that that pink-white-blue combo was simply gone.

This is all anecdotal, sadly, as I couldn’t find any actual reporting on it. But given how little any trans issues are covered at all outside of the bigoted framing of us losing our rights, I shouldn’t be surprised.

One of the places I first noticed this was with Pride merchandise for my beloved Star Trek. I’ve talked about how important Trek is to me in many of these essays, and especially in A TRANS RE-WEDDING, where it was the theme of our entire celebration.

Here’s a little snippet from that RAINBOW CAPITALISM essay on how much having Trek Pride merch actually meant to me. 

An old photo of me in a trans pride Star Trek delta shirt, giving the “live long and prosper” salute, with the text, “And I admit it’s nice to have merch with the trans flag on it. I have a shirt with the Star Trek delta/trans flag combo that means SO MUCH to me, because it’s OFFICIAL. But it’s more than just blowing smoke because Trek has been actually featuring non-cis characters!”

I got an email from the official Star Trek shop about their new Pride collection, and I excitedly clicked right over… only to find all of it was only in the classic rainbow Pride flag colors. There were no trans options, or even progress pride options, to be found.

And you can see exactly how that made me feel in the social media post I made immediately after visiting the site:

A Bluesky post I made at 7:36 am on May 18, 2026 that reads: “sure got me feeling some kinda way that this year's official Star Trek merch for Pride is different from past years. there's now zero trans pride options. their slogan is Space for Everybody. but when you remove all trans options it feels like maybe it's not”

There were a lot of other trans people who were rightly really upset about us seemingly being removed from the Trek Pride celebration, because we had been part of it before. It felt like erasure.

Multiple people reached out to them about it… apparently a lot of people, several of whom sent me the reply they received.

I'm sorry for not getting back to you sooner. We've been receiving a high volume of inquiries, and we're doing our best to respond as quickly as possible.
Thank you for reaching out and for sharing your concerns with us. We truly appreciate you taking the time to provide this feedback.
We want to assure you that there was absolutely no intention to exclude trans, queer, or any members of the LGBTQIA+ community from our Pride collection or messaging. Inclusivity and representation are values that are deeply important to us, especially as part of a brand inspired by the ideals of diversity, unity, and acceptance.
The design currently featured in the collection was based on a previously approved creative asset, rather than an intentional statement regarding which Pride flag was used. We understand, however, that symbolism matters, and we appreciate you bringing this to our attention. Feedback like yours helps us continue to improve and be more thoughtful in how we represent and celebrate the community.
We have shared your comments with the appropriate teams for review and consideration moving forward.
Thank you again for speaking up and for being part of the Star Trek community.
Best regards,
Alyssa O.
Star Trek Shop - US Customer Support
contact@startrekshopsupport.com

I truly want to believe this was just an accidental oversight, that the design already had all the approvals (it’s a nice design! I don’t hate it!) and so they used it, and didn’t realize what the lack of trans options would be saying, both based on their past availability and the political climate we’re in. Especially with the slogan “space for everybody.” When you couple that with the seeming removal of trans people, it feels like you don’t believe we’re part of the community.

But you know what would have helped avoid this? Trans people having input on the design and release of your Pride month merchandise. Same as at any company, or any writers room. There are things cis people just aren’t going to see or realize, because they can’t.

Now that absolutely is a form response, because everyone who contacted them and shared their reply with me had identical replies, but… maybe that’s actually a good thing. Because if they were truly getting as many complaints as they say, it would be impossible for them to respond to them all individually. If they’d only received a couple, the replies would have been shorter and unique.

To circle this back to what we talked about earlier, you can see more of this pushback in action, with the boycott of Target that was started by Black folks, in protest of the store’s new anti-DEI policies.

“Across the country, faith leaders and civil rights activists are calling for boycotts, urging Black consumers to redirect their spending to Black-owned businesses or stores and companies that remain committed to DEI.”

And it’s, uh… working. So much so that their CEO even stepped down.

“‘Target is really struggling and does not seem to be able to climb out of the hole it has dug itself into,’ … The company has also faced intense customer backlash for its retreat on some diversity initiatives.
Earlier this year, the company ended some of its DEI programs. The decision angered supporters of diversity and inclusion policies, who felt blindsided by Target. Customers online protested Target’s decision, and Target acknowledged its move hurt its sales.”

There are companies who’ve stood up to the fascists and refused to comply by cancelling their DEI programs. They’re showing an actual commitment to doing the right thing, if you can believe it. Here’s a list of twenty-five major companies who pushed back.

“As President Trump and his allies wage war on diversity, equity, and inclusion programs, some companies are refusing to cave. While others like Target, Amazon, Walmart, and McDonald’s have backpedaled under political pressure, these businesses have stood firm.
These are the companies committed to recognizing that diversity isn’t a liability — it’s a strength.”

And one of those is my beloved Costco, who I adore not just for their food court pizza (tho that is, like, at least 73% of the reason). 

“One of the first companies on the list to announce its commitment, Costco has been applauded for its firm support of its DEI policies. Costco has kept its DEI initiatives, launching training programs focused on unconscious bias and cultural competency, ensuring that employees at all levels are equipped to support an inclusive workplace.
…Over 98 percent of Costco’s shareholders voted against a proposed anti-DEI initiative, as the board said it believes ‘our commitment to an enterprise rooted in respect and inclusion is appropriate and necessary.’ This decision has led to widespread support with ‘buy-ins’ taking place across the country…”

Costco was actually one of the very best experiences I ever had in trying to update my membership with my new name, after it had been legally changed. See INCLUSIVE BUREAUCRACY to see just how easy it can be when you actually care.

And… it has financially paid off!

“Total sales were up 11.6% to $69.2B in FQ3, which was a higher growth rate than other major retailers such as Walmart (WMT), Target (TGT), Best Buy (BBY), and Dollar General (DG) saw with their roughly overlapping earnings reports.”

Target’s tried to get consumers back this year, but it’s not going great.

“Even though Target’s most recent quarterly earnings report was better than expected, comparable sales fell 2.5% and overall revenue plunged 1.5% year over year. And the company is facing huge challenges as consumers broadly reduce their discretionary spending due to financial pressures.”

Ah, but Costco sells gas and Target doesn’t, and gas is super expensive now! Sure. BUT-

“Excluding the impacts from higher gas prices, overall comparable [Costco] sales increased 7.8% in April, while digital comparable sales grew 18.4% for the month.”

And yes, the economy tanking even further in 2026, due to the same very bad man, has made people spend less overall…

“Costco topped revenue forecasts late Thursday, bolstered by higher comparable sales and membership fee income. But earnings for the wholesaler came in below estimates.
The report lands amid growing concerns that higher fuel prices and inflation pressures could be stifling consumer spending. Retailers TargetTGT and WalmartWMT earlier this month reported “resilient” consumer spending, partially bolstered by tax refunds and stimulus measures. But those benefits will fade throughout the year, which weighed on their outlooks.”

But people are still spending. Just not with Target! Evidence seems to show a whole lot of them have gone… to Costco.

“…a survey from the consumer analytics firm Numerator has found customer foot traffic and market share have shifted from Target to Costco, particularly among shoppers who say DEI is important.
In terms of year-over-year visits, the firm said Target saw nearly 5 million fewer shopping trips during the four weeks ending on February 9. By contrast, Costco saw nearly 7.7 million more visits during the same period.”

GLAAD recently conducted a poll that showed the same thing.

“A new poll conducted by GLAAD ahead of Pride Month shows that large majorities of Americans support companies that support Pride as well as politicians who oppose anti-LGBTQ+ attacks.
The poll found that 68% of registered voters agreed that companies and brands should be able to show support to the LGBTQ+ community. Additionally, 61% believe public corporate support of the LGBTQ+ community has a positive impact on the community’s acceptance, and 76% are more likely to trust a brand that sticks to its values and stands up for what is right, even if it is controversial.”

And that’s the thing about this entire issue, from the Trek merch site apparently being flooded with complaints to Target profits absolutely cratering, while Costco fought back and now makes even more money than they did before:

There are more of us than there are of them.

I don’t mean just trans people, we’re too small a part of the population to effect any kind of change on our own. See TRANS POLITICS 1: STOP TOLERATING TRANSPHOBIA and TRANS POLITICS 2: YOU MUST VOTE TO PROTECT US for the details on that.

And I don’t just mean all queer people, who are a much larger group but still a vast minority compared to all the cishet people in this country.

I mean trans people, and all queer people, and cishet people who actually care about us.

We vastly outnumber the bigots. Two thirds of this country did not vote to put that very bad man in office. Not enough tried to stop him, but that’s a different issue. Most people are not bigots and have no problem with trans people. 

Companies supporting us, and standing up for us, actually makes the good two thirds of this country like them more. Why worry about the bigoted third when you could have all of the other two thirds?! 

Oh right, tax breaks. A whole lot of good those do you when your profits are in the toilet, tho!

Meanwhile Costco’s over here keeping their integrity and making bank. Supporting us is the morally right thing to do, but even from a naked capitalistic greed standpoint, it’s the right thing to do!

There are more of us than there are of them.

And it’s high time everyone started acting like it.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

CHASERS AND THE FETISHIZATION OF TRANS WOMEN 2: REACTIONS AND ORIGINS

Welcome to Trans Tuesday! This week we dive into what happens when trans women actually call out those responsible for fetishizing us, and look at where this all comes from. You won’t believe it… but then again, maybe you will. Here’s CHASERS AND THE FETISHIZATION OF TRANS WOMEN 2: REACTIONS AND ORIGINS.

Be sure you’ve read CHASERS AND THE FETISHIZATION OF TRANS WOMEN PART 1: EXPLANATION AND EXAMPLES first, because you may think you know, or obliquely understand, the sexualized harassment trans women face. But I’d bet all my pizza you don’t actually know how bad it really is.

And it’s important that you do understand that, so you comprehend the extent of the problem. We’re not just being overly sensitive, or “emotional women” who blow things out of proportion. And if you think that means there’s a misogynistic component to all this, you’re absolutely right.

But it’s not just misogyny, it’s also transphobia. What we’re discussing is the intersection of the two: transmisogyny. Just like the good TRANS INTERSECTIONALITY that we must continually strive for and push to make happen, trans women sit at the intersection of those two bigotries and it affects us in unique ways.

