Trans Life

THE FALSE DICHOTOMY

Welcome to #TransTuesday! This week we’re talking about something that permeates ALL of our society in all kinds of ways you probably never realized. It’s also part of what took me far too long to untangle in figuring out I was transgender, and that’s: THE FALSE DICHOTOMY.

So what is a false dichotomy? Well a dichotomy is any two things presented as opposites (left and right, up and down). A FALSE dichotomy is a situation where those two options are presented as the ONLY options, or as being mutually exclusive, when that’s not remotely the truth.

It’s like going to your favorite Mexican restaurant and your friend telling you they only have tacos and burritos, maybe because that’s all they like or all they’ve ever tried. But the actual menu has enchiladas and quesadillas and tamales and tostadas and more.

That is, of course, a pretty benign (if culinarily cruel!) example. And this may seem obvious to a lot of you, and it is to me now, but our society LOVES false dichotomies.

Because it’s shorthand, it provides for quick reference, and everything is much easier for you to think about if there’s only two options. But also because our entire society is predicated on the notion of the false cis binary matrix. There is A or Z and nothing in between.

You can see in my thread on TERFs that even biological sex isn’t remotely confined to only two options. Not by a long shot. There’s a lot of great science linked in that thread, so definitely have a look if you missed it.

But today’s post isn’t about sex or gender, at least not on the surface. I’m a woman, so some might see that as part of a binary choice, but I’m a TRANS woman which is certainly not the same as a cis woman. Thus I am outside the cisgender binary matrix of society.

The earliest I can remember society’s preference for false dichotomies happened pretty young, when I was in grade school. And if any place is about trying to put every kid into some neat little box, that’s sadly a lot of our public schools.

So let’s just get it out there: I’m a nerd. I am a giant, shining, sparkling, unrepentant nerd (you may have noticed!). From the first time I understood what science fiction was, I was in IN. LOVE.

I spent my time wrapped in Star Trek and Star Wars and every bit of sci-fi I could find. Fantasy, too. I was DEEP into Dungeons & Dragons and a lot of other tabletop role-playing games (and still am!) and even as a KID, invented my own ttrgps on multiple occasions.

I went to two different high schools, and at the first I was on the competitive chess team and I was pretty damned good. I even have Unbelievable Chess Tournament Stories (I told you I was a nerd). At my second high school, I was on the Academic Team.

THE ACADEMIC TEAM. The very name reeks of nerdiness, damn. If you’re unfamiliar with that, it’s basically schools playing Jeopardy against each other. I was never good enough to make it to the main team rotation, my memory wasn’t good or fast enough, but I loved it anyway.

I love video games and comic books (long before they reached the mainstream cultural saturation they have today) and board games, and if there was anything kids thought of as nerdy, I was probably a big fan.

Now that I’ve painted you a stunning picture of the depth of my geekitude, I’m gonna throw a whole bucket of paint all over it, because: I also loved sports. A LOT. Especially baseball.

Not just in the nerdy aspect, either, which baseball admittedly lends itself to with all of its entirely ludicrous and deep statistical tracking… which is maybe the only part of baseball that hardly interests me. Beyond batting average and ERA, sorry, I just. Don’t. Care.

But the sport itself I LOVED. I played it every summer as a kid in little league and couldn’t wait for it to start up every year. I honestly can’t remember if I was very good or not. I remember a couple amazing plays I made, those stuck with me, but that doesn’t tell you much.

I also played soccer, and this one I know I was pretty good at. I played tennis and volleyball (I LOVED volleyball, maybe the sport I was the best at) and I was on the track and cross country teams.

I was SO DISMAYED to find out my first high school, which was HUGE… did not have a volleyball team. Or rather, they did. FOR GIRLS. But not for boys. That definitely didn’t help my pining to be a girl, by the way! 👀

My second high school had a boy’s volleyball team, I think? I can’t remember now. Because by then I was already giving up on sports, and I’ll tell you why.

I was never, EVER a jock. The jocks never thought I was, and they were all basically jerks so I never wanted to be one anyway. They knew I was into nerdy stuff, because I never hid it, and they made me suffer for it.

