Welcome to Trans Tuesday! Tillyvision rolls on in THE UNINTENTIONALLY INTENTIONAL TRANS ALLEGORY OF LISA FRANKENSTEIN, part 2! This week we get into what chains our hearts, and how awful it is to be seen when you aren’t the real you.
Be sure you’ve read PART 1 before this, it came first for a reason and has context you need! On we go.
2:50 – The Promise by When in Rome plays, almost the entire song, until 5:00. Look at those lyrics telling you allllll you need to know about Lisa’s coming journey. That it starts when we see her love and infatuation with the “dead boy” says a lot. Read them as Frank, her true self, talking to Lisa, letting her know he’ll be there when she’s ready.
If you need a friend
Don’t look to a stranger
You know in the end
I’ll always be there
And when you’re in doubt
And when you’re in danger
Take a look all around
And I’ll be there
I’m sorry but I’m just thinking of the right words to say
I know they don’t sound the way I planned them to be
But if you wait around a while I’ll make you fall for me
I promise, I promise you, I will
Yyyyep yep yep.
2:53 – Lisa does a rubbing of the gravestone, to copy and remember him. She doesn’t want to forget him.
3:02 – She adds “Lisa”, with a heart over the I, in red lipstick above it. She’s infatuated with this dead (to her) man (inside), has feelings of love about him.
3:15 – Look at everything on this bathroom counter, makeup and hair products, a curling iron… things society tells us women and girls need to conform to the rigid gender binary, many of them the dysphoria green-blue. Things Lisa feels forced to use to be the person everyone tells her she has to be.
By the way, liking these things doesn’t make you a girl or a woman, and not liking them doesn’t mean you’re not… regardless of our feelings about them, they’re what society says we’re supposed to like as women.
3:20 – As she crimps her hair, look at all the green-blue around her, the yellow light right by her eyes (these things send warning signals through her, these are not for you), the pink framing the mirror. Bathrooms are a source of dysphoria and gender conformity. She sees herself in the mirror and averts her eyes, she doesn’t want to look at that.
3:23 – In this shot there’s even more green-blue around her, she’s surrounded by dysphoria when doing these things society says she should do, and liking the things society says she should like, because they told her she’s a girl.
3:35 – She spares little glances in the mirror just to try to do the girly things right, but the crimping didn’t work right, the makeup makes her miserable, none of it brings her any joy. She drops the makeup brush and averts her eyes from the mirror again, hides her eyes from it. See PHOTOS AND REFLECTIONS to learn how difficult those can be for trans people.
3:43 – Despite the misery, Lisa’s trying to girl correctly again, when Taffy, her step-sister, enters. Taffy’s dressed in blue, being a girly-girl holds only sadness (in Lisa’s eyes). Taffy: “I don’t think that blush is your shade, Lisa.” A girl who does like those things tells her she’s “doing girl” wrong. Lisa looks at herself in the mirror, still miserable, touches her face like something’s wrong with it. Is it the blush Taffy mentioned… or it is that that’s not her face?
Is that the face someone makes if they put their makeup on wrong? Does her makeup even look wrong to you? She can do it however she wants. But dang, that hollowed-out despair stare is something you see in so many trans people’s photos from pre-transition.
3:48 – Lisa says she’ll probably just stay home. There is a gathering, a party, an event, and she’s not thrilled about going and being perceived. We see this same thing in THE MATRIX and REAL GENIUS, a thing that speaks truth about trans people pre-transition. Even if we want to be at a gathering or around people we like, it means being seen as someone we’re not and having to put on the act of who everyone says we have to be, and that hurts.
Watch in here how rarely Lisa looks at the mirror. She mostly keeps her eyes down, and when she does look up… she tries to look absolutely anywhere else.
3:53 – Taffy tells her this party is critical and “compulsory”! Like the compulsory cisgender heterosexuality our society foists on us all! See GENDERED CHILDHOODS for more on that.
3:55 – Taffy: “You know what your doctor said. You need socialization.” Lisa has seen a doctor for a problem she’s having, and a medical professional basically said “use more makeup, wear a dress, conform to who we say you should be and you’ll feel better! You only feel bad because you don’t conform!”
Like, medical transition care is real and needed for a lot of us, but allllso it’s basically treated as a “last resort” option they try to keep from us. They’ll try absolutely anything else first, even when we directly tell them what we need.
4:13 – Taffy wants Lisa to use her tanning bed. What is a tanning bed? A thing you use to fake a real thing you might otherwise have. It’s a way to conform to a visual aesthetic that society says is pleasing.
My friends, that’s gender-affirming care. Fine for the cis! Just not for us nonconformo transes. Check out CIS PEOPLE GET GENDER AFFIRMING HEALTHCARE TOO to learn more.
BUT—
Remember that the tanning bed is gender affirming care in metaphor, and watch what happens…
4:22 – Taffy turns Lisa’s head, forces her to look at herself in the mirror. Look at Lisa’s miserable face, again. Taffy: “You’re in need, babe.” Lisa is in need, but not of the lies society offers. Look at the difference on their faces. Lisa is not a person who likes what she’s hearing.