This is not in any way condoning or minimizing the sexualization and harassment that cis women face. It’s disgusting, it’s awful, and it’s wrong. But so is transmisogyny, and the fetishization of trans women is where it’s important that we talk about the differences.

While trans women and cis women share in a lot of the same abuse from the same people, what trans women experience is also different and it’s so important to talk about that. Because if we don’t, people don’t know. This isn’t just garden variety sexism, it goes so much deeper.

After a particular bout of bad chasers, I made a short and incredibly straightforward social media post.

A social media post i made that reads: hi cis white guys. It is never okay to comment on a photo of a trans woman with “i’d do you.” stop it forever.

I posted this across all social media that I’m on, because again, on all of them chasers are a problem, to different degrees.

This time, it was the fediverse/mastodon that collectively lost its shit. I got so much equivocation from so many people. 

Many were along the lines of, “um more than cis white men are sexual harassers actually.” When I certainly never said they were the only offenders, I was just specifically talking to them. 

A reply someone sent me on mastodon that reads: today i learned that black guys are allowed to sexually harass me according to mastodon dot social

 That is… clearly not what I said. At all. I got a lot of those. Eventually I felt compelled to respond.

My reply on mastodon: okay but this is a real problem for trans women that’s caused by cis white men and we can and should talk about that and not widen the scope when that’s not the point here.

And then I got a lot of, “Um actually, cis women get sexually harassed too.” Which is like saying “all lives matter” in response to “Black lives matter,” y’know? Yes all women get sexually harassed and yes all lives matter, but we are talking about a specific issue and we need you to listen.

A reply I received on mastodon that reads: so cis women don’t deserve the same respect as trans? I deserve respect, stop being sexist!
A mastodon reply from me that reads: but that’s not what I’m talking about here. This is the equivalent of “all lives matter.” I am not talking about sexual harassment in general. I am talking about cis white men who are chasers and have orchestrated the entire anti-trans movement

If the last line of my reply there pulled you up short… keep reading.

These are just some of the examples I thought to screencap, but there were so many more. There were some that enraged me so much that I entirely forgot about screencaps entirely… like the dude who suggested I “should not speak for all trans women because some of them probably like it,” the “it” there being sexual harassment.

But I do have my reply to him.

A reply I posted on mastodon: hey bud. When a person from a marginalized community speaks on the gross sexual harassment she continually experiences, your job is to listen and believe her. And not say that some trans women might like being sexually harassed by cis white men. Do better. Do SO much better. WHAT THE FUCK.

Because what it came down to, for these folks, was that a trans woman could not talk about one specific problem that affects her, and the cause of it, without people rushing in to make false equivalencies and excuses for why we do not need to talk about exactly that.

If you don’t think a whole lot of that is wrapped up in our societal implicit (and often very explicit!) transmisogyny, you’re not really paying attention. Society teaches us all continually to not believe women, and to not trust trans people, and thus to not believe or trust trans women. Please, again, see IMPLICIT QUEERPHOBIA if you do not understand.

But the flip side of that is that our society also implicitly tells us that cis white men are the best thing there is to be. They are to be held in esteem, respected…defended. No matter what. They cannot be wrong! Look at how impossible it is to actually prosecute sex crimes in this country. Look at how cis white men can get away with millions of things anyone of any other race or gender combo simply cannot. Because the cis white men in power will excuse themselves, and punish everyone else… for the very things they themselves are doing.

If this sounds a whole lot like the Republican tactic of DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim, offender), where the bigoted people in power accuse everyone else of doing the thing they themselves are doing in an effort to obscure their own actions, there’s a very good reason.

They famously accuse trans people of being “groomers” who want to sexually exploit children.

Their supporters famously concocted the “Pizzagate” “scandal” about Democrats running a child sex trafficking ring out of the basement of a pizza shop… that didn’t have a basement.

It is no coincidence that Pizzagate sprung up during 2016, the first time Trump was elected. Because guess who’s mentioned in the Epstein files (about an actual child sex trafficking ring perpetrated by… the world’s richest cis white men!) more than ONE THOUSAND TIMES.

Even the now far right slanted New York Times, which will clean up Trump’s nonsensical rambles and sanitize his horrible words when reporting on them, “found more than 5,300 files with references to Mr. Trump and related terms. They include salacious and unverified claims…“

And that’s from the newspaper that is itself responsible for intentionally laundering so much of these rich cis white men’s transmisogyny to make it seem like “just asking reasonable questions,” and helped lead us to right where we find ourselves with the state of transphobic legislation.

“As trans people see their rights eroded by the Trump administration, written news coverage of the trans community is dominated by a single outlet, the New York Times. Among the major news outlets we tracked, the Times had by far the most stories mentioning the trans community, and the lowest percentage of stories that quoted a trans person.”

And it’s so much worse than that, even. I was going to pull a quote from another article about it, but there are too many and the context is too important. Please do read, from a trans editor who was there, the account of the active and intentional anti-trans stories the NYT was pushing.

I also want to note that all of those instances of Trump’s name in the Epstein files that both CNN and NYT reported on were after a ton of pages were mysteriously never released by Trump’s Department of Justice. He’s in there that many times without even all of the (likely worst) files released.

Also… yes, of course more than just Republicans use DARVO. Any cis man in power will use it, a lot! But this is not about all cis men, it’s about a specific subset at the root of the problem we’re talking about. The white ones.

Because Republicans are the ones working so hard to take all trans rights away. Some of them don’t even hide it. Let me bring back this one incredibly bizarre chaser example from CHASERS AND THE FETISHIZATION OF TRANS WOMEN part 1:

Sigma.male2022 on insta DMs me: Hi my lady [lip emoji]. I want to see your swallow my goldfish henry. [two devil emoji]. Put him inside your belly [open hands emoji]. And I give you all you want. [devil emoji]

Did you see the username there, “sigma.male2022?” If you’re not aware, it’s what right-wing bros who are obsessed with making their masculinity as toxic as possible call themselves by dividing men into classes (sigma, alpha, beta, etc). These are, of course, the same guys who say gender is innate and immutable, and then do everything they can to make their gender very mutable so they can be extra big special men.

And this is where I explain the last line of my social media post above:

“I am talking about cis white men who are chasers and have orchestrated the entire anti-trans movement.”

Here’s a document released in the Epstein files, that I really need you to read. It’s not one of the ones with the worst, most awful details about what those horrendous people did to children, but it’s really important.

I am… horrified and disgusted to have to share this. But I have to.

You have to know.

From: Robert Trivers <

To: Jeffrey Epstein <jeevacation@gmail.com>

Subject: Trans

Date: Mon, 17 Dec 2018 04:52:10 +0000

it is very simple–i will compare male to female with female to male with greater molecular control over development we are increasingly capable of producing novel phenotypes–more feminine men, by blocking testosterone receptors (or castration) and, at the same time, increasing estrogen production–

the one blocks male features, the second encourages female features

more masculine women-heavy testosterone dosage incredible external effects, heavily bearded men, you would never guess they had a female bone in their body

first kind male -> female is 4 times more frequent than female -> male

the first is attractive-

he is a woman with a cock, so that if your fantasy is to suck a man's dick, otherwise you

are completely heterosexual, it would be much nicer if the rest of the organism is female, then you get the best of both worlds

so many transsexual women are very attractive and easily make money which in tum they assert promotes their prostitution since they have to pay hefty fees for injections every week, but they are sexually happy,--once you have reached manhood even castration does not prevent the sensation of organism

contrast the poor female to male versions, they are unhappy and lonely— they are men with mum-pums, the worst of both worlds

if you like smelly masculine men, you want that hard cock that comes with the show-nature's more complex and variable structures, the pum-pum that is an acquired tasted and not with a man

there are 100's of female Trans videos and websites, i have never seen a male one

BTW we are now pushing the intervention earlier--so you notice your 3-year old son has trans tendencies, so now you intervene with hormones– i would be frightened to do that –but who knows?

That email is from Robert Trivers, a sociobiologist. From this write up:

“Trivers was a key figure within Epstein’s circle regarding Epstein’s interest in funding “research” about transgender people.”

Maybe they were just horndogs! You’re reading into things, Tilly! Was Trivers really that bad? Well in addition to his crackpot theory that finger length determined transness, there’s this choice quote.

“Notably, in 2015, Trivers was interviewed by Reuters about his financial relationship with Epstein, saying that the financier remained a friend even despite his allegations of sexual abuse of a minor. “Did he get an easy deal? Did he buy himself a light sentence? Well, yes, probably, compared to what you or I would get, but he did get locked up,” Trivers told the publication at the time, adding, “By the time they’re 14 or 15, they’re like grown women were 60 years ago, so I don’t see these acts as so heinous,” he said.”

Here’s a quote from “How the pseudoscience is made: From dark money to an academic journal.”

“In one email, Trivers pulled off the Triple Crown of transphobia. He is clearly a chaser who wants to use his status as a researcher to naturalize his own sexual appetites. … Epstein explicitly funded Trivers’ work on trans people…”

When you go back to that email from Trivers to Epstein that I included, they are literally talking about making trans women so that they can sexually subjugate us. They despise trans people, but feel because we are “feminized men” they can dominate us and literally treat us like sex slaves. Now you see why they call us “shemales” and “femboys.” The emphasis is on the part of us that they identify as “male.”

And these are the same group of people that have orchestrated the entire anti-trans movement. 

To force us into sex work to get access to our hormones and other transition care. Doctors used to do this to trans women all the time, mind you. See TRANSMEDICALISM (and WPATH version 1) for more.

In fact, one of the most prominent doctors who performed trans surgeries is in the Epstein files!

“Dr. Jess Ting is a plastic surgeon and surgical director of Mount Sinai’s Center for Transgender Medicine and Surgery in New York City. He is a pioneer in the field of vaginoplasty, having innovated the peritoneal vaginoplasty technique for transfemme bottom surgeries.

He’s also all over the Epstein files.

His name appears in the files over 900 times, though many of these are emails in which the surgeon is CCed or on a longer email chain with other people. There are no implications that Ting engaged in any malfeasance or criminal activity related to Epstein’s international pedophile ring, but it’s clear that the two had a personal and professional relationship with each other that lasted past the time Epstein was initially charged with sex-related crimes.”

A trans woman was one of Epstein’s first victims, and the first to accuse him of sexual assault. 