So in my first high school, freshman year, I went to baseball tryouts! I was SO EXCITED. I was number 66, we had to have it on our shirts somehow, and I ruined a perfectly good shirt by drawing the number on it in sharpie all fancy-like.

I’d never really been attached to any numbers like a lot of other athletes were, but now maybe I would be! This was MY number! The one that got me into high school baseball and then maybe college baseball and who knows maybe I’d be good enough to go pro someday!

The day of the tryouts came… and it rained. No big deal, they’d just shift it to another day, right? No. Again, the school was HUGE. I don’t know if it was logistical or the baseball program was just run by dickheads, but they went ahead with it… INDOOR.

They moved it into the huge gymnasium. We did stretches and got warmed up, and then… what? What the hell were they going to do? We were in a gym! You can’t play baseball in a high school gym, even a pretty big one.

Well, they lined us up and… hit us some ground balls, and judged us on how well we fielded them.

Now I don’t know about you, but I played baseball on dirt and grass. I was… a kid. I’d never played on an artificial surface before, much less A HARD WOODEN FLOOR THAT NOBODY IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD EVER PLAY BASEBALL ON (yes, I’m still sensitive about it. apparently.)

So the coach hit the ball, and… I missed it. Entirely. Wasn’t even close. Because I had NO IDEA how a baseball would bounce off a polished wooden floor, and it went a way I didn’t expect.

That was it! Failed that test, off you went. Done. That was my ENTIRE tryout for the team. There were probably hundreds of kids there, I know they had to cut the field down somehow, but COME ON.

To say I was heartbroken is an understatement. The jocks all laughed. They somehow did fine! How? What dark magic did they use to get their ground balls to bounce right toward them while mine skewed left at a 75 degree angle?

Maybe I wasn’t actually good enough to make the team, and that’d be fine, but I never even got to find out. Everyone said it was because I was a nerd and just not cut out for sports… despite my love for them and having played baseball all my life.

And the awful sickening thing is I BELIEVED THEM. Because it wasn’t just the jocks telling me that, was it? SOCIETY says you’re a jock or a nerd (or maybe just someone who’s neither), but nobody is BOTH. That’s not how it works.

I was WELL into adulthood before I got fed up and re-embraced my love of sports right alongside my nerdiness. That happened long before I figured out I was trans, yet it feels like it was a big part of it.

Because I had to get to a point where I believed society was wrong and could go screw itself, and I was going to like whatever I liked. Relatedly, there’s no such thing as a “guilty pleasure.” Don’t believe that crap. Like what you like. Who cares what anyone else thinks!

Unless your guilty pleasure is, like… bigotry or murder. In that case, no, maybe don’t embrace those.

But once you notice false dichotomies, you begin seeing them everywhere. Men are muscular, women are soft! Except no, men can be soft and women can be muscular. I’M a muscular woman! I’ve always dug ladies with muscles, but society isn’t often kind to them, is it?

For more on that, see the Trans Tuesday on BODY HACKING and all the ways every human does it, and how for me a big part of that was using exercise to reshape my body.

So I bucked the trend there, too. I do the same with my taste in music! Well wait, you can like “real” rock or you can like “fluffy” pop, not both right? Nah, screw that.

I like Journey, The Rolling Stones, Guns ‘n Roses, Fall Out Boy, All Time Low. I LOVE Muse and The Pretty Reckless and AC/DC. But I also like Taylor Swift, Lizzo, Dua Lipa, Lady Gaga, Rihanna, Carly Rae Jepsen. I LOVE Ariana Grande and The Chicks…

In thinking about it, I’ve wondered if this is also why my favorite artists are P!nk and Queen… because both can ROCK THE HELL OUT, and both can go light and poppy, and both often experiment with all kinds of styles in between.

They defy convention. They won’t be put into neat little boxes. That speaks to me a lot. P!nk specifically, as a woman, has had to deal with a music industry that tried to change her, that didn’t understand her.

