Welcome to Trans Tuesday! Things are gonna move from vaguely transy to seeming a lot more specific this week, as we get into TRANS ALLEGORIES IN POPULAR MUSIC, part 2!
Be sure you’ve read PART 1 first, because it’s got the context you need!
And then let’s dive right back in, picking up with the fours, on my pop music transy 1-10 scale!
THE FOURS:
Journey’s Separate Ways. Reads to me like a nonbinary person who’s chosen to reject their truth and go on pretending to be a man, as spoken from the true person they are inside, letting the false shell know they’ll always be there waiting for them, whenever they’re ready.
Here we stand
Worlds apart, hearts broken in two
Sleepless nights, losing ground
I’m reachin’ for you
Feelin’ that it’s gone
Can change your mind
If we can’t go on
To survive the tide, love divides
Troubled times
Caught between confusion and pain
Distant eyes
Promises we made were in vain
If you must go, I wish you love
You’ll never walk alone
Take care, my love
Miss you, love
Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you
How we touched and went our separate ways
If he ever hurts you
True love won’t desert you
You know I still love you
Though we touched and went our separate ways
Heart’s These Dreams. A trans man who has dreams of being his true self, but doesn’t know how to keep them from evaporating every time he wakes, or how to grab something so ephemeral and make it real.
Spare a little candle, save some light for me
Figures up ahead, movin’ in the trees
White skin in linen, perfume on my wrist
And the full moon that hangs over
These dreams in the mist
Darkness on the edge, shadows where I stand
I search for the time on a watch with no hands
I want to see you clearly, come closer than this
But all I remember are the dreams in the mist
The sweetest song is silence that I’ve ever heard
Funny how your feet in dreams never touch the earth
In a wood full of princes, freedom is a kiss
But the prince hides his face from dreams in the mist
These dreams go on when I close my eyes
Every second of the night I live another life
These dreams that sleep when it’s cold outside
Every moment I’m awake the further I’m away
Lady Gaga’s Edge of Glory. A trans man on the cusp of transition and self-acceptance, assuring their old selves that they can do this, and find joy and life on the other side.
There ain’t no reason you and me should be alone
But I got a reason that you’re who should take me home tonight
I need a man that thinks it’s right when it’s so wrong
Right on the limit’s where we know we both belong tonight
Another shot before we kiss the other side
I’m on the edge of something final, we call life tonight
Put on your shades ’cause I’ll be dancin’ in the flames
It isn’t hell if everybody knows my name tonight
It’s hot to feel the rush
To brush the dangerous
I’m gonna run right to, to the edge with you
Where we can both fall far in love
I’m on the edge of glory
And I’m hangin’ on a moment of truth
Out on the edge of glory
And I’m hangin’ on a moment with you
I’m on the edge with you
Olivia Rodrigo’s Making the Bed. A trans man who hates his life pretending to be a woman, but knows that he did it to himself by rejecting his truth long ago, and that eats him up inside.
Want it, so I got it, did it, so it’s done
Another thing I ruined I used to do for fun
Another piece of plastic I could just throw away
Another conversation with nothing good to say
I thought it, so I said it, took it ’cause I can
Another day pretendin’ I’m older than I am
Another perfect moment that doesn’t feel like mine
Another thing I forced to be a sign
And every night, I wake up from this one recurrin’ dream
Where I’m drivin’ through the city and the brakes go out on me
I can’t stop at the red light, I can’t swerve off the road
I read somewhere it’s ’cause my life feels so out of control
And I tell someone I love them just as a distraction
They tell me that they love me like I’m some tourist attraction
They’re changin’ my machinery and I just let it happen
I got the things I wanted, it’s just not what I imagined
Well, sometimes I feel like I don’t wanna be where I am
Gettin’ drunk at a club with my fair-weather friends
Push away all the people who know me the best
But it’s me who’s been making the bed
I’m so tired of bein’ the girl that I am
Every good thing has turned into something I dread
And I’m playin’ the victim so well in my head
But it’s me who’s been making the bed
THE FIVES:
Paramore’s Proof. Feels a lot like a nonbinary person choosing to reach out and bridge the gap between who they are inside, and who they’ve been pretending to be, in order to be who they truly are.
It’s really hard
I can’t cry in your arms ’cause you’re not here
It’s not your fault, and if it was, I wouldn’t care
My heart is bigger than the distance in between us
I know it ’cause I feel it beating
So strong, it’ll knock you down
Over here
I can count the miles away from where I wanna be
I bet your skin is warm and that you’re smiling
That’s what I always loved the most about you
So strong, come and knock me down
I’ll get in my car
Driving faster than I ever did before
Head out west until I finally reach the shore
And then I’ll swim back to wherever you are
And we’ll ride the undercurrent down to the floor
Making friends with all the unfamiliar creatures
And pushing back on the unnecessary pressure
Come up for air just so you know we won’t drown
We’re so strong, the world can’t keep us out
So do you love me?
All you got to do is say yes
Now, do you love me?
And I won’t ever second guess
Now do you love me?
All you got to do is say yes
Now do you love me?