She was mocked by the press, the story a sensational “shock” about her gender and not the assault she survived.

“…with a transphobic smear campaign… In 2007, it was seen as acceptable to call a trans victim’s testimony into question. Why? Because trans people were still seen as “crazy,” as people who were lying about their gender, and potentially everything else. At a time when trans people weren’t seen as reliable narrators of their own stories or bodies, Cordero’s bravery was shunned, mocked, and shamed.”

Do you see how it’s all connected? No?

Here’s an article on how Epstein backed a “…Billionaires’ Dinner’ Network of Prominent Anti-Trans Figures.”

“Lawrence Krauss, Richard Dawkins, Steven Pinker and other anti-trans influencers personally benefited from a right-wing academic social group backed by infamous human trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, sometimes meeting at his island.”

The rise of transphobia and the fetishization of trans women are inextricably linked, because they were all orchestrated at a societal level by the same people.

And yes, trans women’s fetishization has definitely also been on the rise, right along with transphobic legislation. By design. Fossil fuel billionaires are bankrolling the anti-trans movement.

Here’s a quote from another article, from prominent trans author and writer Julia Serano.

“What is new is that, starting around 2015—in the wake of increased trans visibility in the media (sometimes called the “transgender tipping point”) and the Supreme Court’s decision in Obergefell legalizing same-sex marriage—social conservatives began shifting their efforts toward targeting trans people instead. The attacks have since grown into a highly coordinated and well–funded movement that churns out both anti-trans and broader anti-LGBTQ legislation at unprecedented levels. This is the real reason why Republicans have become obsessed with “fairness in women’s sports,” “biological sex,” “social contagion,” “restrooms,” “grooming,” and other soundbites that didn’t exist ten or fifteen years ago. In other words, there hasn’t been an organic shift in public opinion on trans people but rather a massive astroturfing campaign against us.”

Here’s a remarkably good article on the topic, summing up a surprising increase in trans fetishization back in 2022, with lots of good data.

“Trans porn’s popularity appears to be in keeping with the general trends of the past few years. Last year, searches for “trans” grew 141%, with views of the trans category growing by 23%. In 2017, Pornhub also published a report specifically on the popularity of trans porn; for the most part, and for better or worse, it found that the popularity of trans porn has been steadily increasing since the mid-2010s. 

This particular bump in the popularity of trans porn, in addition to last year’s growth, is of course happening at the same time that lawmakers have introduced the highest number of anti-trans and general anti-LGBTQ+ bills in history. That these two occurrences are simultaneous is probably no coincidence. Last year, an Alabama republican lawmaker who voted to criminalize doctors who provide minors with transition-related healthcare was caught liking trans porn on Twitter. And a study from Lawsuit.org additionally found that Google users in Republican states are overwhelmingly responsible for the popularity of certain trans-related porn search terms, like “shemale” and “tranny.””

Yyyyyep. Yep yep. “Data Finds Republicans are Obsessed with Searching for Transgender Porn.”

“With more than 4.7 Million transgender porn related Google searches each month (per Ahrefs.com), do Republicans represent those searching most? The answer seems to be a clear YES. … In fact, the more Republican they are, the more they seem to like it.”

There is a ton of good data in the above linked article, like this:

Top 20 Most Transgender Porn Obsessed States

Texas
Georgia
Kentucky
Missouri
Kansas
Virginia
North Carolina
Illinois
Mississippi
Tennessee
Ohio
Indiana
Arkansas
Iowa
Louisiana
Michigan
Oklahoma
Alabama
Florida
Pennsylvania

Top 20 Most Transgender Porn Obsessed Metro Areas
Wichita Falls TX & Lawton, OK
Atlanta, GA
Denver, CO
Nashville, TN
Sioux Falls, SD
Paducah, KY
Minneapolis, MN
Little Rock, AR
Lexington, KY
Bismarck, ND
Amarillo, TX
Lincoln, NE
Oklahoma City, OK
Charleston, WV
Indianapolis, IN
Springfield, MA
Dallas, TX
Memphis, TN
Richmond, VA
Kansas City, MO

And these… illuminating graphs.

A series of three graphs showing google searches for “shemale,” “tranny,” and “femboy” with the most left voters looking them up the least, and as the political spectrum shifts to the far right, the searches for those terms drastically increases.

The demographic that consumes the most trans porn is also older…

“Looking at the popularity of trans porn compared to other age groups, we found the 18-24 age group was –22% as likely to watch trans porn as other demographics. The next age group, 25-34, was –1% as likely to watch it. After that, the older people get, the more likely they are to watch trans porn. It rises from +4% in the 35-44 age group to +21% for the 65+ age group.“

And, generally, the older people are the more conservative (and thus transphobic) they tend to be.

“…boomers take the crown as the age group who consumes the most transgender videos on Pornhub. Isn’t it ironic how the generation that speaks out against trans rights happens to be the biggest fan of the genre? The call is always coming from inside the house!”

What you have to understand is these right-wing men have bought into the lie of what a man is “supposed” to be, and it’s made them miserable. Trans people prove you don’t actually have to listen to anyone who tells you who you have to be, you can be your true self and be happy.

Trans women were collectively “gifted”  with being labeled cis males at birth, and society says that’s the best thing anyone can be. And we’ve collectively said:

NAH.

And to them, that means their misery is their own fault, for buying into the lies. They can’t have that!

So they gotta call us men while at the same time hating their own attraction to us (because we’re not men!) and that comes out in the form of fetishization and dehumanization.

We are just things to be used and worth nothing more to them, all so they can feel still in control of who they are and what the world is.

The evidence is incontrovertible, really. It’s all right there in front of you if you bother to look.

Do the chasers in my DMs know they’re doing what Epstein and Trivers and so many others wanted? Likely not. Chasers have existed for as long as trans women have.

But those dudes know it benefits them, as cis white men, because it was originated to do exactly that. These right wing bigots idolize their rich figureheads, which is where they learned (albeit often implicitly) to treat trans women as nothing more than dehumanized sex objects.

I’ve shown you these kinds of links before…

Like how excluding trans people from sports is literal Nazism (guess what Nazis were? Far right bigots) See TRANS SPORTS 1: ORIGINS AND “ADVANTAGES” and TRANS SPORTS 2: SCIENCE AND BIGOTRY.

And like how legislating against trans kids is nothing but propagandic fear mongering meant to turn the tide against trans people as a community. See TRANS KIDS 1: FACTS AND DANGERS and TRANS KIDS 2: THE INTAKE EXAME AND TRANS FLIGHT.

The fetishization of trans women is wrapped up in all of that, as is THE ERASURE OF TRANS MEN, which is pointedly done because their existence refutes everything these terrible white cis men stand for.

It’s all connected.

Stop doing the work of bigoted racist transmisogynist ultra rich cis white men, and treat us like actual human beings. 

And if you don’t start seeing it, and believing trans women when we talk about it, things are only going to get worse.

If you want to make things better, you need to start by listening when we tell you what our experiences are.

Not “correcting” us, not “but all women”-ing us, not “but all cis men”-ing us.

Believe us.

And finally, please:

Learn.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

COMING OUT AS TRANS

Welcome to Trans Tuesday! National Coming Out Day is approaching, so let’s get into what can be a difficult and complicated issue for so many of us: COMING OUT AS TRANS.

When people hear the words “coming out,” I think so many default to seeing it as a celebration, a joyous occasion, a party. And it definitely can be those things, but it’s also much more complicated than that.

And I want to be sure you realize right up front that while all queer people who choose to come out as their true selves share similarities, it’s very different for trans folks than it is for other varieties of queer people. Especially right now, in this political climate we’re in.

I didn’t have the word to describe my transness for most of my life, or a childhood where I could have come out and lived as my true self, but if I had had those things, I definitely could have come out at a really young age.

But in the real world that didn’t happen, and I finally realized and accepted the truth that I was trans in 2014. As I’ve mentioned many times in these essays, I had a hard date I knew I could not transition until, in 2020. It’s personal, and unless we are good friends I’m just not going to tell you for reasons that are my own. But it was nothing nefarious, no person was terrible to me about it and forced me to wait.

Those six years were some of the hardest in my entire life, doing what little I could to start my transition in “socially acceptable” ways (see BODY HACKING for more).

And I remember when a certain person was elected in 2016 thinking… well shit, how the hell do I come out in 2020 now, when he’ll still be president? And he and his administration are so horribly transphobic? 

Given where we’re at now in 2025, with him back in office and the onslaught of anti-trans laws ramping up even higher than his first term… I look back at the me of 2016 and feel like yeah, she was right, but she had no idea how bad it was really going to get.

But as the time when I could fully begin my social and medical transition drew nearer, I knew I couldn’t not transition. I also knew I couldn’t not come out. I’d spent a lifetime hiding and suppressing who I really was, and the pain of that was so great that I couldn’t bear it a second longer than I had to. Even knowing the extra danger it would put me in, given the way anti-trans rhetoric was ramping up.

Just after midnight on January 1, 2020, I “came out” to my wife Susan. And that’s not really true, because she’d known about (and helped me deal with!) my feelings that I was trans all along. We have superb communication and tell each other everything, I highly recommend it.

But that was when I told her I felt like had to transition, for sure. I felt like I was drowning (see GENDER DYSPHORIA), and told her so. And even then, BOYMODING was hurting me more and more every day, and would only get worse and worse, until I finally stopped doing it altogether.

In early March of that year, I went to a Hollywood makeup artist who did makeovers for trans women, and it changed everything. This social media post I made that day shows up in multiple Trans Tuesdays, because it was such a monumental shift in my life. (Do not let the avatar or username on the post fool you, at the time I looked nothing like that and my handle was still my deadname, but I grabbed this screenshot of it a couple years after coming out).

Today I did something I’d been terrified to do for most of my life (I can’t tell you what it is, but it’s not dangerous so do not worry). And all I can tell you is that we only live once and if you’re wondering if you should do that thing that scares you? Fuck yes. Go do it. [purple heart emoji]

That was the first time I ever caught a glimpse of the real me in a mirror. It wasn’t even close to the real me, mind you. I have photos from that day. A lot of them. I can’t really stand to look at them, they’re perhaps the most dysphoria-inducing photos I have.

Because it’s that guy who was never me, but with the tiniest, most infinitesimal bits of the real me, buried under so much pain. But it was enough. It was enough to know I had to do it, for real. I was one hundred percent going to transition.