She had an extended moment in her recent Beautiful Trauma tour, a video package during an extensive costume change, that covered her talking to her young daughter about this and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

The first time I saw that bit, in 2018, it was like a jolt that shook me awake. I think it was that concert, and possibly that exact moment, where I first truly felt everything would be okay if I transitioned. There’s a Trans Tuesday all about that coming up.

P!nk’s and Queen’s songs and voices speak to me most, but I don’t think I can discount how important it is to see part of myself reflected in the ways they value their own creative expression, and the way they will be whoever the hell they want to be.

All of this is to say you can like sports AND sci-fi. You can like rock AND pop. You can like buff ladies and soft bois and every type of human in between. You can like leather AND lace. Hot AND cold. Indoors AND outdoors. The sky AND the sea.

Don’t buy into the false dichotomy, it’s all bullshit. Don’t let society tell you who you are or what you can or cannot like.

Be YOU, whoever that might be. Even if that means casting off every single label society has saddled you with, INCLUDING THE GENDER YOU WERE ASSIGNED AT BIRTH.

Rock on, friends. 🤘

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

me with long curly brown hair and curly bangs, with a pink bow in my hair, in dark eyeliner and light pink lipstick, wearing pink-framed cat-eye glasses and a blue off-the-shoulder top… and I’m throwin’ up the horns!

THE CONSTANT FIGHT

Welcome to #TransTuesday! Today we’re talking about one very small, very specific part of our society that speaks to the larger way trans people are treated (or more to the point, are often entirely ignored) by society: FLYING. But it’s also about: THE CONSTANT FIGHT.

I think most folks are familiar with the “security theater” we have at airports in the United States, and the way things have gone way off the rails since September 11, 2001. But what you probably don’t know is how much WORSE it got for trans people.

When you’re going through security at an airport now, one of two things happens. You can go through the scanner, or you can get a security pat down. Sometimes you get both. So what’s the issue?

First let me say there are BIG ethical concerns with the scanners, they’re discriminatory in a lot of ways against some ethnicities and cultures, and if you’re not familiar with that please do some research. But today I’m just talking about it in relation to us trans people.

Did you know those TSA scanners have different options the operator must select when scanning someone? Yep. MALE or FEMALE.

So let’s use me as an example. I am a trans woman on HRT who has not had gender confirmation surgery. I present as female. My ID says female. So if I’m going through the scanner, let’s say the operator indicates FEMALE.

It scans me, and registers an anomaly at my crotch. Not only am I now possibly out to all the TSA agents present (which brings its own dangers), they have to resolve the situation. Two options: pat me down, or flip the switch and indicate to scan MALE.

This misgenders me and hurts to even type out, but play out the situation. It scans me, and it registers my bra and breasts as an anomaly. The only option left: pat down.

So now a stranger is going to manhandle my breasts to be sure I’m not smuggling weapons in my bra and be sure that they’re “really” breasts, or a stranger is going to manhandle my crotch to see what’s down there. Or maybe both.

Either way, again, you’re suddenly out as trans to (or registered as trans by) all the TSA employees present, and everyone else in line who are now wondering what the hold up is.

Knowing the awful violence trans women face, you maybe see extra dangers here. You maybe also see the potential for sexual assault. We have to go through all of this because we want to fly somewhere. The nerve of us.

And it’s even worse than that. Here’s a story about a trans girl who was ordered to a STRIP SEARCH when trying to pass through security. She even told them she was trans, but it didn’t make a bit of difference.
https://www.dailytarheel.com/article/2021/09/city-rdu-tsa-transgender-strip-search-lawsuit

“detected an anomaly on her groin”

We are not anomalies, we’re human beings.

“They wanted her to take down her pants and underwear for visual inspection.”

NO ONE should have to do that, especially not a kid.

“(she) has continued to experience symptoms of emotional distress including anxiety, shortness of breath, uncontrollable shaking and nausea when reminded of the incident.”

Yeah, it’s fucking traumatic.

“It’s only a binary option. It’s based basically on the operator’s assumption based on a person’s appearance.”