Then you already proved it
If I’m half the man I say I am
If I’m a woman with no fear just like I claim I am
Then I’ll believe in what you say
There’s nothing left for you to do
The only proof that I need is you
Taylor Swift’s Red. A trans man who let his true self go, because being that person felt wild and dangerous and unsafe, but can’t get the thought of his true self out of his mind.
Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street
Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly
Loving him is like trying to change your mind
Once you’re already flying through the free fall
Like the colors in autumn, so bright, just before they lose it all
Touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted
Was right there in front of you
Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words
To your old favorite song
Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword
And realizing there’s no right answer
Regretting him was like wishing you never found out
That love could be that strong
Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes
Tell myself it’s time now gotta let go
But moving on from him is impossible
When I still see it all in my head
In burning red
Losing him was blue, like I’d never known
Missing him was dark gray, all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know
Somebody you never met
But loving him was red
Loving him was red
Dua Lipa’s Levitating. A trans person’s inner self, talking to the false shell, and trying to convince them that if they live their truth, the weightless joy of GENDER EUPHORIA is waiting for them.
If you wanna run away with me, I know a galaxy
And I can take you for a ride
I had a premonition that we fell into a rhythm
Where the music don’t stop for life
I believe that you’re for me, I feel it in our energy
I see us written in the stars
We can go wherever, so let’s do it now or never
nothing’s ever, ever too far
Glitter in the sky, glitter in my eyes
Shining just the way I like
If you’re feeling like you need a little bit of company
You met me at the perfect time
I got you, moonlight, you’re my starlight
I need you all night, come on, dance with me
I’m levitating
Hoobastank’s The Reason. I know, I know, but it’s true. The old shell saying goodbye as a trans person transitions and is reborn, apologizing for the ways they harmed themselves by denying their truth for so long, and realizing the entire reason they held on was for this moment, when they’d no longer exist as who they used to be.
I’m not a perfect person
There’s many things I wish I didn’t do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I’m sorry that I hurt you
It’s somethin’ I must live with every day
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That’s why I need you to hear
I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I’ve found a reason to show
A side of me you didn’t know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
THE SIXES:
Phil Collins’s In the Air Tonight. Reads a lot like a trans person who realized their transness, and actively denied it, possibly even to the point of leaning hard into transphobia to “prove” how not trans they are. And how utterly fucking mad about it their true self is, and they’re going to force themselves to confront what they’ve done.
If you told me you were drowning
I would not lend a hand
I’ve seen your face before, my friend
But I don’t know if you know who I am
Well, I was there and I saw what you did
I saw it with my own two eyes
So you can wipe off that grin, I know where you’ve been
It’s all been a pack of lies
I remember, I remember, don’t worry
How could I ever forget?
It’s the first time, the last time
We ever met
But I know the reason why you keep your silence up
No, you don’t fool me
The hurt doesn’t show, but the pain still grows
It’s no stranger to you and me
I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord
And I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life
Incubus’s Drive. A trans person realizing that pretending to be cis, like everyone else, leaves them without any control in their life. And if they want that control… they’ve got to choose to take it, and be who they really are.
Sometimes I feel the fear of
Uncertainty stinging clear
And I can’t help but ask myself
How much I let the fear take the wheel and steer
It’s driven me before, and it seems to have a vague
Haunting mass appeal
But lately, I’m beginning to find that I
Should be the one behind the wheel
So if I decide to waiver my
Chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine
And hold my own and drive?
It’s driven me before, and it seems to be the way
That everyone else gets around
But lately, I’m beginning to find that
When I drive myself, my light is found
And whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there
With open arms and open eyes
THE SEVENS:
Ninedays’s Absolutely (story of a girl). Realllllly reads to me like a trans woman realizing how tough her life has been, how it’s at least partly her own fault for not accepting herself sooner, and how it’s wrecked her emotionally.
This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she smiles
How many days in a year?
She woke up with hope, but she only found tears
And I can be so insincere
Making her promises never for real
As long as she stands there waiting
Wearing the holes in the soles of her shoes
How many days disappear?
When you look in the mirror
So how do you choose?
Now how many lovers would stay
Just to put up with this shit day after day?
Now how did we wind up this way
Watching our mouths for the words that we say?
As long as we stand here waiting
Wearing the clothes or the souls that we choose
How do we get there today
When we’re walking too far for the price of our shoes?
Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
But you never seem to run out of things to say
This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad and lonely there
I absolutely love her
When she smiles
Michelle Branch’s Everywhere. I was such a huge fan of hers (yes THE SIGNS WERE ALWAYS THERE), and this song was a big reason why. It spoke to me in ways I didn’t understand, about the real woman that was inside me, who I could only dream of (which I did, literally! I used to have a lot of dreams where I was a woman), but had no way to understand or make them real.