We were in the tail end of a certain cretin’s first term as president, and I had no idea if he’d be elected again. I had no idea how the next years would play out. 

I wouldn’t let that stop me.

Covid hit, and things were so bad, and I had no idea what the world would be going forward. See A PANDEMIC TRANSITION for more.

I wouldn’t let that stop me.

See TRANS MOTIVATION for more on the ways the need to be our true selves can drive us to do things we never thought we could.

On July 7, 2020, I came out to the world (I’d come out to close friends and family throughout the week prior). And yes, that was a Tuesday. I’d already planned to do Trans Tuesdays from the start (see WHAT IS TRANS TUESDAY? for more on how it’s inextricably linked to my transition and my coming out).

This has never been posted to this site in the entire time I’ve been doing Trans Tuesdays, but here’s what I said to the world on that day:

So! Doing this in the time of covid was… something. I dunno what your pandemic project of choice was, but maybe not like mine. I’m still married to Susan. But as you won’t recognize the handle change, you knew me as [deadname]. Hi! I’m transgender, and my name is Tilly. 🙂

There’s so much I want to say. So much I have to say. Rejecting the white male society saw me as, and told me I was, means giving up so much of my privilege. Believe me, I know. But I’m still white. I’m 6’2”. I’m not ripped, but I have obvious musculature.

And I live in a safe neighborhood, in the most liberal and accepting state in the country. The amazing friends in my life I’ve already told have been nothing but kind, compassionate, and supportive of me. Every single one of them!

I still have so much more privilege than many trans people, especially trans women of color, especially Black trans women. No trans person, no trans woman, owes the world any more information than they want to provide.

They’re hesitant to be open about things, and for good goddamned reason. But I’m going to use my privilege. I’m going to be as open and honest as I can. I’ll be making weekly posts with #TransTuesday to talk about transitioning…

To talk about things in society you might not notice if you’re not transitioning yourself. I don’t claim to speak for all trans people, and certainly not even all white trans women. All I can offer are my own thoughts and experiences.

But I hope I can increase understanding, at least a little bit. If it helps one other trans person in any way, or if it helps one other person understand someone in their life who’s transitioning, it’ll be worth it. I want to help. If I can.

And I’d like to take a second to mention some people who’ve helped me, many who maybe didn’t even realize it. I’m terrified I’m going to forget people, but there are people I absolutely have to thank.

To the trans ladies who inspired me with their courage and heart, you made me feel as though I could be me. Lilah Sturges, Magdalene Visaggio, Jamie Clayton, Nicole Maines, Dana Levinson, Laverne Cox, Kristine Chester and Lana and Lilly Wachowski.

To the writers/producers who made me feel that my being trans would never exclude Susan and me from working in the industry we love, your visible support of trans people made me feel like this wasn’t career suicide:

Jon Rogers, Jennifer Court, Geoff Thorne, Tze Chun, Amy Berg, Bo Yeon Kim, Javi Grillo-Marxuach, Jeff Lieber, David Slack, Jose Molina.

To animation writer/producers, and comics editors and publishers, whose visible support made me feel like being trans would never exclude us from being hired: Mairghread Scott, Ellen Tremiti Waltke, Aaron Waltke, Dafna Pleban, Heather Antos, Andrea Shea, Barbra Dillon, Bryant Dillon, Damian Wassel.

There were so, so many things that went into me figuring this out, which I’ll go into over time with #TransTuesday, but one very real corollary fear was if discrimination would prevent Susan and me from being writers. It’s what we want most (and are pretty fucking good at tbh).

Your support matters. All of my friends and their private support, and all the people mentioned in this thread helped me believe it was okay to be me in this world. Please keep supporting LGBTQ+ folks. You have no idea the lives you’re changing. It honestly means the world.

Look how long this thread is. See? I’m still me. 🙂 Anyway, right, yeah, okay, I think I’m done? Who knows. IT’S ALL A PROCESS OKAY? Come along on the journey with me. Maybe we’ll all learn something.

Oh, and if you’re looking for writers of kickass hopeful sci-fi with blue sky imagination, from what might be the only married cis woman/trans woman writing team around (are there others? Tell us! I want to know them!!), Susan and I would love to talk to you. 💜

Tilly Bridges, end transmission. (I didn’t plan to end my coming out this way, it just happened as I wrote it, and I liked it so much it stuck)

I tagged as many people mentioned in that post as had accounts, and then this happened:

Lilly Wachowski and Jamie Clayton liking the tweet about them inspiring me

Lilly and I have talked several times since then, by the way. She’s one of the loveliest, kindest people on the planet. She even gave us this lovely blurb when we were crowdfunding our short film, Long Away! (you can learn more about that film in the essay on PARENTS WHO WILL NEVER KNOW THE REAL YOU (aka my dad).)

“Long Away is a soothing balm. Art that heals cracks in our hearts is vital now more than ever. More please!” - Lilly Wachowski. LONG AWAY. Support this film at Seed & Spark.

When your heroes turn out to be wonderful people? Yeah that’s the best thing ever.

And I regret to inform you that you don’t just come out once. As I mentioned, I came out privately to some family and friends before I came out publicly. But then I also had to come out to the DMV, and the bank, and our AAA car service, and our auto insurance, and and and and and. There’s a million services and websites you need to change your name on, and for some of those you can’t do it without contacting someone at the company, and having to come out to them, too, just to get them to change your name in their system. It’s a long and exhausting process. I had to take them one or two at a time, so I didn’t get overwhelmed. But I did it.

For more on how wrong that can go, see DISCRIMINATORY BUREAUCRACY, and for more on how right it can go, see INCLUSIVE BUREAUCRACY.

I’ve also said this a million times, and aha, now I have an essay to point to when I say it again: coming out and being ourselves, showing our joy living as our true selves, inspires others to do it too. I thanked the trans ladies who inspired me. Others who came before inspired them. I’ve inspired others since I came out (I’m not self-aggrandizing, people have directly told me… especially due to these essays and Begin Transmission).

So if we can come out, if it’s safe for us to do so, it’s vital, not just for us, but for every trans and nonbinary person down the line who will see us and believe they can do it too.

This is one of the key questions Matrix Reloaded explores in its trans allegory. If we knew how truly difficult cis people would make our lives when we come out, would we still come out and transition? And the answer is yes, but why? Why?

We do it for ourselves, because we deserve to live authentic and happy lives. But just as important is that we do it for them, for those who come after. For the one person who sees us smiling and joyous and thinks they can do it, too. We can save ourselves, and we can save each other (look, just read Begin Transmission: The Trans Allegories of The Matrix already, willya? Ok thx).

But then it’s not that easy, is it? Because for so many of us it’s not safe to come out, due to geographic location, political and legislative and physical violence, the possibility we’ll lose our homes and jobs (which happens a lot, see THE 2022 US TRANS SURVEY REPORT part 4 for more).

Even when we know, even when we know, people will accept us… there’s still a chance they won’t. I was terrified the first time I told my wife Susan I thought I might be trans. I was terrified on January 1, 2020, when I told her I felt like I had to transition to survive. I was terrified after my makeover when I told her I knew I was going to transition for sure.

She’s been nothing but wonderful, loving, and supportive the entire way! She’s never been bigoted or hateful towards anyone, including trans people.

But so many times, for so many of us, even those with spouses or family who are entirely supportive of trans people, we see that “entirely supportive” isn’t true as soon as it’s someone in their lives. Suddenly they’d have to be seen with us and that changes how they’re seen, and now they absolutely cannot have that (guess what, friends? That’s transphobia. See CIS SPOUSAL AND PARTNER SUPPORT for more).

Suddenly their CIS GRIEF is more important than us no longer living a torturous lie and being in pain for our entire lives.

AND THAT IS BULLSHIT.

None of us should have to deal with that! But the reality is that we do.

And that makes coming out an incredibly complex and difficult thing.

Despite the fact that in my coming out post I said all my friends and family accepted me without question, that’s not entirely true.

After that post, I had some people who I thought were friends get mad that I didn’t tell them privately. They were upset that they had to find out with the rest of the world.

My mother in law has been especially terrible since that post, and was routinely deadnaming and misgendering me, to the point where even our kid stood up to her and told her to stop it. Now she just doesn’t mention me at all, it’s like I died, or never existed. I’m not sure if that’s better or worse, but either way it’s terrible.

But nobody gets to tell you how to come out! Nobody gets to tell you when to come out, or if you have to come out at all.

I believe in the depths of my heart that we owe it to ourselves, and to each other, to be out and living as our true selves… but only if it is safe and the right time for us to do so. The sad reality is that, for some people, it will never be safe or the right time due to outside factors in their lives.

We should not be angry at those people. Imagine how difficult that must be, and the suffering they’re going through. I know several people stuck in that situation, who can only be themselves online or anonymously. I know the pain they’re in.

So let me wrap it up with this:

I want all of us to be able to come out and be our true selves. I want you to be able to come out and be your true self. I hope with my whole being that you’re able to, when the time is right and it’s safe for you to do so. Whenever that may be.

If you can’t come out, I see you. You are no less trans. You’re trans if you say you are (see YES YOU ARE TRANS ENOUGH), whether you can come out or not. Whether you can or want to transition or not.

Nobody gets to tell you how, when, or if you should come out. It’s all up to you, and that’s how it should be.

And I hope, I hope, I hope with everything I am, that one day soon you’ll get to join us in the sun.

When you’re ready, I’ll be waiting for you with open arms.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

TRANS KIDS 2: THE INTAKE EXAM AND TRANS FLIGHT

Welcome to Trans Tuesday! We conclude our talk on trans kids by learning what most go through just to access that care, and what their parents will do to protect them, in THE INTAKE EXAM AND TRANS FLIGHT.

Be sure you’ve read TRANS KIDS 1: FACTS AND DANGERS, so you know what is actually involved in transition care for youth, and the dangers of withholding it from them.

And here’s where we get into the intake exam, which most cis folks have literally no idea about. Now there are places in this country that have informed consent for trans people… you go in, certify that you consent to the treatment, and you get treated. These places are vanishing quickly with the legislative assault on trans care, however.

In the rare places that might have informed consent for trans kids, what does that look like? It’s something the entire medical establishment has rules for, to deal with everything related to kids and their medical care, gender-affirming care or not. Doctors know how to handle all these medical issues with kids! Trans care is no different!