Do you see how this even hurts CIS PEOPLE?

Are you a cis lady with broad shoulders? Or a strong jawline? Maybe they’ll just hit that male button. Are you a cis man with a rounded face? Or are you shorter with narrower shoulders? Maybe they’ll hit that female button.

A stranger just gets to take one glance at you and decide if you’re “male or female enough.” Does that not completely enrage you? The gender binary, THE FALSE DICHOTOMY, hurts cis people too.

“Trans men and trans women and nonbinary people often get flagged because they don’t meet the societally defined definitions of what male and female bodies should look like.”

Neither do a lot of cis people. Why, it’s almost as if those definitions are part of the problem!

“The stereotypical definition of what should or shouldn’t be on a male or female body is problematic, and it doesn’t reflect the reality of real bodies in society.”

Corrrrrrrrrrrrrrrect.

“Nearly one in five transgender travelers have reported being harassed or disrespected by airport security screeners or other airport workers, according to the National Transgender Discrimination Survey.”

Not even just flagged as an “anomaly,” but HARASSED OR DISRESPECTED.

“It just felt very invasive because I was a child, and he was an adult, and I didn’t really feel like I had the choice to advocate for not wanting to be touched inappropriately.” How is it okay to do this to anyone? Especially children?? WHY IS IT OKAY?

Ah, but there’s a way around it, I hear some dense and defensive cis people shout. The TSA Pre-check. Uh huh, sure. But that costs $85.

And uh… do you know how much transitioning costs? And how trans people often lose employment when coming out? see the trans tuesday on PRIVILEGE (time and money).

So one of the smallest minority groups, who often experience money problems due to the way our society is set up… a lot of them aren’t going to be able to afford that. Too bad! Just announce yourself to strangers and let them touch you.

Can I get a Roy Kent “FUCCCCCK” please?

There’s no easy way out of this for trans people, not until the TSA fixes it. But it’s been a problem for like, what, fifteen years or so? More? They still haven’t done anything about it.

Can you imagine how horrible this situation is? I have tons of places I’d love to visit someday… people I’d love to see. Oh but wait, in a lot of places it’s okay to say you panicked at finding out I was trans and it made you kill me. see the trans tuesday on TRANS PANIC.

And if I want to go, I have to pay money I may not have or accept that I’m going to be misgendered, humiliated, have my genitals discussed in public and possibly groped… or worse.

I could go boymode, sure… but the scanner would likely still flag my breasts as an anomaly, and I’d have to emotionally wound myself just to do it. Nobody should have to pretend to be someone else to ride on a fucking airplane! See the trans tuesday on BOYMODE/GIRLMODE.

Now remember what a small, specific part of our society this is… and realize this TSA bullshit is a symptom of the larger issue that society doesn’t treat us like we exist. At all. There are bathroom problems… see the trans tuesday on CIS PRIVILEGE.

The media cis people make normally excludes us, but when it DOES include us we’re usually the butt of the joke or a victim of violence… see the trans tuesday on BED REPRESENTATION.

We have our stories ripped from us and told by people who don’t even understand us. see the trans tuesday on TRANS ROLES AND STORIES.

We’re under assault by people who refuse to accept us as who we are. see the trans tuesday on TERFs.

In many cases we can’t even transition without the explicit permission of cis people. See the trans tuesday on TRANS KIDS AND THE INTAKE EXAM.

We’re excluded from things because of who we are, even though SCIENCE IS ON OUR SIDE. see the trans tuesday on TRANS SPORTS.

We have to keep fighting for the same things all cis people have. see the trans tuesday on TRANS RIGHTS.

Over and over and over again. See the trans tuesday on TRANS RIGHTS 2 aka HELP US aka 35 FUCKS.

We have to be uncomfortable, or in pain, just to fit in with cis society. see the trans tuesday on TUCKING AND BINDING.

The things we DO get to make, by, for, and about us… we’re told we cannot have, and that they’re not ours. See the trans tuesday on THIS IS NOT FOR YOU 2 (let trans people have things).