Turn it inside out so I can see
The part of you that’s driftin’ over me
And when I wake you’re, you’re never there
And when I sleep you’re, you’re everywhere
Just tell me how I got this far
Just tell me why you’re here and who you are
‘Cause every time I look, you’re never there
And every time I sleep, you’re always there
I recognize the way you make me feel
It’s hard to think that you might not be real
I sense it now, the water’s getting deep
I try to wash the pain away from me
When I touch your hand
It’s then I understand
The beauty that’s within
It’s now that we begin
You always light my way
I hope there never comes a day
No matter where I go
I always feel you so
‘Cause you’re everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes, it’s you I see
You’re everything I know that makes me believe
I’m not alone
‘Cause you’re everywhere to me
And when I catch my breath, it’s you I breathe
You’re everything I know that makes me believe
I’m not alone
You’re in everyone I see
So tell me
Do you see me?
Paramore’s Miracle. A trans person’s inner self refusing to let the false shell give up on them, because they believe they can hold on long enough to let the true person out.
I’ve gone for too long
Living like I’m not alive
So I’m gonna start over tonight
Beginning with you and I
When this memory fades
I’m gonna make sure it’s replaced
With chances taken, hope embraced
We’ve learned to run from
Anything uncomfortable
We’ve tied our pain below
And no one ever has to know
That inside we’re broken
I try to patch things up again
To calm my tears and kill these fears
It’s not faith if
If you use your eyes
You’ll lie
We’ll get it right this time
Let’s leave this all behind
Oh, I will get it right this time
It’s not faith if you’re using your eyes
And have I told you
I’m not going
‘Cause I’ve been waiting for a miracle
And I’m not leaving
I won’t let you
Let you give up on a miracle
When it might save you
Queen’s The Show Must Go On. A trans masc trapped, pretending to be a woman, not sure they can continue to deal with the pain of the false shell, imagining how freeing it would be to live their truth, but afraid to let it show.
Empty spaces, what are we living for?
Abandoned places, I guess we know the score
On and on
Does anybody know what we are looking for?
Another hero, another mindless crime
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime
Hold the line
Does anybody want to take it anymore?
Whatever happens, I’ll leave it all to chance
Another heartache, another failed romance
On and on
Does anybody know what we are living for?
I guess I’m learning, I must be warmer now
I’ll soon be turning, ’round the corner now
Outside the dawn is breaking
But inside in the dark I’m aching to be free
My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies
Fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die
I can fly, my friends
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on
Avril Lavigne’s Complicated. Reads like a trans woman who knows who she is inside, but keeps betraying that to be the man people see, and how that makes her so incredibly frustrated with herself.
Chill out, what ya yellin’ for?
Lay back, it’s all been done before
And if, you could only let it be, you will see
I like you the way you are
When we’re driving in your car
You come over unannounced
Dressed up like you’re somethin’ else
Where you are and where it’s at you see
You’re making me
Laugh out when you strike your pose
Take off all your preppy clothes
You know you’re not fooling anyone
When you become
Somebody else
‘Round everyone else
You’re watching your back
Like you can’t relax
You try to be cool
You look like a fool to me
Tell me
Why’d you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you’re acting like you’re somebody else
Gets me frustrated
Life’s like this
You fall, and you crawl, and you break
And you take what you get, and you turn it into
Honesty and promise me I’m never gonna find you fake it
No, no, no
Olivia Rodrigo’s What’s Wrong With Me. A trans person waking up to the reason that bad feelings they have inside are because they’ve been repressing their truth for their entire life.
I’m just staring at the ceiling
Can’t describe this feeling I’ve got in my head
I’m out of body in my bed
And I’m just searching up my symptoms
Desperate to fix ’em, I’ll do anything
‘Cause lately I’ve been spiraling
I’m not feeling like myself and
Nothing ever seems to help
I keep looking for distractions
Hope the feeling passes
But I’ve got to say
It’s getting harder every day
And I can’t seem to get around it
Head just keeps on pounding with
The simple thought
What if this isn’t what I want?
I’m not feeling like myself
All amber lights and warning bells
I’m not feeling like myself
I’m not hiding it well
Went to the doctor and she said I was fine
But every movie that I see makes me cry
It’s like somebody put a weight on my chest
I should talk to a friend
But I can’t get out of bed
My head is spinning and my stomach is sick
Say I’m in love, so it’s hard to admit
I can’t eat, I can’t sleep
I think you’re what’s wrong with me
Ariana Grande’s Break Free. Reads like a trans woman finally rejecting the male shell she’s been imprisoned in for her whole life.
If you want it, take it
I should’ve said it before
Tried to hide it, fake it
I can’t pretend anymore
You were better, deeper
I was under your spell
Like a deadly fever
On the highway to hell
I only wanna die alive
Never by the hands of a broken heart
I don’t wanna hear you lie tonight
Now that I’ve become who I really are
Thought on your body, I came alive
It was lethal, it was fatal
In my dreams, it felt so right
But I woke up every time
This is the part when I say I don’t want ya
I’m stronger than I’ve been before
This is the part when I break free
We’re gonna break there, but do not miss next week when we go from eights to tens, because if you thought some of the songs in this installment were super transy, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.
Also, uh, if you didn’t find them all that transy, you also ain’t seen nothin’ yet!
Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com
PS – I made a YouTube playlist of these songs, which I’ll add to as Part 3 is released!
PPS – My friend Duna made an Apple Music playlist for this, if that’s more your speed.