4:29 – Lisa opens the shed and is bathed in pink light. Using this will only force gender conformity on her (or so she thinks).
4:32 – The shed is awash in pink light, but there’s a lot of blue inside. Remember what the two together means? Yar, there be transness here!
The lights leading to the shed are yellow, red, and that same green-blue. The fear and danger of dysphoria have led her to this point. When you examine why you have those feelings, they can lead you to a solution… transition (here, in handy shed form).
More specifically, I believe this transition shed represents HORMONE REPLACEMENT THERAPY. I’ll explain why toward the end of the film.
4:35 – Look at her bathing suit, clashing in colors and patterns. Her love of self, all the warnings she’s picked up on, her sadness, and her dysphoria, have brought her to this point.
Behind her, the blue wall with silhouettes of pink cheerleaders. Transness.
The tanning bed is blue and pink. Transness.
The tanning bed brand is Kiss of Life. Kisses equal love, and they bring true life. Loving yourself carries you to living your truth.
4:46 – When the tanning bed closes, looking much like a coffin, it lights up with the dysphoria green-blue. It zaps her and she screams! It didn’t work, because it was, in effect, set to the wrong hormones.“The Promise” stops playing with the zap. But that zap is important. It’s her realizing that trying to conform to this woman she’s told she has to be really is wrong for her.
4:52 – As they drive to the party, Taffy apologizes for her tanning bed electrocuting Lisa, who replies, “I’m fine.” Is she? Look at her face! She’s miserable! And no wonder, look at her top. The pattern on it is in the dysphoria green-blue.
Trying to be a woman (again) only covered her in even more dysphoria.
5:00 – Taffy asks how Lisa likes Brookview so far. Not for nothing, but I described my own GENDER DYSPHORIA as being “like drowning,” and other trans folks have likened it to similar things. In view of a brook means you can see the water, ie I have not escaped dysphoria even though I moved to a new place.
In the same dead monotone as before, Lisa again says, “It’s fine. It’s the same as my old school.” Running from your dysphoria doesn’t make it go away, it follows you everywhere. And it makes you feel dead inside.
5:17 – Taffy asks if Lisa’s hot for anyone, and Lisa whispers “Michael Trent.” Remember that Michael means “like god,” and “god is love.” Lisa’s attracted to him because she loves him… or is it because she loves the kind of man she thinks he is?
I don’t know how to tell you this, cis folks, but for a good number of gay/bi/non-straight trans people, part of the difficulty in figuring out we’re trans is in wondering if we’re into someone because we’re attracted to them… or because we want to be them? It can be both! See SEXUALITY IS NOT GENDER for more.
Lisa’s going to struggle to figure out that very thing for most of the movie.
Lisa says Michael’s the editor of the school literary magazine. Do you remember what we saw Frank doing in the opening animation, besides playing the piano? Reading. Lisa sees in Michael something she recognizes from the man she has inside.
5:56 – Taffy talks about how great the party will be, and Lisa says it’s just off of Bluff Road (bluffs are lies, supertext), and they could have walked. Taffy says that’s too far to walk in jellies (they’re wacko shoes from the 80s kids, look ‘em up) and it would have hurt her feet. Taffy’s more concerned with appearances than functionality. Which, by the way, is what society forces on women all the time, with things like corsets and high heels, and makeup that makes it so you can’t hardly touch your own face without ruining it.
Again again again, it’s fine to like those things if you’re a woman! I do. But it’s wrong for society to make it a requirement for being the “right” kind of woman.”
Lisa says there’s a shortcut through the forest… through Bachelor’s Grove. Taffy says that’s the “haunted cemetery,” a place for dead things and tormented souls.
Lisa: “It’s not haunted. It’s just… abandoned.” Hey, that’s her heart, remember? Supertext. Then she smiles as she says, “Desecrated.” Is that a thing to smile about? She clearly likes something about whatever’s in there…
6:20 – Taffy says she heard the Heshers did witchcraft there, and that Gina Marzak dedicated her unborn child to satan there. “Gina” can be derived from several different names, but one of those is Virginia, which means virgin. Given that Taffy references the name in relation to an unborn child, it feels like a safe bet.
The cis view of the place where they force us to lock our true selves away from the world? Where people have autonomy (listen, people can do whatever they want with their own bodies even if you don’t agree with it)? It’s evil and no one should go there. According to much of our society, bodily autonomy is for (cis white) men only, whether you’re talking about abortion rights or trans rights (they are the same fight, see BODILY AUTONOMY.)
Lisa says she’s never seen anybody else there. Being trans and dysphoric is lonely, you might think you’re the only one who has these feelings, if you’ve not be taught that we exist. Which is why Republicans are fighting so hard to erase us from history and public life again.
There’s a long history of trans people being erased from, well, history. Learn more in TRANS HISTORY 1: HOW AND WHY WE NAME TRANS PEOPLE IN HISTORY.
6:30 – In a flashback, Lisa is reading at the base of Frankenstein’s grave, dressed in red, deep in her heart she knows she still has love for her true self.
Do note the flowers next to her, the small bundle of red and white daisies. I’ll remind you about them near the end of the movie.