We can’t even get healthcare right. Be it related to our gender… see the trans tuesday on COMPLETE TRANS HEALTHCARE (or lack thereof).

Or not. see the trans tuesday on NO ESCAPE 2 aka SOME ESCAPE (due to cis allyship).

Do you see? DO YOU SEE?? WE NEED YOU TO HELP. see the trans tuesday on TRANS POLITICS.

Every facet of our society fights us everywhere we turn, it never ends, and we can’t change it on our own.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

TRANS POLITICS 1: STOP TOLERATING TRANSPHOBIA

Welcome to #TransTuesday! This is part 1 of a 2-part series that are some of the most important Trans Tuesdays ever. Cis friends, I need you to read this, share it, talk about it. Here comes TRANS POLITICS 1: STOP TOLERATING TRANSPHOBIA.

Before we begin, I want to say that after next week’s essay, Trans Politics 2, Trans Tuesdays will be off for a week. Because that’ll be Nov. 5, 2024, which is election day. And that’s why Trans Politics 1 and 2 are leading right up to it.

But as trans rights, our very right to exist in the US, is up in the air pending the election results, I’m going to spend the day being a nervous, anxious wreck hiding under a blanket. Trans Tuesdays will return on Nov. 12.

Okay, so let’s start with a seemingly innocuous meme that was posted by a family member we’ll call Buddy. It spurred a long, drawn out discussion. It’s so, SO wrong, and harmful, but the very idea of that was something he could not (or would not) grasp. (I added the superimposed red NOPE)

Buddy says he fully supports me and my right to be who I am, and “has no problem” with me. Buuuut y’know what? That’s bullshit.

Since he doesn’t automatically consider candidates with anti-trans policies not worth voting for… he also thinks it’s fine to be friends with people who actively hate me for existing. Buddy doesn’t see why he can’t be friends with both me and the bigots. In his mind, “we can have a difference of opinion, there’s nothing wrong with that!”

Except this isn’t a difference of opinion, is it?

That meme treats “degrading” someone for their support of Trump as the same as degrading trans people for who we are and our very right to exist. Those two things are not the same! Fighting back against someone who wants me dead is not the same as being the person who wants me dead!

One of those is objectively wrong.

My life is literally in danger if Republicans take power, my right to EXIST is apparently up for debate (NO human’s right to exist should ever be up for debate).

That’s not a difference of opinion. 

Favorite pizza toppings or singers or tv shows are a difference of opinion. People who think I should have no rights IS NOT A VALID OPINION.

By continuing to be friends with the bigot, Buddy upholds the system of oppression that harms trans people. 

For more on how if you’re not actively helping trans people (which includes not being friends with transphobes) you are, in fact, part of the systems that oppress us, see my book BEGIN TRANSMISSION: THE TRANS ALLEGORIES OF THE MATRIX. Because those movies have a WHOLE LOT to say about the topic.

If there are no consequences for bigots supporting hate and violence, why would they ever stop doing it? 

When I point this out, Buddy is very mad at me. He supports me (so he says)! How could I be so intolerant of a bigot’s intolerance of ME? Meanwhile he completely misses the point that bigotry SHOULD NEVER BE TOLERATED FOR ANY REASON.

Tolerating bigotry leads only to violence and fascism. Does that remind you of… our state of existence? This is the paradox of tolerance.

“In order to maintain a tolerant society, the society must retain the right to be intolerant of intolerance.”

This image distills it down pretty well.

For more on this, see the excellent article, Tolerance is Not a Moral Precept.

A few choice quotes:

“Tolerance is not a moral absolute; it is a peace treaty. Tolerance is a social norm because it allows different people to live side-by-side without being at each other’s throats. It means that we accept that people may be different from us, in their customs, in their behavior, in their dress, in their sex lives, and that if this doesn’t directly affect our lives, it is none of our business. But the model of a peace treaty differs from the model of a moral precept in one simple way: the protection of a peace treaty only extends to those willing to abide by its terms. It is an agreement to live in peace, not an agreement to be peaceful no matter the conduct of others. A peace treaty is not a suicide pact.”

