Welcome to #TransTuesday! This week we’re talking about one aspect of a very, very large topic: PRIVILEGE. Specifically, we’re talking about a privilege that a lot of trans people don’t have, which makes things so much harder for us: TIME AND MONEY
Privilege manifests in so many ways in our society, and the biggest one that I have is that I’m white. So, so white. Painfully white. You can read about that, and so many other vectors of marginalization, in the trans tuesday on TRANS INTERSECTIONALITY.
I have further privilege, however, even among trans women. It manifests as time, money, and acceptance. Acceptance got its own trans tuesday as well, so check up on WHAT REAL CIS ACCEPTANCE LOOKS LIKE if you missed it.
One way that time manifested as a privilege for me was in all of the exercising I used to change my body, VERY MUCH AS PART OF MY TRANSITION. See the trans tuesday on BODY HACKING.
Guess what exercise takes? Time time time time time. Depending on what I’m doing that day, my push-ups and bicep curls, ab exercises, a run, stretching, showering, etc. the entire process can eat up 1.5 – 2 hours of my day.
And that’s without doing my hair, which takes another hour and a half on its own! (this is why I can only do my hair twice a week, it takes a lot of TIME and the products cost a lot of MONEY).
You can already see how being so very busy recently in terms of my writing career has lessened the amount I can exercise and how that’s affected me somewhat, in my THREE YEAR RETROSPECTIVE.
You know what else takes a lot of time? Trying to find clothing, of any type, that I like and that will also fit (and look good) on my six foot tall body, which… most women’s clothes aren’t exactly made for.
Way back when I first started my transition and hadn’t yet had changes from HRT and hadn’t been able to (and figured out how to) shave so that I’m stubble-free all day, I always had beard shadow on my face.
Makeup helped with that, but I could still see the shadow through it. So I put Hollywood quality beard cover on first. Extensive beard cover – time. Rest of the makeup – time.
On a day when I exercise, shave, deal with body hair, and put makeup on, you’re probably talking four hours of my day. I generally don’t do all of that on the same day for a reason.
And yeah, hormones take time (and require patience). See the trans tuesday on HORMONE REPLACEMENT THERAPY for more info.
It takes YEARS to see the full effects of that, and there’s no telling exactly what those effects will be. See the above linked trans tuesday on my three year retrospective for a visual representation of how slow the changes are.
For people who need surgical procedures, the wait is often YEARS long, and there can be months of prep for the patient beforehand. And months of recovery.
And guess what? Every single thing I’ve mentioned costs money. (I’m not hitting you up for cash, please do not send me anything.)
I needed clothes to exercise in. I wear out a pair of running shoes in about 8-10 weeks, and those can be $60+ a pair. Makeup costs money, and is used up and needs to be replaced. Do you have any idea how much replacing an ENTIRE WARDROBE costs?
Look through your closet and dressers, you’ve probably got a lot more than you think you do (I know I did). Now imagine every piece of it made you feel awful and you needed to replace every. Single. Item. That’s $$$.
And with clothes, you’re not going to really know what is and isn’t your style until you really get to experiment with it. See next week’s trans tuesday about me trying to figure that out… but it can mean replacing even your NEW clothes as you figure stuff out. $$$$$
HRT costs money, and not all insurances cover it. If surgical procedures are needed, those are $$$$$$$$$$$$ and not all insurances cover them. If I can eventually get laser hair removal or electrolysis? Money. Voice therapy? My insurance covered it, but not all do. More money.
And things like voice therapy? They take SO VERY MUCH time. See my three-part series on TRANS VOICES, which begins here.
Now remember all this while I talk for a minute about acceptance, and I’ll tie them all together after. This really IS all about privilege, stick with me here.
When many trans people come out, they risk… well, everything. Family may (and often do) reject us/cut us out of their lives/become actively hostile and sometimes sadly even violent. Friends can, too. Marriages and relationships can change, and often even end.
We risk losing their jobs, which could mean we risk losing our insurance, or finding out our insurance doesn’t remotely cover the help we need.
21% of trans people lived in poverty in 2021, and 35% lived in poverty in 2020. The pandemic and lockdown are mucking with the numbers there, but you’re talking anywhere from a fifth to a third of all trans people.
To get on HRT you ideally need an endocrinologist, hopefully one who’s experienced with it and trans people. In large parts of this country, there are not a ton of endocrinologists, even fewer with the right experience, and some outright refuse to see trans patients.
If you want to see the messes that can lead to, see the trans tuesday on ANECDOTAL TRANS HEALTHCARE.
If you need surgical procedures, there are a very small number of doctors able, willing, and skilled enough to perform those procedures. You may not be able to find one.
You may have to travel across the country ($$) and some people have even traveled across the world ($$$$) to get the care they need.
Now imagine a trans woman who’s maybe a single parent working two jobs in a highly conservative area of the country. She has no extra time, she has no extra money, and telling literally anyone around her could mean blowing up her life and putting herself in danger.
Now go back to the trans tuesday on Trans Intersectionality that I linked earlier, and add in other vectors of marginalization this trans single mom might face that cause her to have even LESS time and money.
Me? I was fully accepted across the board by every person in my friends and family that I told, with one asshole hold out. Susan not only accepted me, but has HELPED me and been there for me every step of the way. Our son was great about it, too.
We’re financially stable. I can afford to replace running shoes when needed, to slowly replace my wardrobe, to get makeup. Our insurance covers everything I’ve needed so far (with copays and the like, but still).
I’ve been able to make the time to do the things I need to do to feel more at home in my own body, and still write and still have time with family and friends. Though I wish those things took LESS time! Maybe eventually.
But so many trans people don’t have all of that. Some don’t have ANY of that. The fact I have any of it, much less ALL of it, means I have SO much more privilege than so many trans people.
And you can see how I recognized that and decided to use it when I announced the website for trans tuesdays, and the podcast, and talked about WHY I DO TRANS TUESDAYS (spoiler: I wanted to USE my privilege to help!).
A lot of it is luck. We were very, very poor for a very long time. I couldn’t have done ANY of what I’m doing now back then. We had no money, and I had no time. Susan was often working 16 hour days and I was a full time stay at home parent. There was literally nothing I could do.
I hope I’ve been able to convey through some previous posts how awful GENDER DYSPHORIA is, how much it hurts, how it can feel like we’re suffocating or drowning. And how isolating it is.
So imagine someone feeling that way and seeing no way out. Not even the chance for incremental things to at least see SOME progress. I’m sure that’s part of the reason mental health issues like depression and anxiety so often occur in trans people before transitioning.
There are presently over EIGHT THOUSAND GoFundMe pages for trans causes and folks who are trying to raise money for needed procedures, for clothes, for housing, to escape violent home situations.
Please spare a moment to think of all the trans people who don’t have all the remarkable privilege I still do. If you’re able, please find a few of those trans folks/causes that could use your help, and give them your support.
And please be aware of the massive privilege EVERY CIS PERSON HAS in that you don’t have to deal with any of this just to try to finally feel like yourself for the first time in your life.
What a magical thing that must be.
Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com