What if a medical provider does not have informed consent for gender-affirming healthcare? Well let me tell you about what it was like, and how difficult it was for me, as an adult. I could have found an informed consent provider, there are several here in Los Angeles.

But they would not have been covered by my insurance. Gender affirming care paid for out of pocket is just not feasible for many trans folks, who are often financially unstable due to the employment and housing discrimination we face. One in five trans people has been discriminated against when seeking housing, one in ten has been evicted due to anti-trans discrimination.

Thirty percent have experienced homelessness, more than one-third have experienced poverty, and the unemployment rate is at 18%.

For a whole lot of us paying out of pocket for transition care just is not feasible. So for those of us lucky enough to even have insurance, we have little choice other than to do what our healthcare insurance and provider require.

The first thing that happened when I told my doctor I was trans and wanted to transition was her referring me to a psychologist. Not because she thought being transgender is a mental illness, but because it’s their policy.

Some of the reason is that mental illness can often be worsened by (and even caused by) gender dysphoria, so of course they want to check for that and be sure you get whatever help you may need on that front. Which is good and I absolutely understand and appreciate that.

But… they also want to “make sure” you’re trans, again showing they’re more concerned about not letting a cis person make a mistake than they are about helping actual trans people get the care we need. 

They wouldn’t even consider referring me to an endocrinologist to begin HRT until I had my intake exam with the psychologist.

This psychologist was a specialist in gender and transitioning. She’s my go-to for any other referrals I need for other services related to transitioning. Voice therapy, laser/electrolysis hair removal, gender confirmation surgeries, etc.

So how did this lady determine I was trans? We had a very long talk, and she had a billion questions to ask me.

And. 
I. 
Had. 
To. 
Justify. 
My. 
Existence. 
As. 
A. 
Woman.

Please sit with that for a minute.

Have you ever had to convince someone you’re a man or a woman? How would you do that? Especially when you can’t reduce it to your secondary sexual characteristics.

I mean even outside of being trans, the entire point of feminism is that women (or anyone) cannot be reduced to nothing but their reproductive organs. All of us are more than the sex junk we were born with, despite what right wing bigots want us to think, because they see cis women as nothing more than babymaking machines.

I had to dig up every memory I could find, in the course of my years of self-examination, where looking back I could see signs of my dysphoria, of my longing to be the girl I knew I was. I had to prove to a total stranger that I am who I say I am.

And if I failed? 

Too bad, Tilly.

You don’t get the medical care you need to make your life worth living.

Does that scare you? It should. It fucking scared me. 

Because what if I didn’t say the right thing? What if because my dysphoria revolved mostly around my face, chest, and my body hair, and not my crotch, she decided I wasn’t “trans enough” to transition? By the way, YES YOU ARE TRANS ENOUGH no matter how much or how little medical or social transition you do or want. 

It’s just terrifying and awful. It’s a nightmare. I don’t know how to tell you what it’s like. 

I’m a writer, and I can’t find the words for it. 

And what you have to understand is the trans kids who want puberty blockers, all of those kids who are already on puberty blockers… the vast majority don’t have informed consent. They go through varying versions of this.

And a doctor, a psychologist trained in gender and transitioning, has listened to them and made the medical determination that it’s in the patient’s best interest to be on those puberty blockers. Especially given, again, they make no permanent changes to the body!

So what right does any government have to interfere in a matter between patients and their doctors? If you’re seeing stark parallels between trans folks and their transition care, and cis women and trans men and nonbinary people with uteruses and their right to choice… yeah, weird huh? Maybe think about why that is.

It’s all connected. See BODILY AUTONOMY (and my tattoo) and TRANS RAGE (stop forgetting about us) to learn how it’s all the same fight and cis people, as a whole, need to wake the hell up to that already.

Every trans kid has already done more self-examination than a whole lot of cis adults ever do in their entire lives. And I’m so thankful some of them have safe home environments in which to do that, but I know also that many do not. I certainly didn’t.

And don’t give me bullshit about supportive environments, or being exposed to the very idea of trans people, as being “brainwashing” or whatever the fuck you want to call it. Hey cis folks, how much trans acceptance would make you suddenly not feel like a man or woman?

Is it zero? Of course it’s fucking zero. No amount of exposure to trans people is going to make cis people suddenly trans, just as no amount of exposure to cis people is going to suddenly make trans people cisgender.

Where the fear comes in is that learning about trans people, seeing us, may make you think you might be trans too. Might make your kids wonder. And some of you might discover that you are. And that scares the shit out of them.

Because it means everyone you know, and all of society, has been lying to you. It means the very foundation of our society’s patriarchal white supremacy, that men are manly men fighters who feel only lust and anger, that women are demure subservient babymakers, is a fucking lie. And then you see all the other lies our society is founded on in terms of racism, ableism, xenophobia, fatphobia, ageism, and on and on.

It means admitting you got conned about who you are, and choosing to make it right because you know yourself better than anyone else, and you don’t have to be who anyone else tells you to be.

Even if you’re not trans, just thinking about whether or not you are (which may just reconfirm your cisness!) means waking up to the lies you’ve been force fed for your entire life.

And sadly, when people learn they’ve been scammed, most can’t admit to themselves that they got took, so they double-down on the scam… rather than change and chase actual, real happiness. It’s the sunk cost fallacy. They’ve invested so much in believing the lie, they can’t risk it all now, especially when society rewards you for conforming.

See my trans allegory deep-dives on The Matrix, BARBIE, I SAW THE TV GLOW, STAR TREK: STRANGE NEW WORLDS’ “AD ASTRA PER ASPERA”, SILO s1, REAL GENIUS, and THE TWILIGHT ZONE’S “NERVOUS MAN IN A FOUR DOLLAR ROOM” for more, because all of them deal with that!)

Let’s end on an up note. Please read these, from the parents of a trans child, about what it’s like for them… and what a difference acceptance makes.

What I Wish I Knew Before My Child Came Out As Transgender

What I Wish People Knew About Raising A Trans Child

I’m raising a transgender son. My child is not a threat

Gender affirming care for trans kids is so important, many parents will uproot their entire lives to move to states who still have it and better protect it, because it’s what their kids need to survive. This has been going on for years.

There are tons more stories like these that you can find if you do ten seconds of looking. Some families are even leaving the country.

There are even guides on how to do it, and organizations whose sole purpose is to help families move to where their trans kids will be safer!

After all you’ve seen over these two essays, you’re going to tell me these kids are faking it? Their parents don’t know how vital that care is for them? That you think those kids should be forced through unimaginable suffering that many won’t survive?

If so, please fling yourself into the sun immediately.

Cis friends, this fight is yours too. It has to be, or these kids are going to suffer and many will never make it to adulthood. There aren’t enough trans people to change things on our own. See TRANS POLITICS 1: STOP TOLERATING TRANSPHOBIA and TRANS POLITICS 2: YOU MUST VOTE TO PROTECT US for a whoooole lot more on that.

See PERFORMATIVE ALLYSHIP and FALSE ALLYSHIP, and don’t let that be you. And PROACTIVE ALLYSHIP and NO ESCAPE 2: SOME ESCAPE (due to cis allyship) for what it looks like when you get it right.

And if you still, still, still can’t believe this is true, look…

Lawmakers in Utah, commissioned a study on gender affirming care for trans kids, thinking it would justify the ways they were already banning that care. Guess what? THE STUDY FOUND THAT THE CARE WORKS AND IS GOOD and the lawmakers just decided to throw it out and ignore it.

Why would they do that?

Excellent question!

It’s because RIGHT WING BIGOTS HAVE ACTUALLY ADMITTED THAT THE ENTIRE “ISSUE” OF TRANS KIDS ISN’T ACTUALLY ABOUT PROTECTING KIDS FOR ANY REASON, IT’S JUST AN OPENING TO ELIMINATE ALL TRANS RIGHTS.

It’s so hard for trans people right now, even more so for trans kids. I need you to let them know you support them. You’re there for them. You’re going to fight for them and defend them with everything you’ve got.

I don’t remember who started it or why it disappeared, but let’s bring it back… #Letters4TransKids was a hashtag going around from adults writing letters of support to trans kids. And they need to see them now more than ever. Write it, photograph it, post it to your social media accounts. Here’s mine:

Hi trans kids! I’m trans just like you. I was a trans kid, too, but I didn’t figure that out until I was an adult. You’re already so far ahead of the game! I’m so happy you’ve found your true self, and please know the people who disagree are wrong. Don’t EVER listen to anyone who thinks they know who you are better than you do. Things are scary right now, but you are not alone. You are loved, and we will never stop fighting for you. <3 Tilly Bridges <3 PS - I bet your handwriting is better than mine! I should practice more, huh? But nobody can make me! This is the fun of being an adult. I can’t wait for you to be an adult too. Then we can not practice handwriting together. Also let’s have ice cream for dinner. :)

Your support of trans kids is literally life-saving. If I’d had that, it would have changed my entire life.

SUPPORT AND FIGHT FOR TRANS KIDS.

They need us.

They need you.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com


PS – Here’s a list of BOOKS FOR TRANS KIDS! Thanks to Karla, mom of a trans kid and the guest on the podcast version of these episodes, for providing this!

It Feels Good to be Yourself
My Shadow is Pink
Call Me Max
Me and My Dysphoria Monster
Pink , Blue or Rainbow… It’s Okay to Be you!
Being You
Pink, Blue and You!  Questions for Kids About Gender Stereotypes
Fred Gets Dressed
Who Are You? The Kid’s Guide to Gender Identity

TRANS SPORTS 2: SCIENCE AND BIGOTRY

Welcome to Trans Tuesday! Let’s get to the bottom of this huge, discriminatory issue that is not actually a real issue at all: TRANS PEOPLE IN SPORTS 2: SCIENCE AND BIGOTRY!

Be sure you’ve read TRANS SPORTS 1: ORIGINS AND “ADVANTAGES” first!

Okay, so republicans would have you believe trans women are “taking over” women’s sports, but we’re barely even competing in sports as it is.

There are 510,000 NCAA athletes in the U.S., as NCAA president Charlie Baker explained to a Senate panel in December, and he’s aware of “less than 10” athletes who identify as transgender. But if you believe many right-wing voices, you’d think it was far more than 0.001961 percent of college athletes.