“This is a variation on the old saw that “your right to swing your fist ends where my nose begins.” We often forget (or ignore) that no right is absolute, because one person’s rights can conflict with another’s. This is why freedom of speech doesn’t protect extortion, and the right to bear arms doesn’t license armed robbery. Nor is this limited to rights involving the state; people can interfere with each other’s rights with no government involved, as when people use harassment to suppress other people’s speech. While both sides of that example say they are “exercising their free speech,” one of them is using their speech to prevent the other’s: these are not equivalent. The balance of rights has the structure of a peace treaty.”

Buddy asks how I could ask him to cut a friend or someone he loves out of their life? I didn’t actually ask him to do that, but his choice to NOT do so sends a message to everyone he CLAIMS to support. He will tolerate transphobia. Hating me for existing is not a deal-breaker for him, which sends a message about exactly what he really thinks of me and my human rights.

And that message is: Buddy’s friendship with bigots is more important to him than my right to exist and have equal rights. 

Meanwhile I’m over here wondering why anyone would want to be friends with a bigot. Who wants someone with that kind of hate in their life? Why? Why would you want that person around?

Let me give you another example from another former friend, let’s call him Dominic.

Dominic and I were pretty good friends in high school. I hung out at his house a lot, and I was a couple years older than him and he looked up to me a lot, even though I was a very weird and awkward kid buried in dysphoria.

Dominic and his entire family are Mormon. At the time, as a seemingly cishet white boy who was entirely unaware of the Mormon church’s stance on queer people (who I did not know I was one of), I was unconcerned with his religion.

Not long after my wife and I got married, Dominic sent me a message. And it said that he knew I loved my wife a lot, and the only way I could be assured of being with her forever, after death and in heaven, was if we converted to the LDS church.

Kinda appalling, ain’t it?

That was the last time we talked, I had no interest in being friends with someone who could say something so hurtful and try to convert me (when he knew full well I wasn’t even Christian and had no intentions of ever becoming one).

Earlier this year, Dominic sent me a message, apologizing for what he said and trying to convert me. I was surprised he even remembered, and thanked him for the apology. He wanted to rekindle our friendship (knowing full well that I’m a trans woman), and I asked him if he was still Mormon and supported the LDS church.

Why would I ask? Oh, because the LDS church is not only bigoted toward its queer members, but used its money and influence to try and spread its bigotry by getting marriage equality banned IN CALIFORNIA, when their home state is Utah!

And you’ll note we’re right back to the paradox of tolerance, as quotes from LDS officials in that article whine about being held accountable for spreading their hate, as if that is not only equal to but more damaging than the hate and bigotry they were trying to legislate into law!

Appalling.

But that was 2008, Tilly! Surely the LDS church is more accepting now.

No, I assure you they are fucking not. Especially to their trans members.

“Individuals who have transitioned in any way — whether surgically, medically or socially — cannot work with children, serve as teachers in their congregation or fill any gender-specific assignments, such as president of the women’s Relief Society.”

EXCUSE ME??

“These same church members should use a single-occupancy restroom when available. If unavailable, they can counsel with leaders to find an alternative solution. Examples suggested include people using the restroom that aligns with their assigned sex at birth or one that corresponds to the individual’s “feeling of their inner sense of gender, with a trusted person ensuring that others are not using the restroom at the same time.”

FUCKING WHAT?

“Also unchanged was the instruction that all soul-saving rituals, including baptism and temple rites, must be received according to a person’s assigned sex at birth.

Only those who have not transitioned in any way can be baptized and confirmed, although possible exceptions can be made by the governing First Presidency. Individuals who transition in any way cannot receive the recommend needed to enter the church’s temples, where the faith’s highest ordinances are performed.”

Do I even have to tell you that for some trans Mormons, preventing them from transitioning is a literal death sentence? The LDS church would rather their trans members DIE before they transition.

Laurie Lee Hall said she hadn’t been to church in some time but grew emotional when she thought of the impact these new policies could have on those she knows within the trans community, including young people, who continue to make the church their spiritual home.