She says she does wax rubbings of all the tombstones… Frank’s is her favorite. She does rubbings to remember him. She doesn’t want to forget him.
But pay attention to how his name is broken on the tombstone, so you can’t read it (and neither can Lisa). She doesn’t know his name, and won’t, until she becomes him and chooses one.
6:59 – In another flashback, Lisa now wearing green, she brings him a rosary with a crucifix that was her (dead) mom’s. Why would she bring that to the grave of a strange man, do you think?
Look at the beads… danger, fear, despair. There’s a crucifix attached, emblematic of sacrifice. That’s why it’s her mom’s rosary, and why she leaves it at Frank’s grave. This is when Lisa sacrificed her true self because of the fear, danger, and dysphoria her mother caused.
This gets confirmed in a bit!
And notice her top is green like the forest. By sacrificing her true self, she’s going to blend in to her surroundings. She’s gonna go GIRLMODE even if it kills her inside to do so.
Also, the book she was reading, and that she leaves him is titled, “Shelley’s Poems.” This is not just a nod to Frankenstein author Mary Shelley, it will also be relevant again at the end of the film. Just remember she left it with the man in her heart.
7:13 – Taffy: “That’s really weird, Lisa.” Cis people think us even talking about the smallest hint of our complicated gender feelings is “weird.” Lisa: “I just don’t think anyone should be forgotten.” That includes our true selves, buried deep inside.
7:22 – Taffy’s car is bright red. Danger, Lisa. Maybe not now, but beware. Head Over Heels by Blue Peter plays. Let’s have a look at those lyrics:
Swept away, I think I′m gonna fall
Late last night, when I got your call
Round and round my head, I still hear your voice
You said “Stay”, I guess I’ve got no choice
Just like a favourite song or a pretty face
When you’re gone, I’m still hungry for the taste
Building up the walls to keep the world outside
Out on the streets, we′ll take the world for a ride
The city’s on fire, we live for the smoke
I feel the heat when you get this close
Across the table, I light your cigarette
Just another story I could never forget
Head over heels
I′m falling fast
Head over heels
Will this romance last?
If we continue to interpret the “romance” as loving yourself enough to transition, you get a song wondering if there’s any hope for self-actualization in the future, and closing off from the world because being yourself out there is dangerous. Hmmmmm.
7:28 – Look at the lights at the party… they’re all green-blue. Dysphoria awaits you here. Taffy goes right over to other girls, they talk about hair and girly things. Lisa rolls her eyes and hangs back. Alone. Uncomfortable. THE MATRIX (see my book Begin Transmission: The Trans Allegories of The Matrix) and REAL GENIUS both feature this exact same event.
7:52 – Lisa walks past some boisterous jocks in red. Danger. She flinches at their stereotypical displays of tough man masculinity. But also those are often the types of people who punish us most for not conforming. There’s a boy in a pink and blue shirt just standing there, looking at them, following them around silently.
We already know she’s not into those kinds of guys. That’s not the kind of man she wants to be, or is. But she’s worried that she’d have to follow in those footsteps. For what it’s worth, BARBIE deals with that sort of bullshit on a macro level… if society says a woman (or man) is X, and I’m not X, does that mean I’m not “really” a woman (or man)?
8:23 – Look at Lisa’s reaction when she meets the kind of guy she thinks she does want to be, the famed Michael Trent. She’s panting! Excitement! An encounter with, seemingly, the kind of person she always wished she was.
Look at his shirt! A picture of Friedrich Nietzsche with the quote, “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”
As in… living for the he you want to be, Lisa, can help you do things you never thought possible (see TRANS MOTIVATION).
Nietzsche was a philosopher and complicated person (to put it mildly). Among many things, he was known for claiming “…the Christian faith as practised was not a proper representation of Jesus’ teachings, as it forced people merely to believe in the way of Jesus but not to act as Jesus did…”
Remember Taffy saying things in Bachelor’s Grove/Lisa’s heart were satanic? Remember Lisa had her mom’s rosary? These women who claimed to believe in “goodness” were themselves anything but (the bit about Lisa’s mom we’ll get to in a minute).
Nietzsche also “became increasingly preoccupied with the creative powers of the individual to overcome cultural and moral mores in pursuit of new values and aesthetic health.”
Okay listen. There’s trans things, and then there’s transy things. Supertext.
8:36 – Michael tells her she submitted good poems, even though they’re “pitch black.” Things are dark indeed from deep inside dysphoria. But remember Lisa and the color black is about change and transition. She was writing about her complicated gender feelings!
9:00 – Laurie, bathed in yellow firelight, asks Taffy what “happened” to Lisa because she’s “heard stuff.” Rumors that she’s, y’know… transy. Taffy says she can’t talk about it because she promised not to… but then does anyway. Gotta give that hot goss on us transes and not respect our privacy. Already we see the betrayal and why Taffy’s car is red. This foreshadows her later, much more severe betrayal.
That does it for this week! Next week we get into how horribly things can go wrong when we trust the wrong person to come out to, and how figuring out who we don’t want to be can lead us to who we do.
Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com