0.001961 FUCKING PERCENT OF ALL NCAA ATHLETES ARE TRANS. One hundredth of one percent. That’s what we need laws to ban???

It’s sexist patriarchal bullshit. Trans women have competed with women, and if we were dominating in any sport you’d know it already!

Until the recent bans, trans women were allowed to openly compete in the Olympics since 2004. How many of them have medaled? 

Z E R O.

In fact, prior to banning trans people from competing with our gender, the Olympics commissioned a study.

A groundbreaking study that was sponsored by the International Olympic Committee …sought to compare a range of athletic abilities between trans athletes and their cisgender counterparts. The finding that trans women athletes are at a relative disadvantage in many key physical areas relating to athletic ability and perform worse on cardiovascular tests than their cisgender counterparts could be the first step in fighting back against the conventional wisdom conservatives have spread that trans women’s participation is inherently unfair.

It showed trans women are at a DISADVANTAGE compared to cis women. Then they ignored the findings and banned us anyway.

This policy targeted trans women, and there is currently no scientific consensus—rooted in systematic, independent research—that justifies the exclusion of trans athletes. It’s just a vibes thing.

And if that’s not enough for you, here’s another study that says the same thing.

And another!

Here’s a study of volleyball players that showed trans women performed worse than cis men and about equal with cis women.

Also, it’s important to note that the very idea that trans women have an advantage over cis women is because those who peddle that nonsense see us as men. And that’s important because it means they believe men are better than women by default.

Cis ladies, do you see what that’s saying about you, too?

Also also? That’s bullshit!

In baseball, a cis woman pitcher even struck out Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig.

I’m personally not sure that sports should be segregated by gender, but there is value in having sports where people of marginalized genders (cis women and every trans and nonbinary person) can compete away from cis men who often harass us.

But allllllso there’s pretty compelling evidence that women’s sports were created because cis men were losing to cis women and they couldn’t handle how that hurt their feelings.

Women’s figure skating became an Olympic sport because in 1902 a cis woman got the silver medal when competing against cis men!

The very next Olympics women had their own separate event.

In Olympic skeet shooting, which is far less physical than other events, why can’t women and men compete together? 

They did.

Until 1992 when a cis woman won the gold medal.

The next Olympics women were not allowed to compete! And in the Olympics after that, they had their own separate event.

You’ve probably seen the images of Kathrine Switzer, who was the first woman to run the Boston marathon in 1962.

black and white photos of Katherine Switzer running in the Boston marathon as cis men competitors shove her and try to rip her number off

The other runners, all cis men, assaulted her, and tried to rip her number off (and thus disqualify her from the event). After the race, women were banned from competing in marathons until they got their own separate event in 1972.

HMMMMMMMMM.

Take all of that in context within the “issue” of trans women competing with women, and where does that take you? It’s the same discriminatory nonsense repackaged for trans women. Everything old is new again.

But let’s see what an elite cis woman athlete has to say about all this. Megan Rapinoe, what are your thoughts?

Here’s the salient bits:

Show me the evidence that trans women are taking everyone’s scholarships, are dominating in every sport, are winning every title. I’m sorry, it’s just not happening.

So we need to start from inclusion, period. And as things arise, I have confidence that we can figure it out. But we can’t start at the opposite. That is cruel. And frankly, it’s just disgusting.

So, we need to really kind of take a step back and get a grip on what we’re really talking about here because people’s lives are at risk. Kids’ lives are at risk with the rates of suicide, the rates of depression and negative mental health and drug abuse.

We’re putting everything through ‘God forbid a trans person be successful in sports.’ Get a grip on reality and take a step back.

Okay so what’s the reason for all this? Well friends you know as well as I do that it’s transphobia, because it literally can’t be anything else! For every reason I’ve already laid out for you. 

They’re not making it a secret who’s behind this, and the bigotry is pretty clear. The wildest part is them using the “our bodies, our sports” tagline, when some of the very organizations who sponsor this shit are the ones taking away cis women’s right to bodily autonomy.

Erin Reed, @erininthemorning tweeted, on June 21, 2022: Looks like the TERFs are having a rally in DC. I always love when they pair up with Alliance Defending Freedom and The Heritage Foundation, two of the leading anti-abortion organizations in America. You know, just in case you thought they were actually "feminists." There’s then an ad with a photo of girl athletes hugging, and the text “Our bodies, our sports. On the 50th Anniversary of Title IX, let’s keep women’s sports FEMALE. Rally + press conference June 23, 2022, 11:00 am EDT, Washington, DC.” two of the listed sponsors are THE FAMILY RESEARCH COUNCIL and THE HERITAGE FOUNDATION.

If you’re somehow not familiar with the “Family Research Council” or The Heritage Foundation, do some reading, especially as the latter of which is largely responsible for Project 2025 and the state our country is presently in (see TRANS POLITICS for more).

This is like the nazis originating the idea of sex testing in sports. If you find yourself on the same side of an issue as a nazi, you need to reexamine where you stand.

If you are a woman’s group, if you support women’s sports, if you support women’s rights, and you find yourself on the same side of an issue as The Family Research Council and The Heritage Foundation, it’s time to reexamine where you effing stand. They do not support women as anything other than tradwife babymakers, and that really ought to make you question why you agree with them on trans women in sports. That should tell you something important, in fact!

And if you’d like an even clearer picture of where things stand, note that sexual predators were allowed to continue playing sports while trans people were not. Talk about having your priorities backward.

A convicted rapist played in the very Olympics that said trans women are a “threat.” They don’t really care about threats, do they? White cis men can do anything and still play, but we can’t let an innocent trans woman who is likely at a disadvantage compete with her fellow women!

This is just another in a long line of new rules and regulations and legislation trying to eliminate trans people from public life. Can’t play if you transitioned as an adult, state won’t allow you to transition as a kid, then you’re legally barred from public bathrooms and your healthcare.

And if, even fucking if, adult trans women who went through male puberty have an advantage (we don’t!), why would you ban pre-pubescent trans girls from competing with pre-pubescent cis girls?! 

AAAAAAGGGGH do you see how transparent this all is? Please tell me you see it.

PLEASE TELL ME YOU SEE IT.

So why do these bigots only focus on trans women? Because trans men disprove their entire “theory” and all their talking points. Trans men on HRT are taking testosterone, which cis men use to cheat, and still do not dominate against cis men! See THE ERASURE OF TRANS MEN for more.

The ENTIRE “issue” of banning trans women from competing with cis women is simply to set a legal precedent that we are, in fact, “not women.” If trans women can’t compete with cis women, the bigots will say, it’s because we’re not “actually” women. 

If we’re not actually women in the eyes of sports, I mean, how could we be considered women anywhere else? It’s a wedge issue they made to establish that we’re not really women, and use that to take all the rest of our fucking rights away.

And they’ve been successful because too many people fell for the propaganda.

THEY HAVE EVEN ADMITTED IT’S NOT ABOUT SPORTS, IT’S JUST PRECEDENT TO DISMANTLING ALL TRANS RIGHTS!!!

‘The gender ideology movement is a house of cards,‘ Gaines told the Times this week, using a euphemism frequently deployed by the Trump administration. Gaines added that she believes sports participation ‘will be the card that makes all of it crumble,’ opening the door to convince the general public that trans women are not truly women and gender-affirming medical care for trans youth should be restricted.

And thus this two-part essay, for you who are confused, for you who want to know the truth, for you who want people in your lives who “have doubts” to understand.

We and our doctors know who we are better than you do. And none of us would choose to go through the unending bullshit the world continually throws at us just so we can beat you in a fucking sport. 

Recognize this for the hatred it is, and understand that there’s literally nothing more to keeping trans people out of sports than unrepenting, unending bigotry for people who are different and throw the FALSE DICHOTOMY of the entire false cis binary status quo into question.

If you believe in equal rights, you have got to fight for trans people to be treated equally.

Everywhere. 

Including in sports.

Anything else is just repackaged bigotry.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

ADDENDUM 1/16/26

As further proof this entire issue is nothing but naked bigotry, Republicans are trying to ban trans girls… from a co-ed cheerleading team, already open to all cis girls and boys.

It was never about fairness. Quite the opposite, actually!


ADDENDUM 2/6/26

Yet another scientific study confirms that trans women possess no physical advantages over cis women.

Body composition and physical fitness in transgender versus cisgender individuals: a systematic review with meta-analysis.

Conclusion – While transgender women exhibited higher lean mass than cisgender women, their physical fitness was comparable. Current evidence is mostly low certainty and has heterogenous quality but does not support theories of inherent athletic advantages for transgender women over cisgender.

FIVE YEARS OUT AND ON HRT CHECK-IN

Welcome to Trans Tuesday! Hey hey it’s July, and that means you’re gonna get my FIVE YEARS OUT AND ON HRT CHECK-IN! Let’s see where everything’s at, half a decade in!

If you’d like to chart my entire journey on hormone replacement therapy, and my entire journey being an out trans woman, check out my ONE YEAR, TWO YEARS, THREE YEARS, and FOUR YEARS OUT AND ON HRT RETROSPECTIVES.

As usual, I’m going to follow the same order of talking about things as my past retrospectives, simply because it helps me be sure I’m not forgetting to track anything.

So I’m gonna start with new things first, since there’s nothing to compare to for those.

In my fifth year, I realized I’d been wrong in estimating how long it’s been since I knew I was trans. I’ve mentioned so many times in so many of these essays how I had a hard date in 2020 that I knew I couldn’t transition before (for personal reasons), so I took my time figuring things out.

But I wasn’t writing essays or even journal entries back then, so I don’t know exactly when it was that I became sure of who I really was. I was estimating it at 2015, but this year I discovered a clue that made me realize it was even earlier.

Because I knew, I knew, when I made my character for Dragon Age Inquisition, which released in November of 2014. I downloaded it and began playing that day. And I always played women every chance I got (for reasons related to TRANS TABLETOP ROLEPLAYING GAMES). And the woman character I made for that game? Well it has very detailed sliders for facial customization. And… I gave her an Adam’s apple. 

So she’d be like me.

And I remember doing it at the time, and being like… well, there it is, huh? And I’m mad I didn’t realize the Inquisition connection sooner, because I could’ve celebrated ten years of knowing who I really am last year. Alas. So it’s been eleven years for me now, and ain’t that somethin’.