“It’s dehumanizing and degrading to have to have a chaperone clear a restroom before you can use it,” she said, explaining that few Latter-day Saint meetinghouses have unisex restrooms — a fact she gleaned during her years designing the buildings.

Hall, author of the forthcoming “Dictates of Conscience: From Mormon High Priest to My New Life as a Woman,” also pointed out that preventing transgender members from working with children and youth puts them in a category with sex offenders.”

So, y’know, maaaaaaaybe you can see why I was concerned that this was an organization he still was a member of, supported, and still gave a 10% tithe on his income to (money that the church has readily demonstrated it will use to spread its bigotry and influence laws, entirely ignoring the supposed separation of church and state).

I’m going to share my response to him, because it’s something more people need to see and understand.

He replied and said he’s watched my journey from afar, “admired my courage” (I shouldn’t have to be courageous to exist! See the Trans Tuesday on TRANS COURAGE for more on that), and stated that he still is a member and supports his church, but also “sees me as a fully equal human being deserving of love, compassion, and peace.”

And I’m sorry, but no.

NO.

You don’t get to say I deserve love, compassion, and peace and that you “see” me as equal while you support and give ten percent of your income to an organization that treats trans people as second-class citizens, discriminates against us, and uses the money YOU give them to try and take our rights away.

YOU CANNOT DO BOTH OF THOSE THINGS. THEY ARE MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE.

And so I replied.

I’d hoped perhaps he was working within the church to try and get them to change their policies, but he wasn’t. I hoped I could help him see the harm he’s doing in supporting the people who oppress trans folks. 

I don’t know if I did, he did not respond after that.

Listen, THIS IS A ZERO-SUM GAME. 

You cannot support my right to exist and be who I am AND support the bigots who want trans people to not exist.

Friends don’t do things like that. If someone wants to take my rights away, they are obviously not my friend. And if you give money to that person, tolerate that person, vote for that person, you’re supporting that. 

Further: if you don’t try to STOP them, YOU ARE AIDING THEM.

If YOU remain friends with them, knowing that they want to take my rights away, you are supporting me losing my rights. 

That’s a hard pill to swallow. It means confronting friends and loved ones about the harm they’re doing.

It may mean those relationships are going to change, if you have the INTEGRITY to be an ACTUAL TRANS ALLY. SAYING you support us is wonderful, but without ACTIONS that support us, it’s nothing more than platitudes to make yourself feel better.

See the Trans Tuesday on PERFORMATIVE ALLYSHIP (about a much less serious situation, but it illustrates the point very well), which is allyship in name only.

See the Trans Tuesday on PERFORMATIVE ALLYSHIP 2: FALSE ALLYSHIP, which is when people who consider themselves “allies” are in fact part of the systems that oppress us and refuse to see it.

See the Trans Tuesday (and the MULTITUDE of Trans Tuesdays linked within) about TRANS RAGE, and how cis people keep forgetting about trans people, and how ABSOLUTELY FUCKING VITAL REAL CIS ALLYSHIP IS.

And for an example of how even the smallest gesture can show you really do have our backs, see PROACTIVE ALLYSHIP aka BE AN ACCOMPLICE.

What will you do to stop this? Do you care? 

Too often, it seems you do not. See the Trans Tuesday on TRANS RAGE 2: CIS APATHY.

Think about what might happen if your MAGA/Trump supporter friends and family lost their friends and family over their horrible support of hatred. Can you think of a stronger message to send that might wake someone up? THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES FOR YOUR ACTIONS.

Please come back next week for TRANS POLITICS 2, and two of the MOST IMPORTANT things you can do to make life better for trans people.

And let me close by asking you to again look at that meme that opened the essay.

Do you see it for what it is?

Do you see that it was designed to help make bigots feel better about their bigotry?

Do you see that it was designed to help make friends of bigots feel like it’s okay to be friends with bigots?

But it’s not. 

It can’t be.

Our literal lives are on the line.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

Part 2 is here!