This past year I got my first pair of heels! For a while I avoided them because I’m already pretty tall, and I didn’t want the extra attention that being even taller would bring. But now… uh, I do actually? So as relates to CONFIDENCE and CONFIDENCE 2: INTO THE UNKNOWN (aka what is happening, aka whole new world), I guess my confidence has grown even further. Aw yeah.

I got them for the Monster High “graduation party,” which was basically the season two cast and crew party, but themed around graduation because the show sadly hadn’t been picked up for a third season. My wife Susan and I wrote six episodes for season two of the show, including the four-part “Monster Fest” Halloween special that’s just so, so trans.

Anyway, they encouraged folks to dress up on theme, and so I did!

Me next to a Frankie cardboard standee, in front of balloons that say “MH2024”
Me trying to show off my new heels that have skull buckles but you can’t really tell.
Me in a purple spider dress with a black graduation cap… that has a skull wearing a pink bow (like the monster high logo) and a graduation cap of its own


I’m not super great in walking in them yet, but I think I did okay! I definitely need to practice more, but… I wore them outside, and now I can’t wear them around the apartment to get more used to them without grossing up the carpet. And I haven’t been able to afford another pair yet to practice walking in at home, so… I wait.

But I drove in them, spent two and a half hours hours standing and walking in them, which kinda killed my legs, and after taking them off the flat ground felt bumpy? That’s weird. It’s a work in progress.

I still think I’ll be mostly a super cute girly sneakers/stompy boots girl, but then again… until I can practice more, who can say.

I also got my first bikini last year! It’s the first time I felt comfortable enough with my body to not only get one, but then take photos of me in it… because wearing it felt absolutely amazing! I still haven’t had anywhere to wear it to, but I only got it right when it started cooling off last year, so we’ll see what this summer brings.

me in a blue bikini with hot pink trim and pink flamingos on it, my long brown curly hair is up in a pineapple and i have pink heart-shaped glasses
me in a blue bikini with hot pink trim and pink flamingos on it, my long brown curly hair is up in a pineapple and i have pink heart-shaped glasses, and I’m flexing to show off my kinda nice biceps and abs yay


Still shaving my face every morning, and my entire body once a week (see BODY HAIR for more). Still can’t get laser or electrolysis for my face for the same damned reasons I wrote about back in A PANDEMIC TRANSITION.

Not only am I furious that this last major source of addressing what dysphoria I still have remains inaccessible to me because our society collectively decided to abandon the disabled and immunocompromised (again), but that with the current administration’s anti-science anti-vax stances, things are likely to just get worse and not better on that front.

Kind of feels like I’ll be doomed to shaving my face for the rest of my life, and I’m fuckin’ salty about it.

PHOTOS remain great for me, and even video has held out as being okay, due to a combo of facial changes from HRT, my HAIR, and my VOICE. I was able to record the intro video for the crowdfunding campaign for the trans sci-fi short film that my wife and I wrote and directed without issue! That’s super cool.

Btw that film is an adaptation of a comic we wrote, which itself sprang out of my essay PARENTS WHO WILL NEVER KNOW THE REAL YOU (aka my dad), if you’re curious.

As a reminder tho, seeing ourselves in video can be a huge hurdle for many trans people, and certainly was for me for years. See PERFORMATIVE ALLYSHIP for what happens when cis folks refuse to make the very simple, easy accommodations we need.

Let’s talk BODY HACKING, which if you remember was about the very first thing I did to transition in a “socially acceptable” way: exercising to make my body look less like it did and more like I wanted it to.

You can kind of see where things were at for me last year in the bikini photo above (with more detailed pics in the FOUR YEAR RETROSPECTIVE).

Here’s where I’m at now:

my poppin’ left bicep
my abbbbbbbs!


I don’t know if it looks like I’ve made any gains to you, but it certainly does to me. I’ve mostly only had the time to struggle to maintain what I’ve had for years now, but I’ve recently eked out a little more time that’s allowed me to increase my workouts some. I feel stronger, and I think I look it a little too. But I’ve only had this tiny bit of extra time for about a month as of writing this, so there probably isn’t really a lot of visual difference yet. It’s likely all psychosomatic. But if I have to will them to get bigger, I will!

We’ll see where I’m at next year, if I have the time to keep up the increased intensity of my strength training.

I’m also biking regularly on a stationary bike, which is new, because  on the day of posting my four year retrospective last year… I have to give up running. And it was devastating. Not because I loved it (I hated it actually), but because I’d never not run since using exercise to start my transition. And without it, I felt like I was losing a vital part of what shaped me into who I am.

Again see BODY HACKING for more on how and why this was actually much more serious for me than you might think. 

Luckily the stationary bike has allowed me to keep things up, and is even in some ways better. But there were a few weeks when I was in emotional anguish over not knowing what I was going to do.

But biking indoor for my cardio means I don’t need to wear my hoodie anymore, my cape, my very first piece of women’s clothing that I ever owned, that gave me early hits of GENDER EUPHORIA and made me feel like I could fly. It sounds silly, but I miss it. I haven’t figured out what to do about that yet.

I plan to write more about the loss of running and what it did to me emotionally, but I just haven’t gotten to it yet. It’s on the list for someday.

My HAIR again remains vitally important to me and my identity and who I am, but I had a bit of a setback with that this year as well, which is also another essay for another day. 

But otherwise, all is well in that department and I love it with all my heart.

MY TATTOO remains amazing, and last year I mentioned I’d figured out what was making post-transition photos of me without it feel “wrong” and… I said I was gonna do an essay about it. Also haven’t gotten to that yet! Ha ha, good times.

The list of future essay topics just keeps getting longer.

VOICE remains good. I feel really secure in it most of the time, and though I still catch it slipping sometimes if I’m really tired or emotional, for the most part it’s been pretty great. And I even feel like resonance (the hardest part) is starting to come more naturally without my thinking about it. Slow and steady wins the race, sometimes. Especially in transition.

Let’s talk HRT! My estrogen injections are still going really well. Or rather, the results from them are. Sometimes I still struggle with giving myself a shot, and it’s been nearly two years of them now. And sometimes I mess them up and have to do over. That’s probably just the way it’s always gonna be, and that’s okay.

I did change up how I take my progesterone, however. Other trans women have long said that boofing it (taking it as a suppository) gets you better results, because it doesn’t get processed by the liver… which destroys most of it when the pills are swallowed. But boofing just didn’t work for me. (see ANECDOTAL TRANS HEALTHCARE for more)

But then I remembered that when I was on estrogen pills, before they entirely stopped working for me (see TRANSITION SETBACKS), that common knowledge among trans women was that taking those sublingually (letting them dissolve under the tongue) got more of the actual estrogen into your body, because the liver destroys most of that when you swallow it, too.

So… I tried taking progesterone sublingually. 

I’ve tried to explain the taste of it to people, and the best I’ve come up with is:

It’s like despair wiped through a dumpster, a medicinal peanut left in the sun for eighteen years.

And y’know… I stand by that.

But… I cannot argue with the results.

Me in a low cut black dress covered in white stars, and lo and behold: cleavage! aww yeah. and i am adjusting my pink heart shaped glasses just to be sure I’m seeing things correctly. ha.


I still wish they didn’t seem to be miles apart (I have a broad shoulders and chest thanks to the wrong puberty, hooray), and I certainly wouldn’t mind if they were bigger. I’m still at a C-cup, though a fuller one than I was before. I don’t think I need to go up a cup size again, but if they keep goin’ I am not gonna complain.

I’m 99.99% sure I don’t want top surgery. It was something I considered at the beginning, and while it could certainly make them bigger and potentially also get them to be closer together… they wouldn’t be the same as they are now (obvs).

But I’ve come to love how they are now, because they’re all mine. I grew them. Me. And all it took was the right hormone telling my genes to activate the info they’ve had in them all this time. These were always in there waiting for me, they just needed to be switched on. And I find that incredibly beautiful.

Which is not to make anyone who wants breast augmentation feel bad about it! We all have to do what’s right for us and what makes us happy. And right now? My boobs make me so exceedingly happy just the way they are, even if they live in different zip codes.

No other changes to my (tiny) butt or my (little) hips, sadly. 

ARGH C’MON GROW MORE DAMN YOU.

But! I recently got the first photo where you can actually see that my hips are there and hoooooo the GENDER EUPHORIA.

Me in an off the shoulder long sleeve black top with hot pink bra straps showing, hot pink lipstick and hot pink heart shaped glasses, and artfully ripped jeans, with long brown curly hair and curly bangs, and you can see the (tiny) curve of my hips!!


Weirdly the period symptoms I used to get have all but vanished over the past year. Why? Who knows. Will they return? Who knows! Why study trans people, nobody cares. Ugh.

I don’t really miss getting periods, though they were a little affirming in their own awful roundabout way. But it’s interesting they’ve hit the road… maybe they just went on vacation, and will come back with a vengeance to see I’ve been partying while they were out of town.

Still not overly thrilled with the backs of my hands or my fingers… I have  seen trans ladies that’ve gotten visual shifts in how their hands appear from HRT, but so far nothing like that has happened for me.

The mental changes HRT has brought remain just as good as the boobs and butt and hips and facial shape and other physical changes. I feel calm and at peace and delighted in myself inside my own head all the time, and it’s an absolute miracle. (the, uh, state of the world notwithstanding. Bigots will not take my joy.)

Feel like I’ve absolutely zeroed in on my style though, and it’s not really shifting. It fits me so perfectly and I’m so happy with it. (see FINDING OUR TRANS STYLE for more)

And so let’s close out with the traditional timeline photo, which continues to amaze me in so many ways. Look at me getting more me with every passing year. Gosh. 🩷

A timeline showing my transition progress from pre-transition, 2020 (when I came out and started HRT), 2021 (one year hrt), 2022 (two years hrt), 2023 (three years hrt), 2024 (four years hrt), 2025 (five years hrt). You can see my face changing drastically through them, becoming rounder and softer over time. Also the life in my eyes goes from dead, to huh, to yay, to hooray, to OH MY GOD to CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE THIS WHAT IS HAPPENING.


One thing I only just recently noticed in looking at my timeline photo… look at my eye color change! They get greener every year! That’s wild (and yes, this can happen, there are estrogen receptors in the eyes… see HRT for more).

And that’s a wrap on year five of medical and social transition!

I never could’ve imagined the real me that was waiting on the other side, and how happy I’d be with her, and how delighted I’d be to see her in the mirror every day.

You owe it to yourself to find the real you that’s waiting for you, too.

Whatever it takes to get there.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillystranstuesdays.com 

WHY IS THERE NO CIS PRIDE?

Welcome to Trans Tuesday! This week we cover a topic that shouldn’t need covering at all, but some people are determined to remain purposefully ignorant. So let’s answer the question: WHY IS THERE NO CIS PRIDE?

Okay listen, I’ve got to tell you… I wasn’t even sure how to approach this topic, because it’s so blindingly obvious to me that it almost defies explanation. But these essays are here to educate, to help people find community, to maybe give trans, nonbinary, and queer people something to point to when you need an explainer for someone and aren’t sure how to word it.

And so here I am, trying to word it, because I’m a writer and my job is words.

I don’t believe that this is going to sway anyone who’s a bigot through and through, because they look for excuses to justify their hate. They didn’t logic, science, or facts their way into hate (because you can’t, science has a very real liberal bias for a reason, babes), and so logic, science, and facts aren’t going to logic anyone out of their hate.

But there are cishet folks out there who genuinely don’t know, or who have heard all the anti-trans and anti-queer propaganda, and aren’t sure what to believe. So I’m going to approach this by trying to speak to those who genuinely don’t know, and want to understand, in the hopes those are the exact people I can reach and help.

It can seem to some folks (cisgender, heterosexual, white, and usually men) that if trans and queer people (and women, and Black people, and on and on through people whose identities have been marginalized by society) get days, weeks, or months to celebrate them, to be proud of their identities, cisgender and heterosexual people (and men, and white people) should have days to celebrate themselves too, right? Why don’t they?

I’m going to approach this from the trans angle, as I do for all of these essays because these are trans Tuesdays, but note that it applies to basically every marginalized community in the United States and Europe (and beyond) in similar ways. And if you aren’t aware of how everyone from a marginalized community has more in common than not, and how we all have to be fighting not just for ourselves but also for each other if we ever want to see progress, let TRANS INTERSECTIONALITY enlighten you.

The first thing I think you need to understand, if you don’t already, is that trans people are not new. We’re not a fad. We’re not a “social contagion.” Although the more of us who are out and happy in our lives does make other closeted trans people believe they can do it too, and that’s why Republicans and conservatives are working so hard to erase us from public life (our very existence proves the cis binary, aka THE FALSE DICHOTOMY, is a lie).

Trans people have always existed, since the concept of assigned genders at birth has existed. See TRANS HISTORY 1 on how and why we need to uncover, spot, and name trans people in history so this very thing becomes common knowledge, TRANS HISTORY 2 for examples of trans people in history, and TRANS HISTORY 3 for even more examples of trans people in history from the Trans History: From Ancient Times to the Present Day graphic novel, by Alex L. Combs and Andrew Eakett.

Why is knowing all of this trans history important to understanding why there’s no cishet pride month? Gosh, do I ever have an answer for you, friendos! 🙂

It’s because you (sadly) cannot separate trans history from the way we have been oppressed by society throughout all of that history. We have been discriminated against, we have been removed or hidden from history, we have often been the very first targets of fascist regimes simply because, again, we prove the cisgender binary is a lie, which is what all of white supremacist ideology is founded on. And once you see that lie, (say it with me, I’ve said it so much and I know you know what’s coming), you can see all the other lies society tells us.

And we see that happening again right now, especially in the US and UK, so obviously so that I don’t even need to link you to any news stories about it, because there are hundreds of them everywhere you look, and more direct oppression of trans people is happening everyday.

But it’s also not just the horrible outright fascists doing this, because even when purportedly “liberal” people are running our government, they still uphold so many of the systems of oppression that so many of us face. See TRANS TRAUMA 2: SOCIETAL GASLIGHTING for more on that.

Sometimes that’s because those “liberal” politicians are also actively transphobic, like the long denial that trans and queer people were also forced into concentration camps during WW2, and also how when the allies liberated the camps they left the trans and queer people IN THE FUCKING CAMPS.

But just as often (if not possibly moreso) it’s because of the implicit transphobia they absorbed simply by virtue of being raised in our transphobic society. See IMPLICIT QUEERPHOBIA for more. Many of them uphold the false cisgender binary matrix of society without even realizing that’s what they’re doing. And if you want to learn a whole lot more about what that does to us trans people, and even to the cis people who uphold our oppression without realizing, see THE MATRIX AND ITS TRANS ALLEGORIES (in episode 26 of the Tilly’s Trans Tuesdays podcast) and my book BEGIN TRANSMISSION: THE TRANS ALLEGORIES OF THE MATRIX. 

Trans oppression isn’t just limited to the US or UK and Europe, of course. Here’s an article about the history of worldwide trans oppression.

Here’s an article about the history of oppression trans and queer people have faced in the United States alone, which includes some startling facts, including that more than HALF of us (51%) have faced violence because of who we are.

Here’s a timeline of trans and queer rights throughout American history, going back to the founding of this country (by colonialists who committed genocide and enslaved people), and how it’s been baked into this country since white Europeans arrived.

And here’s an article about the history of trans and queer people organizing and pushing for rights and equality in the United States.

Okay, so now… take in alllllllll that I’ve said so far, and the information contained in all the linked essays and articles.

Are you maybe now realizing how incredibly oppressed trans people have been for as long as the United States has existed?

So when we have pride month (which can be complicated and difficult sometimes due to how implicitly queerphobic our society is, see RAINBOW CAPITALISM for more), when we have Trans Day of Visibility (which is for all of us, all of us, see YES YOU ARE TRANS ENOUGH), what are they really about?

They’re about trans and queer people being proud to be who we are… specifically because society tells us that who and what we are is a “bad” thing to be.

It is us standing up in the face of oppression and saying you cannot change me. You cannot force me to hide. You cannot make me deny the truth of who I am. 

WE DESERVE EQUAL RIGHTS BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING WHO WE ARE.

So, cisgender person reading this, heterosexual person reading this, white person reading this, men reading this… think about when was the last time you were oppressed by all of society (even the “good” people), because of being cisgender? Because of being heterosexual? Because of being white? Because of being a man?

The true answer to that is: never.

Because our entire society revolves around saying that white cisgender heterosexual men are the best thing there is. Literally everything in our society, as built and established by white cisgender heterosexual men, is set up to affirm you in who you are. 

You specifically didn’t set up society this way, of course, but you do benefit from it. And that’s the literal definition of PRIVILEGE. (see CIS PRIVILEGE for more).

White cisgender heterosexual men are celebrated for who they are, by all aspects of our society, every single day.

And it also breaks down further than that, because all white people (even those of us who experience other marginalizations, like me as a very white trans woman) are privileged to not face the barriers Black people and every person of color faces.

All cisgender people (even those who experience other marginalizations, like women) are privileged to not face the barriers every trans and nonbinary person faces.

All heterosexual people (even those who experience other marginalizations, like women) are privileged to not face the barriers that every gay, lesbian, bi, or person of other non-hetero sexual orientation faces.

All men (even those who experience other marginalizations, like being gay) are privileged to not face the barriers that women and people of every other gender face.

And if you still don’t believe it, here’s one of my favorite examples that I’ve used in some of my TRANS REP IN MEDIA reports for 2022, 2023, and 2024.

Our art is a reflection of us as a society, of who we think it’s important to tell stories about, and who we “allow” to tell those stories. So let’s take movies, that quintessential American artform.

Name cishet white men who are heroes of huge movies and franchises. James Kirk, Luke Skywalker, Jean-Luc Picard, Indiana Jones, Han Solo, Superman, Batman, Captain America, Thor, the Hulk, Spider-Man, John Wick, Mad Max, James Bond, and the list goes on and on and on. You could keep going almost literally all day long.

Now do the same simply for cishet white women. Wonder Woman. Black Widow. Ripley. Furiosa. Princess Leia. Rey. Katniss Everdeen. Uh… I’m already struggling to think of them, even though I know there are more.

Now do the same for cishet Black men. Cishet Black women. 

Now try it for gay white cis men and women. Gay Black cis men and women.

Now try it for trans people of any variety.

Were you able to name any?

This shows you exactly who our society values most, who it thinks is worth telling stories about, who it thinks is worth “letting” tell their stories by nurturing, supporting, and paying them to do so.

Have your rights ever been debated by the Supreme Court as if they were things maybe you just shouldn’t have, even though you’re a human? No?

A clearer example you’ll never find of who this country oppresses.

Pride month isn’t about denying you anything. Because:

PRIDE MONTH ISN’T ABOUT YOU.

Every other month, week, day, hour, and minute is about you.

There’s no cis pride month, no hetero pride month, no white history month, no men’s pride month, because those people have already set up all of our society so that every single month is already all of those things. (There is an international men’s day, though, even though you arguably don’t need it. Enjoy it!)

Our society also has a long history of telling trans people things are not for us, even when they’re made by us. See THIS IS NOT FOR YOU 2 (let trans people have things) for how a whole lot of cranky babies simply cannot comprehend that two trans women might’ve made a movie about transness.

You don’t need to be ashamed of your identity because of how you were born or are, but there’s also no reason to be proud to be cisgender in this society, because all of it says that is what you are and should be (and is all there is).

You are living what society has errantly deemed as “default” (see CIS IS NOT A SLUR (there is no default human) to learn more, please).

By virtue of who we trans people happen to be, we had to overcome all that society throws in our way to stop us, to oppress us, to hide us, to remove us.

AND WE REFUSED.

WE STOOD UP FOR WHO WE ARE.

AND WE SAID “WE MATTER TOO.”

That is what pride month is about.

That is why there’s no cisgender pride.

WE have to fight just to try and get the same rights and treatment that you have never, ever been denied.

Please remember that it’s okay if not everything is about you.

And it can be tough to come to terms with that, when all of society has told you, for your entire life, that everything is all about you, and that’s how it should be.

But please try to realize how wrong that is.

And how all humans deserve equal human rights.

And for the love of pizza, take it into your heart one more time:

PRIDE MONTH ISN’T ABOUT *YOU*.

AND THAT

IS

OKAY.

a pink emoji heart

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com